kavaris

If i could actually remember what would be considered my very first experiences, i could extrapolate that and build/present a very nice map of everything. alls i remember is flashes of scenes of grass outside, or layouts of houses inside and nothing prior, or after, that really connects, just like, its own void of memory... that which also makes no sense, I can say, at some point there was a more obvious reason to explicitly remember things as opposed to living in a void without rememberances, but thats like, not analogous to anything helpful i dont think.

@abrakamowse Let me try to extrapolate that into my new form, and tell me how it sounds... The "i" is the creator of all things, albeit subliminal, or unaware (a kindve staggered between the realization of) whether or not what we are, who we are or what we could be is. And so we are here, not as an idea of what it means to be here but more like what it is to be in a dream where you are just there. When the "i" is just there, the "i" is within the kind of experience or mindset where you are performing or experiencing, and those are the underlying principles that keep that force churning. @Ishanga Tell me how this sounds... We have the kind of freewill that is only limited by those ideas themselves, that is, to conjure some possibility or 'way something should be', creates the type of boundary that is then - like an island or peninsula, where the surrounding waters are those ideas that 'could have been', but didnt - so we're partly in - and partly outside, bounded in some way, free in others. As we spin on this round (sometimes oblong in motion) land mass, pushed by magical void-stuff of unimaginable perpetuity, we take for granted what REALLY is important. But then again, its an almost necessary thing to have existed in the first place, that is, to be involved in some sortve happenings that may or may not be important stuff, and how would we even know until we've found out it was right or wrong much later. If that sounds right or partly, then i conclude one lasting thought. When i was little, i didnt learn things individually. Instead i took 'strings' or phrases of words and imitated the sound of those strings without meaning. That in itself is like a principle of experience, or one aspect that we could say follows the "Is-ness" of being here: First we're here, Second we're storing that impression into the fabric and then keeping it alive. Deriving from that we then might say, "that is what we are.. some sortve fabric?... Or texture-like"

@Realms of Wonder Hey. Hi Realms of wonder. Elaborate on that, you might be on to something. I thought id add one more example, and thats in the fields of psychology or psychiatry (whatever) whichever one requires the kind of shared experience/understanding that you wouldnt want an ai to be involved in. Like, those situations where it depends on the type of communication that is required by shared human experiences and whatknot.

I watched a video today, and learned how nothing ever "enters" a blackhole. Perhaps i didnt understand it properly, but if you consider two points ~ wherein, one person is at a point of view that they are close-up to the blackhole, and another is observing from afar, wouldnt it then be the case that no matter where you are, alls you would ever see is things frozen in time/never moving and never "entering", even relative to the closest point where light is also being distorted and "not appearing", i.e. the darkness of the blackhole. Because, is there not a difference in terms of when you first start seeing things come to a halting stop, and you yourself being an item within that halting stop. And again i phrase it like that as it is interesting, and maybe yous can figure out whats wrong w/ the analogy/ wrong with my phrasing or just correct me if im wrong.

"dont seek so much to find the answer as much as to understand the question better" -fortune cookie from today

Ha, interesting. Yeah usually the first time is gonna be the best one, simply because you didnt know what to expect. Anything else and now your brain knows well, and it doesnt have that naivity factor. I find myself trying to meditate these days and see what is possible to emulate effects just by focusing all the energy into the temple lobes/center of the brain... if theres a way to effect the brain in a salvia-like way, that'd be interesting cause its like, of all things - thats an odd maneuver to even think of/propose.

They probably said this, but the trip sitter, theyll help you like, if you accidently stand up or lay down on your face (stuff like that) if your alone, im an expert on being alone... first off, a song with a bass drum is key, get that ready... you wont hear the song, but youll become both the song, + whatever the last image you seen out your eyes before the salvia kicked in.... you wont be able to gauge what your doing alone, so you mine as well just lay down on your back as your holding it in... pack a good amount so you dont burn it and taste something offensive, if it taste bad you did something wrong. thirdly, you should double check things.... such as, if you live w/ someone, dont leave the salvia bag out in the open... whatever deals w/ anxiety in the brain can overide that claustrum area and bring you out of the trip (theres like a bunch of subconscious receptors that can override each other, for better or worse) fourthly, you should do it at a time when you are ready. it feels very rough and awkward, so you kinda wanna be at a point where you dont mind exploring that side of things.

