Jordan

Hello, I want to write down my first 5-MEO Malt experience for anyone that is interested. I plugged 6mg at 5pm today. Right now it is 11.30pm for me. I feel strong emotions of acceptance and comfort as I write this, which is very pleasant. The only other psychedelic I have taken before is 5-MEO DMT around 15-16 times. Before the trip I meditated for around 1-1.5 hours trying to experience the difference between what is real and what is imagination. I felt like I was getting somewhere with this meditation. I was getting a much clearer understanding of the distinction between reality and imagination. I listened to Leo's video on 5-MEO Malt on 2x speed while reading up on what people had to say about it on the forum, deciding on the dose and preparing it. I decided on 1 red mini-scoop which weighed out to around 6 mg. Leo mentioned 5-10mg was a good staring dose in his video. In my last few 5-MEO DMT trips, my trips have been lasting much longer and I seem more sensitive than I used to be so I wanted to start out with low dose with this new substance. I plugged the dose and lay prone for the first 5 min before getting on some underwear and sitting cross legged alternating between opening and closing my eyes. As i looked at the fuzzy blanket over my lap, I could see every micro movement of every strand. The light coming through my window changed as the sun started setting and the colors did seem a bit different than normal, but it is hard to describe it and it was subtle. After 50 or so minutes I decided to lie down on my back and close my eyes so that I could just relax and feel the emotions of acceptance, love, curiosity coming up in my body. I imagined sexual images and pondered what causes arousal. I accepted and cherished every image that appeared in my mind before moving on to thinking about my priorities. (No sexual thoughts came up during my MEO- DMT trips as sex did not seem interesting to me when taking it) When on 5MEO-DMT I desired more than anything to understand but when on 5MEO-Malt, I just wanted to experience everything. Experience trumped everything. I wanted to experience everything possible and come to my own conclusions of what I like and what I dislike. I even wanted to experience disliking things and struggling. I could feel love for the present experience building in my heart. I imagined many things that I wished to experience. This lasted until around 2.5 hours after I started. I got a few text messages and was filled with love trying to decipher the meaning and respond in the proper way. Shortly after I cooked some food then watched a guided meditation by Michael Taft. At one point he asks "What is noticing the experience that is happening right now" The obvious answer that someone listening to the meditation would first come up with is "awareness" but I could see that that was just a thought. The answer that I came up with is: There is nothing noticing the present experience. Noticing is not happening at all. The present experience is just being itself. Awareness is fused with this present experience. I feel quite relaxed, positive and accepting. Emotionally I feel much better than I have after 5MEO DMT. 5MEO DMT has left me with pleasure in my head but I was much less interested in emotions or experiencing different things. It left me more interested in understanding intellectually through direct experience. With 5MEO Malt I felt much more emotional and put less importance on intellectual understanding in favor of being absorbed in experience and becoming what is. I enjoyed it quite a lot. It also lasted much longer, strongly affecting me for 2.5 hours while the 5MEO-DMT strongly affects me for 40-60 minutes usually. That is what I can remember right now. If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask or comment.

I should have been a bit more clear, I meant to say that I am guessing it will be similar to 5MEO DMT at higher doses in terms of ego death being part of it. Maybe not quite as harsh as 5MEO-DMT but I think ego death should be a part of what is experienced at higher doses. In any case it was a different experience what felt quite fresh and looking from a different perspective. I will have to try a higher dose to find out what it is like. I will move slowly though since I do seem to be getting more and more sensitive.

I took a low dose so I can't say for sure. On a higher dose I am guessing it will be similar. This experience I had made me want to enjoy having an ego even though I realized it did not exist.

I find it interesting that you believe people that say they have no internal experience but not people that do. People describing their experiences won't help you figure out if they are real. I am a bit sad that you are suffering. Everything in your memory and imagination could be considered fake but that does not have to make you depressed. I am pretty sure God isn't there just to torture you. God did not create actualized.org just as a joke against you. God just felt like making it, so it happened. I hope you can figure out how to enjoy life as it is without caring whether God is playing a joke on you or not. If he is, it is better to just enjoy what you can from it anyways.

The major benefits are relaxation. It might not be that relaxing during the meditation but after doing it for a while it seems to have a relaxing effect overall. Stress is known to cause many health issues. Doing it for the sake of health issues is a good enough reason. You will also enjoy life more. Being intimate with my girlfriend was more enjoyable too for me which is a very nice benefit. It doesn't matter what you think about. Find some meditation instructions and try your best to follow those. Usually they don't ask you not to think. You might be asked to put your attention on something and if thoughts come up take note that you are thinking something and go back to the instructions. Thinking during meditation is expected. Just do your best and don't feel discouraged thinking that you should not be thinking when that is not even part of the instructions. You want your surroundings to leave you feeling safe and free of distractions. I have heard that you should go to a special spot just for meditation and not use your bed or something like that because you associate that spot with other things. I still meditate sitting on 2 pillows on my bed because I like it there. Good luck You will not typically be relaxed during meditation until you have a lot of experience with it. The relaxation usually comes after you have meditated and not necessarily during the meditation. You should expect it to be torture for the first year or so but gradually improve your life. If that is not something you want, then it might not be for you at this point in your life.

