LoneWonderer

Thank you for the advice. I will try it.

So yesterday I took 30mg Malt. I spent time looking at my hand until it became an unknown and merged with the background as everything became one whole union. Now here's the thing. Intellectually during and after the experience I think that this must be what Leo talks about, the onesness of everything, the illusion. However there is no insight into this being the true nature of reality. I could just as easily think I'm tripping balls and hallucinating. Note that obviously ego is still very much present as I'm able to think and observe and watch my "hand" melt into the background. How to arrive at the lightning strike insight moment? Honestly I've never had any real true insights on Malt or shrooms. I'm wondering if the intellect is getting in the way of knowing. During the experience I try to not think and just observe but still no insights arise. This weekend I'm upping my dose to 40mg which will be new territory for me.

It is the 1st of December and only one month left until the new year. A new year, a new you! Jk, Jk, but seriously though... What challenges are you taking on in the coming year? What areas do you hope to grow in? As for me I'm keeping it very simple for 2026. That said, life always seems to be full of surprises and we'll see what surprises are coming in 2026: Goal 1: Finish Leo's updated 50 books on his booklist Goal 2: Fix my finances (was my goal last year and never got around to it) + work hard and get promoted at my job. Goal 3: Keep exploring psychedelics. *Edit Goal 4: I'd like to give a serious shot to a consistent meditation practice. *Edit Goal 5: Continue outputting ever higher quality videos on my yt channel.

Thank you for sharing. I'll be keeping up with your posts on this forum, you seem like a solid individual I could learn a thing or two from.

Welcome

Deep stuff indeed

Let's be honest this is my ego jerk off space jajaja

Will I make this into a habit? Don't know never really bothered ever writing about my life so we'll see. 25, Lost and feel I've been lost my entire life. Around me every symbol of success and a life many would kill for. Adopted at 5 years old by the most loving and caring mother imaginable and accepted into a loving and caring extended family. Grew up travelling and living in exotic places and studying in elite private schools. After school spent 1000s of hours reading hundreds of books, watching 1000s of documentaries, listening to hundreds of podcasts on any and all topic imaginable. Society, psychology, philosophy, religion, history, science, cultures etc etc. Most people will never reach the levels of understanding of reality I've reached at 25 in their entire lives. Always I've been interested in understanding truth, what is this reality REALLY. Now at 25 I've moved and live in my dream country (New Zealand), working on a meaningful relatively well paid job in nature conservation, live in a big shared house next to the beach with lovely roomates, have a nice car. Yet I'm miserable. My life feels empty and always has. There is no love, no connection with others (I'm very introverted and have always struggled with human relationships), every day feels like I'm just going through the motions of existing. Nothing gives me wonder. There are things I could be doing to make my life better (learning dating skills, learning to stand up for myself, love myself, believe in my own self worth) but I'm tired. I don't want to keep trying right now (aware of how my thoughts and words create a reality in which I'm not improving myself). It will be up to me to change and better myself when and if I choose. Doesn't mean I haven't tried and succeeded and I know that if I keep trying I can achieve and improve anything and any part of my life that's lacking. I'm just not motivated to do so (yes, another excuse). Don't know how, or why I keep going. Some point I will do 5 meo dmt. This is what keeps me going. The thought that maybe, just maybe this can help respark wonder and love in my life. Yet everyone keeps telling to be prepared for when it dissapoints me. "Everyone" are just people who never bothered to study or try psychedelics in their lives and probably never will. The've just heard all of the horror stories and the narrative of "don't do drugs". If 5 meo or other psychedelics don't help I'll end it all. I can't take my existence anymore. I'm very much aware of how my thoughts build my reality so no feeling sorry for myself and the thoughts I'm having.

Gotta prioritize those walks if they make you happy! I love long walks in nature, my best creative work and thoughts come from this.

Good on ya Bryan lucky guy, she's definetly a keeper. They are a good match for each other.

Yeah bro, my brother had that waay before this was in the news. I introduced him to Chatgpt about a month after it was released back in 2023 and he spent a week in his room conviced the thing was sentient. I don't talk much to him, we're not close, he lives on the other side of the world, I'm pretty sure he's over it now.

