manuel bon

Today I meditated for 20 minutes, and it was not the most focused practice, but still, it was very relaxing, and I enjoyed it a lot. I am happy lately. I am eating healthy and exercising, practicing properly, and I'm having good days.

Today I did my first session with a new psychologist. She's actually my meditation guide, but I discovered she is also a therapist, so I decided to meet her. In the last 3 years I had like 4 psychologists, and finally today was the first time I really felt like it was a good and helpful session. I'm happy I started this new journey, also I want to journal more, better and actually let myself grow. I just finished a 20 minutes meditation, and it was very relaxing. I did a body scan visualization, and after that I was counting my breathing. Today I was pretty physically tired, I didn't sleep much, so I drank some coffee. After this meditation, I actually feel lighter, with less physical tension, and better in general.

Damn nice friend, I also want haha

I meditated for 20 minutes; my mind was very active, but still, I managed to simply observe it and my body, which was hurting at some moments. I also played 2 hours of guitar, I'm pretty satisfied, even though I recognize that my hands and forearms are not in the best shape today. But still, I'm pretty okay with how I studied. Maybe towards the end I was not so focused, but it's okay.

🟢 Meditation I haven't meditated for some days now. I am feeling low, depressed, and pretty empty. I watched Leo's video titled How to fall in love with life. It's a great video, even though often it focuses too much on falling in love with consciousness, which is too deep and developed as a topic. At the beginning he says that it's important to have awakenings into the nature of reality to love consciousness, but I don't think this will really help my human life situation. But the rest of the video was really great, motivational, and inspiring. I want to live a fulfilled and meaningful life, I want to get better and be proactive!

i came back to NL, I was strong and motivated. I went to the gym and had a great session. The day after I got sick. I was so sick for a whole week, I had 39°C fever, now I'm okay, but I am not normal 100%. This year I have been sick many times, I don't know what's up with my body, for sure it's psychological. I can't wait to feel normal again. When you are not okay physically, when some sickness really puts you on your knees, only then you can see how valuable real normal health is.

I am not feeling great right now. I am back in the Netherlands, and I'm back to the old relationship "problems". Every time my girlfriend and I are apart for some time, when we meet again she feels weird. She knows we are in a relationship, why she likes me and why we are together, but somehow feels like I'm a stranger. This feeling lasts for a couple of hours, or one day, then it fades away and it passes. I always support her with everything and try to give her a lot of space, but she feels like she becomes trapped in a cage, where she doesn't have space to organize the way she wants, eat the way and what she wants, and more. We talked a lot about everything, and it looks like it is in her mind, since I always let her do whatever she wants. She is Spanish and I'm Italian, we live in the Netherlands, I will have to go back to Italy after my Master to help my mom with my dad, and she wants to work in an orchestra. Since it's very difficult to win a place in orchestras, it's very probable for us to be in a long distance relationship in the future, or even not be able to be together, since we wouldn't know when we can be together. I am more grounded and live in the moment, and try to think of what we have now, not of what we will not have in the future. But she is very paranoid, anxious, and overthinks a lot. This aspect is present in many aspects in our relationship, also when it comes to sex. I am not going into detail because it's very personal for her; for me it's important to have a healthy sexual relationship, it's important to simply have one. I feel like I try to adjust myself more in this relationship, and I am the one who thinks more about the other's wellbeing and safety. I am not saying that she doesn't do it, but she's kind of complicated and sometimes childish for some things. I accept her the way she is, and I want her to feel good. What I am tired of, is feeling like I am the one who always has something to teach, or to take care of her.

@Leo Gura what do you think of Eckhart Tolle's teachings?

I'm happy I'll go back to the Netherlands tomorrow, cause I'll finally live with my girlfriend. We will be sharing an apartment with another Spanish girl. I feel this is a great new beginning for us! I miss her.

Yesterday, dad was very good, he was normal mentally speaking. I was happy and surprised. But then in the night something changed, and he became again the same old disabled person, and he disturbed everybody's sleep. I felt bad for my mom who has to sleep with him always (for emotional reasons - not only for him, but also for herself -, but also for safety reasons - if he stands up in the night he might fall or hurt himself), but still, when he acts like yesterday night, everyone wakes up cause he makes a lot of noise. I didn't sleep much, but I feel rested, probably it's because of meditating (which is great).

🟢 Meditation Today I did around 35 minutes of guided Prana Darshan meditation. It was nice, but I didn't love it. As I said yesterday, I have preferred simple body scans until now. It gives me more physical relaxation, and I feel like it's a deeper meditation.

I am a classical musician, and also for me it's pretty boring sometimes. Classical music is generally for the 'elite', and it's very uncommon that someone who's not a musician really appreciates it. It very sophisticated, and most of the time you need to be understand it to be able to really appreciate it (and to understand it you need to be a musician, or at least you should know some theory). Even if I think that it's often boring, I also have to say that there are many classical pieces which are so great and deeply touching that go emotional beyond any other music genre.

I've been drinking lots of water and doing exercise daily. When I go back to the Netherlands I will start going to the gym with my girlfriend. I'm motivated! The key is keeping these practices also when feeling down.

Dad was very good yesterday, and looks like today is gonna be a good day. Yesterday in the evening, it almost looked like my real dad came back. That's great, it would be amazing if he'd have these moments more often.

I am happy. I am meditating every day again, and I really feel the effects through the day(s). I want to keep this practice and slowly build it up and do more spiritual practices (like holotropic breath, and more). I want to improve with my daily mindfulness, and stick better to the exercises from Eckart Tolle.