RoyalFool

Try as we might to dull our teeth and dig out our horns… we are loved even if we must change.

Hello, im not sure what ill title this, perhaps ill get there as I move along this piece… I’ve been writing two books, one fiction one nonfiction, I figured it would be good to explore those two basic categories of ideas. As I get older I return to my knowledge as a child, that real and unreal are not so distinct— or rather their distinction is often different than is connoted socially. I’m tired and lost, currently, had a bit to drink of wine and coffee, I often find myself in a meaningless daze… it isn't so bad. I’m not terribly reliant on substances… I don’t know. I never really feel good enough. So many mistakes, even if they are little, they take up so much space within me. Faults and flaws, the bigger I get the more evenly I feel split between light and darkness. Am I writing to Leo or to someone on this site? I don’t know, I don’t think so. Why am I typing this out at all. I took a walk earlier today, I find the sky to judge me, an overbearing weight and terror, curl up on the ground, danger… illogical. How would that help me. I keep walking, I always do. The voice that tells me ill pass out or drop dead while crossing the street is once again wrong. Why do I feel these stupid fucking illusions. I wander on a path throughout my city, one of several ill tend to go down, until some panic overtakes me and my goal switches to get home. I don’t want to be so neurotic, the anxiety can be crippling, purposeless drudgery of existence. I don’t feel fun very often, I don’t like people very much… I wish I did. I wish I wasn’t an autistic mess with angry thoughts and painful memories. I wish my parents had looked at me more as a child, judged me less, did better as people. Loved themselves more… What is the point? I feel there isnt one, I don’t want to set one either. For many years I wished I ceased to exist, for a few years I have stopped wanting that, I accept life more easily today. I am not in as much pain. I don’t want to feel alone. I look into another’s eyes and I feel more alone than when I am. It isnt fair, or is it. I don’t know. I beg a god I don’t believe in to grant me powers or gifts I know arent coming. Which god? The source? Allah? That which is not formless all isness? Dammit Leo how are you doing it, persisting in the dissolution and seeming strong… maybe you get to live the life you want. I don’t , I want to. I beg for life to change and to be able to feel pleasure, to not drown in meaningless boredom and monotonous drivel in a world I wish would burn. Ring around again, again, I don’t know where im going. Darling please comfort a friend, I might not be, come morning. Ah. Ranting. Venting on the internet to nobody but my reflection. I know I don’t read other peoples shit, why would they read mine. People arent that interesting, im not that special, patterned repetitions of existence, an ego thinking its all that… We speak and speak and nothing new seems to emerge, a dull loop of reality we grow comfortable with and forget we’re repeating. Is there karma im burning up, preventing me from living life the way I want to? Need I manifest it kween with greater dedication? I don’t want to feel like I’m in a cage anymore. My mind and thoughts this body these people! It could be worse. It can be better. How… I can’t afford it. I don’t want to work for those people. I can’t support these systems… man… I don’t know how people do it. I learned I wont disappear when I die and that keeps me going, don’t want to live or die, just am; being. No one else really helps, I’ve never encountered altruism unless it earns them something. I daydream in cartoonish fantasy depictions of a world I wish this was. I scream out rambles and say nothing much. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. At least I can speech. I’m still sane, have my words and education, isnt knowledge within illusion so great! WHAT IS THE POINT OF GROWTH WITHIN SAMSARA!… I don’t know… I got to vent a little. I don’t want to feel so alone. I don’t want to be poor or recover from shitty fuck fucked up shit that fucked me up fuck shit fuck. Ahem… anyways. I miss what hope felt like, purpose. I go on just to go, I don’t feel any other choice. Death will one day take me, I pursue health and greatness to the best of my ability, constant improvement, always forward, more, better, keep going… please let me have power and meaning. I want this world to change and I want to be content and comfortable. Goodnight, take care. D

@Harsh Bagdia You cared enough to answer… your posturing is cute. Good luck lol

That which is left unconscious, wants to be seen, until you fully look at yourself, you will encounter it within the world as “other”. There are demons, dragons, narcissisms and unpleasant shadow attributes behind/beneath awareness, under the mask you claim as “me, I, self” These attributes appear externally, but can only be solved within. It is a complex issue, and im sorry if I explained it poorly. The seed of narcissism was planted inside, and it grows into an experience. People continue to let these seeds grow, and wonder why their life is how it is. Even when one experience is removed, the roots may remain and grow again. The pattern continues again.

