manuel bon

🟠 How am I feeling today? I am not feeling good. I'm not doing well. I don't know what is going on with me. It's probably just more than the transition to the Netherlands. I am emotionally stuck. I cannot cry. I don't really feel sad. I would like to feel sad so I could take out my emotions so I could cry. It's really tough. I am not motivated to do any of my things, to practice my guitar, to study for the craniosacral therapy for the course, do a meditation, do anything. Fortunately, I'm not weak physically anymore, but still, I am not happy at all. And what I want is not even to be happy. It's just just not to feel the way I feel. I know I should allow myself to feel whatever I feel. I know that whatever I feel is okay. But I am not happy about this state because I am not really feeling something. I'm not actually feeling something. That is the main problem. I can allow myself to feel, but I just feel empty. And if I let myself feel this emptiness, then how can I work on myself or on my emotions? I don't know. I think it's just pretty difficult.

🟢 GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - Problem Solving (tape 2) 10/10/2024 20:17 DAY 21 I did the second track and it was not the best experience. I didn't prepare a question to ask myself, to awareness, to get a result or an answer. I did manage to do something that could be similar to Focus 12 but I don't know, it was probably not that. I should keep doing the first track as long as I need to fully learn to enter this state and yesterday I didn't do the Gateway experience. I am a little bit disappointed. But I will try to keep it up from tomorrow on. I will keep doing only the first track and maybe go back to the first wave to deepen the Focus 10.

Beautiful! I've never seen it in person, but I've seen many pics and videos about it

🟢 GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - Intro to Focus 12 08/10/2024 12:40 DAY 20 So, today I redid the first tape of the second wave. This time was way better, I went way deeper, and I did feel greater levels of consciousness. I didn't have full-blown external body sensations, but still, I felt like I was growing. Probably I could go deeper, somehow, but I felt like I could do everything that the man was guiding me to do. This means that I went to focus 12 the first time, and I went back to focus 10, and then I went to focus 12 again. In my opinion, the first time that I have to go to focus 12, I have to stay there for too short a time, and the second time is longer. But the fact that I have to go back to focus 10 is not the most comfortable thing ever. So my idea is, I can continue with the second track, with the second tape of the second wave, and then see how is there. Usually, in these exercises, they don't ask for more tapes to go back and forth from one focus to the other.

🟠 How am I feeling today? Today I am somehow feeling better, both physically and mentally. I didn't follow the schedule that ChatGPT gave me, but more or less. I appreciate the advice of doing small micro-meditations just to keep up with the practice and don't stress too much over it. I didn't do a lot of stretching, but I am planning to do it today. I did practice one hour of guitar, and I also did the Gateway experience, which I will report about later. I uploaded some videos on YouTube about the binaural beats. So I can say that I was pretty productive, but still, I didn't stress too much about it. Now I will go have lunch. I feel like I need some space from things in general in my life. And also I have to just give myself time to settle. Maybe I stress myself too much. With my girlfriend, we will start an LSD study, probably. Tomorrow we have a meeting with the crew, and we will see what the study is really about and if we are really eligible. We will receive 50 micrograms each, and I think it can be a really interesting and good experience for a couple.

You can just drag the file

I'm grateful for: Feeling better today Having not too cold weather My mom feeling better Having the opportunity to take part of an LSD study

🟣YouTube Channel: A week ago I opened a YT channel with binaural beats, and soon I will start recording and publishing guided meditations. I want to create a multi-part series of guided meditations with calming sounds and frequencies that can help to achieve higher states of consciousness and even OBEs. If you want to check out the channel: https://www.youtube.com/@BinauralBeatsMeditations/videos

