Clarence

You were getting too far ahead of us, so God decided to slow you down. Thank God for giving us a tiny chance to catch up with Leo!

Wow. That's really serious. What kind of results do you get from this amount of meditation? Does your state of consciousness significantly shift while you meditate, or is 20 hrs not long enough for that (compared to the 200-hour retreats you mentioned before)?

This one is good too: Though you could also create a short list and let them choose one of them.

Do you currently practice both — hardcore and 1hr kind, or only hardcore?

Don't you feel that your understanding of God is incomplete if you can't know God in such detail?

That's so sad.

After some new research, I've discovered that listening from the beginning of a song works well with the kind of music I listen to, but not as much—or not at all—with many of your songs. I'll have to go through them again, but at home instead of in my car, and follow your advice. At this point, the songs you've shared that I've discovered, loved and listened to the most are: CMA - With You The Midnight - The Comeback Kid Timecop1983 - Distant Memories From your playlists, the songs I already knew and listened to a lot years ago are: OneRepublic - Good Life MyKey - Monsters In The Dark The Killers - Mr. Brightside The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony The Fray - How To Save A Life I just created a playlist with some of the songs I love. None of them are mainstream, and some are actually very little known. Would you listen to them and tell me what you think? They're quite different from some of the music you listen to, but you might like some of them. I'm thinking of the song Part Time Lovers in particular, as well as some others. Here's the Playlist. The songs I'm currently listening to the most from this playlist are Part Time Lovers, On The Other Side, Animal Life, Resin, and Walk Above The City. But I love them all.

For the same reason that we all vary so widely. When I look at people's physical appearance and see how different we all are (height, build, skin color, hair, eyes, face…), it makes me realize how different we must be inside. How different our minds are, and thus, why we resonate with and like different things, whether it's music or something else. Our minds, perceptions, feelings, and experiences shape us so uniquely that it just makes sense our tastes vary so widely. The question rather is, why do we all vary so much from one another? And you might say genetics. I'm also extremely picky when it comes to music. I hardly ever find new songs I like, and I've been doing the exact same as you for years — listening to a song for about 20 seconds to know whether I'll like it or not, or deciding to listen longer if I'm unsure. The only difference is that I do it with the beginning of the song, as I only have the patience for that when I'm driving. Finding a new song I love is always an event for me. It's so rare.

@Leo Gura They'll know who the aliens are. No need to show them your videos. They'll see right through you.

@manuel bon The most I did was 22g of Atlantis, 24g of Amazonia, and 25g of Double Vision (a mix of Valhalla and Utopia). They were all very deep trips. I started searching for the strongest strains after dipping my toes into psychedelics with the Atlantis truffles, which aren't sold as being as strong as the Double Vision and Amazonia truffles. I really desired to realize God.

I think it's the best option. I ground and swallowed up to 25g. It's manageable, but it requires a lot of determination. I've only tried it with lemon juice, but it might taste better with water—though I'm not sure. I think both will be nasty. Ultimately, every trip on fresh magic truffles will be fully earned.

@The Renaissance Man Let us know if it works for you. I've also tried making magic truffle tea a few times, but it never took effect for me despite following all the recommendations.

@LambdaDelta Thanks! I didn't know it was possible to dissolve DPT. I'll give it a try. I know I always lose some quantity in the syringe, but since it's about the same amount each time, there's still an increase in dosage, even if I don't get the full amount. I don’t plan to try insufflation, but PsychonautWiki doesn’t mention plugging. For every psychedelic I’ve tried so far, I’ve found that the dosages match, so I was referring to that. That's interesting that you had a similar experience going from 70 to 90 mg. Lol, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't find this part the most comfortable. I can't change my tripping schedule right now because of obligations, but I'll experiment with different possibilities when I can. However, I'm currently getting used to tripping right after waking up, and I think I'll manage the comedown better as I gain more experience. Thank you for your tips, though!

Those are very small dosages. As you're describing your trip, you had a very light, threshold experience, which is normal with this quantity. I would suggest waiting for two weeks before tripping again on magic truffles—as you likely already know—and consuming more next time to experience what a common dose feels like.

