manuel bon

You have the PDF?

Today I meditated for 20 minutes, and it was not the most focused practice, but still, it was very relaxing, and I enjoyed it a lot. I am happy lately. I am eating healthy and exercising, practicing properly, and I'm having good days.

I decided to start a journal; I want to be motivated to do it, so I am publishing it here, intending to share things about myself, not only so I can keep track of multiple things, but also so you can get to know me. Here I will document everything I am involved with in my everyday life; I want to make the journal organized so it's easy to read for anyone who decides to open it and me. I will write about my spiritual journey, the search for my life purpose, new experiences, emotional healing and growth, my road towards financial freedom, my mental and physical health, and my relationship with the people around me in my life. I want to share interesting quotes, parts of books I like, or that resonate with me, and my ideas about whatever comes up in my mind that can be significant or not. How it will be organized: Every post will talk about a specific thing, and at the beginning, I will add a color that will represent a specific topic. Here I leave the list of topics with respective colors. 🔴 = Relationships, Family, Sexuality 🟠 = Mental & Physical Health, Emotions 🟡 = Money, Financial Freedom 🟢 = Spirituality 🔵 = Psychedelics 🟣 = Life Purpose, Career 🟤 = Quotes, Books, Websites ⚫ = About me, Goals, Ideas 🔘 = Contemplation I hope I was clear enough with the explanation. Thank you for reading and being present with me towards my growth, healing, and ultimately self-discovery!

Today I did my first session with a new psychologist. She's actually my meditation guide, but I discovered she is also a therapist, so I decided to meet her. In the last 3 years I had like 4 psychologists, and finally today was the first time I really felt like it was a good and helpful session. I'm happy I started this new journey, also I want to journal more, better and actually let myself grow. I just finished a 20 minutes meditation, and it was very relaxing. I did a body scan visualization, and after that I was counting my breathing. Today I was pretty physically tired, I didn't sleep much, so I drank some coffee. After this meditation, I actually feel lighter, with less physical tension, and better in general.

Damn nice friend, I also want haha

I meditated for 20 minutes; my mind was very active, but still, I managed to simply observe it and my body, which was hurting at some moments. I also played 2 hours of guitar, I'm pretty satisfied, even though I recognize that my hands and forearms are not in the best shape today. But still, I'm pretty okay with how I studied. Maybe towards the end I was not so focused, but it's okay.

🟢 Meditation I haven't meditated for some days now. I am feeling low, depressed, and pretty empty. I watched Leo's video titled How to fall in love with life. It's a great video, even though often it focuses too much on falling in love with consciousness, which is too deep and developed as a topic. At the beginning he says that it's important to have awakenings into the nature of reality to love consciousness, but I don't think this will really help my human life situation. But the rest of the video was really great, motivational, and inspiring. I want to live a fulfilled and meaningful life, I want to get better and be proactive!

i came back to NL, I was strong and motivated. I went to the gym and had a great session. The day after I got sick. I was so sick for a whole week, I had 39°C fever, now I'm okay, but I am not normal 100%. This year I have been sick many times, I don't know what's up with my body, for sure it's psychological. I can't wait to feel normal again. When you are not okay physically, when some sickness really puts you on your knees, only then you can see how valuable real normal health is.

I am not feeling great right now. I am back in the Netherlands, and I'm back to the old relationship "problems". Every time my girlfriend and I are apart for some time, when we meet again she feels weird. She knows we are in a relationship, why she likes me and why we are together, but somehow feels like I'm a stranger. This feeling lasts for a couple of hours, or one day, then it fades away and it passes. I always support her with everything and try to give her a lot of space, but she feels like she becomes trapped in a cage, where she doesn't have space to organize the way she wants, eat the way and what she wants, and more. We talked a lot about everything, and it looks like it is in her mind, since I always let her do whatever she wants. She is Spanish and I'm Italian, we live in the Netherlands, I will have to go back to Italy after my Master to help my mom with my dad, and she wants to work in an orchestra. Since it's very difficult to win a place in orchestras, it's very probable for us to be in a long distance relationship in the future, or even not be able to be together, since we wouldn't know when we can be together. I am more grounded and live in the moment, and try to think of what we have now, not of what we will not have in the future. But she is very paranoid, anxious, and overthinks a lot. This aspect is present in many aspects in our relationship, also when it comes to sex. I am not going into detail because it's very personal for her; for me it's important to have a healthy sexual relationship, it's important to simply have one. I feel like I try to adjust myself more in this relationship, and I am the one who thinks more about the other's wellbeing and safety. I am not saying that she doesn't do it, but she's kind of complicated and sometimes childish for some things. I accept her the way she is, and I want her to feel good. What I am tired of, is feeling like I am the one who always has something to teach, or to take care of her.

