kavaris

So i had this very inflammed situatio w/ my mom that ended w/ her making an unusual, almost random statement, and then she layed down (to bed), in the midst of the anxiety and very fueled and active situation goin on in her head (or atleast that what she seemed to be portraying) And i was also getting very fueled (long story) Ive since spent....oh, say 6 or 7 hours w/ Claude and GPT trying to help me phrase/workout/emotionally resolve the dilemma~which is itself too long of a story, suffice to say that im trying my best here to find the right things to say (once she wakes up — granted, she could even wake up not caring, remembering, or even speaking on anything that had worried her not 1 day before/earlier, as shes a compulsive talker, and will talk-non-stop, about anything thats popped into her head) And so after this many hours, we landed on something that sounds like the "Cope" (if u know what i mean by that): Like, "... Its normal for two people in a high stress situation to react that way, especially when you are acting all nervous, and anxiety ridden, as humans naturally take our minds to the worst outcomes imagineable"-typeve thing. That's sortve the *Cope. Again, its a long story Why its the cope. But then, i also thought of~something more along the lines of a *Truthful statement, which is a bit harder, and more like, shovving the poop in the dogs face (which obviously i must feel has possible warranting for such a statement/predicament if im even bringin it up): And it goes something like, "Look, you are trying to take the reigns/lead on everything, and i have been like, through all the shit, just letting it happen, when many times its like, you are tryina handle something you cannot handle, like... " (granted, i would make it gentler like, "let me take some of those reigns", but heres where the truth comes in, as i still consider that part of the *Coping spectrum still) That would lead into teaching her like, this thing about "pouring" and how no one pours gasoline meticulously slow ( like we did, by accident ) As no one pours drinks or ANYTHING that slow and off kilter like we did, and because she wouldnt give me even a min to think wat was happening ~ mind you, she also sprung it on me as if it was an emergency, and then, not only did we spill the gasoline all over, she continued freaking out, transitioning to "Theres mold spores everywhere" (im bringing that up cause, im trying outline how like, her mind just goes to all these things at once, and how like, the line between her being very uplifting and happy, vs being highly upset and freakin out~that line is thin and seldom does anyone know the difference w/ her) So basically im asking like, assuming its even something she brings up to me wen awake, should i like.... Like... do i give her the cope, or the rope? that is, do i just sortve, settle the fire w a coping mechanism, or do i tell her wat i consider more of a truthful reality? Both options sortve feel meh, i realize that. Like, if u had to choose just one, wat would it be for yous you think? *Feel free to give me a better option. Like, i forgot to say: If you have somethin you feel can be better said, feel free to share it~Anything yous have. Like I didnt mean to suggest that it was only an "A or B" typeve thing here.* (Note, that marks the end, As i think this last part is me rambling, therefore, u dont even need read this last part) *p.s. (Dont take this as a negative, as i bring up the following 2parter~as more of like, "hey, anything can happen") That is~keep in mind, the *Rope option could accidentally inflame something i had better left uninflamed. Like thats sortve like, one of those things where we have room to decide, but like, talking bout it, so suddenly, so soon, without it healing, it could be worse, even if its more truthful like. Tho come to think of it, i have ongoing wounds apparently in relationships that the other party is perceiving as a constant reopening of, where even saying hi is considered an inflame somehow, so im jus tryina say like, that sortve emphasizes how the rules can be bent, by virtue of no rules happening (on some level... a level that surely no one fully understands...). like ive been resolving long term jawns that never resolve, so i guess thats the second part. The first part is just short term bs, that i guess dont matter, or if it does, i cant find the answer to it without like, iuno God... Like God help me is what that is, like.. Iuno how to explain it in a way that sounds authentic, though i think im bein too hard on myself here)*

Like, the Cope i need for myself is phrased as "I dont understand", Not only as a reflection of how i feel, but because the alternative is to explore the relationships between these like, compare&contrast typeve elements, all of which dont fully yet explain what is going on~So theres a point where its just, "It doesnt make sense, i have to just get onboard the sailing ship now/next", like i cant imagine how else to Cope, as its one, and maybe ~ the only other solution/ship that i can sail on. Though, for her, ive no clue~As the solutions she portrays are very worrying, to me, like... Shes making it out like shes dying literally. And thats bein sincere, like shes dying (to use her parlance) and i need to be preparing for that? Like, i mean, thats the *possible truth too, but how do i know? Like, everything could be fine tomorrow, right? p.s. ive said this before, but everyone ive ever known has died in a totally different and unexpected way, so thats why im sortve like this, 'how do u kno?'