@Leo Gura Maybe it's easier for you to hold this position because you aren't extremely sensitive and empathetic. I understand your position, and that society needs an important degree of strictness and order to function properly. So I could fully agree with your perspective, but what holds me back is my sensitivity. I wouldn't feel fully at peace making the decision to apply the death penalty. One thing is that it could create extensive suffering in the world—for example, for the family members of the person. People might still love their parent or their child, even after they become the worst murderers. If this were to happen to the people I love the most, I would be extremely shocked, but I would also, I believe, feel resentful towards society if they were to kill my closest relative. I would feel like the direct victim of a crime that I didn’t commit (their crime). What do you think about this aspect? Do you think it's fair? I would likely be capable of toughening up for the collective and the growth of society, if the death penalty in specific cases were the most conscious thing to do. But this still bugs me. What if it happened to someone I love? This might not seem likely to happen to people like us, but for those who aren’t as lucky as we are, it happens. I’m not sure I’d be in favor of the death penalty if I were directly affected by it. Losing someone this way would hurt me so deeply in ways I can't even fathom. There are more things than this that bother me about death penalty, but this is one of them. It is very brutal to take someone's life, even if the convicted person is a murderer themselves.

DPT 85 mg I’m a bit disappointed by this trip; it was weaker than I expected. It even felt weaker than my previous trip on 70 mg. I’m still very confused about the dosages of this substance. I felt a slight increase from 20 to 35 mg, then a significant increase from 35 to 55 mg, and again to 70 mg. But now, at 85 mg, it didn’t feel any stronger than 70 mg. I checked PsychonautWiki’s insufflated dosages, and it states that a common dose ranges from 50 to 100 mg. So I’m waiting to see how much more intense my trips will become above 100 mg. I’m having my first doubts about the substance, but it might just be a dosage issue—combined with the fact that it doesn’t dissolve in water, which I don’t like. I still had a trip, even if it wasn’t as strong as I expected it to be. At first, I felt the need to reflect on my health in relation to psychedelics, as there had been a discussion about it on the forum one or two days ago, and the topic was on my mind. And in all honesty, I don’t know what impact it has on my health. The increase in consciousness didn’t help me see that more clearly. But still, I understand that it must have an impact, because tripping is so intense for both the brain and body. I trip in the morning on an empty stomach, and when I leave my room, I sometimes struggle to walk, take care of my dogs, and prepare food—especially when I do it right after the peak. I even struggle to eat, as I’m hungry but not hungry, yet I feel very weak. And then I drink—so much. I get extremely thirsty the whole day. I drink close to 3L, whereas on a normal day, I don’t even drink 1L. As a result, I pee all day, but I believe it is a way for my body to get all of the chemical out of my system. I'm not fully aware of the impact it has on my health—or will have on my health down the road, but it definitely has an impact. And it's so exhausting on the mind too. I get mentally drained managing the comedown, writing a report, and cleaning the house on the days I trip. But, at the same time, psychedelics give me a sense of purpose that I can't seem to find elsewhere. I want to understand reality, and this desire is what drives me the most. Tripping has also been helping my mental health, as I feel more stable, more positive, and more awake in daily life. So, it has an impact, but it's as if I need this kind of impact at this time. Inaction wouldn't serve me any better, and I can't find answers as direct and precise in any other way. At this point in my journey, psychedelics are helping me find out who I am. I never knew who I was. I didn't understand how anyone could know who they were. It seems like many people invented a persona much more easily than I did. I feel like I grew up with a weak sense of self, but at the same time, I was more conscious than everyone around me, and that has always been obvious to me, even as a child. Though that weak sense of self (in the sense that I was literally more selfless than others) made for a difficult childhood, teenage years, and young adulthood. Defending or asserting myself didn't make any sense to me, so I wasn't always treated fairly. I never had a strong opinion to share on anything either, because it wasn't obvious to me what my own opinion was on anything. Actually, if there’s one thing psychedelics are teaching me, it’s to construct a more robust sense of self and learn to set boundaries between myself and others. They’re literally helping me build my own sense of self and identity, which feels so backwards, but it’s what I need most. This might, however, also explain why I’ve never faced strong resistance or fear on any psychedelics—no real fear of so called ''ego death''. It’s easier for me to let go of my self than it is for most people. I've been feeling more myself in these hyper-conscious states than I ever did in this limited human form which feels so foreign to me. So, tripping is teaching me to become myself even more. I'm slowly getting there, constructing myself and my sense of identity as I go, and I've been noticing some huge improvements. It’s even making me think that a root cause of the depression I've been dealing with on and off might stem from not knowing who I really am and what I really want. I feel deep down that this path is right for me and that I need to keep going.

