Caoimhin

@Ishanga thank you for your response Ishanga. This perspective is helping a lot.

So I've gotten to a point where I'm questioning everything. I'm also considering everything. I'm not sure what is true and I guess I'm waiting for the dust to settle... How do you guys ground yourselves when reality seems groundless? I've subscribed to many things, but most signification influences have been LOA, New Thought, and certain aspects of Christianity, but everything is being considered and questioned and some things are terrifying me with the implications. All that said, I'm mentally stable and functional, I've just been having moments of intense not knowing and questioning reality...

@LoseYourvelf I think what he is pointing to is acceptance

@Ishanga yeah, i need to move more into being rather than be thinking, let that be my guide

@Someone here like a groundless ground

@Yimpa that's a good perspective

Just wanted to share a book that has radically changed how I think and has massively impacted my life in one year. This book always grounds me and reminds me of my own power. The best thing is that it is 85 pages of no BS. you could easily read in an afternoon, but if you are the thinking type and need to digest, it will take you a week or so. For me, Every sentence and every paragraph are deeply insightful and worth meditating on. Here is the link to buy the book on amazon: https://a.co/d/4hZrXJ5 (it's $3.75) here is the audio book version:

for me, because I have and ADHD story, my favorite is Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. others are Self Therapy by Jay Earley(it's an intro book into Internal Family Systems)

Hey Guys, I went back to Leo's video on the 9 stages by Susan Cook-Greuter, but the link to the pdf didn't work. Does any one have that pdf available to share? I would like to reread it. Best