She awoke. edit: She went back sleep. *p.s. i jus feel like she keeps putting me in these very meticulous and precarious positions, that are impossible to navigate due to her having triggered a cascade/fuk ton of like "One thing wrong after another...", like we are talkin like, 5-10 years its been where im like, "Whats happening, And why is it happening" and then shes like "You dont understand, theres mold spores everywhere" - Like what is that? And, why does she have to be *right, about everything?... And its not like she is right about any of this either, as shes made these mistakes over and over and ove (thats partly why im so upset myself, like, who wouldnt be, if almost 100% of the time u were right, and could all be fixed by listening to, youd surely be like 'well wtf now'). For e.g., shell say "It turned out to be X...", and then i say "But i told YOU it was X... Why arent you fucking acknowledging anything ive said to be true, like..." To me, thats a BIG issue, cause its like... Like we are at the edge here, me & her, Where, her failures ARE MY failures too, and every failure now is a cascade towards literal death, like... So thats sortve like, part of the "truthful" roads, wherein it may also simultaneously inflame/make things worse i feel, due to her rampant and unwatchful anxiety lvls atm, currently, maybe, hopefully. Hey u know wat, thats the cope i gotta tell myself for now.

I also yelled at her, so she mighta been anticipating that like, i was just super fueled up or something, not knowing i am pretty resolved after the first burst. Like im not just banking up things to holler about, forever and ever thatd be crazy. But still, she is the one who is constantly talking, so therefore she is the one, audibly erking and throwing fuel to the fire. Like im never NOT Upset is wat im tryina say. But i also dont really brood/dwell over it, like... I try to just *think into wats going on, and shes like, making decisions, violently, as if theres like... like im saying, Has anyones parent(s) been in a perptual state of like, neatly sabotaging everything, like... Like i dont know how to resolve the almost sabotage level, like... iuno.. P.s. We already see mental health specialist, so yall dont have to bring that one up. The issues are deeper, though its like, the only way for her to communicate it is to talk your ear off, like... This is me being *quiet, compared to the lvl of talking im talkin bout.

I wish Odin or Tyrone or watever the other ones name is, if they could just like, use their voice to just, like, Like my mom listens to neighbors more than she does me, though like, shes starting to realize like, how im gettin irritated by the "...listen to everyone except the pers., whos 90% right" but at the sametime, it gives her purpose, And i dont want to yell, holler or fight either, like... Iuno, im now interweaving too many thoughts, feelings & ideas here now, and its sure to cross yous up nd get us all confused. Sorry. Iuno like, like its a moral beast that, if i explained in full, youd see us all crack in trying to wrap our heads around it. She also is havin anxiety bout this surgery thing she has to attend soon, but its like, today wasnt like, exceptionally different, for either of us. And its been like this for quite a long time, technically my whole life, like... Like im the expert... and im still cracked like an egg, like... Mentally..inside... im like a prayer of hope, "help.. Help me understand this newish thing, like..." (Granted im calling it a new thing, but its really the same thing, but getting louder, and making less sense? or something)

Ha. hey. I like that. Ya, thats a good 1, nd i am thinkin like, itll be best served knowing what she ends up saying. As, She could really come out w/ anything, as its really just a toss of the runes~so to speak.

Light of sun and star and moon, The shining laps of crystal hewn, Undim'med by cloud or shade of night, There shown forever fair and bright.

Im from philadelphia, and i jus recently got a car from NY. But i bought it *used, nd it has all sortsa problems w it. but if i can get it drivin, id meet up w ppl, if ya figure out wat yas wanna do. Pretty cold out, so we all might want a warm activity. Im into music nd art too if any of yas do that stuff.

