LoneWonderer

Thank you. Yes, this sort of feels what I need to be doing. I will put priority on focusing on the source in a sober state without judgement.

After around 25 trips on both Mushrooms and 5Meo Malt there has been nothing but emotional pain that comes up. Most of the time I'm not even aware what it's about. It's like I'm stuck and unable to go anywhere beyond. There has been no love, no awakenings, no visions, no wisdom imparted just sadness. Also I don't think I'm actually healing anymore. In the initial trips for sure crap was released but not anymore. I think the psychedelics just emphasize and shine light on the pain but there is no healing anymore. I don't know what must be done to break through this stage. More post session integration? Higher doses? Different substance? More trips? going on a long hiatus from psychedelics?

I trained the Facebook algorithms to think I only like funny cat and dog videos. Now I only get adverts for cat food and dog treats. I don't even own a cat. I mean what did I expect!? Cat has god awakening

I felt happy today. Things looked bright and the constant clouds parted. The future looks bright. My last goal was achieved end of April this year. Anything I set my mind to I achieve, everything I believe I'm incapable...such shall be the case. There is a new goal now and a 4 year journey ahead. There are several major life decisions coming in the near future, decisions will have to be made.

The REAL actualizers. We've all gots a wayz to go to get to their standards. VID-20241116-WA0002.mp4

@enchanted Word. Some hard hitting truth right here.

I'm still waiting for a movie trilogy or tv show on the level of the original Lord of the Rings trilogy from the 2000s. The amount of love and passion that was put into those movies is unmatched by almost anything these days. The Rings of power tv show on the other hand was absolute rubbish And not worth anyone's time. I'd say maybe the Dune movies come to mind as something released recently but they are still a far second place.

@Natasha Tori Maru Ok I won't watch it. I had a bad feeling about it especially after watching that video on Jared's Cult, wasn't sure wether to fork out the cash and grab a ticket. Thanks for saving me the hassle. I didn't find it that amazing. Maybe that's just a me thing, I've seen other's on this forum praise it. Recently saw the movie "caught stealing" and thought it was a better storyline than this one.

Man I'm hyped for this! I too have been looking at prices for flights to USA and visa costs. Unfortunately I've already booked my vacations for 2026, oh well 2027 it'll have to be :D. I'll have to be a good boy or your leader Trump might not let me in jejeje. It's on, tripping balls in the nevada desert with Leo Gura!

Dem PFOS's being released as you cook up your colesterol fueled bacon n eggs...yum!

Thanks Natasha. Like you have in your blurb I'll have to deal with it on my own terms sooner or later or it will ruin my life. I probably weaponise truth and saying I'm afraid, to not take action. I guess it's a whole mix of different things. I'll end this discussion here now 🙈

Rejection, bad experiences, the commitment I'd have to make to another human being also feels daunting. My lack of experience and the fear of rejection. I know the solution is to just go out and face it, realize that much of it is self imposed narratives and frankly lies I tell myself but the fear stops me completly from taking action. Yes, true

Fear, and absolute unwillingness to face that fear. It may be the case that I'll only do the work when the pain becomes too great but I thought I'd crossed that threshold many times yet here I am. Even 5 meo Malt and Mushrooms haven't helped. *Note fear in the domains of relationships. Spending all the money I make is an emotional crutch and response to a lack of self love or self respect something like that I'm not sure. I am also probably addicted to the high I get from buying something. I will be dealing with my bad money habits in the coming months/year, can't say I'll do the same about the relationships. I think meditation it's just I haven't made it a priority and awakening via psychedelics I still hope to achieve in the near future.

They do help, but they aren't the full picture and are being used as an escape in my case. Anything can be used as an escape books, sex, drugs, entertainment etc. vVery smart people BS themselves saying they're studying or reading or whatever, in reality many of them are escaping self actualization work in whatever field of life they are lacking.