Iuno if any of yous have a reocurring theme/pattern that seems to be like, the bedrock of all subsequent experiences on lsd or mushrooms (if so, feel free to share) but ive seen the same thing every time... and when i watch videos of the golden ratio/fibonacci spiraling dots (you can look up the simulation/animation on desmos or something) i find myself trying to recollect/remember if what im seeing is either... (1) perfect cylindrical dots that move in orbit around each other, or (2) this illusion of dots moving around each other that makes it look as if they were, more like the fibonacci spiral. (i realize that is only one way to depict fibonacci numbers or the golden ratio, however im not terribly interested in that) unless of course im wrong, and it is what i was seeing... reason being, is it can seem quite similar, and i was hoping others have seen the same thing, so i can get an idea which one is more common... ... that is, if what you seen was either (dots in a perfect orbit, or some sortve fibonacci dots without a center dot breaking the illusion) As to me, those imply two different mathematical perspectives/roads to look into... obviously im looking at both regardless.

We have to presume this loop, this sortve.... formula that feels like (Pass 1+Right, Drop 2+Down, Pass 2+Left, Drop 3+Down, Pass 3+Right, Drop 1+Down... etc) that is this sortve underlying, paradox that you can feel that implies a "no matter what" kind of emotion, and its only enough information to say that much... beyond that, it seems uncertain, blank.... ..... this eternal flame of magic, and to me, i dont have any inclination that anything we are doing is relevant, or that anything we will experience from then on will require something of the previous stage so... in that sense, maybe its exactly the same, but you could also phrase it in a way that makes it sound like nothing ever happens twice, do you know what i mean?... what im tryina say is that, that in itself is an interesting. Just to reiterate, on the surface, nothing stays the same.... but thats not quite right either, cause we've all concluded that there is something that is constant, and it seems to have had a "no matter what" attitude, regardless of what we have to say.

Somehow This Turned Into a Poem It soon is relevant to elaborate on you within you, white light came to me, not as a normal dream but a "kind of" -lucid view... Technically, the opposite of a normal lucid dream... Cause i woke up and assumed i was awake, although it seemed... Like suddenly everything became vibrating, expanded and smeared... and one-half of my house didnt 'buffer' correctly, so weird.... And it left (what appeared to be) this boundary, this light... or i might say my layering-event triggered, delayed, and so bright... And as i moved ever closer, i felt odd, perhaps even scared. So i cant say that i stuck around to learn anything else there. I got in my body, and i mentally floored it, driving this mario kart away, i ignored it. And then one day i felt comfortable to explain it and share, even though it probably wasnt a thing that other people cared... ... ... to read about at all, or even try to understand, even though there existed no other contemporary land. We might then say that, the unfathomable light dimension rendering... This... Sense of a degree of freedom that gives reality its neverending -ending... Which some might call a beginning - is what we would be trying to refer to. In conclusion i think that should give people a new vocabulary to work through.

I thought of something just now, and i felt i must share, cause i feel like - how has nobody ever elaborated on this very accurate portrayal/detail, of what its like to be 'you' in a dream... and that is about how, in a dream i may "feel" something. This could be any emotion, feeling or sensation but the first one that comes to mind is 'physical pain' ~ but its not a pain in a body, but a pain inside of whatever the expanded, amorphous thing is in a dream... like, its as if we arent a "dense" thing, but rather some sortve spacious thing, where the emotions and feelings fit in between like legos... so in some sense, we could map out the legos and either construct it more, or remove them. hypothetically speaking.... this in contrast to this stereotypical white light that i feel is alot harder to reach or talk about, as its a bit like willingly distancing each lego piece, simultaneously.

