kavaris

For me, this is where rituals and things become important on the way up the stages of development, and why i make a bridge to hermeticism ~ as i often am faced w/ almost a dream-like dilemma, in regards to life, and the answer is often right there, and weirdly, dreams are sometimes better at finding a very hidden answer / conclusion, to alot of these ques., and things (which is more on the mental / spiritual side of things for instance) or like you could call it *the egyptian book of balancing all things, i guess thats the safest description. Poetry and writing is great too, but dreams are more like *mistakes that i throw myself into, not to mention, in dream i am often just flat out LOST. Like, its hard to reconcile being lost, but i am lost like 90% of the time (spiritually and symbolically, while in a dream)

Early today i had been watching that guy, The Mahdi Appeared-Guy, and he is getting pretty well known now. Which is even a long story how i found him, though it was sortve tangent to these other things yous had mentioned on here before, like Sufism and such. And it also brought up this interesting question in my mind around "Who gets to be king?" And Of Course, while looking through the list of Greek figures, i found something interesting (to say the least) and very much relevant to that whole idea/notion, and i thought to myself "Oh, this might be interesting to bring up", in regards to the choice/who chooses for someone else to be king (who assigns theirselves king if such an opportunity had to arise). That is, theres something called The Assembly of the Birds (Mantiq al-Tayr) by Farid al-Din Attar (c. 1145–1221 CE), a Persian Sufi poet. Do yous know about this yet??? It is a spiritual, allegorical epic poem, wherein the birds of the world gather in concentration to choose a king (guided by the hoopoe), and it represents the journey ~ through the spirit/soul ~ towards God. At the end of the journey, after crossing seven valleys (stages of spiritual development), the birds find that the Simurgh, the mythical bird they sought, reflects themselves — mirroring the journey of the soul in the search for God / Ultimate truth. The name "Simurgh" itself can be interpreted as "thirty birds" (si-murgh in Persian), symbolizing the unity of the seeker w/ the divine. So the Simurgh, this mythical bird/symbol, represents divine truth; And each bird symbolizes a human flaw or virtue, where as, the journey itself mirrors the stages of spiritual awakening... ~ Which i found interesting cause i know yous have that notion of a "spiritual development / stages" on Actualized dot org. So i thought, thats an interesting sortve parallel going on here, of which i should bring up to yous to see what yous think (Yous might even know about already). It just seems very relatable if anything else. *p.s. i looked up the book, and they have an English translation called The Language of the Birds, however, the original i do not know if it even survives now or wat* https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AMantiq_al-Tayr%2C_The_Language_of_the_Birds%2C_Farid_al-Din_Attar.jpg

Ai Use -> I had a great word for it / to help better understand it (Greek word, ill find it later) Ability -> Oh Yeah, i mean it gives us an incredible ability we never had, and the way it does it is really neat (i mightve talked bout it before) David Bowie said it best, that computer / internet / et caetera is an Alien lifeform, and we are like the primitives wandering into the Aliens that now live among us, just in terms of like, how our once grounded spiritual life has been occupied / augmented, or like the immense power it can bring w/ all this instantaneous satisfaction, etc, etc. I mean, the list goes on, but there are downsides to it too, no doubt. But just to linger on what purposes it does serve, what good can come out of it, i think that is more wat u are speaking to here. Its also not being understood FROM a grounded perspective. Like they keep adding to these things, surpassing the base component system in more awkward ways than none at all, like... Higher ups are saying "Add this, add that", and thats not really how design should work, like thats a bad system. of course, thats not Ai or the computers fault, thats us, serving our master, 9-5 corp., just like, misunderstanding everything thats fundamental. p.s. wat you do end up learning about is "the system". Ai will quickly teach you that, "the system is flawed" and that we have to investigate it, otherwise we will have a class / system adding to this like, *making money off of pure sensationizing, and trickery versus those of us trying to establish a way of life that makes sense. Actualized has alot of potential to bridge those two worlds. Everything has potential to be a force for good in the exonerating our tendencies towards the bad side (unproductive), by filling it w/ the good!

