Sincerity

Hahahaha. ? You're doing great. ?

What is the purpose of anything?

They were the same person. She's here under a new account now. She made a post on Monday from what I see. Banned. There's also Judy2, flume, Lila9, ElenaO... and more. It's pretty sad tho that we can count out (fairly) active female users like that lol.

As long as it's respectful and doesn't break the guidelines.

Dude, please keep this cringe talk to yourself. You're repulsing the last women here. And not only them. Also, ability to manipulate =/= understanding.

Great!

Ok, locking it. (OP is fine with the decision)

@ValiantSalvatore Please don't be so insulting towards Flowboy. He offered his honest advice which really wasn't unreasonable. Any new replies continuing this exchange will be removed.

I feel there's too much confusing rambling in this journal lately. I'm mostly ""stable"" during my days but it is not reflected here. I don't like this. I wanted to honestly talk about my current life situation and general state of mind... ...But I lost inspiration. I felt a wave of sadness and it made me feel empty. I had an exhausting day too. Maybe another time... I hope... ? This is not me. THIS IS NOT ME. I am not this misguided talk! I'm sorry... How do I express myself with words?! I FEEL REALLY SAD. I WISH I COULD CHANGE. I WISH I DIDN'T WISH AT ALL! I wish I wasn't here to be this misery and evil. I wish I could just die. I AM REALLY SORRY! I am really, really sorry... ... Could You feel my tears through this short speech? Is this confusing talk again? Maybe I just can't help myself. All of this feels surreal so often. Like what the eff is this... I have no idea, literally. I feel so lost, I feel so sad, I don't know what's going on! I'm just this rollercoaster of emotions, why can't I be normal?! Would I really want to be normal? Am I enjoying this abnormality? It's all so weird, so empty and I feel I'm suffering. There's no meaning unless I forget about this... and I just want to cry when I "remember". I have no ground, no stability, unless I forget. I don't know what's worse anymore: a comfortable lie or an uncomfortable truth. AAAAAAAAAAAAA, FUCK! But I gotta have faith, maybe there's a way out of this. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Gosh. I'm dissatisfied with expressing myself here.

14 excluding weed

I think the intellectual stuff subforum is small enough already. My idea would be to add the term "AI" to the subforum's description (in its name) so that it's clear AI stuff should be posted there.

Nice!

It's allllllll about that freedom, baby. I wish I could just let my imagination loose. And make everything weird and incomprehensible. Wouldn't that be funny? To me it would. Yeah, I wish I could make everything confusing. What if I could make my imaginings come true? Could I maybe do this in my dreams? Hmm, or prolly psychedelics would be of use. It'd be so cool to make reality "irrational" and "insane". Like really enter some confusing fucking states and trap myself in them. #Goals, LOL. It's a shame there's no one "other" to trap in these states to laugh at them. That'd be even cooler. I like to indulge in these erratic trains of thought. It's funny to experience. Well, I'm laughing at least! There's difficult to put to words tho. Like I get these weird fucking thoughts and visions sometimes but then describing them doesn't really do 'em justice... Eh, I wish. I wish I could put them into reality. I wish I could tune into imagination more. I wish I could make reality into whatever I want. Is that REALLY so much to ask...?;'(( Lolll. Pretty please... I wish I had the [[FREEDOM]] to shape reality. I wish I was [[FREE]]. I wish You could watch me fly, mama.

Today I watched a lot of content that inspired me. Great videos, I like this Chris the Freelancer guy. I took a lot of notes and asked myself revelant questions. Would I be willing to create an online business? What skills could I build that people would pay me for? Would the nomad lifestyle even suit me? I also started to REALLY resonate with Bashar's teachings. Fuck man, so much of this stuff is goldddd. I especially like when he answers specific questions. Damn, I should really follow my excitement more. I'm so fearful and so many negative beliefs are holding me back. I feel it's part of my work for the future to deconstruct them. I'm also becoming clearer and clearer about what I want to be in life. Hmm, but I'm not gonna be sharing this now. It's too powerful and not really fleshed out yet. Oh, also I've been working a lot on accepting reality, letting go of hatred and trying to recognize myself. Actually yesterday I talked to God a lot and I received a lot of guidance and love. It's so good to have "someone" supporting me... Of course for the 100th time I'll say that I can't know I'm not deluding myself with this dialogue. But guess what - I don't give a fuck. It's really helping me, it's giving me hope when I need it and the guidance is extremely personalized to me as You'd expect it. It's just me talking to myself, me talking to my intuition. However You wanna call it. I told God I'm sorry I cursed at him so much. HAHAHAHAHAHA. I was literally flipping reality off multiple times. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's so fucking dumb. Imagine a man flipping off the sun because he doesn't like it. Or flipping off the sky because You don't like the weather today. It's so delusional, so stupid! HAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm such a fucking imbecile... and obviously I'm still not over it! No no no. I'm gonna cling to my cretinic ways for more time, because... well, who the fuck knows why. Maybe that's just the way of the cretin. LOL! But I'm gonna be pure one day. Hahaha. I know I will, I have the assurance. It's all about that purity man.

