Jordan

Yes it did work out for me but also I would have done better investing in the S&P500 since I started investing around 2010. I am 37 years old now. I did get lucky on some trades which is the only reason I am up from my initial investments. If I was to do it over again, it would be much more boring but it would make sense to me to just put it in the S&P500 from the beginning but at the time I was not mature enough to make that decision. I could easily be 50% down on all my investments if I made a few different choices. I am probably only up around $30-40,000 while having a decent chance of losing money over that whole time. Remember I went from $80k to 3k at one point. I could easily have never recovered from that and be broke now.

I have invested in risky things. I bought around $8000 of bitcoin when it was around 8k and switched it to XRP which was $1 at the time and sold it for right around $3 after holding for many years. In my stock trading account sometimes I would buy TQQQ or SOXL and things like this along with calls and puts on stocks based on my friend's advice. I went from like 45k to 80k down to 3k put 30k more in and built it up to 120k went to 160k back down to 120k. Over the last several months, I have felt unsettled about how I have been handling my money. Even though I am in much less risky stuff than before, I plan to sell most of my stuff today and put everything into etfs that track copper, gold, silver, crude oil and just hold it until it seems overvalued compared to the rest of the market which could take 10-20 years. If you really feel it is a good idea to invest in something really risky like bitcoin, you could set aside 5%-10% of your portfolio and just go crazy with it but when you lose compared to more stable investments, which is very likely, take that as a lesson.

@oOo Thanks, I just listened and followed along to a 25 min video I found. It felt really nice. It seems like it will help supplement what I am doing explained in my last reply. That being feeling into emotions through finding examples of beliefs I hold strongly then see where I am ignoring memories and have an impulse to rationalize then stay there feeling into emotions that come up. Emotionally I have felt really good today, much more intensity and things like cleaning my place feels like more fun than I used to feel when I used to play videogames. I don't have any interest right now in playing video games the last few days which is a bit new for me.

Around 3 years ago I started doing mantra meditation which seemed to give me vivid dreams. The first one started with me riding a motar boat with paradise all around me as we approached the shore. I went ashore and met with someone that would be my meditation teacher. He took me to a pond and told me I needed to dive to the bottom and hold onto 2 handles at the bottom and sit cross legged at the bottom as long as I can and go to the surface to breath as needed. There was a continuation of this dream. I think it wasn't the same night where I ended up not making it back to the surface before passing out. the last thing I remembered was seeing a light at the top of the surface of the water but it was too far away for me to reach then everythign went black.

I had some insights on emotions since I posted this. Basically what I have been doing all my life is I take a logical worldview where I will see that it will not help to be angry so my mind will ignore that emotion. I will take other people's perspectives and wholistic nonhuman perspectives but unconsciously will still hold my emotional patterns in the same way while ignoring them not allowing that part of me to be transformed. This is an unconscious instinct to survive. Changing in that way can be considered death. I will believe things like "I already forgave that person and it is not a big deal" and that belief will cause my mind to ignore any emotions that will conflict with those beliefs. Those emotions are still there causing tension, stress, poor sleep, heart issues but completely unfelt. The way I found how to stop doing this is to really take time to see how all your beliefs are wrong and emotionally feel the impact of what each of those wrong beliefs mean. If you believe you are a good person, bring up some of the times you lied, hurt people, cheated, didn't follow through on a promise. What the mind will typically do is make excuses and say stuff like well 90% of the time I am good so that 10% doesn't really matter and is basically not worth mentioning and actually is basically 0% so yes I am a good person. If you actually want to feel the suppressed emotions you need to catch yourself before the rationalizations happens and really ask yourself what emotions may be being ignored to maintain this false belief and every belief is false in some way so find where it is false and feel into that. Anger is a great place to start. Anger basically comes up when you determine things are not fair, your needs are not met, people are acting in a way you think they should not, anger towards yourself is for the same reasons. You just need to bring up unfair situations and before rationalizing that they are not a big deal, really feel into the anger that comes up as you see the injustice and deceit and the selfishness and the evil from a prerational perspective. Then just feel into that without trying to solve anything. Just feel for hours. You will discover things there you do not have access to from more wholistic perspectives. Let me know if this works for you. It has been really super helpful for me in my understanding of myself.