@Leo Gura what do you think of Eckhart Tolle's teachings?

I'm happy I'll go back to the Netherlands tomorrow, cause I'll finally live with my girlfriend. We will be sharing an apartment with another Spanish girl. I feel this is a great new beginning for us! I miss her.

Yesterday, dad was very good, he was normal mentally speaking. I was happy and surprised. But then in the night something changed, and he became again the same old disabled person, and he disturbed everybody's sleep. I felt bad for my mom who has to sleep with him always (for emotional reasons - not only for him, but also for herself -, but also for safety reasons - if he stands up in the night he might fall or hurt himself), but still, when he acts like yesterday night, everyone wakes up cause he makes a lot of noise. I didn't sleep much, but I feel rested, probably it's because of meditating (which is great).

🟢 Meditation Today I did around 35 minutes of guided Prana Darshan meditation. It was nice, but I didn't love it. As I said yesterday, I have preferred simple body scans until now. It gives me more physical relaxation, and I feel like it's a deeper meditation.

I am a classical musician, and also for me it's pretty boring sometimes. Classical music is generally for the 'elite', and it's very uncommon that someone who's not a musician really appreciates it. It very sophisticated, and most of the time you need to be understand it to be able to really appreciate it (and to understand it you need to be a musician, or at least you should know some theory). Even if I think that it's often boring, I also have to say that there are many classical pieces which are so great and deeply touching that go emotional beyond any other music genre.

How to do it? I'm usually not angry, but when I am, I see that I have lots of suppressed anger ready to come out. If I tell myself to calm down I suppress this emotion. I'm learning to be mindful and present with anger, but still when I'm angry I become like an animal, explosive and violent. I need help.

I've been drinking lots of water and doing exercise daily. When I go back to the Netherlands I will start going to the gym with my girlfriend. I'm motivated! The key is keeping these practices also when feeling down.

Dad was very good yesterday, and looks like today is gonna be a good day. Yesterday in the evening, it almost looked like my real dad came back. That's great, it would be amazing if he'd have these moments more often.

I am happy. I am meditating every day again, and I really feel the effects through the day(s). I want to keep this practice and slowly build it up and do more spiritual practices (like holotropic breath, and more). I want to improve with my daily mindfulness, and stick better to the exercises from Eckart Tolle.

🟢 Meditation Today I meditated for 30 minutes. I did a guided Soha Ajapa Japa. It was the first time, and I liked it, but nothing special. So far I prefer the simplest meditation, the Kayotsarg. Simple body scan and focus on the body. Maybe I say like that because in this one I can let my mind wander more, and the others I need to focus more. For now, I am going through a list of guided meditations, which I will end mid next week. Then i will choose the one I prefer the most and stick to it.

@Ulax thank you! all the best to you too!

Damn, which strain?

It records the conversation

@Letho thank you for sharing your story yes, if you want to share your insights please do! thank you so much!!

When you're dead your family suffers, but you don't. It's easy to not get personified with an irrelevant character (or their family) that dies in a book or movie. Rape is more intimate, it's also a psychological kind of abuse, and even if it's an irrelevant character you still feel them cause it's so deep. I would prefer to be killed than being raped (I know it's selfish to some extent, but still).

Today I did 20 (out of the 30) minutes of Chakra Suddhi meditation. I really didn't like it. I was distracted, and I thought about how silly this guided meditation was. I am aware of the fast that meditation should be about letting go, accepting the present moment, but since I am not the most experienced meditator, it was difficult not to judge, and be able to focus, or not overthink the ridiculous meditation. If I have more space alone today I will do another one.