***Before you comment, give irrelevant advice, or make assumptions about my lifestyle: I work out twice a day, eat a very clean keto diet(maximized for high T, circulation, libido, and optimal brain function), haven't watched porn or masturbated in 2 years, and had sex earlier that day with no issues (and can typically have sex multiple times a day)... this is not physiological at all... The point of this post is to address subconscious and energetic blocks to sex and to remove stigma and social expectations placed on guys when it comes to ED and sex. I've entered a new paradigm and understanding of conscious sex and relationships, I don't care about "not getting the lay". Please read the post before commenting, I expect more from this community. This not about fixing ED but about understanding the wisdom behind ED(when there are no physiological reasons), hence the name of the post.*** Soooo, the worst thing a man can experience happened to me last night... That's right... A smoking hot woman, butt naked on my bed, wet and ready, and the little guy doesn't want to work...ED.. I haven't had this problem in a long time and I thought that I was over this issue, but of course, insecurities come rushing back. To be fair to myself and give myself credit, I handled it well and immediately gave myself grace and forgiveness, and I assured her that it wasn't her fault. We talked and messed around a bit more but the little guy wouldn't move so I just decided it wouldn't happen, tossed her her underwear, and accepted defeat. The rest of the night, although slightly off, wasn't completely awkward and I rolled with the punches. I probably won't see this girl again and I'm fine with it. There isn't really coming back from that. And I've learned not to force things that aren't working. As I reflected on what happened, I realized that there are a few reasons why this happened and I'm coming to terms with it. Reasons ED happened: 1. I wasn't ready: That same day I broke things off with a girl I've been seeing for 4 months. I know it sounds short, but those 4 months we had been through a lot and grew a lot together. I'm also the type of guy who does get very sentimental and attached. It was a difficult break. The reason the break up happened was because we weren't exclusive (more like friends with benefits or a pseudo-relationship) and she saw me with another girl and it broke her heart... I respect her for confronting me about it and respecting herself enough to leave... This was a good girl. I felt like an asshole... I was selfish when she was so good to me(bought me things, ran errands for me, cooked for me, did my dishes, gave me massages, drove me around)... It was a hard break up and hard truth to face. 2. I'm out of integrity: Recently, I've been considering celibacy. After the break up I knew that this next phase was going to be celibacy or committed monogamy(leaning more towards celibacy). Unfortunately, I already had plans with this other girl for that night, I thought it might be a good distraction and I didn't see it going anywhere... Surprisingly, the date went really well(it's funny how when you don't want a girl to like you and you don't want to have sex, you become very charming and she likes you more). When she asked to come back to my place, I should have said no. But again, I didn't think much of it. Once we got in the uber, I started to feel bad. I was afraid that my ex would see us somehow and that, that would hurt her again. I knew I was not being honest. I should have said no... but old habits die hard. When it got to sex, I was reluctant but went through the motions. It all went down hill when I went to grab a condom and I realized that I had limp dick; 100% flaccid. My body was telling me, " bro, we decided to go celibate, wtf?" and "what about the girl you just broke up with, she did so much for you, she cried over you, you're really going to do this to her the same day?" Damn. I felt like a piece of shit... I was a piece of shit... 3. Energetic and sexual mismatch: Some of us think that we need to be studs all the time and fuck every hot girl if we can... But some of these girls are just bad for us and the body knows this... Initially, I thought this girl was going to be the committed relationship I was looking for, she seemed like a relationship type... But as we were talking, lots of red flags were coming up(and ofc I have my own shit too). She had a shy, timid front but was a trouble maker deep down... She talked a lot about how she had trust issues, but she mentioned how loyal she was... She mentioned her dysfunctional family; mom was a cheater and, father was a cheater. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW A GIRL LOOK AT HER FAMILY LIFE...She mentioned on the first date that her last relationship was a 2 year relationship and that they lived together. I assumed the break up was a while ago because she said she was ready to date, but when I asked her how long ago it was since the break up, she said it was a month ago and that she slept with her ex less than a week ago(around the time we had our first date)... Energetically, I could tell something was off with her, and my body knew as well. ALWAYS READ BODY LANGUAGE. The eyes tell the whole story. I noticed that her eyes were very shifty and shaky when holding eye contact... This means she is not being honest or that something is off. This girl was hot but totally a mismatch... We try to overlook these things because the girl is hot, but it's important to not overlook these things, especially when they are super hot... Her communication was also very blunt and very forward. At first, it was refreshing, but it quickly became off putting. We got along well, but there was very little sexual chemistry. She was cold physically most of the night, until she expressed interest in hooking up. At first I put her in the relationship bucket, but she wanted to be in the one night stand bucket and that was disappointing for me... Right now I'm done with serial, casual sex and "situationships", I wanted something more stable, healthy, and long term... This girl just got out of a relationship and wanted to have causal hook ups.. I just ended my FWB relationships and wanted something stable... we met exactly at the wrong time LOL. Two weeks ago, I would have been on the same page... When it came to sex, my penis said, "we aren't going in there, this girl is bad for you, celibacy is good for you, and we don't want part of this". Your body knows best. If the little guys isn't working. It's probably because you're out of integrity, out of alignment, and/or the girl is not good for you... Before writing this, I was still in my head feeling bad... now as I review what I wrote, I'm grateful that my dick tapped out... my body was protecting me. This is not a good girl for me right now. I'm glad that I learned all these lessons and that I totally dodged a train with this one. Erectile dysfunction was a blessing. Woman have defense against unwanted sex, they don't open up if they don't trust or feel comfortable with a guy, they avoid guys that are sketchy. We assume that only woman have a defense against having unwanted sex... But men have that same response too; they don't get hard.... I ultimately didn't trust her and didn't feel comfortable having sex. My body protected me, even if I wasn't directly conscious of it. She never viewed me as a serious option. I was revenge sex to get back at her ex. I was a distraction and male attention while she figured out how to get back at her ex... I was a place holder and a desperate rebound... I'm probably thinking too much into it. but now I know how woman feel when guys just want to use them for sex and an ego boost. Funny how karma works... Lessons learned: Be clear with yourself what you are looking for and what you want. Stand firm on that. **vet her immediately and don't let anything slide** Ask about family relationships, if there are toxic patterns, ask them what they are doing to heal. Ask how long ago their last relationship was, if it was healthy, if they feel ready to move on, and what they are looking for.(do not take their word, but observe their body language) Ask if they are still talking to their ex(if yes, it's a red flag and should not be taken lightly). Study and observe their body language, especially the eyes, they can lie but their body can't. If they mention trust issues this is a direct red flag (their subconscious will warn you to stay away, trust the warning!). Trust your intuition and trust your body** Ultimately, take red flags seriously... trust intuition, and if you experience ED, consider that your body is tell you that something is off... Don't take it personally, and don't be hard on yourself(pun intended). Examine the situation and thank your body for its wisdom!! When it happened, I told her, "my body is saying to take it slow and that I can't force these things..." Self acceptance is critical in these potentially sexually scaring moments. I'm proud of how I handled the situation and I demonstrated to myself a level of growth, maturity and self-love I didn't know I possessed. I learned a lot and I developed a deep trust with my body and intuition. ED is a brutal teacher. Bonus reframe: When men experience ED, and most if not all men experience it at least once, we immediately think, "I'm not a man/I'm not man enough". The funny thing is that only men can experience ED, making it a very "manly" condition, literally. If you never experience ED, chances are you are a woman and don't have a penis to begin with... HAHA