DPT 70 mg This was a breakthrough trip—more interesting than my previous experiences with DPT. I remained very calm all the way through (like always), sitting on my bed with my eyes open, resisting the urge to lie down and close my eyes. It acted slowly and steadily. The idea of molasses describes it perfectly. There were two main themes in this trip. The first one was how alien the experience felt right from the start. There was a strong sense of otherness to it—not in a dramatic way, as I didn’t completely lose touch with the reality I know, but the experience and awakening felt foreign. It was something new to me. I had the sense that a higher dose would intensify this alien-like feeling even more. One specific insight from this trip was that I could see multidimensionality. It wasn’t the first time, but this time, I specifically understood how an alien-mouse could be Leo’s body at the same time. It seems easy to grasp now, but before having a specific awakening where both realities could coexist, it wasn’t so obvious. So, this alien-like consciousness was the first theme. The second theme was about beliefs. I delved into the nature of beliefs, my own beliefs, especially those concerning things that walk a fine line between belief and reality or knowledge. For example, topics such as life after death or extraterrestrials. I especially love studying the topic of life after death. How much can we know about that? I've been following the work of a French journalist who has dedicated his life to studying this subject. He has met with mediums, scientists, doctors… written books, made documentaries, and even taken psychedelics with the intention to communicate with lost family members. He has had very interesting experiences with psychedelics. But I myself saw a medium after my grandmother's death, and it was baffling. The medium provided us with extremely specific information about her, but also about us. My grandmother was communicating with us through the intermediary of the medium. We could sense that we were in contact with her spirit. It was a very profound experience because it put me in direct contact with a part of reality that I don’t perceive. There is a very deep desire within me to know more about that, and I feel that DPT could help me access or understand something more. It felt as though it could help me understand, access, or know the structure of reality. Currently, I don't understand how reality is structured. I don't know how it works. I understand it is all mind, that it is all my mind, that it is all God's mind, but I don't understand how it is happening, what is 'above me', how I can exist here, as a human being, with an independent mind, in a material world, without being in control of anything. How is it all happening? So, this was the second theme of this trip, about beliefs and the structure of reality. Side note It’s very difficult for me to write about my trips. I struggle a lot with English grammar, too. I have to double-check every sentence. Writing is also difficult because there is so much I don’t know about reality. I’m in a (slow) process of figuring it out, of figuring out reality and epistemology. It’s not all obvious to me. I’m learning through each trip and the topics that interest me the most. What I’m writing and thinking now will evolve over time. There’s a lot that I don’t know, but for the sake of documenting my journey, I’m writing something down—what feels most accurate based on my current experience and what I’ve experienced in my trips—even though articulating and structuring it is very difficult. I’m trying to stay as true to myself as possible while stepping into the unknown and working to figure out what is true.

DPT 55 mg Third trip on DPT. This was a solid trip for me after two very light doses (20 and 35 mg) where I hardly tripped. What struck me the most in this trip was the happiness I felt. The more conscious I became, the happier I felt. This substance was jailbreaking my mind and shredding my self, and that felt so good. I don’t know exactly what this chemical does in the brain, but the feeling of well-being and happiness was significant. I felt intense happiness from becoming more conscious and from doing what I love most. There, I realized that I had never felt truly happy in life, but not because I was a depressed person, but because I wasn’t living experiences that genuinely made me happy. I saw my psychologist yesterday and talked to him about psychedelics and the reasons for which I use them. He said he had never had a patient who used substances with the same intention as mine. And he mentioned something about the smile I had on my face while talking about them. As he said that, I realized it was true. Whenever I talk about this topic, a light awakens within me, and you can see it on my face. It really makes me happy. This trip heightened that feeling even more. That's basically what I want most out of life: understanding all of Reality through my own Awakenings, and sharing understanding about the nature of Consciousness with others. Obviously, my therapist had no clue what I was talking about, but I was still happy to have an opportunity to communicate. I was smiling, yet at the same time, it was a tragedy that he did not understand, that no one around me could understand what I am becoming, and have become, conscious of. This psychedelic also started helping me grasp how much my way of perceiving the world influences who I am as a being and what I understand or don't understand about the world. I was observing myself from a higher perspective, understanding from a different point of view how I saw the world and the importance this had, not only on my life but also on my trips. This made me realize that I should study the different personality types and the various ways people perceive the world in more depth, to gain important insights in future awakenings.

I've not tried 5-MeO-DALT, but I read it was totally different from MALT.

It's good that you tripped again. From my experience, fears from difficult trips can be handled by tripping again (lower doses and/or different psychedelics). It helps to go slow and use psychedelics you're familiar with to build confidence again. You might also be able to reflect on your bad trips and fears while you trip, to understand them better, and hopefully, to overcome them. I had the fear of having bad experiences repeating again too. To resolve that, I contemplated on my fears, see if I could reduce their intensity (I asked chatGPT for help), and I ended up going with another trip despite a lot of fears still running inside of me. That's the step that healed me the most. I needed to face what I was the most scared of. You might need to face your fear of tripping, or your fear of insanity, to realize that you don't need to fear it as much anymore. As you've had the experience of insanity once, you're more experienced with it than you were when you first experienced it. You still want to do your best to get positive experiences, but you can also learn to trust your ability to handle difficult or scary trips. With time and more experiences, your fear will reduce. Experiencing insanity is not a given. The worst thing would be to stay stuck in your fears for too long, as it gives your mind the opportunity to feed into them and make them worse than they originally were.