I am an anti majoritarian. ? Democracy is tyranny of the masses, corruption run rampant and the most heinous system in our current time. It is the creation of shadow dictators who ensure the masses eat themselves alive in stupidity and self harm, while their hands remain “clean”; a plebeian eradication campaign left to our own devices. Modern western ideals are wholly mislead and corrosive upon the world, freedom beyond ones means is a death sentence, how free should a child or idiot be? Voting? What are we eight? Most people should be incapable of having power than extends beyond the personal, their opinions and decisions should not be allowed to effect anyone else. Equality cannot exist, that would negate rationality and measure, growth and gain. Equality is a narcissistic fairy tale given by predatory grooming propaganda, every talking point of democratic value is indoctrination without logical coherence, we forget, we forget, we forget. There is no compassion or intelligence backing democracy, your belief in it is built on sand and you are simply too lazy to clean, knowledge would separate you from the herd, thus you conform. Your beliefs are grooming via predation, religious, political, and otherwise. Nothing more. You do not truly know why you do as you do or why you believe what you believe, the masses are lost; dangerous. Perhaps 1% of the global population has the required competence for broad decision making, but that could easily be an overestimation. Our best hope for the future is for liberal monarchs to unite distinct kingdoms under one ideal of human prosperity. I’ll leave you with good ol Curt, cuz he knows his shit and talk/writes well. Ave, fellow prisoners. Curtis Yarvin, run USA like a startup

Mirror, mirror, show my soul, Opposition makes us whole. Shadow aspects not accepted, in the world they are reflected.

Parts work is good, recognizing we’re more like a united ecosystem/universe within a larger universe, fractal, than we are a singular entity, is very useful. We are many, we latch onto one of the more powerful archetypes running within us and claim it to be our ‘self’.

Even if this is read… your attention will waver, you will misunderstand points, and something deep within you will ensure no great change occurs; these are the traits of your people, you have lost the will to live so long ago you cannot even recall what it tastes like. Something in you will protest, as it often does, which says, “no you are mistaken! I clearly know, or am on the right track, my way has worked so far!”… You will continue to be mundane. Unchanging. Unlearned. An enemy to growth, love, and wisdom. You will continue to hurt yourself, hurt others, damage everything around you, and then your mind will cover it and you will go on without knowing. You will continue in your belief: To place your heart in lies. You are afraid to be alone, you might see what you are. You might see what I see. You will not make efforts to realize much of anything, and exist as an animal. Man meaning ‘mind’, woman meaning ‘womb and mind’. Only the intelligent are human, it says so in our very wording, as it was always known to mean. Those of our era are the dumbest there has ever been, for we are not slaughtered when proven inconvenient, we are allowed to live as wastes, to destroy any semblance of good in the world without consequence. To not know, when you could know, is Evil. Our laws promote evil and incompetence, the stupid are like cattle who may harm their kin, but cannot escape the fence to hurt the farmer. You were groomed to be a slave, believing you are free. You could always know. Your mistakes are your choice, this world is your decision. Look out upon the world, the good and bad, and know you are its creator. Discern: perception without judgment. Who are you to judge a thing in this world? You cannot even sense what you are, your boundaries are fuzzy, senses dull and deceptive, covering yourself with additional ‘skills’ like makeup and glamour; your core has remained as it always was, stagnant, infantile. A seed still dormant. You alter the body, which is not you. You alter the mind, which is not you. The soul is not you either, though more so than the former two. You are more like the mind than the body, more so still the soul, but in the end all things are only metaphors of truth. In the end there is no self at all, and all the world dissolves in this awareness. Your body, thoughts, and feelings are as real as what occurs within a story on a page or screen. You mistake the term ‘material’ for ‘real’. ‘It matters’ Important: Worth having. ‘I am’ becomes just am. Slowly, it may take trillions—yes that many, of lifetimes to realize the truth of it. Then even the am, the isness that permeates all experience, that too is realized to be nothing. This is, in fact, despite all appearances… What nothing looks like. Empty space, so many names. Only an appearance. Only lies. You only think in things, and thus can know nothing. For thoughts and knowledge have no thing in common, no amount of pointing at the moon will ever let you touch it. So too are all your thoughts, your perceived ‘doing’. You have only and ever after only been, you are. You do not exist, and no act is ever done. You experience a dream and in your ignorance attach to it, claim it to be real. Language tricks us, muddies up the world, reality is woven just as stories are. It wraps you up. You want it to be real and so it is, in relation to you. That first lie you believed is yourself. Once that lie is gone the rest of it all tumbles down into nothing, and you realize the error of it all. You stop looking at the screen and realize, “ah, this was never me. It was as though a dream, every character arising, and the one I claimed to be.” You are addicted to the game, no matter how much it hurts, you come back like a junkie. Life after life. The highs and lows, you get high on life, find love, wealth, happiness.. disease, loss, and death. You desire more than anything to be tormented.