I think Leo mentioned HCL for snorting in a video somewhere. I don't feel like looking it up now. I only have personal experience with plugging the HCL version and freebase mixed with vinegar.

Maybe people get being rude and teasing confused sometimes. Teasing is very important to get to know someone and have a closer relationship but it should be very playful and lighthearted in my experience.

Girls do not like to be bored so people acting rude at least causes some drama and entertainment. You do not need to be rude. You could be more silly and say unexpected things while acting kind and respectful to attract them if that seems better for you.

Where is it proven what semen retention and sexual transmutation can do? I did not notice much difference after 30-40 days the several times I went without. Is that too short a time? I don't have much opportunity to do it now because my girlfriend does not want me to have sex without an orgasm but I am curious.

You could try turning each other on enough to cum without touching the sensitive parts. More dirty talking and denial while pleasuring any parts that are not sore.

I tore something in my shoulder as I relaxed a bit at the bottom of a pullup. It hurt for years but eventually I joined a dragon boating team. The light regular exercise in my shoulders eventually help it heal. I have also had a lot of wrist pain so much that I could not use the computer for more than a few minutes. I healed this by using a massage ball for 2 hours a day on my back, chest and lats. A massage ball might help loosen your muscles and allow blood flow inside to repair the tissue. That along with very light exercise. Most injuries can be fixed especially when you are young even though it seems it is impossible and will not get better.

I took 5MEO DMT 15 times and did not notice many after effects until this latest trip. Still around 2 weeks later I when I am relaxing, I feel a vibrating pleasure sensation on my temples like I just got a nice massage. I feel like I can just turn off my verbal thoughts when I want to and sit there relaxing in pleasure. I found especially after meditation in the last 2 weeks I can enter states where things like walking to my car or driving to work feels like time has slowed down, I feel great, stress free and can take more experience in at once. In the latest trip that I mentioned, I plugged 21mg and spent most of my time flat on my back with my eyes closed. I spent the later parts eyes open still lying down for a decent amount of time as well. Usually I don't spend as much time with my eyes closed so that might have something to do with being able to relax into it. It was not my highest dose either. I took one 28mg and one 32mg dose which did not have as big of an after effect. I am not sure if you will have such a big effect every time. For me it was just this latest time 1 of 15 that had a clearly noticeable effect. I am curious about how your future trips turn out.

This is super cringy. I would much rather talk to someone and see if I like them and that they are single instead of putting the effort of something like writing up a resume for them.

Hello, I tried taking some breaks from masturbating too. I have lasted around 30-40 days several times. It seems like you think that having regular sex will help you to stop masturbating but sex and masturbation fill very different needs. Having regular sex does not replace the desire to masturbate. Actually you may have noticed if you have gone a week without an orgasm, then have sex, you will want to masturbate soon after. I will still masturbate regularly while having sex 2x per week with my girlfriend and I think it is perfectly fine. You seem to beat yourself up over it which is the unhealthy part, not the masturbation. If it makes your girlfriend unhappy then you should not tell her when you relapse. Keep it as a personal thing you are figuring out yourself. The sex will be better the more you meditate and if you have not masturbated for a long time so it is nice to choose yourself what you want to do. If you make that choice to masturbate then treat yourself well after. Don't beat yourself up and see clearly how it positively and negatively affects you. Also do you really think there are a lot of benefits from obtaining from orgasm? I am very doubtful of that and think these benefits are overstated.

It is Saturday night now and since my last trip on Monday night I have felt relaxation and a vibrating pleasure sensation on my temples whenever I don't need to think about anything. If feels very satisfying and relaxing. I can just sit there and bliss out without worrying or thinking about anything. I went to a friend's house party tonight and I had much less social anxiety and what quite comfortable the whole time there which usually doesn't happen. I am normally an introvert and feel self conscious at parties. I want to spread this sensation to my whole body if I can. It really feels great.

It seems you have beliefs and concepts that are bringing up negative emotions. Why do you give a bad meaning to meaninglessness? You could try the exercise in Leo's video "guided exercise for realizing you are god." Try to get a taste of how interesting everything is when you set aside your explanations of what things are and how they got there. When you realize that you practically don't know anything then things get much more interesting. Also since you are already in low spirits it might help to first find something that interests you and really learn it or focus on it deeply to try to get out of your low spirits.