^ This. Indeed, stop arguing with anybody. Embody the understanding and people will come seek answers from You on their own. Be an example.

Holy moly!

??

Add that to the guidelines? It's easier when everything is in one place.

Animated movies ("for children") can be fucking awesome and much more profound than non-animated ones. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish made a huge impact on me and almost gave me a panic attack (the titular cat does in fact experience one). Literally one of my favourite movies, it's so cool AND implausibly mature. It inspired me just at the right time to experience awakenings which required a lot of overcoming of fear. https://letterboxd.com/film/puss-in-boots-the-last-wish/ --> Letterboxd reviews don't lie, baby Soul was great!

He also created a duplicate account to bypass the apolitical restriction.

Haha. Getting through the Last Cave was really something. It was difficult and I died many times but it was so fun to skill up and finally clear it. Also using the Spur (best weapon in the game with incredibly satisfying sound effects) and Booster 2.0, a great movement upgrade. Getting these two requires taking a harder route but it is so rewarding and unlocks the best ending. You have to do MUCH more to reach it (go through literal hell, haha) but it's worth it in the end. I remember Cave Story so fondly. I don't know if playing through the game itself again would be so enjoyable but I just remember it as such a vibe... So many emotions I couldn't describe accurately. I love the music, I love the sound effects, I like the characters and story. The gameplay and boss fights are cool too, but it's not the same when I've already gone through them... they're too easy! Oh, Cave Story. I really, REALLY like You. And Pixel, I thank You sincerely for creating it. Your work gave me great memories.

I could learn so much from animals. They're just doing their thing. A cat is being a cat. A pigeon is being a pigeon. Not judging shit all the time. Not worrying about a million things. Not lying so much. Not deceiving themselves. Just being what they are. I wish I could similarly just be and do my thing without all the lies and stories. I'm often calling my cat a dum-dum, at least once per day. But I'm starting to think she's actually more intelligent than me. I feel like a cretin for weaving all this bullshit and believing it. Getting lost in what's not there. Maybe that's what it means to be a human? THAT'S a human being a human? I don't want to be a human then.

Some of my fav tracks from the game. I listen to them occasionally. Balcony for relaxation and nostalgia, Oppression for adrenaline and fighting spirit. Hahaha! Cave Story, my love.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am so desperate I am going mad. I don't know how to escape this hellhole. Can I even do anything to escape it?! Surrender feels out of reach too. I feel like it requires a very intelligent "move" but I'm literally too dumb to see it, let alone do it. Sirens are going off inside my mind. If I don't "wisen up" real fast I can do some real harm to this vessel. For fuck's sake. I wish I could just NOT BE HERE! FUCK! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL AND KILL ME ALREADY?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I fucking knew what to do. Or I wish I knew how to stop being "me"... It's all damn falsehood, that's what it is. Falsehood, falsehood everywhere around me! And my own fucking mind is doing it! Weaving these stories, these God damn lies and disruptive thoughts. Why I ask, WHY?! I wish I could obliterate this disgusting machine for lying. I don't know how to express all of this, I can't. All I wrote is bullshit. I can't accurately convey the despair I'm in. Once again I just want to scream my fucking lungs out and.... I don't know. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Curse you motherfucker for creating this nightmare, thanks for nothing. But wait, what the fuck am I doing blaming someone else?! It's all MY FAULT. MY OWN! BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! It's all so stupid. Why am I even writing this. I'm only digging my own grave... I wish I could close off and not allow anything in. I wish I could isolate myself completely and just die a sad, pitiful death. There is nothing but darkness and hopelessness for me. I'm going to die in shame, knowing my resistance was futile but I was too big of an idiot to give it up. Fuck my life and fuck everything here.

You just don't get him, You're too low consciousness.