Hey. i have to. If i didnt i would be in trouble more than i already am. It would no doubt drive anyone nuts... And im approaching 40 years old now, so its like, the level of patiency of mine has been worn quite thin, from the seemingly repetitive state of affairs/situations. Like, im even thinking of writing literally hundreds of notes, and waking up, w/ one idea in mind for her, in order to get both her life + our shared exp., together, on the right track — And that is by writing a note (hundreds of them) that say one/two things, purposefully capitalized, like the following: "MAKE A LIST... ORGANIZE YOUR LIST... MAKE A LIST... ORGANIZE YOUR LIST..."(repeat) .. to get her mind thinkin in the right ways atleast. Granted she does make lists, but its sortve a way to initialize ALL the things i want to say, without saying them explicitly and making things tooo confusing/aggressive-sounding.

So i had this very inflammed situatio w/ my mom that ended w/ her making an unusual, almost random statement, and then she layed down (to bed), in the midst of the anxiety and very fueled and active situation goin on in her head (or atleast that what she seemed to be portraying) And i was also getting very fueled (long story) Ive since spent....oh, say 6 or 7 hours w/ Claude and GPT trying to help me phrase/workout/emotionally resolve the dilemma~which is itself too long of a story, suffice to say that im trying my best here to find the right things to say (once she wakes up — granted, she could even wake up not caring, remembering, or even speaking on anything that had worried her not 1 day before/earlier, as shes a compulsive talker, and will talk-non-stop, about anything thats popped into her head) And so after this many hours, we landed on something that sounds like the "Cope" (if u know what i mean by that): Like, "... Its normal for two people in a high stress situation to react that way, especially when you are acting all nervous, and anxiety ridden, as humans naturally take our minds to the worst outcomes imagineable"-typeve thing. That's sortve the *Cope. Again, its a long story Why its the cope. But then, i also thought of~something more along the lines of a *Truthful statement, which is a bit harder, and more like, shovving the poop in the dogs face (which obviously i must feel has possible warranting for such a statement/predicament if im even bringin it up): And it goes something like, "Look, you are trying to take the reigns/lead on everything, and i have been like, through all the shit, just letting it happen, when many times its like, you are tryina handle something you cannot handle, like... " (granted, i would make it gentler like, "let me take some of those reigns", but heres where the truth comes in, as i still consider that part of the *Coping spectrum still) That would lead into teaching her like, this thing about "pouring" and how no one pours gasoline meticulously slow ( like we did, by accident ) As no one pours drinks or ANYTHING that slow and off kilter like we did, and because she wouldnt give me even a min to think wat was happening ~ mind you, she also sprung it on me as if it was an emergency, and then, not only did we spill the gasoline all over, she continued freaking out, transitioning to "Theres mold spores everywhere" (im bringing that up cause, im trying outline how like, her mind just goes to all these things at once, and how like, the line between her being very uplifting and happy, vs being highly upset and freakin out~that line is thin and seldom does anyone know the difference w/ her) So basically im asking like, assuming its even something she brings up to me wen awake, should i like.... Like... do i give her the cope, or the rope? that is, do i just sortve, settle the fire w a coping mechanism, or do i tell her wat i consider more of a truthful reality? Both options sortve feel meh, i realize that. Like, if u had to choose just one, wat would it be for yous you think? *Feel free to give me a better option. Like, i forgot to say: If you have somethin you feel can be better said, feel free to share it~Anything yous have. Like I didnt mean to suggest that it was only an "A or B" typeve thing here.* (Note, that marks the end, As i think this last part is me rambling, therefore, u dont even need read this last part) *p.s. (Dont take this as a negative, as i bring up the following 2parter~as more of like, "hey, anything can happen") That is~keep in mind, the *Rope option could accidentally inflame something i had better left uninflamed. Like thats sortve like, one of those things where we have room to decide, but like, talking bout it, so suddenly, so soon, without it healing, it could be worse, even if its more truthful like. Tho come to think of it, i have ongoing wounds apparently in relationships that the other party is perceiving as a constant reopening of, where even saying hi is considered an inflame somehow, so im jus tryina say like, that sortve emphasizes how the rules can be bent, by virtue of no rules happening (on some level... a level that surely no one fully understands...). like ive been resolving long term jawns that never resolve, so i guess thats the second part. The first part is just short term bs, that i guess dont matter, or if it does, i cant find the answer to it without like, iuno God... Like God help me is what that is, like.. Iuno how to explain it in a way that sounds authentic, though i think im bein too hard on myself here)*