ED from what I've noticed is 9/10 mental.... i haven't masturbated or watched porn in 2 years, i could definitely improve my sleep schedule though.

absolutely, I had my ex on my mind and how much this would hurt her if she knew... eventually I'll be back to normal function but I do need time to heal and process the break up in a healthy way and not just jump to the next warm body. Thank you for your vulnerability and perspective, totally a mental thing.

Thanks brother! I appreciate that

Exactly, yes, there is a lot of social conditioning and expectations that men are always supposed to be ready to have sex with attractive woman... or that ED is a purely physiological condition that needs to be corrected(for most people, ED is totally psychological and even spiritual when we consider blocks in sexual energy, even for fat people, it's really just insecurities and not a lack of blood flow). As we can see there was even a bit of shaming from the comments. A lots of assumptions about my lifestyle(I work out twice a day, eat a very clean keto diet, and haven't watched porn or masturbated in 2 years lol). And advice about how I should have been more sexually creative to make her orgasm even when I wasn't into it and how I should take supplements or take boner pills to ignore my body's signals... essentially raping myself just for the sake of "masculine" pride instead of honoring my divine masculine's boundaries and deep inner wisdom. Thank you for your added perspective. It really is something that most woman don't shame men for and are totally understanding of, and in most cases they blame themselves and take it personally (which is something I'm aware of and made sure to comfort her as much as myself)... It's similar to the penis size shaming that is feed to most men. Woman don't care much about size and that's something men obsess and mutilate themselves over. It's very upsetting how much we reject ourselves and our bodies, and shame others for ego... Even if she is judging me or talking badly about me, I rest easy knowing that I respected myself and listened to my body... something most people don't know how to do.

It's very clear that only @Lyubov actually read my post... I appreciate the vulnerability and relevant comment. Yeah, it's not a physiological issue for me, she was really just not my type in many ways and I just pressured myself to have sex with her because I felt like I needed to. I'm shifting out of the compulsive sex paradigm and am vetting girls more now. Ofc one-off sex will still happen, I think knowing my type and sticking to my type is a good rule of thumb moving forward. In this case, there was too much of a mismatch for it to happen and my body refused... gotta listen to the body.

thank you!! Some how I found an updated version that is longer, there are some additional subsections, I'm not sure if anything was removed or if it's an improvement on the other: Cook-GreuterEgodevelopmentafull-spectrumtheoryofverticaldevelopmemt.pdf

I'm desperate. I need a better income that will support the lifestyle I desire. I'm starting to give up on life purpose for now and just want to focus on building up my finances so at some point I can return to my passions. I currently work as a driver for Amazon; it is the worst job I've worked in my life, i'm exhausted all the time and barely get enough money to justify the time and energy sink. I'm getting more and more depressed. I can't work on life purpose to the extent that is needed. it's slave labor with zero benefits and worse is that my passion is dying. I'm 27 and live at my mom's. I have such low self esteem because of my situation that dating and relationships isn't even worth trying. I'm spiraling downward fast and though I try to resist it, suicidal thoughts are becoming more vivid and appealing. I'm really losing hope. My question is what industies have the least barriers to entry, the easiest/cheapest/fastest skill sets to aquire, the most remote and independant options, and provide most freedom? I don't just want money to be lazy, on the contrary, I want the freedom to invest back into my self and my growth so i can offer more to the world.