I watched her speech after her husband's death and it was pure ego acting out, happy to have the spotlight.

The other day I had to say NO big time to someone's behavior in my close inner circle. It worked, but it didn't feel good or empowering, I just felt the other person's sadness because offence was taken to my standing up for myself and caught them by surprise. We both talked it out and it was resolved. In the past an egoic side of me would have been like "how awesome you are" "you're the man you stood up" "you're amazing!"...this time I just wanted to make sure the other person was feeling ok and not too distraught. I guess that's personal growth on my part.

I never got around to watching her content. I had first contact with spirituality through Ralph Smart from infinite waters. I was 18-19 and one of his videos popped up about loneliness. I remember watching some collabs between him and Teal Swan but that's about it. Then I found Leo and moved on from Ralph smart around the time of the pandemic when he started going hard on the conspiracy theories.

Thank you! Love the blog.

I don't doubt there is a huge drug problem in the US. When I was living in Denmark I wasn't doing much with my life. I ended up seeing a lot of the dark underbelly of the society as a result. It was a lot more "in my face" at the time. I don't know what the exact statistics are for unemployment. Note you can be employed and alcohol & drug addicted. Lot's of those people in Denmark like that too, they have, like most Scandinavian countries a drinking culture from as young as 16. We had a full blow bar serving alcohol to both teachers and students built right bang in the middle of our gymnasium building in the area where everyone passes by to go to their classes ( gymnasium is how they call highschools there) for parties and social events. Tell me what school in Italy, France or in the US serves alcohol on premise and teachers and young students (some as young as 14) get wasted together on school grounds and it's seen as normal. Before that I'd been in an American international school where if you were caught with alcohol or smoking of any form on school grounds it was instant expulsion. Yes, you "should" manage your money if you live in Europe, but do you have to? As long as you have full time employment not really. Will your life be shit? Yeah sure.

Pretty please with a cherry on top? 🥺 Nah jk, jk! Respect.

🙏🙏🙏 No excuses

These are all good points as well. One thing is that living in the US forces one to be much more mindful of money. You either learn to save money or you're f**ked. You are forced to go out and find employment or the student debt will eat you for dinner. Living in the US builds the character of it's citizens while in the EU we take things such as free education, healthcare for granted. I used to live in Denmark and one of the biggest issues in this stage green Utopia was a large portion of the population being drug, alcohol addicts who lived off the system and recieved good money too from the government. Why work in that case? If I had been in the US for example I'd be fucked right now because I don't manage my finances well. Getting an injury in the US would be a real wake up call for me. I do have faith however that a small minority in the EU will take advantage of the free education system, free healthcare to then go out and work on incredible projects for the benefit of others being free of the debt burden in those young oh so important early adulthood years. The US and EU have xontrasting systems with advantages and disadvantages. I like the EU system because I do believe when shit happens (imagine high paying ceo becomes redundant, loses everything) there is a system to protect the most vunerable people in society. Who is considered vunerable? Oh so many people out there my friend not just leechers on the system.

🙏🙏🙏. I've heard cases of whole families going broke in the US after a loved one is hospitalized in end of life care and they are unable to pay for the healthcare costs. Here in NZ I only have a work visa but am granted free healthcare. I ran a ultra marathon in March, fucked up my legs and couldn't go to work for over a month and the system paid for everything! I am very impressed and thankful.

I agree with you on people should do everything in their power to be healthy and how few take responsibility for their health

The day you break your arm or suffer a malady outside of your control you'll be thankful it's there.

That money the goverment took away from you provides excellent public works in the EU. Is there corruption and laundered funds? Sure, but too much money starts disappearing and people begin asking questions. Higher education and university is basically free, and free healthcare. Stops most of the bottom of society falling through the cracks. I am aware that this argument comes from a "middle class" mindset but guess what...I don't care, I think it's great people taxes pay for all this stuff. Would love to see free dentistry too though...alas it is not the case 😞

Thank you for sharing your Journey.