Sincerity

Thanks so much! 🙇‍♂️ As always Yup. I will.

I’m trying, gringo. I’m trying… real… hard. Hahaha. Working on it. @Sugarcoat It’s cool that you’re trying to channel things. Thanks for the feedback.

I think it was like 350ug. Always orally. Basically always tripping around 300-350ug for the last 5 years or so. Trips getting deeper and deeper with time. I'd probably be sensitive to a lesser dose too now. Idk, I didn't check. I'm satisfied with the current range. Thank you man. Sending love.

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I actually do love "ordinary" consciousness. It's really important to me to embrace this life and live to my fullest. Sincerely. I guess that's just how I felt in that moment, "being so high" and then "falling so low". The process of "falling down" was simply uncomfortable. I don't feel like I tripped due to a sense of not being satisfied with ordinary consciousness. It's just something I had to do. I wanted to see Infinity. But ultimately, for me, it's ALL for the sake of being masterful in the daily life. I don't live just for the highs. I just felt that it was a lot, to the point that it is very hard to process and even get myself to recall. But ultimately I don't regret it. 10/10 would do it again. I just want to love fully in life, man. Nothing else matters. Even though it was a lot, this trip brought me closer to that, so in the end I probably feel like it was a "success".

Hi all, Yesterday night I was tripping on 330ug LSD and I had some serious damn awakening. It was consciousness so extreme that in the end, after the ~2,5 hours, I felt like it sort of "blew back in my face" and I exited the trip rather abruptly, numb and distracted. But first... Context: my intention was to come back to Myself with my standard question "What Am I?". I was tripping blindfolded, sitting in a chair comfortably, with whitenoise wind sounds in my earphones. It's been like my ~20-25th trip on LSD with this same dose - more or less, I stopped counting. So to start: I entered the trip focusing intensely on "What Am I?". And from almost the very beginning my body was continuously clenching the anus and abdomen. I'm pretty certain now for myself that clenching the anus (or I think more precisely: pelvic floor) and abdomen has something to do with state raise. Some fellow users in that thread confirmed my suspicions too (thanks again!). It didn't take long before I started sensing God. Some of the first insights were that God is Unspecifiable - it's NO-thing, it's like this pure immaterial mystery/essence and it's not defined, "by definition". I also realized that I'm not following God in life because I'm afraid, and I dug into that deeply. And at the same time I was of course realizing that I actually am God, so it was this mindfuck of why I'm not "embracing" what I am, and instead following some phantoms. At some point I started realizing that I am Love and that, in fact, Love is the reason for anything in existence. I realized that I LOVE EVERYTHING. And THAT'S why it's here. That Love is the TRUTH, because there simply IS LOVE, it's just true. And this Love is, well, everything. It's what happens. IT IS ALL LOVE. If I met you then, I'd say to you: I LOVE YOU. I knew that I LOVE EVERYONE. That this Love is UNCONDITIONAL. I was crying at that point, of course, also there were glimpses coming up for me of things hard for me to love. Primarily I think it came down to admitting that I love my ex. (Or, maybe, the archetype of a woman in my life. I don't know.) And so I just admitted it, along with the love for all my other close people, especially my sister. I remember feeling SO MUCH ENERGY (LOVE) and just GASPING at the immensity of LOVE in the energetic landscape. In fact, I realized that Love is the BEDROCK for it all. Seriously, I was in shock of how LOVE triumphs everything in my mind. It was after that that I think shit went "off the rails". I entered states so high it's hard for me to channel back information - and also, I feel I'm resisting it. I completely understood that I am creating Reality. That I AM GOD and wherever I move, Reality moves. I was in such deep focus that I COMPLETELY forgot that "physical" reality exists - I don't know if I was even breathing. I was just in a void seeing that I'm creating everything, and it was like I was being taught about it. I sensed it was like a school of being God and that I should be getting something. I felt like I have nothing to "fall back on" and it's just me now, being God here. It was frightening. All the time I was trying to come back to my essence and ask: But WHAT AM I? WHAT AM I? WHAT AM I? It was always God. Being in that hyper intense focus and state, I seriously don't know whether I was breathing and I'm actually wondering if I didn't die then. I understood that I cannot REALLY die and that I ALWAYS PREVAIL. That Love is Immortal. I knew that I LOVE EVERYTHING... But then I was also suddenly faced with the recognition that I have attachment to "this life", that I couldn't let go of the love for my sister and of being this particular thing here. So I couldn't really be EQUANIMOUS LOVE. I tried, but facing that was sort of like hitting a brick wall - I just couldn't. I was coming back to my nature of Love again and again, but at the same time I sensed now that "I" was starting to come back. Also, at some point being God in that void "in charge" of reality became too much for me to handle and for a brief moment, I took off my blindfold. Then I came back to the void, relieved that actually there still IS reality to fall back on. But after that I think I basically started falling down in consciousness and it felt like suffering. I was trying to grasp to Love and to whatever I am at my essence (because I completely lost my identity) and I was just like a child: I WANT TO LOVE! PLEASE, I WANT TO LOVE! PLEASE! I guess long story short, in the end, after these intense ~2 hours, I numbly took off my blindfold, earphones and went to bed - of course not sleeping for almost the whole night, in a distracted state. Here are some additional things that I remember and I feel like are worth mentioning: At one point, I actually did feel into the fact that there's ALWAYS Me to fall back on. I would never actually be "in charge" of Reality. There's ALWAYS more of ME that I'm never tapping into. And I guess that's comfort. I felt relieved and loved understanding that. I felt cheated and betrayed when falling down in consciousness at the end. I know it's obvious, and it's not my first time, but it always stings. When falling down in consciousness, I felt like I was falling down into a MUCH more limited and crystalized understanding of myself. Veils beyond veils beyond veils. Like seriously, I felt like the daily life I'm living is just this COMPLETE dream. I don't know ANYTHING about fucking anything. I'm retarded consciousness. Retard Awakening ™... (Or yeah, a damn rat.) ... But yet, I also realized that I am ALWAYS Love. No matter what happens, I am ALWAYS It. It's always "at my disposal". So yeah - even as a retard, I still am Love (put that quote on a fridge). That was comfort too. Very hard to integrate. I would absolutely do it again but yeah, I feel a bit traumatized... It's hard. Thanks for reading. Sorry if it was a bit all over the place. I probably just need to roll into a ball and cry. "What am I?" - pointer I wrote for myself before the trip. Didn't utilize it much since I was blindfolded, but still.