⚫ About the last post: To GPT I then replied: Can you please make me a schedule for the next days, where I can practice guitar (maybe even 2 hours spread through the day), study 45min-1h of craniosacral, and rest for meditation, stretching, painting, eating, taking care of myself, etc? Help me to achieve what you said in the previous message. GPT replies: Here’s a schedule that balances practice, study, rest, and self-care, while allowing space for flexibility and downtime. The idea is to create a rhythm that encourages gentle progress without overwhelming you: Daily Schedule (You usually wake up around 8:30 AM, so I’ll base the schedule around that.) **8:30 AM – 9:00 AM: Morning Routine & Stretch** - Wake up slowly, drink water, and do a gentle 10-minute stretch. - Set an intention for the day, focusing on balance and ease. **9:00 AM – 9:30 AM: Breakfast & Self-Care** - Eat something nourishing and light. - Take some time to breathe deeply or listen to music that calms you. **9:30 AM – 10:00 AM: Meditation** - A short meditation (10–15 minutes) to center yourself. This could be a breathing practice or a body scan. **10:00 AM – 11:00 AM: Guitar Practice (First Session)** - Focus on technical exercises, scales, or specific pieces. Keep it relaxed and enjoy the music. **11:00 AM – 11:45 AM: Gateway Experience** - Enter your session with an open mind, focusing on allowing deep relaxation without pressure. **11:45 AM – 12:30 PM: Craniosacral Study** - Spend about 45 minutes to an hour on your study. Break it down into small sections to avoid overwhelm. **12:30 PM – 1:30 PM: Lunch & Rest** - Prepare a light, healthy lunch. Sit and eat mindfully, away from screens. Take a short walk if you feel like it afterward. **1:30 PM – 2:00 PM: Rest or Creative Time (Painting, Relaxing)** - Allow yourself some creative expression (painting or drawing). If you’re feeling tired, you can also rest or do a mindfulness activity. **2:00 PM – 3:00 PM: Guitar Practice (Second Session)** - Practice pieces or new repertoire. You could also work on improvisation or play through something for enjoyment. **3:00 PM – 3:30 PM: Break** - Get up, stretch, or take some time outside. Maybe grab a snack and drink some water. **3:30 PM – 4:00 PM: Stretching & Movement** - A gentle yoga flow or stretching routine to release any tension in your body. **4:00 PM – 4:45 PM: Meditation / Reflection** - Choose a longer meditation (20–30 minutes) or spend time journaling about how you’re feeling, or both. If the meditation feels hard, try a body scan to stay grounded. **4:45 PM – 6:00 PM: Free Time & Light Activity** - This is flexible time for whatever you need. You could continue painting, take a walk, or even rest if you’re feeling low on energy. **6:00 PM – 7:00 PM: Dinner & Relaxation** - A healthy, balanced dinner. Maybe listen to calming music while you eat, or have a conversation with someone close to you. **7:00 PM – 8:00 PM: Wind Down (No screens)** - This could be a time for reading, more painting, or simply sitting in silence. **8:00 PM – 8:30 PM: Gentle Meditation** - A short, restful meditation or body scan before bed. **8:30 PM – Bedtime: Unwind for Sleep** - Spend the remaining time in calm, screen-free activities. You could dim the lights, read, or listen to soothing music. --- This schedule gives you space to practice, study, and take care of yourself, with moments for rest and reflection throughout the day. You can adjust it as needed depending on your energy levels, but this should help you find balance between effort and relaxation. MY OPINION: I believe that AI is a great tool, and I am happy that I started to implement it in my life. Hopefully, in the next days I will feel better.

⚫ About the last post: I sent the last post to Chat GPT, and it replied: It sounds like you’re going through a period of transition and adjustment, both mentally and physically, which is understandable given your recent return to the Netherlands. This shift can be overwhelming, especially with the combination of responsibilities, the lingering effects of allergies, and the emotional weight you're carrying. It's okay to feel this way—sometimes life throws a lot at us, and it can be hard to know how to navigate it all. Here are a few thoughts that might help you move through this phase: 1. **Give Yourself Permission to Rest**: It sounds like you’re feeling a conflict between wanting to be productive and needing to rest. It's important to recognize that rest is not wasted time—it’s essential for recharging. Maybe instead of pushing yourself to be productive, you can dedicate a set time for rest and allow yourself to truly enjoy it, without the guilt of "I should be practicing." Try to embrace moments of doing nothing as intentional, rather than unintentional avoidance. 2. **Ground Yourself in Small Steps**: Instead of focusing on how much you're not doing, focus on doing small, manageable tasks each day. It could be something as simple as playing guitar for 15 minutes or doing a 5-minute meditation. Tiny accomplishments can build momentum and give you a sense of control. 3. **Reconnect with Meditation Gently**: You’re someone who loves meditation, and while it might feel hard to dive back into it, try not to put too much pressure on the experience. Even a short, gentle meditation—just focusing on your breath for a few minutes—could help calm your mind and emotions. It doesn’t need to be perfect. 4. **Tune into Your Emotions with Compassion**: It seems like you're in a state where your emotions are hard to grasp, which is common when we’re overwhelmed. Sometimes it helps to just sit with how you're feeling without trying to fix it. Journaling about your emotions can help you understand what you're going through without the need for immediate answers. 5. **Start with Nourishment**: You’ve mentioned that you’re eating healthy, and that's already a great foundation for self-care. Consider leaning into other forms of nourishment—maybe gentle stretching, drinking tea, or going for short walks. Physical well-being often supports mental well-being. Lastly, it's okay to take a step back. Sometimes the best thing we can do is allow ourselves space to simply *be*—without needing to achieve or understand everything right away. If you want, I can help you structure some ideas around a balance between rest and gentle progress during this time.