Part1 Theres a couple difficult things to juggle, one is like, the act of extending ourselves out towards people, as it is like its own mythology, meaning.. That is, (initially) when you are sortve "perpetuating the meditations and routines of the mind", where you are simultaneously losing touch w/ the whirlwinds of life; Like, of course, you will get better at it (everyone does) - You get stronger in regards to these two things. But at first, you dont quite have the familiarity with how to balance 'em. The other thing is in regards to \*braveness, as well as the Real Path that is in conjunction w/ ~ sortve like how planets or astronomical symbols exist in conjunction w/ one another. The moon is in conjunction w/ the Sun. The Sun is in conjunction w/... Whatever, Mars.. et caetera. Part2 The point is that all these things are in conjunction w/ one another. That is the soul. The soul is all things. The soul also allocates us enough experience/time, per the part of our spirit, ba/ka, to experience it all, though we often see the "heart" as being these things like morality, or some material good, or some component or emotion, or mental thing. However, the Heart is complex in itself. But just using as an analogy/symbol, it simply indicates the physical parts~that is, braveness is almost like a manifestation of "strength"~or vice versa (the strength of the body). So we see the Heart as being a physical part (the spirit *Through the soul, is what is being weighed~in the context of Egyptian myth), though im getting off track w/ this. The point is like, these things are sometimes \*slightly different, and it often comes down to making that very slightly twist, or turn in your understanding, that slight progression to make the necessary connections. And yes, we do need those people who understand such things in regards to mind, spirit and soul and such... THat is always important. Hey, right now, I NEED those people to help me through it all. I need to be guided back to the truth of myself, desperately. No doubt. Im not denying the significance of that. Part3 In fact, the most important part is that whole Ousia-Light sequence, and surely everyone would agree, if not now, eventually. The part i mean to emphasize is in the details, in the margins, the things that are overlooked because its Soooo tiny... Hey, that is why we have computers now. COmputers are helping us see these tiny details, to make these vry intricate connections that we mightve not seen otherwise. p.s. i may have numbered the parts incorrectly, since its more like a spectrum (as far as how i wrote it) but yous get the idea. p.s.s. braveness can also be interpreted as "the braveness of acceptance". im not denying that either. Yous should know by now, almost nothing do i deny, i only point out "details in the art", like...

Lol. Hey, believe it or not i got my cold water shower today, lol. But yes i see what you mean.

I was thinkin we should start a political -related, sortve recapitulation of some of these perspectives and points of view on Egypt. Granted, im certainly not gonna be saying too much, seeing as im not there personally, alongside the insurgencies, et caetera. So, i thought it might be good to get other points of view (or anyone who feels that they havent had their voices heard there) who might be opposed to the choices of say for example, this character Mahdi (he is who im listenin to atm, but again, if theres someone else i should be listening to, feel free to share). But the bottomline is, i just want to acknowledge that ive acknowledged it, Buut i dont want to say too much, or anything that i might not fully understand. As im sure others who are of Islam~and/or of the actual deep-ties to these sorts of families who actually come from the middle east~they may prefer to want to speak on it, and have their voices heard. Hey theres nothin wrong w/ speaking. I dont think governments care either, like... if they did, it would mean tracking millions of individuals, which is like, how do you do that practically speaking. Dont you need millions of people to intimately navigate millions of people. Hey if you flood the airwaves w/ millions of messages, then its like, the criteria to narrow down "whats what" is that much harder, thats how i think of it, like.. I just follow the words of Thoth, and Thoth tells me what to say, like...

It was good advice. Unfortunately it ended up in a negative direction (unavoidable). it went into such an explosive direction anyway, that, another argument erupted, as she doesnt realize she keeps tryina invoke 15 different topics at once, without giving me even 5 or 15 mins to myself—AND, at the earliest of mornings mind you Like im in the middle of a shower, and she suddenly opens the door (which btw is super cold in our house, causeve the weather) nd so i get like, 10 minutes to myself to take a shower (which i didnt even take showers the first godamn months we were here, as i was too much in fight or flight to care about a shower). Did i get 10 mins to myself? No, she comes in talkin bout mold on the ceiling, mind you, there IS no mold on the fucking ceiling, and that ceiling has been screwed up since we moved here. She knows that the ceiling is screwed up cause they sent a guy to fix already, and she knows if its an issue w it, we call the landlord. But anyway... Once again, screws up the 10 mins of time to myself, talking bout literally 15 unwarranted, insignificant topics that have LITERALLY millions of hours to be explored, after this like, 10 mins, where i woke up not 5 mins earlier, She didnt say not a single word bout using the bathroom (as i told her she can use the bathroom anytime). But for some reason she had to continue the argument w me about like, "... i just wanted to use the bathroom". But she wasnt using the bathroom, she didnt even mention using the bathroom. Instead, She had the cold as fk door open, to let the steam out (to make me cold basically), And So Shes talking bout steam, shes talkin bout mold, shes talkin bout stains, shes talkin bout clothes gettin washed or dried in the dryer, shes talkin bout prolly somethin she talked about yesterday... The list goes on, but it further emphasizes the point i am tryina make to her: "Wtf" like... Can i get a minute?