Let me start by constructing a clear and concise perspective of what it is to dream. These are "composites" of imagination layers, for example you are imagining some scene in which you encounter a roadblock. Dreams are funny in this way that, you dont go around the roadblock, but you solve problems by adding more layers of imagination. I like describing it in these terms, its like working in a DAW and you add synth layers, or different melodies. But your end user experience is the total sum of these imagined tracks, which, in the beginning sounded like: hi-hat here, a tamborine there... basically unlistenable. its not til the song has all the pieces that youd otherwise have considered it a dream, as opposed to your daydreaming-self, laying down and letting the oceans of thoughts, sounds and images in. When we put things like that, its nice, as it sortve bridges the gap between this strange, unfathomable light(s) that exist by accidently waking up before the dream has started (type've thing); Versus things that we do have the ability to talk about, that are more common... as, when i try to really say what i want to say, i find myself feeling that feeling, this sense of being dissolved and... forcing myself into this weird, dissolving solution, as opposed to a "seed crystal" solution that further grows the crystal. as therein lies a very difficult topic to try to share, and expect anyone to understand. For that reason, im trying to find several routes that route-around the issue, but still have some tangible context.

it was suggested to me to seek out people who are experts on meditation, as they might have more insights. i tried searching "high pitch frequency" because to me, that would be a topic people meditating would talk about/ mention. another one might be "temporal lobes", as if you want to really push this frequency to go towards what i would call (and of course im no neuroscientist) dmt, or a variation of (feel free to find the correct term)... you focus on the temples, and they're sortve acting as the two ∆signal transmitter/receiver while the thirds in the center, to put it symbolically; the pressure builds in that area in other words. and, sometimes it will just put you to your 'dreampt and dreaming' state of things, and so forth, anyway. im not sure where else people would be conversing and trying to create a language that reflects this deep, sortve... iuno... call it an unbounded interpretation of images and imagination, and sound and frequency, etc. and really get to the heart of this thing. using descriptive language and such and whatever else experiences you could impart.

I had this beautiful first salvia experience (he went on to explain w/ a straight face) but honestly, the shock factor and the sheer acceleration of it overroad any negativity, it was all encompassing. I prepared for something that i didnt understand. It was my first psychedelic because i didnt try lsd and magic mushrooms until later... I prepared"too" well (is that possible) i had just ordered this new fold-able bed/couch thing and my room had this emerald green, baby blue vibe... this sortve salvialand - vibe... i dont know how to explain it, it was like i had prepared my bedroom for thousands of years only to consume salvia and magic mushrooms in its presence... and the room itself was like, the actual gateway, so beautiful, anyway... Because i sortve superfluously had prepped music that had a steady beat, everytime the kick drum hit it brought me out, back to my senses incrementally.. i was able to stagger both the tripping and breaking-out've the spins... which was nice, nice for salvia... and i didnt know to do that, it just happened... i just wish i could live in that room again with them circumstances, it was like the emerald green room that nurtures you and... pushes you into thousands of little smiling salvia faces... a bit odd, of course, but so awe-inspiring in hindsight.

Ive had the stereotypical out of body experience that all dying people have, except i wasnt at a hospital, i was dying in my own bed... anyway i seen a light, and i went towards it and it was like a memory-wipe light... so, being very surprised by that feeling, i ran back to the darkness... in some sense i agree w/ the sentiment that consciousness is searching things that exist to findout everything that its not, but i just describe it in terms of textures like rough and smooth, or black and white, light and dark... to me, its not so much about the matrix so much that the cascade, this cycle of identity-shaping-reality is like theres stickers that "stick" to everything until you have infinite stickers everywhere.. its like a language of memories stuck to everything.... its not clear to me what lies between this memory-wiping light and this endless identity-shaping-reality sticker tethered to everything - in terms of, how to get between those two things. i think alot about this sequence of thoughts that we're about to be focusing on, and how to prepare to cycle through some vastly out-of-bounds cycle thats like... well its gota break apart everything, you know what i mean?... okay i'll let someone else take it from here.