If you're interested in this topic from a slightly more technical (but still totally understandable) side, check out The Book of Why by Judea Pearl. It's a great intro book to causality and its history.

Some loose thoughts: Your romantic partner doesn't have to be your everything. It's best to get rid of that idea from your mind. Different people can satisfy your different needs. A high quality love and intimacy is valuable and hard to come by. If I were you, I'd think a dozen times before leaving that. Not only think, but visualize intensely how you will feel when you break up with her, how you will feel afterwards in the next months and then later in life. Really go through this scenario extensively in your head. You will be in pain for sure, but is this a choice you will regret in the long run or not? That's what matters. You might regret it. Again, high quality love is valuable. And when you break trust once, a scar remains. It's something you likely can't come back from. Or maybe you will regret staying in the relationship and not adventuring more. A life unlived will make you bitter and probably destroy your relationship later anyway. Get an answer to what you will regret more. Calm your mind and listen. It's not an obvious choice, so follow your deepest intuition and wisdom.

Let's not crap on a good thread guys. How about that? It's a good insight. 😃 I try to do that. It's very good practice overall when relating to people, especially e.g. in a romantic relationship.

@zurew Thanks man. Good luck to you with your goals too.

Life update. Focusing on 4 things in life right now: Working out. Going to the gym like ~3x/week, cycling, etc.. I've been seeing gains, which is nice! Upskilling. I'm learning new things for data science (the field I'm working in), which actually interests me quite a bit. I'm reading my causal inference book regularly. Working on my blog. Writing new posts, rewriting old ones, occasionally working on the site. Advancing the energy of being a creator. Talking to girls. This one's been tricky, lol. But I'm making progress. I want to go on some dates and meet a new long-term partner eventually. Besides this, I'm of course working at my day job. And all the time I'm processing the shit that arises from within me. The last 3 months have been really, really difficult. Prolly the most difficult in my life so far - which isn't much, I deem, but still... I'm living in a new place since May. Renting a room in a flat with 2 other roommates, living in Warsaw still. I can't lie, my room is fucking awesome. I got very lucky - it's in a really good price, it's very big (16m^2) and tastefully furnished. The place is in a great location, the kitchen and bathroom are also fine, my roommates are cool... what to complain about?! Luckiest man in the world, haha. I'm quite content with what I'm doing in life right now. I've been making good progress on many fronts. I'm really happy with the energies that are developing. I find that I can't be bothered to spare time on some things. Like, in an alternate world I'd love to play some Mewgenics which I haven't done in a loooong time. Or I'd love to argue with you about whether this place is a cult or not. But when the fuck do I find the time? Like, I'd have to sacrifice some of my 4 points of focus above (for multiple hours at least) in favour of this shit energy of arguing on the internet or being engrossed in a video game. I wish I had access to a pocket dimension where time doesn't pass - maybe then I'd actually go for these. But yeah, I can't. (Thinking over and writing out multiple responses to posts from that one thread would seriously take hours (at least for me). Like honestly, I'd have to be fucking insane to engage in it lol. I admit, at some point I really wanted to, but I stopped myself haha. How do YOU find the time?!) I got closer to my sister in these last months. She's been supporting me in this time at many points, which I really appreciate. The truth is that a fair bit of my attention and intent for closeness was freed up once I