There is no necessity, you are willfully trapped in childish views of material validity. Gods infinite intelligence can create stupidity, there is no impossibility. Unless that impossibility is wanted within infinity, as contradiction fine. Your energy is too dense, still speaking from a low level place, there’s a tone of “reality” to your words that lack that awakened quality of gnosis. You feel hurt and upset, stagnant and physical. Just dense. Curled up. Superficial understandings haven’t pierced your core beliefs, just talk without access to the way.

@aurum I would prefer not to die, not anymore, but ultimately it doesn’t matter, our way of life is meaningless and I know I’m infinite. Nothing has a real consequence except what we make of it, this is a game, if it isn’t fun, break it and die. You’ll just go to another one, well, that “you” was an illusion to begin with… but you get my point. yes I get the contradiction of all is real/none is real, that’s why it’s a game. I get to play how I feel like it, rules are just suggestions, shan’t break them just to do so, only when the want arises. my body and mind mean less than my soul, I will sacrifice the finite for the infinite, I know what I am. if you don’t see this is a stage, and truly believe in the world, what worth have your ideas to me? Already founded on sand. There’s cause and effect, duh, game has rules. Which can change if they want to. I’ll squirm and I’ll squirm, so silly. I’m just here to poke fun until you stop being attached. To anything. Kill. The. Self. Haha, illusions of such low craftsmanship are a bore to behold. At least make your lie of a life more fun! Give god a show!

@aurum The people never do anything, they’re always routed by a better. It will always be dictation, openly or covert. The mass mind is incapable of power or decision, all choices are made for them, even current powers are like this. Your will and belief are given to you by a higher up, and that is how it has always been and will be. Even now the unconscious leads your life, the little self isn’t real. also, I’m not providing solutions really, not that interested yet. Counter cultural catalyst at your service, I just want things to break so I can play with the pieces and think. im not wholly destructive, but this topic was meant to be that. A philosopher king is the best we can have so far, or philosopher kings under an emperor, far superior to democracy. People ought know their place, value should be accurately measured.

I don’t like considering sources really, one of them intuitive “a dream told me” kind of guys. I’m sure i’ve been inspired by other shit, I just don’t really care to remember where from lol. I am that is, sources emerge only within me, even if apparently external, it’s only appearance. I alone am. And so are you. Sorry for being vague or delusional, comes with the territory some days. Also I have a head cold currently and I had a manic fever dream while creating this original topic. Not to say I don’t fully support what I said, just cut me some slack on perfect wording and tact.

@zurew I am attacking humanity itself through democracy, currently, it’s just one flaw im picking at. I find the human entity itself to be disgusting, with rare exception. I want to eradicate the state of “human”, not in a kill them all way, but in a transcend that rubbish way. We’re such an out of date organism. Speaking foremost for myself, what filth and inconvenience there is within me, beauty too of course, balance in all things… but I know we can do much better, all of us. Individuals, groups, systems, so much waste and silliness. I just don’t believe in equality and a robotic monochrome view of the world, some people/entities/things aren't as important to me relatively, or you relatively, our governance relatively; or god, ultimately. A better world has an incorporated shadow, XYZ in their proper places, harmonious and so on. I try to relax and be conscious, grow up, be more like god. World improvement feels no different to me than tuning an instrument, sanding a beam of wood, creative enterprise. Fun little game.