Like, the Cope i need for myself is phrased as "I dont understand", Not only as a reflection of how i feel, but because the alternative is to explore the relationships between these like, compare&contrast typeve elements, all of which dont fully yet explain what is going on~So theres a point where its just, "It doesnt make sense, i have to just get onboard the sailing ship now/next", like i cant imagine how else to Cope, as its one, and maybe ~ the only other solution/ship that i can sail on. Though, for her, ive no clue~As the solutions she portrays are very worrying, to me, like... Shes making it out like shes dying literally. And thats bein sincere, like shes dying (to use her parlance) and i need to be preparing for that? Like, i mean, thats the *possible truth too, but how do i know? Like, everything could be fine tomorrow, right? p.s. ive said this before, but everyone ive ever known has died in a totally different and unexpected way, so thats why im sortve like this, 'how do u kno?'

She awoke. edit: She went back sleep. *p.s. i jus feel like she keeps putting me in these very meticulous and precarious positions, that are impossible to navigate due to her having triggered a cascade/fuk ton of like "One thing wrong after another...", like we are talkin like, 5-10 years its been where im like, "Whats happening, And why is it happening" and then shes like "You dont understand, theres mold spores everywhere" - Like what is that? And, why does she have to be *right, about everything?... And its not like she is right about any of this either, as shes made these mistakes over and over and ove (thats partly why im so upset myself, like, who wouldnt be, if almost 100% of the time u were right, and could all be fixed by listening to, youd surely be like 'well wtf now'). For e.g., shell say "It turned out to be X...", and then i say "But i told YOU it was X... Why arent you fucking acknowledging anything ive said to be true, like..." To me, thats a BIG issue, cause its like... Like we are at the edge here, me & her, Where, her failures ARE MY failures too, and every failure now is a cascade towards literal death, like... So thats sortve like, part of the "truthful" roads, wherein it may also simultaneously inflame/make things worse i feel, due to her rampant and unwatchful anxiety lvls atm, currently, maybe, hopefully. Hey u know wat, thats the cope i gotta tell myself for now.

I also yelled at her, so she mighta been anticipating that like, i was just super fueled up or something, not knowing i am pretty resolved after the first burst. Like im not just banking up things to holler about, forever and ever thatd be crazy. But still, she is the one who is constantly talking, so therefore she is the one, audibly erking and throwing fuel to the fire. Like im never NOT Upset is wat im tryina say. But i also dont really brood/dwell over it, like... I try to just *think into wats going on, and shes like, making decisions, violently, as if theres like... like im saying, Has anyones parent(s) been in a perptual state of like, neatly sabotaging everything, like... Like i dont know how to resolve the almost sabotage level, like... iuno.. P.s. We already see mental health specialist, so yall dont have to bring that one up. The issues are deeper, though its like, the only way for her to communicate it is to talk your ear off, like... This is me being *quiet, compared to the lvl of talking im talkin bout.

I wish Odin or Tyrone or watever the other ones name is, if they could just like, use their voice to just, like, Like my mom listens to neighbors more than she does me, though like, shes starting to realize like, how im gettin irritated by the "...listen to everyone except the pers., whos 90% right" but at the sametime, it gives her purpose, And i dont want to yell, holler or fight either, like... Iuno, im now interweaving too many thoughts, feelings & ideas here now, and its sure to cross yous up nd get us all confused. Sorry. Iuno like, like its a moral beast that, if i explained in full, youd see us all crack in trying to wrap our heads around it. She also is havin anxiety bout this surgery thing she has to attend soon, but its like, today wasnt like, exceptionally different, for either of us. And its been like this for quite a long time, technically my whole life, like... Like im the expert... and im still cracked like an egg, like... Mentally..inside... im like a prayer of hope, "help.. Help me understand this newish thing, like..." (Granted im calling it a new thing, but its really the same thing, but getting louder, and making less sense? or something)

Ha. hey. I like that. Ya, thats a good 1, nd i am thinkin like, itll be best served knowing what she ends up saying. As, She could really come out w/ anything, as its really just a toss of the runes~so to speak.