@Spiritual Warrior thanks, i appreciate the response

I like the English Standard Version. King James Version is a bit hard to read(New King James is better if you go that route). I think the newer the translation the better tbh. New International Translation is very good too. https://www.biblegateway.com/ is a great website to play around and see which translation speaks to you. I recommend reading different translations, because what is well articulated in one could be lacking that potency or be a total miss in another, and visa versa. Remember that the truth is often hidden behind the words, if you have a good sense of the spiritual and of God's nature, you can separate the wheat from the chaff regardless of the translation, this is the Holy Spirit(we can also call it your intuition) guiding you. Another hint that I learned from my sister is that there are "shit tests" in the Bible, on purpose or by accident idk, but some stories don't mention God or are void of God's hand even if he was mentioned. Humans like to project onto God when some things are not God's doing but natural or societal consequences of our own doing(though we could argue All is God's will but the bias assigned to God is our own bias). Read Conversations With God by Neale D. Walsch if you want some insight into God's nature through a different channel. If you search for God, trust that you will find God, that is faith. Keep the faith

@Leo Gura thanks for the reply. For sure, it's all honest signals.

I went out last night, I was doing my normal thing: approaching and working on verbals. I live in an area where there is enough of a night life to go out but not enough that there are a lot of girls I'm genuinely attracted to or interested in approaching. I force myself to approach regardless. Part of me feels it's just that I use my high standards as a crutch to not approach, but I also find it exhausting and, honestly, mean to lead girls on by approaching without having high interest. I've also realized that it's borderline impossible to game effectively when you aren't in a state of high sex drive. I've been working on communicating more sexual intent while in conversations, but I've come to a realization that I thought was worth sharing. The insight is that interest can't be faked and sexual intent can't be forced. No amount of game will solve this, and if you figure out how to manipulate your way around this, you'll be deeply dissatified and cause lots of collateral damage(and bad karma). Of course, for guys that have social anxiety and fear of doing approaches in general, keep approaching,. Do it regardless and just focus on fun, friendly, and casually flirty conversations. Once you get more comfortable approaching, you'll realize that the best nights are when you have high libido and your best sets are going to be when you really like a girl. Not kinda like, really like, like she's literally your prefect girl and it's impossible for you not to talk to her. Like just seeing her sends you into a flow state and you make a b-line for her, or maybe she's already giving signals and subtly approaching you. Just to illustrate, this is the way it will look(based on my experience): You don't hesitate with the approach, nor do you force it, because she seems familiar. She may have already sent you signals because the attraction is palpable. She can see your desire for her in your eyes. It's not creepy or needy, it's confident and effortless. If you got over your anxieties, your verbals will be effortless. You'll find it hard not to look deep into her eyes. You'll be touching her shoulder, arm, hips, etc. and you'll be naturally standing close to her all without thinking. Of course, it's mutual, she's make excuses to touch you too. You are already synced up to her energy and body language. It's like you've done this dance before. "Game" goes out the window, you're just flirting effortlessly with this girl you literally can't take your eyes off of. You make some mistakes but neither of you care, because this is what it looks like to be vulnerable and authentic. There is this feeling of safety and detachment. You're totally in the moment and because you're in the moment you're not needy. There is no future relationship hanging in the balance. She's here now. You're sharing this moment. You two are open to wherever it leads. Talking to her was the easiest and most rewarding point of the night. Why? Because you're congruent. You can't fake interest, attraction, or sexual desire. If a set doesn't feel like that, she ain't it. Don't beat up on yourself if none of your "sets" "hooked" or if you didn't "get the close" or "get the lay". You're "failures" in game are mutual. She wasn't it for you and so you couldn't be your natural charming self, you had to fake your interest to some degree, or you sabotaged because you two weren't in alignment. Maybe you have more inner work to take care of. Keep practicing so when you do meet a girl you really are interested in, you have the confidence and experience to be ready. Frame it all as learning and growth: every night out, every conversation, every "failure", every inevitable success. Trust that if it is meant to be it will be but if it isn't, it never was. Take notes, do deliberate practice, but have a short memory. I've also reallized that if you don't have something, it's because you actually don't want it. Ask yourself deeply "Am I willing to take action to increase my chances of meeting my perfect girl?", "What actions do I have to take?", "Do I actually want to find my dream girl?", "What am I giving up when/if I do find her?", " Why am I resisting a loving relationship?". Finally, when it comes to solving low libido, make sure your diet is in order, you are exercising somewhat regularly, and your stress levels are down. Also, make sure you are living towards you purpose. For me, I realized that I wasn't exercising enough, I was eating too many carbs, not eating enough healthy fats, and most important, I was out of alignment with my purpose. Let's see what changes I can make and what happens. Hope this is helpful, please let me know what experiences you've had and if you agree or disagree with. I appreciate any and all feedback. Keep the faith!