@Ulax I appreciate this greatly and understand your points, my manner of speech is like poking a hornets nest to see if im allergic. My persona is unpleasant, and I enjoy setting fires. I am aware of the downfalls of this, and am juggling the complex irritants of my ego. Also, I have only vague inclinations of a superior system, I just know that democracy gets far too much positive light, undeserved in all regard. Without context or logical rigor, I know this is all just a game so I am able to play It without too much serious attachment. I like optimization and mystery, what if, how could. I post to feed an urge, I rationalize why I do things after, attempt to recognize patterns. I’m sure id like to be significant, egoically speaking, but ultimately im not convinced anything here is actually occurring. The world is a fictional drama we then label real in order to persist in it, as though it were real. I am also wracked with a trickster facade with contradictory ideas and devilish advocation, im unsure what I think, who I am, or what I or anyone else should do. I have no tradition, and perceive no authority. Curtis has a lot of content and was the figure who first inspired me to be more interested in monarchy, after years of disgust with western globalism and a consumer agenda haphazardly using “liberal democracy” to justify the dumbest shit. I would probably be most interested in revamping the education system, and raising the base level of our biological hardware/mental software organism to perceive more adequate truths. I find politics itself to be an annoyance at best, I enjoy classist society—built on precepts of adequate judgment and clear recognition of entities, a child is a different class of being than an adult, where that line ends is up for debate. There are far too many things to type out to fully express all views in a snapshot that would encapsulate them accurately, and I require more of a dialogue. I’m no authority either, I poke and jest to draw out greater knowledge. I will watch your link.

Democracy is breathing room between evolutionary systems, democracy is a pause, it has no progress and is an unviable system. It is tyranny by the masses, it destroys the individual. Democracy is anti progressive, anti individual. You only think you like it because you’re told to and you’re given a propaganda alternative of tyranny, every system we have is trash and democracy is one of the worst for its ability to spread power broadly. Almost no one should be allowed to vote or have power over another. a lot of people confuse freedom with democracy, having been brainwashed. I want actual sovereign freedom of the individual, balanced by competent restriction.

Your life and even your thoughts are run by someone else

I’ve been learning to enjoy the less pleasant aspects of life, there are ups and downs in the pattern, when I feel bad im usually growing in some way I don’t consciously understand. My desire to know and control life leads me to feel upset when she doesn't do what I want, but im learning to love her as she is, and watch her grow in her own way.

I could not find Ai topics within tech and non spiritual tabs here, so I figured I’d make one? I’m trying to find/learn to program an ai companion which can function— and I have no unrealistic expectations of this, as an extension of the “left hemisphere”; a second mind for material processing. I know fuckall about deep learning and machine learning, im trying to dive into it, a lot of what I see Ai being used for is art and fairly useless hype. Point me to/ help me code/figure out a deep learning Ai augment? Plz discuss or educate me or anything, trying to find a community to drop into for coding and ai assisted consciousness expansion.