Light of sun and star and moon, The shining laps of crystal hewn, Undim'med by cloud or shade of night, There shown forever fair and bright.

Im from philadelphia, and i jus recently got a car from NY. But i bought it *used, nd it has all sortsa problems w it. but if i can get it drivin, id meet up w ppl, if ya figure out wat yas wanna do. Pretty cold out, so we all might want a warm activity. Im into music nd art too if any of yas do that stuff.

Why we use "infinite". p.s. no one asked this ques., i dont think, tho im answering it anyway. Imagine. We have, what is like, imagined sand, and them sands are the reality required ONLY enough to even describe it as sand, for otherwise we are like, a lesser or greater being walking the sand. However, the quality of the sands are also such that its got qualities at all to recognize, therefore we walk upon hot sand, cold sand, sharp sand, smooth sand. And in so doing we are no longer just upon sand but its experiential in nature, and it has a spectrum of ways that we feel about the sand. The fact that it may not even exist still depends on what theres is to take away, like the paradox is = if you take them away, what do you have? Note: You dont have a "Not thing" cause what is a not thing?" Like, no one has a word for it, so we call it infinite. p.s. "If approx. half of your life was spent walking around as a spirit, would not the idea of spirit be atleast half important as the basis for which the non-spirit dwelt?" -thats a serious ques., i give yous to ponder on.

Ooh okay. So your goin for more the like, old school satirical, or rather. its sortve likened to~When i see the greek comedy writers, they seem to go through this very wide spectrum of ideas... And, al though overtime it evolves and loses comedy ~ however, more Rather you are saying "This Nietzsche style its to be growing in comedy". Right? Or I dont even know if what i said made any sense. Nevermind, as yous were.

In the journey towards understanding things like "Mythology" and "Philosophy", the first part to this would ~in the best case scenarios~learning about "Philo", "Sophy", and who the "Sophists" were, to sortve preface w/, what is to be — a journey towards history and the right way to initialize or investigate such a name in the first place. Does that make sense to yous? And do yous agree? i think so. Lets get it. p.s. If anything, it is just a means~by which we can get everyone started looking at Greek again, as its like, theres so much there, and so many ideas to be explored. And theres also things that we dont all fully understand, as far as them having evolved so extraordinarily over the years (its only been 2+ millennium, ya know?)

And if yous ever do Greek, then its always going over like: "spaghetti is pink... the cat is pink... the head of lettuce is pink... the movie theater is pink..." like... Thats its favorite thing on there, like.

I always get the one with the "cat on the toilet" -Wtf.

Ibin Arabi is from the medieval period, yah? He's an interesting cat. and regarding "Adam represents the totality — the comprehensive form that reflects all divine names in potential. Humanity as microcosm" in regards to his chapters on the prophets, etc... Thats really neat. And i like to hear about some of these sufi's/sunni muslims, to see what there takes are, granted, the story is alot crazy from the perspective of mid/later Egypt, early Mesopotamia/Ancient Greek, but the sufis are right there (Baghdad, i think?) in the midst of alot of the action, so they sometimes have stuff that gets left out, so its could to keep an eye on that, or so i would say. Hey, everyones ideas are valid, especially in the ancient world where you dont know what you are looking at, or rather~in trying/attempting to deduce what it is/What it might say about the cycles and whatknot.

Honestly, most kids just speak to me and relate~regardless of whatever my response is, like... They live in their own world of beliefs and whatknot, and have zero worries.

Yeo, lol someone ask ChatGPT/Claude, when it thinks those fingers of Adam and God are will finally gonna touch, like just out of curiosity, to see what it says. I cant do it myself atm.

"Can i get an AMEN for Adam to finally touch hands w/ God?" (*INSERT gospel chops & church music)