@NoSelfSelf That's true, but looks can also tell you a lot about a person, if she is in good shape and is well put together then she probably has a healthier self-esteem. I know for me, working out regularly, eating healthy, getting nice cloths and learning how to dress well, all takes work, research, and care. If i stubbornly refused to do that, and i still do to some degree, I'm sending a signal that I'm not very socially calibrated, or that this is the level of effort I'm willing to put in(if I'm lazy in these areas, where else might I be lazy?). A girl who doesn't put that effort in her health and appearance might have some issue that is more than jsut a surface level issue. Also, what I'm talking about includes her energy. Some girls aren't conventionally 10/10 but you're just so drawn to them or think they are so interesting because of their energy, which can also be seen in their body language and even their body structure. Physical appearance can say a lot about a person and we can intuitively pick up on it. Then again, I do agree, you are right because a lot can be hidden too. That being true, you're still not going to talk to a girl you aren't attracted to just because of the chance you might match personality wise. And if you do match, then, chances are you still aren't attracted to them even after that fact. Attraction isn't a choice in that sense, though that's just my experience, everyone's experience is different.

@Vrubel thanks for the feed back, yeah I guess I am lol gotta move somewhere with a greater volume of attractive women, maybe vegas lol I definitely have to balance out my masculine, all the spiritual stuff I've been doing has shifted me too much into my feminine. Trying to hit the gym more too. Good point, obessing isn't helpful.

@Ulax I appreciate the reply man, good tip, I've been doing some visualization with vision boards, but never actually visualized the whole process including sex. That sounds powerful, like a good way to rewire the brain to always lead it to that end point, plus builds up that feeling of being sex worthy you mentioned. I'll have to try that somatic mediation, been meaning to add more sexual yoga into my practice.

I like @Judy2 's response. I agree with what she said, and I'm going to build off of it a little. I'm not an expert on love, but I've been thinking a lot about love lately and I can give my take on it. Your question is focused on unconditional love in a romantice sense. I'd say that unconditional love in that sense is impossible. Romantic love is by definition conditional. In addition to what Judy said, another very basic condition is that you and the other are in a mutually intimate and censented relationship with each other. Without the other agreeing to the conditions of a romantic relationship, you can't effectively love them romantically. Romantic love is limited and finite love. It's not the highest form. It's higher than a lot of other forms of love in that it requires some level of acceptance of the other's inevitable short comings and some level of selflessness to maintain the relationship, but this isn't even close to the highest levels of love. Now here is a question: can someone from a state of true Unconditional Love have a romantic relationship? This is God's love. You love existance exactly as it is and because you love it, it exists. If we accept this as true than because John Wayne Gacy, John Scully, etc exist/existed, it is proof that God loves them. From that state can you hold both conditional love and unconditional love? Can you unconditionally love John Wayne Gacy and other "evil" people, while maintaining a romantice relationship? That is hard to say. I think that at the level of unconditional love, you wouldn't be able to maintain a romantic relationship because it would restrict you and limit your love. Plus you would have more love for that specific person from unconditional love than you would in the romantic form, so you'd be limiting your love for them too by having a romantic relationship with them. Lastly, I want to touch on self-love. It's very easy to look at your level and capacity for love by looking at the love you have for yourself. Your love for yourself is probably conditional, therefore your love for others is conditional. If we are coming from the non-dual lens than things that appear other to you is just your reflection. Can you love yourself uncontionally if you were John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully? The level you resist loving and forgiving yourself as John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully, is the level of conditional love you have for yourself. If you were a monster could you love and forgive yourself? Could you forgive these lost souls for their ignorance and selfishness? Do you find it hard to love yourself for your own ignorance and selfishness? Do you resist loving these parts of yourself that are John Wayne Gacy or Peter Scully? Returning to your original question; does unconditional romantic love exist? I'd say no. The other question I would ask is, would you be able to maintain a romantic relationship if you were absolutely unconditionally loving? I don't know, possibly you could hold both frames at once, but I lean towards no.