Painting the Roses Red An obsession with fantasy and delusion guide much of human action, we seek to change the fruit or flower itself while avoiding the connected processes, the soil and root are too dirty and beneath us, we waste time and complain because we want to be inefficient, it is a dedicated lifestyle choice which alleviates perceived responsibility or blame, it is a short term strategy which allows failure to grow into a monster which you or another must one day face; debt is the lifestyle of a coward, the easy path to hell. You will realize that it is not individual occurrence but entire patterns of being which require total transformation, death and rebirth, in order to achieve the desired goal. You are not willing to die to yourself to achieve your goals, you will cheat, you will wimp out, you will choose the path to hell because you refuse to be good, and even your goals in themself will be revealed as wicked coping mechanisms. It was a conscious choice you chose and keep choosing, which sprawled into a pattern, one lie, one refusal of duty or using sickness to escape class. Your choices become you, life is fair. Your way will likely never work but you lack humility, it is you which must adapt to new ways. Take no joy in feeling good enough, be thankful you never can be. Never stop improving. Pride and self sufficience is delusion meant to sway the scales of right and wrong to not be judged by a standard “before God”, to make believe a grading system that always lands me as winner. It is your refusal to do what is best that prevents what is best from appearing, I believe bad luck to work in this unconscious way, it is moral virtue and courage which shines light on the unconscious. People would benefit from giving up their freedom for a time to a superior, follow orders from another who has good intention, as you yourself often don’t have good intentions, your thoughts often lie. After all, they’re yours. It is your pride that makes you slave to self as tyrant. You fail because there is more of you which wants to fail than is of you which wants success, no one wants to be told their illness or abuse is their creation, that the crumbling of their life is by their hand, but often it is just such the case; when I say often or generalize, it is in high likelihood I speak directly to you. It is your choice to be a victim. It is a state of being, not something experienced. You have white roses and you work for a tyrant, did she ask for red or white? She wants red now, and what she said before has long been forgotten by her, a spoiled predator of convenience. You work for a demon and are unfit to complain about potential beheading. Become someone noble, who works for the greater good, be honest and good, and don’t support those who are corrupt, especially if it’s part of you. Every choice you make matters. Do not value the favor of a corrupt kingdom, be rid of those connections entirely. The colorless and quick to kneel will keep on painting roses, your head isn’t worth so much. Smile at the guillotine and know that you are good “I didn’t choose for this to happen!” Sayeth the fool who knoweth not even WHOMST thou art! Toodles.

Alan Watts Rascal of a God I ascribe to all phenomena having purpose, any thing has reason to it, even if unknown. Many things are unconscious and guide people from the shadows, it is their reason which you seek to fulfill, and it is those guides which conflict with your will. When man gazes into the abyss he reclaims his left hand, the right can then gain purchase on his directed will. I have only known tyranny within chaos, but never order. That burgeoning light had to grow within me and infect the world, it was through perception of intense desire to not be that I found my core, center, the void of nirvana. This world is wrought of fools who twist chaos and claim it to be orderly, knowing not that god alone who rests behind their eyes, sees right unto the world. Light and dark, positive and negative, good and evil. All are good and bad only when one misunderstands, each act as pivots on a pendulum, leverage, forces. + and -, there is utility and reason for life and death. They require one another in their proper place, all that is, is perfect, though disorganized. We direct. Do not mistake the perceptions you held in younger age, nor the beliefs you now uphold, to be how things are. We all fall in that trap, “ah now I get it”. No.. we are never to “get it”, the point in itself is error That grasping for ledges and clarity, stumbling of mortals. We who rest easy in the void, liberated, free, sovereign. Then, now, later, right, wrong, neutral. These are the 10,000 things, there is no point, no reality in them. We watch the leaves racing down a river, attaching self unto a leaf of our choosing, we forget neither the leaf or I upon the shore exist. God alone is, knowledge and unfoldment within oneself. Even when you get it, the it will be elsewhere. Such is the transience of life. When the black, the white, halves of my mask are not in quarrel, there is a me behind the self which speaks as voice for god. surely this too is illusion, though closer to purity, he presses on the windowsill of formlessness, glaring through the clear glass. I was before the earth, so too shall I be after. This chaotic mess, a swirling whirl within the still pool of IS. When currents shift we too settle again into stillness. As tornado currents chase each other forming tendrils down to earth, so too do formless forces emerge as us. The yin and yang as lovers, each unique, all the same. We are lightning. We are the seas and sky. There is nought which is not I, and yet we contradict this within thought, for perfection may contradict, rules are that of children playing games. What is, is. We reason from that, reason does not create that. Though it too can, as chicken and egg beget one another, you see. To master the elements, to know God, self, the Is. This is the easiest way to be, the wise are most at rest. As rain does not choose to fall, so are the sages actions. In form we are formless, baffling the rest. If this is self promotion I am sorry, I’m doing my best. Be well.