stopped having a gf, and so as a result more emotional closeness ensued in the relationship with my sister. I have no doubt that when I get a new gf, I'll be a bit less close with my sister again. It's like my tank for energy of closeness is capped. But it's nothing unusual, right? When she gets herself a bf, I'm sure the same will happen from her side. You only have so much attention. I love my sister. I have no doubt she'll be my #1 relationship (or #2 with the exception of wife) overall in life. I'm grateful to have her. With relationships like these, you gotta take care of them. Being her older brother I've always done that of course, it's just that when I'm in a romantic relationship there's less attention on it. But she's still important to me, and always has been. My parents have been supportive as well. I go visit my family once per week on average (sister still lives with them). It's nice. @UnbornTao Thanks!!

No I didn’t, because you’re a smart guy. You understand yourself why you shouldn’t tell another user to „go fuck yourself you complete moron”. No hard feelings.

Hey man, there’s nothing wrong with it being just a hobby. Also, I’m sure you’d be able to create something that would feel personally meaningful to you. It doesn’t necessary have to be „wacky creative”, right? Like, what inspires you in life, what would you like to express through art? Perhaps try making something like that, and ultra creativity is not a must. I can hear you’re frustrated but let me assure you: you’re not „mentally retarded”. I’d suggest you try crying out your frustrations and vent out to the world, it’s probably all stuffed inside you now, so best let it out. You’ll feel better then. Also, you know, best artists steal. Hell, nothing wrong with copying too since you’re at the stage where you’re learning. Accept yourself, the place you’re at as a being is really not that terrible man. You might just need a slight change in perspective. You are really enough.

Thank you! Yes, simplicity was one of the main goals. I really like blogs like this.

I'm proud to finally share something I've been working on for a while now... My own website/blog! 😃 Here it is: https://www.adamwhy.com/ Adam Why is a pen name that came to me over a year ago. It doesn't have any deeper meaning. There's 68 posts on the blog right now, one for each day starting April. I'm mostly covering topics such as Steerage, the energetic domain, love, masculinity and living with a sense of lightness, excitement, compassion, hope - all that good stuff. Here are my top 5 favourite posts: Enter the State You Want to Be In Now Accept Reality and It Might Change Have a Genuine Interest in Reality There Is Always a Third Way Energies Are False Idols It's a passion project and a step towards being a professional creator, for its own sake: I don't expect anything from it. It's a fucking internet blog in 2026. Again, I'm just starting on the path of being a creator in life. I want to live out this energy and a personal blog is a first step towards that in my eyes. I want to have a solid base before I proceed to something more ambitious in the future. The site isn't very complex. I didn't care to create an About page yet, for example. My main goal was to start creating ASAP - while also juggling other things in my life at the same time. I'll be adding more to the site in the future. If you have any feedback, you can definitely let me know. Oh, and AI was never used in the making of these posts. So dumb that I even have to point it out lol.

Good post! Thank you for making it. The highlight for me is how you're touching upon the importance of being flexible/adaptable. I really like these two words. In your terms, flexibility = variety. When there's a will, there's a way, as they say. Ideally, if someone is really determined, will should carve a new path, even on the spot, when there's a new circumstance being faced. Overall, I think will towards something is often the reason itself for increasing one's requisite variety. So they should ideally go hand in hand.