kavaris

@James123 Thats an interesting question/continuation. im not sure how to get beyonder the question... perhaps it is like, the shadow land of what can be felt and communicated? unless you know what comes next... i just wonder what the mind convinced feels... like, okay, its sortve faced with this truth, that it not only anticipates but then that is like, seeping into the experience, in such ways that it collapses the senses, as often... like in a meditation, theres a wall between the senses, and getting them to this light source... as lots of baggage is being hulled and its like... totally confused as to what that baggage is like, "Sir, your bringing all 3 million things with you on the boat to atlantis, and we only accept 0.0001% of a decision/anticipation" ... okay, lol ive gone full nuts i see this now.

@James123 and the 'god' we might say is like this, prior creation, that is like the direction we didnt take, and anything we didnt take with us, is then behind us, kindve spooking us... like... if you were to mythologically turn around too quickly, its like, "whah, what was that...", then you continue on, and realize, "oh, i saw it from the *behind* direction that i never took -direction". therefore, the directions we arrive at, are at the posterior... as a highly refined split of the like... the wholly separated act of splitting it in the first place. And so its like, an interesting idea, this 'whole', this thing that potentially doesnt look or feel like anything, due to it being in such a spectrum of explanation that it satisfies both halves of the pear we're looking at...

@Razard86 i think the reason i saw a flash of its profundity, was because of what comes prior to thoughts, or decisions, etc. this notion that *i* or 'we' for the sake of argument, are assuming theres a "direction", like... We lookat the "most straightforward" way, as being that which we've arived at... except that, actually, in a multi directional landscape, creation can be happening from any direction. Creation can therefore, be happening *prior to*, some idea of what direction we have set foot on, as reality is like this "creation myth" at the fundamental level, this pantheon of divine beings that represents a larger notion...

@Razard86 thats profound. even though its such a simple idea. i justnever really saw it from enough angles before to see this eternal, fractal dreamer dreaming -concept that you point out.

since ive already flung out an extra crazy message, i mine as well continue on what i was tryina say... as i recalled this thing that lsd, etc. did... and that is, understanding how the mind has the ability to fall/throw up — say — *over there* on the other side of the room.. which represents the "current experience", and anything that already happened is being blacked-out in a sense, leading to these gaps or deep striations in the experience overall — but more importantly, the current experience always feels super duper *in the moment*... and so... i thought it would be a neat experiment to take experience in that direction, just to see if its possible, and what the effects are... i seem to recall life attempting to like... fall to pieces right behind me... but i mean, it might be a good thing if everything is stagnant... like i feel like we are all one, and we aint even one yet. its just cause - nothins movin, like a constepation... its like the 10 year constepation on earth, possibly on alien planets as well.

Is it even worth bringin up the notion of everything fluctuating, this violent sea of of it trying to become onething/different things, to sustain the sense of coherent things happening in working order, and ultimately, that we cant become one if it means experiencing two, or however you might word it... Is it even worth mentioning?... or is that crossing the line of communication rules? And in the same regard, do yous even take that into consideration and how do you think about it... I consider it a paradox, as like... its the mother wavelet of all other paradoxs that could ever come from it, so its like... iuno, maybe we need like... rules? or should it just be chaos, i dont mind either way, its always some level of pure chaos particles flingin every which way...nd i cant make heads or tails of em (i say that, cause theres somethin in that, that deforms to a chaotic event when you try to wrap your head around it... i just phrased it in a way that makes it sound like it makes sense) i know why things dont make sense, but theres a couple avenues where its like, you can bring it to the table, and theres a spectrum of avenues that descend deeper into like, "you are tryina create reality internally, so prolly best to not..." -typve thing. lol. well then.

i want to add, theres a "brain power" ability that you can begin practicing/adding into your arsenal... its not a logic thing directly (at first), its not an enlightenment thing (not directly at first), its also not any other notion that youd associate with brain power, its more like, sitting and focusing on your temple lobes, and the pineal gland, and that whole relationship... Trying to feel it, like people who can wiggle their ears might feel there ear in order to wiggle it, you are doing that in this practice (whilst tuning in to the natural frequency ), and you are wiggling your brain, like different parts — so, if you can imagine that, then thats what your trying to do.. and you are like, working on this 'hidden power' type thing... whats that pokemon move that can produce a random effect? Its like that, you dont know what your gonna get until youve done it enough to know, when you can use 'hidden power', and which pokemon its super effective against, or when its too weak of a time to do it.