🟠 How am I feeling? I am feeling pretty weird lately, both emotionally and physically. I just came back to the Netherlands like two weeks ago, and it's been a strong shift, an energetical shift in my life. I need to study, I need to work, and I have been here for two weeks now, and I am still feeling pretty weak. I had strong allergies, and even though now I don't have fever, I am tired and weak. I am not practicing properly, I am not meditating properly, or at all. I am not taking care of myself a hundred percent. I am eating healthy, though. I am happy about that, even though sometimes I don't eat extremely good, but that is occasional, and that is fine. I am probably sad. I am probably scared. I don't really understand my emotional state, and I don't know how to help myself with this. I am tired of everything. I want to relax and detach, but I don't know how to do it fully. And maybe I should let myself relax and do nothing, but every day I wake up and I tell myself I need to practice. And maybe even though at the end of the day I know that I haven't been super productive, I also feel that I didn't relax, I just watch movies the whole day and eat. How can I relax? What should I do? I don't know how to do it. I don't know what's the best for me right now. I don't know how to take time for myself. I don't know what to do. It's tough.

I'm grateful for: Existence of movies Being strong enough not to smoke Having time for myself

🟢 GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - Intro to Focus 12 07/10/2024 19:43 DAY 19 I did again the first track of the second wave of the Gateway experience. I managed to relax fully and deeply. I made the track longer to have more time to relax. And it helped. When I have to go to Focus 12, I do feel changes inside of me. It's not extremely strong, though. The first time I had that experience, it was pretty intense. I really felt a duality. I was both my body and something else, something more. Now, I don't know if what I am feeling is what I am supposed to feel, or if it's just a deeper version of Focus 10., just simply more relaxation. However, I think that it could be also Focus 12. How can I know? I am not sure about it. I am not really happy or satisfied because I am not having great results. I may have done the Gateway experiment too late during the day. In the next days I will do exercises from the Focus 10 state, and also Focus 12.

I'm grateful for: Having time for myself Not working in the next few days Being able to relax Having great conversations with my gf

🟠 About the last days In the last few days, I didn't do the Gateway Experiment, I didn't meditate, write in my gratefulness journal, etc. I was working or doing other things, but that's not an excuse. I am not feeling great about not keeping these practices, but also it's not the end of the world. I want to forgive myself for not doing these things. Also, from tomorrow I want to start again properly.

🟢 GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - Intro to Focus 12 06/10/2024 19:00 DAY 18 Today I continued with the first tape of the second wave; Today was super relaxing, but I didn't fully feel an enhanced state of consciousness. That's maybe because I am tired, since I just ended working.

wtf this dude

I'm grateful for: Starting Teal Swan's Self-Love course Taking care of myself Having great online resources

I'm grateful for: AI that helps me a lot with many things Having a great gf Eating healthy Being able to practice properly

🟢 About the last post of: GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - WAVE 2, Intro to Focus 12 I decided to give myself more time in the middle of the tape. I don't want to pause the track to give myself time to go deeper cause that will only distract me. I will then modify the track and make the audio longer, so there's no rush, and I can fully relax, and then be able to move on.

🟢 GATEWAY EXPERIMENT - Intro to Focus 12 03/10/2024 16:30 DAY 17 So I'm writing about my experience with the first track of the second wave; I am writing about today and yesterday. Yesterday I didn't have a lot of time actually and I did it in the evening right before sleep, but I was not getting great results. So I think by the three-quarters of the tape I decided to stop it and sleep. But today I did it in the afternoon so it was way more effective than yesterday. Unfortunately, when the guide tells me to go to Focus 12 I cannot do it. He says it two times. The first time you have to go to Focus 12 and then go back to Focus 10. Second time you have to go to Focus 12 and stay there and explore. Only at the moment that he says to go back to Focus 10 the second time I managed to go deeper. The problem is that I don't think I felt anything that goes beyond my body. My question is, should I go back to the first wave, deepen my levels of Focus 10 or should I just keep doing this track until I get good results? The first time I did this track I got good results. But maybe because it was new and I was excited about it. I want to have the best results possible but I am scared that if I don't manage to arrive to Focus 10 deeply before he tells me to arrive to Focus 12 I will not be able to continue properly in the future.

I wouldn't call that mysticism... The use of psychedelics isn't necessarily mystic

I'm grateful for: Keeping up with my meditation practice Stopping to smoke weed Being strong enough not to smoke again, despite all the occasions I get

I'm grateful for: Feeling better Having a good open communication with my gf Starting to practice guitar again properly Meeting new people

🟣 Guitar practice Since I came back to the Netherlands I haven't had so much energy to practice properly nor enough. A good amount of (professional) guitar practice should be around 4 hours a day, there are some people who do 8 hours, and who does less. I manage to learn things slowly, and that's because of my technical skills which are not the best. Every day I do at least 30 minutes of technique exercises, and then I practice what needed. Finally today I started practicing more. Until now (11.40 am) I practiced 1.5 hours, and I'm pretty satisfied with the quality. I won't go for the 4 hours because I'm not used to practice so long anymore, but I'm building it up. I would like to have at least one more hour of good practice today. I'm happy I got back in track!