@LordFall I hope the Video helps. I have no clue if this issue is common or not but it sure did take me a long time to figure out. For me I never really felt rage that made me act in a way I would regret. I suppressed it so much I never really felt it that much so I am guessing I have done this for much longer than this video has been out so maybe this just gave me another method of doing this. I never conceived of it as suppression, from my point of view the anger is completely gone when I start thinking wholistically and it seems taken care of and I don't have any thoughts come up that indicate that I am still angry. Making that connection it makes sense but it is hard to connect something you have done for years with an issue that has come up much more recently.

Hello, I wanted to share some insights on emotions that I have had over the past year. The video that I am referring to in the title is: This video is not fully the reason for years of chronic pain. Possibly it would have happened anyways but I believe it did contribute to it. Luckily I am basically free of chronic pain now so all's well that ends well I guess I believe Leo didn't know the dangers of this technique and I have gotten 100x more benefit from his videos overall than negative effects including the years of chronic pain. This video basically explains that anger can be controlled through wholistic understanding. It explains about how you carve out your own partition that needs to be defended. People refuse to go out of their limited point of view to see other perspectives. Leo talks about moralizing and should statements and recommending acceptance instead. Anger can be loved to death by going meta and seeing how anger works and that being angry at little things can be understood and handled by seeing that the person or situation making you angry did it out of ignorance or that in the big picture, things are exactly how they need to be. I started using this technique back near when the video came out 9 years ago, seeing things from different perspective and accepting things as they are. It worked great. Lets say I go to the store and I go on the escalator, I want to walk up it but there are a bunch of people standing on it so I get a bit angry that I have to stand and wait. Then I would go meta and see from a more wholistic perspective and see it is not worth getting angry over something like this because in a few seconds I will reach the top of the escalator. The other people probably enjoy standing and riding the escalator so it is fine if they want to do that, I can accept this as it is. Then the anger goes away and I feel content and go on with my day. This all happens within a couple seconds and overall I am mostly feeling at peace. Doing this whenever anger or stress comes up, I was able to live many years feeling quite peaceful and felt emotionally quite good most of the time. After several years of this I started getting wrist pain. Nothing seemed to fix it until I figured out massaging my back with a massage ball seemed to relax my back muscles and stop the pain in my wrists. It took over a year of trying different things before I got over that wrist pain. Then came knee pain when jogging, Stretches and exercises didn't help. I avoided running and got by without aggravating it most of the time. A few years after that I started getting back pain. It lasted 6 months and got to a point where I was in pain the majority of the time whether lying down, standing or sitting. I went through every video I could find on getting rid of back pain spending hours per day trying different things but it kept getting worse over 6 months. One day I joined this online meditation sit and at the end it was open up to questions. I couldn't sit due to the pain and paced back and forth during the meditation. At the end we had time for questions, mentioned I was struggling with back pain and the guy leading it asked me if I ever get angry. I told him not really. He asked me if I thought I might be suppressing my anger. I basically looked back and told him yes maybe I am. He said that he was basically 90% sure this is a psychosomatic issue and recommended I read a book from an author from a guy called Dr Sarno. I looked up the book and found healing back pain: the mindbody solution I think it was called. I found it on Youtube and listened to it on 3x speed. I spent a few hours bringing up anger and feeling into it. By the next day when normally I couldn't sit for more than 5 minutes due to the pain, I sat with that meditation group for over an hour pain free. It appears that using the technique Leo shared in the video did allow me to control my anger as advertised but even though I did not feel anger anymore, it still was part of my subconscious. It created tension in my body causing chronic knee and back pain and wrist pain before that. I think this technique does work very well to control your anger and it is very useful but it is very important to know that this technique does suppress emotions that can have negative effects months or years later. Basically if you are going to use this technique I wouldn't use it to keep from getting angry but to decide how you behave while fully feel into any anger being careful not to suppress it when it comes up. It can take 45 minute or longer to feel through some anger that comes up from a small seemingly insignificant occurrence but after the torture I went though with chronic pain, feeling through that is preferable than suppressing that anger. I just wanted to share if anyone has chronic pain or knows someone with chronic pain that might have a similar thing going on. Here is the audiobook that I listened to and basically fixed my back in 1 day: So yea I have been free of chronic pain for around 9 months and really life is amazing having that contrast I feel like I have unlimited potential compared to before.