Things that youve last encountered as the "last big scare" always are gona stand out- in the chaotic beginnings —the new, fresh mind whos figuring things out... For you, it is this lingering fear, this sense of discovery that you got a quick glimpse of, and then, some sortve debilitating dark impression suddenly. you want to figure it out, but at the same time, you do not like that fear, that rejection from the spectrum of white lights and, ostensibly, what could have been just feeling like you were apart of something larger maybe?... You tell me. What were those positive things you felt originally? Write them down. What were those things that fear took in its place? Write them down. In the beginning, for atleast ten years youll be writing this sortve, poetic life stuff down.. There comes a juncture where it all comes full circle, in wholly separate ways from lsd, mushrooms, etc. this is more like, a natural full circle that shines under the new moon. and its at a mythological place that everyones heading to.

Lets all admit, we are scared, and scared we are together. With that said, we are the scared helping to lift the scared... "Much of what he has to say on the nature of reality resonates with feelings I had in my ego-death-like experience. The past half decade or so I have been following his video releases, but I have little discipline. I have an issue building “my” life. When I am high, either smoking or tripping, I see everything going wrong. Visions of death, mostly my own, plague me." You have a youth to you that i find so light and nice, which is good, you are just starting. Ah visions of death. Da, theres a certain beauty to death that is to be appreciated, which is kindve far from the whole getting high & tripping scene, because you are witnessing those negative/positive ebs and flows, and misunderstanding what they mean. Though theres a deeper notion to grasp there too, course, isnt there always... Now this "building your life" cannot be found instantaneously, so you got to give it time, spread the worry out a bit, you know... (write down "life builder" and then draw some bubbles around it to understand the elements that are circulating in its orbit, to try nd get a better grasp) Then maybe, having it discretized and chopped and screwed, will give you enough time to analyze whats going on, "why" it is you are worried, and if its really the root cause/reason for it... Usually theres a deeper reason you just havent found. The faster you find these things, the quicker you can start understanding these descents and ascensions... Theres alot of smaller details to it nd i understand that.

theres a point that im reaching, where i no longer feel the need to read, write, or do much outside the scope of this being and experience of myself... as i have found this thing im tryina penetrate now... suffice to say, any deep knowledge at the end came from being on the quest, trusting the process & collecting bits of this, and that, and compiling them into a sortve, written work that involved many many different methods to read, write and record, as alot of the learning involves your interpretation and interaction w/ it — to filter it down into a way that gives that understanding, right? So, theres that... But as far as specific sources, i cant say that theres many... Many were related to topics i found interesting, and that i was able to gleam or pull it into the artistic endeavors here, and spin them around into a kind of hidden knowledge (that would frankly not be found in many books...), however... Greek Mythology, and stuff like that has some good grandma cookies so to speak... You mention the word "scientific" in there, and i suppose if thats what you are into it can give you something to do for now, but im not a big science guy, and i cant say whens the last time i looked at anything science, unless it was either a quick wikipedia thing, (the concept or something seemed to be interesting) or it was related to mathematics or something, or ya know... jus whatever random thing tied into science. p.s. im looking at my notes, and alot of it came from looking up random stuff, like architecture and poems, languages, runes, patterns... fractals, motifs, magic, lots of my own darkness and experiences, etc, etc. p.s.s. another good idea is to buy a good pair of wireless headphones, cause its nice to tune out everything with a loud ocean sound or something, so you can start focusing intently on this internal, — call it, a world flipped upside down now -world.

