Sincerity

The sin is greed. And uninspiredness.

^ I LOVE that I'm making this new journal so colorful. I really see myself in it. I find it inspiring that I'm not only talking about liking some media, but more "personal" things from my life as well. Like enjoying my job. I want to express gratitude. I want that journal to be filled with colorful spirit and joy for life. I want it to reflect me so good, and shine back at me the radiance of my soul! 🌟🌟🌟 I smile looking at it. What joy to inspire oneself!

I like my job. It's cool. I'm working as a data analyst for a big company. I have an office on the 30th+ floor, which I can visit whenever I want. Overall I work 100% remote, but I still come to the office usually once per week. Just for the change of scenery I guess. The team is awesome. I like these people, honestly. My manager is very cool and understanding. I enjoy working with her. And the job itself is quite interesting. I mostly enjoy what I do. + The workload for me is just fine. Almost everything is perfect. Only thing: the pay could be higher. It's okay, but I wish for more. I have it so good right now, even with the mediocre pay. Money is not all that counts - all the other benefits / advantages of my job REALLY add up. I have that in mind, and I appreciate it truly. I'm grateful while it's still here. 😌 After all, nothing is forever.

Check out the book Integral Relationships. Here’s a preview: https://www.integralpsychology.org/uploads/1/5/3/0/15300482/stages_of_sexual_development_and_anima_and_animus.pdf I think that stages 3, 4 and 5 of anima/animus development in this model correlate well with stages blue, orange and green.

I love One Punch Man season 1. I don't normally watch anime, but I saw OPM like ~7 years ago and I enjoyed it a lot. I was disappointed with season 2 when it came out and now, after 6 years, season 3 has been absolute dogshit. At least from what I saw and heard - I won't waste my time on that piece of dump. Still, in my mind the beauty of season 1 lives on. The show was so funny, but also so sad at times. The animation was just AMAZING. I didn't care much about the characters besides Saitama and maybe Genos, and about the storylines of these side characters. But the story of Saitama was very engaging to me - it could even bring me to a tear. Hell, it still can. Here's the best (and final) fight of season 1. The ending saddens me. Reveal hidden content if you don't care about spoilers. The Strongest Hero.

Still so, so, so immature. But this is okay. Working from the place I'm at.

Lately, I notice more of these opportunities to funnel energy in a better way. I'm starting to see that anger can be used in either a destructive way, or a constructive way. The default route for me is to destroy shit in anger. Not in a literal sense - figuratively. For example, in my relationship, I will push my girl away in anger and leave her to be alone even when she's somewhat hurting. In her increased pain, she'll be trying to get me to talk to her. I'll get even angrier that she's "terrorizing" me and not leaving me alone, so I'm pushing her away even more. Etc, etc. I'm experimenting with using anger to FIX the situation IN A WAY THAT WORKS. A route that will truly give me peace of mind and not escalate the situation. Anger CAN be my energy source for that - after all, it's the energy for changing circumstances that I don't like. But that can be done in very different ways. I have a vision of being so angry with not being left alone that I hug my girlfriend for a brief time, I tell her that we will talk in an hour, I tell her that I'm hurting as well and that I need a bit of time to cool off, but I will return to her and help us alleviate the pain through communication in love. It's difficult. I'm going through repeating patterns. But I feel like I'm learning more every time. I analyze the energies flowing. I envision better scenarios. I want to go through that path with her - I really do. I must master my behaviors and try to not be a dumb fucking robot. This is part of my growth, and it's nonsensical to run away from it.

I'm feeling more expressive lately. I want to talk, talk and talk. Share myself with the world. There's genuine energy for that. I've had some fears about that. Like "expressing myself too much and annoying others with it". "Having a few journals is dominating the journal section with myself, I should restrict myself to a limited amount". Such bs. I no longer find this line of thinking believable. There's also something I'm starting to understand more lately. Which is that: when I don't like something I see, a better course of action is to share more of my views independently of the thing I see, and in a way that I find beautiful and aligned, instead of trying to bring the "ugly" thing down. In order words: share myself and my views on things relentlessly, and don't react to what I find immature, stupid, ugly or pointless. Basically, I can channel the energy I feel when I see something I don't like towards a more constructive expression. Instead of banging my head against the wall with trying to correct the "bad". It's still a work in progress.

I don’t mean to come off as rude, but it’s funny to me how often people ask for advice on the internet about human relations stuff when the obvious course of action is to just speak to the person honestly. And that’s the advice they will usually get. In regard to your situation: I know you’re a man, but maybe to her you’re playing the role of her „female bestie”? Are you manly with her, or just „going with the flow” and not leading anything? If you don’t wanna be friends with her and want her as something more, you should probably let this go. She’s probably not attracted to you. You’re probably her „bestie” and not masculine-feminine relationship material for her. If you want a romantic/sexual relationship, you should pursue it with someone with whom you’re set on this intention from the beginning (not necessarily explicitly at start, but leading up to it). Or, if you’re okay with staying as an „emotional friend” to her, then be happy with that. Having a female friend can be a good alternate perspective for you. In general, friends are good! But, from what it sounds, you’re probably not really okay with that.

Out of the 16 warnings you have, only 6 are from me. So spare me.

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@SimpleGuy What are the core ideas in this video that inspired you?

You won't get it, so I won't bother answering.

I'm not US based, but "Yes" is the pro-democracy choice for you folks.