Why we use "infinite". p.s. no one asked this ques., i dont think, tho im answering it anyway. Imagine. We have, what is like, imagined sand, and them sands are the reality required ONLY enough to even describe it as sand, for otherwise we are like, a lesser or greater being walking the sand. However, the quality of the sands are also such that its got qualities at all to recognize, therefore we walk upon hot sand, cold sand, sharp sand, smooth sand. And in so doing we are no longer just upon sand but its experiential in nature, and it has a spectrum of ways that we feel about the sand. The fact that it may not even exist still depends on what theres is to take away, like the paradox is = if you take them away, what do you have? Note: You dont have a "Not thing" cause what is a not thing?" Like, no one has a word for it, so we call it infinite. p.s. "If approx. half of your life was spent walking around as a spirit, would not the idea of spirit be atleast half important as the basis for which the non-spirit dwelt?" -thats a serious ques., i give yous to ponder on.

Ooh okay. So your goin for more the like, old school satirical, or rather. its sortve likened to~When i see the greek comedy writers, they seem to go through this very wide spectrum of ideas... And, al though overtime it evolves and loses comedy ~ however, more Rather you are saying "This Nietzsche style its to be growing in comedy". Right? Or I dont even know if what i said made any sense. Nevermind, as yous were.

In the journey towards understanding things like "Mythology" and "Philosophy", the first part to this would ~in the best case scenarios~learning about "Philo", "Sophy", and who the "Sophists" were, to sortve preface w/, what is to be — a journey towards history and the right way to initialize or investigate such a name in the first place. Does that make sense to yous? And do yous agree? i think so. Lets get it. p.s. If anything, it is just a means~by which we can get everyone started looking at Greek again, as its like, theres so much there, and so many ideas to be explored. And theres also things that we dont all fully understand, as far as them having evolved so extraordinarily over the years (its only been 2+ millennium, ya know?)

And if yous ever do Greek, then its always going over like: "spaghetti is pink... the cat is pink... the head of lettuce is pink... the movie theater is pink..." like... Thats its favorite thing on there, like.

I always get the one with the "cat on the toilet" -Wtf.

Ibin Arabi is from the medieval period, yah? He's an interesting cat. and regarding "Adam represents the totality — the comprehensive form that reflects all divine names in potential. Humanity as microcosm" in regards to his chapters on the prophets, etc... Thats really neat. And i like to hear about some of these sufi's/sunni muslims, to see what there takes are, granted, the story is alot crazy from the perspective of mid/later Egypt, early Mesopotamia/Ancient Greek, but the sufis are right there (Baghdad, i think?) in the midst of alot of the action, so they sometimes have stuff that gets left out, so its could to keep an eye on that, or so i would say. Hey, everyones ideas are valid, especially in the ancient world where you dont know what you are looking at, or rather~in trying/attempting to deduce what it is/What it might say about the cycles and whatknot.

Honestly, most kids just speak to me and relate~regardless of whatever my response is, like... They live in their own world of beliefs and whatknot, and have zero worries.

Yeo, lol someone ask ChatGPT/Claude, when it thinks those fingers of Adam and God are will finally gonna touch, like just out of curiosity, to see what it says. I cant do it myself atm.

"Can i get an AMEN for Adam to finally touch hands w/ God?" (*INSERT gospel chops & church music)

Im just waiting til the smorgish board of topics comes around, and alchemy ends up as the topic that that smorgish board has landed on. As i have some faith itll go in that direction, but its like, its getting exhausting waiting for it to come up, just in general. Like ive been waiting for mysticism and spirituality to touch hands for like 5 years, like just in the world, like... Its like looking up at the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, waiting for them fingers to touch. Basically im waiting for Adam. Lets call it Adam. Its taking quite a long time for Adam to grow up/come to fruition/whatever analogy.

I always liked that background, as its very unique. Like ive seldom ever seen that typeve background used, or the way it looks. It almost looks surreal, like a *realife void of sorts.