Yes of course an ego itself is not god but the ego can see that it is imagined and that everything is god including it. I don't have everything figured out yet but this is how I see it. The entire experience you think of yourself as having right now is god, the sights, sounds, emotions thoughts physical sensations as they are right now are absolute truth. Even the part that believes you are just a human on the planet earth. The meaning of that belief is imagined and is not true but the belief itself as being is also god. When you see someone's face as you walk along the street, that face is as much god as the sensations in your body and the self conscious thought about making eye contact, the experience of that thought is also god. Any thinking with language is an illusion. The reason we can't see this is because we are conditioned to believe raw being is not real and what is imagined about being human on the planet earth is what is actually real when that is what is imagined. I still need to contemplate some more to iron out my understanding because beliefs end up allowing you to predict what is experienced which makes it seem like truth.

But what else are you going to do? Isn't it more interesting to imagine others instead of just being yourself all alone?

@Leo Gura Thanks, I feel like I benefitted a lot from this trip I feel very lucky. You are the best for sharing all the amazing knowledge you have shared. As a follow up since 6 days ago when I posted the opening post, I have been feeling really good. I find it easier to go meta and view things more wholistically. I feel really great about being able to feel things like sadness and emotions like this don't feel so bad anymore. Behind my forehead has felt really pleasurable and if feels amazing when I put my attention there. It seems easier than before to intersect. I want to ride this momentum and spend much more time experimenting with meditation, contemplation and intersection. Instead of keeping a written journal which I have tried before but never really had any desire of reading it, I would like to try making daily video journals so I can listen back on them on maybe 2 or 3x speed and use that as feedback as I do my best to live a good life.

I mentioned to a friend once that I noticed that there was no me here while on 5MEO-DMT and described other things about how it was which I don't really understand in the same way in my normal waking consciousness so it isn't surprising that that friend of mine wouldn't be able to make sense of it. He basically went silent and it seemed like his mind was rebooting for a while. If you don't intersect all that much have no idea what a paradigm is or practice going meta, it sounds crazy and likely many friends or parents would think you should stop taking these "drugs" if you told them because it seems you are harming your mind. Since people aren't going to understand without hours of explanation and practice, I usually don't bother talking about those things and introduce more introductory topics to see if they are interested like states of consciousness and meditation, open mindedness, insight, which they might have some reference point for.

Of course you can't just say one word to explain those things if people don't know anything about those topics. You can explain what is involved with those things and experiences you have with them and why you find them interesting and why they sound lame but have more to them than you might think. Metaphors help.

@Yimpa Thanks, I saw your message from my phone before bed but I am not logged in there. It was nice to hear. I found it hard to just feel into my emotions. I think I need to purposely bring up emotions I am suppressing like anger, loneliness, anxiety, shame, guilt. I know I suppress these because I barely ever feel them haha. That might work better then just sitting there trying to feel however I feel. I can try that today while massaging my feet and getting those fixed up a bit. I worked out for 10 minutes this morning. I am really out of shape compared to when I was exercising a bit every day doing pushups pull ups lunges at home.

As I am writing this, I plugged around 25mg of 5MEO DMT 1hr 22 min ago. I wanted to take some time to write down some things that I noticed and share with anyone that is interested. There is a lot of avoidance of looking at things wrong with my health and taking it seriously. My heart does a double beat very often, my feet hurt after 5 min of wearing steel toed boots which is a requirement at work but I don't wear them and people are turning a blind eye to it. My sleep is not great, I haven't been giving myself time to feel into my emotions and destress. I really need to take 2 hours a day feeling into my emotions to destress and get my heart working properly. I need to exercise more too. Both those should help sleep. I can probably fix my feet by massaging them every day and doing exercises for the foot muscles. I noticed that I really have a strong desire to help people. I noticed Leo has that desire too. I noticed people I spent time with recently really desired to have someone take an interest in them and be curious about them. I noticed there are many things my girlfriend brought up but I avoided communicating about and getting into. I noticed I have a lot of curiosity about things but am afraid to ask people questions to find out. I really should find ways to help out more at work, ask more questions and express my curiosity there. What is important seems to be to find a way to help other people as much as possible. Time and energy I spend on things that feel good but that aren't helping anyone seems like a trap I would like to avoid. To anyone reading this I wish you the best. I am going to feel into my emotions for 2 hours then go to bed.

Ahh I keep hearing what awakening is then forgetting the answer to what it is. Thanks for explaining it to me again. I guess to associate or disassociate with something you would need to assume you are a thing which is not ultimately true. Even though there may not be a step by step process of awakening, I still am drawn towards associating with all parts of experience because it seems to be better than disassociating. I guess that duality can be seen through by going more meta to see what is going on there.