I did 21mg of 5MEO DMT a couple weeks ago and did not write anything about it. I guess I did not have much to say about it. 1.5 hours ago I took 3 scoops which is around 21mg of 5MEO DMT. I peaked for around an hour which has never happened to me before. It usually lasts around 30 min. I am still feeling the effects of it. I spent most of the time lying on my back unmoving just relaxing and feeling energy move around. I realized I spend way too much of my time doing useless things and should be spending this time on building something important with my life. I could be building a website or YouTube channel, trying new things and getting out of my comfort zone. I could see my relationship with my girlfriend and my parents from their point of view. I could spend some more time learning what their needs are and filling those. I can do a better job of understanding how my body works. How to massage, exercise, and make sure it is able to get though the day easily. Recently have food and knee pain quite frequently. I don't need to search for a better understanding of god right now. It is more important for me to focus on living the best life possible and get that figured out before spending too much time on spiritual pursuits although 30-60min per day should be fine. I need to show more love to myself throughout the day. If things trigger me to feel frustrated I need to recognize that pattern and just tell myself "I love you"

@Matthew85 Yes, I don't have an answer to that right now that has worked for me. I am trying to improve at doing this technique enough to be comfortable doing it while going about my day. I will let you know if I make any improvements.

I don't really understand what you mean when you say "every object exist eternally and infinitely." Everything is constantly changing so I would think no object exists for any amount of time. Are you saying that when I experience waking up then walking into my kitchen, that is all 1 object? I think of one object to be an unchanging thing. Even if time does not exist in the way people imagine it, there is still change happening right? Are you just saying that the present experience exists eternally and infinitely or are you talking about objects?

I think your idea of what is perfect is what is imperfect. If something exists, how can it be anything other than perfect?

Recently I have been following the steps in Leo's "Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God" video, discovering what is being created by the mind right now. Pretty much sit there, it helps having your eyes open. Realize that the planet earth does not exist. It is being created by your mind now. You are not a human that was born in the past. You are not alive right now. Time does not exist. The past is being imagined right now. There is no room on the other side of the wall etc. You begin to realize that what you are Imagining is not even close to the same thing as what you experience in the moment. If you imagine that if you don't hit the break, your car will crash, what actually will happen will always be different than you imagined even if you could still describe it the same way. The actuality of the present moment is just too vast to be contained by thoughts and memories.

I plugged 4.5 scoops around 1.5 hrs ago and it hit me really hard. I couldn't sit up for a good 40 min. I didn't really realize I had a body for a lot of the time. It seemed like I could put my attention on something and that would become all of existence and everything else did not exist including myself. When I started coming back I tried to figure out what was important and what I wanted most. I realized I need to sort some stuff out in my life so that I can focus on what I am doing without having things that can come up. There are some business taxes and book keeping that is late that I need to get done. I need to clean up my house and schedule out what I need to get done so that I am free to focus on how to live my life in a decent way that can help other people and the world. What I want most is to be able to understand at a deep level my body, emotions, other people, what it means to live a good life.

I might be rambling a bit but if you have any insights on this topic please share. I am a bit curious about it now. I have an idea of there being a mind that produces auditory and visual thoughts. Emotions could be considered to be produced by another type of mind. I noticed that I have not been able to notice where the mind is, it's size, how it works, much like consciousness. How can you even distinguish the mind from consciousness if you can not put your awareness directly on either of them? If neither exist the same way an object does, how can you know anything about them. You can just look at experience of thoughts and find patterns to develop an understanding of what the mind is indirectly. Could the mind be a thought we use as a ground but not actually have any substance itself? Thought is being used to ground another thought. How can I be conscious of how thoughts are being generated? You see them appear without being able to tell where they came from, how they were produced, how long they will continue to be produced. Their seems to be patterns in thoughts that are effected by your body position, how you breath what you set your attention on. Let me know about how you think I can understand this better and ground my understanding in my experience.

You should meditate until you are in a very relaxed and focused state, then contemplate. Don't eliminate contemplation.

Ok so most people will not understand consciousness thought meditation because the range the average person can experience is too narrow to determine much from it. You seem to believe accessing higher dimensions though psychedelics then spending more time directly embodying what you picked up is a better to go about understanding which does make sense to me. Correct me if I am misunderstanding this. I have been taking 5Meo dmt every once in a while. Maybe average once a month. It does seem to help me understand more deeply but I have had a feeling that I should not do it too often so I have time to digest what happened which meditation seems to help with. It did take a few times to get get an idea of what to expect and slowly increase my dose to a safe but potent amount. I may be ready for increasing my frequency a bit.