"... Literally anything", reverberates in my mind, as im reminded of the boundless, endless roads from leo's video. 4:00am, I slowly fall into my imagination sequence, tumbling over scenes - until, i find myself walking the halls of my old elementary school... im looking at the ground and i find my numb body feels nervous, as all my memories and intentions have followed me into the dream ~ inside my metaphorical backpack. My body is numb like the rest of what i can see, and it is empty in each classroom as far as i know. And im racing through the halls (the school is one big circle) i go too fast and the arc of the hall begins spiraling in, until it leads to a dark corner, a void. I pass through it, and end up in (what looks like) a construction yard?... .... I tell myself that i need to *feel* my body, like i do when im awake. Then i begin to feel my body become realer and realer and realer.. Ahh!... ... im too scared. Im scared because.. im 'real-ifying' a scene of myself in an unfamiliar place. And if i wake up in this dream, then im in a place that is potentially miles from where i need to be. I look at the horizon and my negative thoughts hint at an eminent danger buffering at the horizon point. I immediately turn back, so to speak, and bring myself out of the dream. I often find myself doubting my ability to dream of familiar places.. cause i never seem to go directly to where i want, albeit an upside-down, split personality, twin version of where i want to be... if the stairs are on the left, ill imagine the stairs on the right. I suppose my question is, how do you go to where you want to go.

Yous are onto somethin now!.. good. .. as i was also gonna say how, ya obviously if ur someone overweight/underweight not exercisin/treatin ur body w/ the absolute most significant treatment & priority, your gonna feel depressed.

... And as far as things like; diet, exercise, social media, this that nd the other thing, are those really the primary factors around being depressed, or is it cause've an inability to integrate with these things, that are otherwise beneficial to those that have found a balanced lifestyle. In my experience of depression, the last thing im worried about is my abundance of social media, nd so forth.

i dont know that its a matter of more ppl being depressed, but rather that more ppl exist w/ more ability to express theirselves/ & more freedom to do so. historically, you had to be 'tough'.. now its a matter of communicating, being honest with yourself, and being totally open, honest and transparent.

I agree, this is your chance to work it out. Life is short, so whether or not your ready to face some of this stuff head on, we can come up w/ a plan of action around some of the issues you have hinted to ~ as everyone else is here for the same reason... and that is, 'half the world is pulling us toward something, nd the other half blatantly wants us dead'/ not that i see that as a good foundation of thought, though you have to start somewhere with these thoughts nd that's fine.

I wasnt sure if i should be asking this topic in the Consciousness or Mental Health section. As i myself am suffering from mental health issues, albeit i am suffering from a long journey of pain... And in regards to meditating or sortve 'imagining'... actualizing... whatever word you would use for contemplating and feeling-out an emotional experience, such as mine.... I'd like to traverse alot of issues involving pain by meditating or... well... you know, obviously im not saying im going to heal myself w/ my mind even though id love to learn how, but rather... ... ... I am now interested in how someone elses experience has gone... In other words, "what am i suppose to be 'feeling' when i meditate correctly... the feeling that would allow me to perhaps -> transcend these un-traversable obstacles and come out the other end with... something that doesnt feel like a loop of pain and totally obliterated physically/mentally." Can anyone translate what a meditative experience feels like, in terms of the 'feeling' ~ perhaps minus a place of pain, but still applicable in a profound sense and thus it had a sense of enriching importance. And maybe ill be able to then imagine this myself.

@Blackhawk mmm... ...... ... id break this all down, and narrow down ONE thing you'd like advice on improving. When you get this chance, and you are in a calm, meditative environment that allows you to be still and have conscious control of... well... okay well 1sec, you'll have a couple directions when in that scenario... if you want, break it down. Break those things down, maybe make a note of all those concerns, and if there is one left that is 'Shining' in your mind with an evident amount of holes and instability that you would like worked out, bring it here again and lets do just that; working it out.

cause as far as peeing, i noticed alot of times i have to pee when im also goin number 2, and it tends to help alot when theres a large quanity of liquid circulating/comin out at once.

@at_anchor okay cool, someone w/ urination issues im sure will assist u through that; what, specifically, has been impairing your sleep?... is it a result of waking up to pee? or is it as a result of 'the kinds of dreams' you're having?

Oh, one more thing, and this is good, general info for everybody; ... when you start experiencing symptoms like this where it becomes increasingly difficult in the bathroom passin' bowel movements, you would do well to rotate into your diet -> lots of water, and lots of soup, like chicken broth... plain stuff. Or if you're very determined, you would do nothing but liquids for 24 hours, which i call 'liquid assassination'.