You're welcome. I use the white vinegar I have at home. It is 7 or 8 % alcohol. Leo recommends starting with 10 mg. It's a good starting dose to test out the substance. So that's what I did (I started with 12 mg). Then I did 17, 20, 25 and 30 mg. In between, I tripped with 5-MeO-MALT and then I took other psychedelics. So basically, you can start with 10 mg and increase by 5 mg until you reach a full breakthrough. I get pretty decent trips with 20-25 mg, but the more I take, the more intense it is (obviously). I will trip again on 5-MeO-DMT soon. If you're interested, I started a thread where I write about my journey with psychedelics (here). I personally trip whenever I have the possibility. It changes every week. I haven't had the possibility to trip more than 3 times a week. But you will feel what frequency is right for you. You might feel the need to wait for a week, or you might be ready to trip again the next day. It will all depend on your trips and your mood. If you're not in the mood to trip, it's better to wait until you are (if you can).

Why are you afraid of going insane? Why is that thought scary to you?

There's no need to measure the vinegar. Just add a few drops and stir until it dissolves. It's very simple. Then add a few drops of water so the vinegar is diluted. For plugging, that was the topic of the last message you tagged me in. You should watch Leo's plugging video to hear all the details, then you'll be totally ready to use this method. As we were saying, it might be better to plug than to smoke as a beginner to have full control of all parameters and a more gentle come up. Though, it will still hit hard and soon after, so get ready.

You don't need to convert it. I also have the freebase version. You just need to use some vinegar to dissolve it, stir for a minute or more (add vinegar again if needed, but know that it takes some time). Then you add a few drops of water so it doesn't burn, and that's it. It works perfectly. I feel a very slight burn because I use very little liquid, but you could use a bit more water or coconut milk as I read—personally, I didn't want to buy some just for a few drops. But the burn is nothing to be concerned about. It just lasts for a few seconds and it doesn't really hurt. Here are the pictures from my very first time on 5-MeO-DMT. There was a big chunk in it, but it dissolved like the rest.

I do. For me, it feels very safe. My very first trip on 5-MeO-DMT was on 12 mg plugged. I was very confident it the dose (the quantity in the yellow spoon matched the scale digits) and my environnement and position was under control. I sat back on my bed against pillows with the intention to fully let go—so, with the intention of not resisting the trip in any way. With a low dose like this, the likelyhood of losing consciousness, I believe, is close to zero. It is actually more challenging as you won't fully breakthrough. You're also more likely to experience nausea at the very beginning of the trip, while your consciousness is shifting, rather than in the peak—which is when the nausea ends for me when it occurs. So in case you were to feel sick, you could easily move to grab a bucket, for example. The only time I forgot part of my trip, and so lost track of my position in my bed, was during the peak of a 35 mg 5-MeO-MALT trip. It was a very strong dose for me, and I believe the main reason why I forgot about the peak was because I had closed my eyes. I read older threads recently, and in one of them, Leo adviced to keep one's eyes open so the trip doesn't turn into a dreamlike memory and to « realize that the Absolute is ordinary life ». So that's what I do now, and that has improved the quality of my trips. I've done it recently on 31 mg of MALT, so a very close quantity to that other trip, and I was fully conscious, aware of my body and my surroundings, all the way through. So a good advice regarding your fears would be to keep your eyes open. You will also be able to keep track of you breathing that way. I've never really been concerned about it, but it is true that your breathing can change. I start breathing much more deeply during the come up and the peak. But this is also becoming more fluid now that I keep my eyes open. In past trips, I would take long breaks in between breadths while I was lying in a foetal position with my eyes closed, but it felt comfortable and natural. When I became conscious of that during the peak, it didn't feel threathening. I didn't get the scary feeling that I had come close to kill myself. I had kept breathing despite the breaks and I wasn't feeling out of breath. However, now that I keep my eyes open, I have total awareness of my breathing at all times, so I don't take breaks like I used to anymore. I'm not experienced with smoking, but as it hits harder and as you have some fears, why not plug it? It's very easy and sounds better in your case. You'll have a better control of your dose too, which is especially important as a beginner. It would likely be easier and less scary as you'd be certain of what you're doing and how much you're taking.