Riley H

There's power in simply ignoring trolls. If you block and ignore them, they don't really exist in your world. Or, as long as you don't engage with them directly, you can use their comments in your own content to mock them and use it as a springboard to a topic for your content, i.e., "Here's a typical troll who doesn't get that... etc."

It may also be that you've outgrown your former goals in some sense, and need to find your way to new ones that naturally trigger that burning desire again.

Amen.

My first experience with high-dose 5-meo was very similar to what @Breakingthewall described. It launched me instantly into an absolute void space, where I realized the one infinite consciousness that had been dreaming the world into existence. I then had the option (or seemed to) to stay there, or "speak" the world back into existence, which I ultimately did, knowing I'd return (and never really leave), affirming all of existence as the building blocks of the universe reestablished "reality." That was the subjective experience, anyway. Subsequent experiences were never as intense, but for a while I could sort of tap into that state a little by focusing on remembering it. The experience, though temporary, gave me the motivation to focus on remembering that reality in my daily life, though that's a whole other bag of worms. But very valuable for that, and it still motivates me for insight practices. It also helped me finally understand the Tibetan Book of the Dead a little bit haha I will say, I had an acquaintance who did it in the same ritual context as me (we each blasted off one at a time), and she had a similar experience, but it severely disturbed her. I saw her months later she still had a sort of deer in headlights look, and kept talking about the experience like an object of abstract supernatural horror. Another dude had the experience and thought he (i.e., his ego as opposed to his fundamental being) was the ultimate consciousness, and got totally inflated and a pain to be around. So even though the experience can be fairly universal, individual's responses to it can really vary.

I agree with making sure to have a rest/integration day following the trip, and to do it relatively rarely. One other fundamental for recovery is taking 5-htp and hydrating like crazy.

These are great, thanks for sharing these!

What's your soul?

I've found psychedelics can be excellent for temporarily seeing outside your current frame, and also revealing where the big blocks are underneath the "issues" you may be consciously aware of, since they disrupt psychic censorship and mental patterns. That can sometimes be enough to heal through acceptance and recognition, or at least give a starting place for more focused sober approaches. I've found that without some help from the "psychic x-rays" I got from psychedelics, my sober approaches like journaling often centered on wrong assumptions, and as a result, often went in circles. As far as enlightenment - and of course, depending on how you define it - I've found that even total mystical union experiences brought on by psychedelics still have the traps of duality, since as infinite as they seem, they still come and go, and it's easy to get attached to them. Still, my first glimpse of non-dual perception (I've only had glimpses) came all of a sudden in a super intense ayahuasca ceremony, so who really knows... There's lots of potential in them, but no guarantees.

I've found LSD to be particularly receptive to ceremonial magic. Even just the fundamentals, like a banishing ritual can help as it comes on, since I've found the challenge is not so much getting to the higher planes (people rightly say to simply allow that part), but actively distancing the potential psychoanalytic/visionary "stuff" that can come unbidden and rock you or keep you distracted in byways of the experience.

Name: Riley Holland Age: 39 Gender: Male Location: Portland, OR Occupation: Entrepreneur Marital Status: Single Kids: No Hobbies: Literature, meditation, playing guitar, playing bass in my band, boxing, writing, marketing I originally got into personal development to deal with the massive anxiety and depression I struggled with as a young man, but also out of a natural fascination with the mind and pushing its limits that I had since I was a kid, too. That search became the focus of my life for a long time, and I ended up having plenty of challenges, but also successes. With all that, I feel like I’ve reached a bit of a plateau in the last couple years. I completed what felt like my major stuff that was plaguing me, and the themes that defined the first half of my life feel more or less “wrapped up.” I’ve been happy to be able to use that experience positively to help others, but I’ve been mostly in teacher mode the last couple years, focusing on helping other people, and neglecting my own further development a bit. Lately, I’ve been feeling the irresistible itch to go further with my own inner work, to see it fresh again, and expand into my “frontier” goals. What I’ve overcome: Overcame severe stage fright and fear of public speaking. Gradually broke through teaching college classes in my early twenties as part of a grad assistant program. That one almost derailed me. Got past intense social anxiety, which was a big problem for a long time. Became secure and eliminating anxiety around feeling physical vulnerability by exploring and getting basic competency in martial arts Found the ideal diet for me, and sticking with it, and staying fit Successfully navigated (i.e., survived) two prolonged “dark night of the soul” eras of my life Healed much of my family relationships and many of my patterns with romantic relationship Satisfied my hunger for high-intensity psychedelic experiences, including in ritual contexts (Daime, NAC), and experimented with many forms of energetic/mind-body healing, finding what worked best for me Trained, learned, and taught a deep form of bioenergetic bodywork that put me in touch with the deeper “kundalini” energies in my body, and gradually but ultimately resolved my anxiety, depression and deep chronic tensions Created and am running my own business based on teaching my own presentation of all I learned throughout my process of personal development, which certainly feels like my life’s purpose What I’m working on now: Non-duality Insight meditation Exploring concentration practices more deeply Expanding and growing my business Overall, setting the tone for what other personal development themes will color the second half of my life Not dropping the ball on the basic, fundamental competencies of being a human I’m looking forward to immersing myself in this forum with a “beginner’s mind,” and interacting with what looks like a great community.