Thank you, I will watch it and do my best to apply it. You are right, spirituality should dissolve suffering, not create more of it. Part of me still sees death as an end of experience, and it doesn't want that. Part of me wants there to be other experiences to follow, whatever they may be, with or without an ego. I am very, very far from the God-head realization as you call it.
Sometimes when I do walking meditation, I see very bright white light. It feels like a projection rather than something that I actually see, yet it feels like the most beautiful thing in the universe. It also terrifies me when I see it. Maybe that's what death is like.
Thank you for responding to my post.