Ya should get into Alchemy (Hermeticism). I was actually thinkin' of doin a thing, right on the forum, explaining how Alchemy goes beyond just like, chemistry, and spirituality, etc., though yousll hav to start it, as theres WAyyy too much to go over

Piece #1 Were always on the brink of something, and many ppl are really good at noticing things that others dont see, like how cats might sense something in some extrasensory way (though tbh my cat seems to not be as hypersensitive as i once thought). But getting back on track, my point is like, god to me is a fragment of the center~during the limited expansion, wherein nobody can, or will denote the one outside of pointing & indicating whats " 1/x ", lik... "to point towards the one, is to watch everyone whos missing it at the other end~at the same time", as yas gotta understand, the one is itself a representation of the exact limited totality~of, or the "amount of". Like, to be pointing towards it, is to also be in a substratum where everyone is ignoring it. Like, theres no way out of that situation besides leaving the situation so it can resolve. I mean, its more complicated, but yous get the gist (naming things like this~i.e., as "Pieces" will help me remember if/when i need to ref. them again outside)

I fast, by virtue of not having any money to eat, like... Fasting IS in a sense a means of having sympathy for such ppl, though i personally dont see it as a good idea~BUT thats coming from my perspective and situation. I can understand the many reasons it would be beneficial, especially to those who have been practicing it for how many years? Too many. You gotta understand, theyve been fasting routinely for so long that its in their blood, its in their routine. So to ordinary ppl who dont fast or dont know what it is, they think logically so, pointing out things bout differences in their routines. Those who do practice this, and who do fast~Theyve just been doing it alot longer, so all them rules do not apply. Its sortve like people who work out constantly. You can try to tell Arnold swarzenneger at 30 that hes lifting wrong, but clearly hes doing something thats working for himself, even if its wrong to others. I mean, his goals were different, as it wasnt just to be fit, or to work out. It was things like, competition, etc., in the case for ram'donadans / ram'adonians nd such, they are like, on a whole nother planet from my pov (or really, anyones who differs) As even if they werent financially stable, and werent able to make ends meat, theyd prolly still be practicing it, though they might not be as underweight and suffering from health issues as ive been, so its two totally different worlds~One being from my exp., as well as others who dont understand, versus those that Do understand it, as theyve been doing it for so long. Thats my input. Now the specifics on the hours, i have no idea. To me, it makes sense, cause that sounds like the kindve hours that they would choose to fast. But again, im sure many ppl have chosen to fast in many diff times and many diff ways. I dont observe ppl fasting, but i do hear about it on and off, though it doesnt apply to me, so its like, i could care less.

Claude knows more bout every1 than i do. I couldnt tell you anyone besides J.Maynor as i have him on youtube. The day i learn bout someone is the same day i completely forget, as i dont look at whos talking, beyond the point that ive looked at them once already. Like, i know ppls names i mean, but i dont actually remember wat they said, or anything besides a floating name that i can identify as, having looked at it before. I have to much goin on to recognize who said wat, regardless of who said what, nd wat they said

@CredTeam "Allegory of the Cave". See now thats something you could try to emulate, in order to take what yous are saying, and remix it in a way that makes sense. As you are almost (almost) writing/speaking (or could be speaking) in a Socratic dialogue fashion, but you are like, one character, or so it feels like. If there was two characters, u could have a main char., that says /or writes such things as "Theres seven sets in the geometry of sets" And another saying "What makes you say that theres seven", then you have a piece that not only removes yourself from the equation (replacing your self w/ two chars.) but also, you can roleplay/workshop all of those ideas, in a way that can better gauge if what you are saying makes any sense or not, As you can start to ask yourself (your main char. whos posetting those statements) all of the Socratic type questions, in order to bridge from "What you think you know" to "What there is TO know". Hopefully youll take an ounce of what im tryina tell you, otherwise its like, we are tryina read what you are saying, and you arent reciprocating, but rather you are saying whatever, or atleast i cant understand it in its *current form. Good luck.

Im relistening to a translation on \*Allegory of the Cave. It goes a bit deeper than the parts that everyone knows, as its another instance of something that everyone would be surprised by, seeing as alot of these Greek texts go a wee bit deeper. Its like, finding a well (of water) and it turning out to be a 3,000 year old cave system or something.