Am i the only 1 in this sound field, that i find myself in, at a certain lvl of meditation.. At first i was describing it as like this "ping" sound, like a little pinball bouncing around, while everything was underwater... Ive changed my mind on that, this is more like: 1) very bright, like someone really turned up the lights in this bitch, 2) everything isnt necessarily underwater, but its distorted like, a frequency becomes ripped apart into some sortve strand that joins the light frequency... and 3) im not feeling any different, but my senses are sure getting like... iuno whats a good word for like, everything sucked into a finite point. And anything that made sound with inflection points becomes a single, drawn out echo, until it becomes nothing... so like, in a dream, you might call the things you "hear", or "see" as feelings right? thats what this is, things becoming *senses fron subconscious realm*, and so theres layers of senses going on in the subconcious... like, you might have "two phones", one phone in the realm where you are conscious, with five senses, and you imagine another phone, playing a song or a frequency in the subconscious realm... until you acknowledge it, then it might accidentally disappear on you... same is the concept of other things, when you know how your doing it, then you are directed towards the direction to stop doing it... but i digress.. Theres of course more to it, but thats fine for now.

I dont think about it in the way of, "this is the exact year i go", but instead like... Everyday im thinking deeply about, whether or not the white light is with me or not, as ive already had a near death experience, and so im always analyzing it in this way, the silver ends are. But to be is to then see around the outer edge of my self, looking at the skirt, seeing where i can interject and explore... how closeup i can get where, new information seems relevant, and i can reinact by thinking about the exact image im at where the lights instantiated (sometimes nearby) - typve thing (which is hard to explain since im describing the nde) And thats all to say, that at 22 the fear of having a fear thing thats like, acknowledging something twice—work towards stripping away that second sortve echo of the fear.. If you focus on the noise you can circumvent the sound of these looming issues that are themselves an echo of the natural reaction towards hearing something to fear, however then you have to turn down the noise XD, if u know what i mean... anyway, hope this helps to see in new way(s)

Look at it this way. A dream, an image, a perspective that is—does it have rules? Do the confinements of your own image have a preference, and is that in itself a limitation?... Are you tracking what happens here, at all times, even when youve been spit, puked out and churned within lifes touring machine? What does it mean to be free, unbound, free floating, endless. What are the darkest darks and smoothest roughs that combine to become a being?... What happens when you hear the sound so loud, a noise that pushes you, either in the dreaming world or waking. What does it feel like, and have you been pushing or being pushed, both as self sufficient selfpusher, back and forth. Do the things around you move when you move, or do you move everything and you yourself appear to move within that? What is happening that can be put within words, within a one hundred percent label that doesnt change, doesnt move or doesnt appear as something new, some piece of love that falls behind in the past, les you had grabbed it and held on in the ever falling forward in time.

i suppose we could just say, that theres a larger, dark cloud typve entity in the mix that is making it hard to do anything consciousness related, or to like... to *fit* everything into a perfect frame, its like... theres no frame or box that can contain this picture. ... thats like a more simplistic, boiled, refined, many times - version.

@Evelyna "Likes"👍 I suppose your right. I guess it has to do with the sudden influx of creative things that are now rejoining this sense of like, very deep pain that ive emerged from, coupled with trying to find a way to reverse it, but also trying to operate the control panel in such a radically different way... Its like this nuanced mechanism that im trying to wrap my head around, like... A) you are approaching some undefined texture, B) You are anticipating/believing it to be, C) theres some nuances in there still, cause its like... like, its microscopic dingbats & gizmo's, and its like im trying to influence one variable in a multi-sea, multi-variable situation—that is to say its like its only having had *half* the influence, as we are not present from every direction possible. theres only so much we could ever acknowledge in that process, although its still enough to change it!.. Its like, the thing im tryin' to say takes awhile to pull apart, and i end up writing multiple pages in my attempt... which leads to erasing it, cause its like... ive changed my mind suddenly, typve thing... Like, im selling you a misfit stuffed animal w/ the buttons missing, then im like, "WAIT, No.. its actually got poison in it, i just remembered srr.. and its a cycle of trying to make sense -> create/express it in a new way -> erase it cause its too absorbed w/ me -> and then i try to remember if its following the right sequence... because if i got too... silly.. or too.. dark or something, i have to do deep reconstrucion on that part... cause, in retrospect, it wouldnt just be about the mechanism in our mind, but what we were working on, or the final artifact thereafter that was passed the torch so to speak, in terms of being a kindve, "from our heart" typve enthusiasm, that is like a piece of the puzzle youve created so that the mind may continue (almost putting to mind to rest in some sense, by means of making sense—where sense could not be made prior)... and all of that becomes its own effigy, if that makes sense, lol.