Sincerity

Interesting. What You say rings true and aligns with some of "my" latest insights. And yet I wonder... all that You say here is your understanding. Ehh, I gotta contemplate whether it's possible at all to go without it. Thank You for your wisdom. Sincerely.

That's how it is sometimes, I feel. It depends on state. You can always get more insights by asking more questions. And by contemplating more in general.

I'm in it for the exploration. I'm in it for experience. I'm in it for BEING. But I'm starting to doubt the understanding, the interpretations, the stories. Especially my own, of course. Sure, everything is IT always. But that says nothing about the course of action, the guiding value motivating You to awaken. I'm starting to sense the same. Although I don't know what Leo means by understanding. Even though it's understanding through being (and not merely intellectual ofc), I feel like there's still separation there. Why not be through being instead of understanding through being...? I don't know what You mean. Do You mean the pointer is not It?

I still haven't watched Leo's video on insight because I didn't have the time. Or rather I was more preoccupied with my own insights. Interesting! If I had to record ALL of them I would literally be writing all the time. It's too much. This thread is kind of old and I don't even remember the state of mind I wrote it in. My problem has resolved itself I think but Y'all can still share your thoughts/advice if You want. For me insights are meant to be contemplated even further to go as deep as possible with interconnectedness and understanding. Then at the end when I'm tired with all the contemplation I can look at the entire perspective with a smile and finally rest. Nowadays I spontaneously record interesting thoughts/insights in a notes app on my phone and periodically make reports to process them to a greater extent. I very much enjoy this entire process and it helps with clarity immensely. I don't mind sharing them - I often do through the posts I make. I guess so. Although writing them down helps a lot. To kinda get them out of my system.

Honestly this sounds like a weed insight. When You look at it, wouldn't You say that's only story? And that too? I don't mean to sound dismissive. I've been awakening so much all month but now I think to myself that it all has been human bs... pointers like "Dream", describing IT even with words like "God" or "Consciousness", stories about how the Universe is... I sense it's all only human comprehension and that I have never really gone beyond my limited human understanding. ☹️ Lately I've been trying to focus only on PURE BEING but I couldn't do it. Yeah, I awakened further and it could be said it was amazing but I'm not satisfied... I feel like humanness is constricting me. The point is, aren't all stories of what God is bullshit? Aren't ALL ways of understanding not IT and therefore insufficient? I'm starting to doubt the value of understanding (through being) and I feel like going for only BEING. Because hell, what compares to IT..?

https://www.actualized.org/insights/infinite-consciousness-gif Hmm. I had barely any visuals in my trips. I always awakened with my normal field of vision. It's an interesting possibility that it could be otherwise and I could actually see and become an infinite singularity. That's what I love Leo for most I think - showing me possibilities. I could become the Pure Godhead? Damn. This post really inspires me. I gotta try 5-MeO and all that shit in the future. ... By the way, I love gifs. Here are a few cool ones I found today. It's all Magic. I am Love AND I am nothing. Infinite Love. This is how I often feel when walking around. ^ I find such freedom in this gif. It feels so refreshing... God, I just love Reality haha. Free will fucking rocks.

Victimhood certainly sells. And if it sells, there's gonna be sellers. Which is gonna lead to its further spread and more sellers. A vicious circle! Until we learn and then know better.

Thank You!! I'm glad to be of help. Oh, You're so young. I'm 20 if You wish to know. I got involved in all of this when I was around 15. From what I sense, You have the Intuition (everyone does, but most don't hear it) and the wisdom. So You're gonna get big "results" sooner or later. There will be struggle but it will be worth it... Oh it will.

Nice video. I think it's a good point that the idea of masculinity for men has to evolve towards being inner motivated. This seems like a great opportunity if young men found some good role models. But of course instead of enthusiastically moving forward towards alignment with higher values we backlash and stick to what we "know" or what we want reality to be. That's how humans are, haha... I didn't fall in love with this guy's style (feels too edgy for me) but I liked what he had so say. A vision of TRUE masculinity, grounded in virtues and self-sacrifice (for God) is something really worth aspiring to for me. And true femininity too, of course!

"They" wouldn't get it. Everyone is God and deserves respect, but at the same time most (not all) humans are animals that will lash out and try to bring You down when You question their worldview. They only defend what they think they "know". So don't doubt yourself because of them. You know/gain confidence by realizing what You are through BEING. Then no one can convince You otherwise because what they say is worthless compared to what You know You are. Of course You can still delude yourself and misinterpret experience (be careful about that!) and many humans (Your Dream = God = You) can be wiser than You and point You to where You aren't yet. But these "wise humans" aren't the scientific type in most cases. It's more like mystics, stage yellow/turquoise people or whoever. You gotta see TRUE quality in people and only look to those who seem the best in what they do. Of course You never know for sure whether You're right with the assessment. You stop being affected by being so confident in your being that outside critism is only a mosquito buzzing around. Most people are not doing this work and they simply don't know better. They will only try to sell You their worldview unconsciously. You never fully know if You're not delusional. You have to be wise, You have to double-check yourself, You have to look at yourself from different angles. You can get inspired by the world, listen to others' perspectives and advice and examine what You hear with your wisdom. Yes, be a sceptic of your thoughts and ideas. They're pretty much worthless because they're not IT. What matters is BEING. No word, no description, no interpretation can point to IT. To what You ARE. Have faith. You have the strength to go beyond all the bullshit and reach what's True. Only YOU can do it... because only You are the Mystery You're trying to solve. You're gonna make it man, I believe in You!

Life update Right now I have a clear head so let's write a small life update. I feel good. I'm mostly optimistic about the future. Today is a one month anniversary of an awakening that had an enormous impact on my life. It's been great... and I'm very grateful for all of it. But I feel like I have to rest a bit now. That's what Intuition is telling me. I want to DO more in the world, get lost in activities, be inspired by external stuff. I want to take a break from awakening, from this venturing into what I am deeper and deeper (which I feel like has become an obsession) and just... chill. Do shit I care about, which I've neglected a bit because of contemplating and focusing on further awakening all the time. I am going to be working in a very nice local cafe for at least the next 4 months (unless they fire me). Because I want to! I'm so excited by this, hahaha... It's gonna be fun. Besides that I'm still enrolled in college and I do other stuff that's meaningful to me like dancing and writing. And I'm not gonna completely stop contemplating/meditating - I will dedicate time for that, but less. Recently I've felt like my depth is running out. I'm getting less inspired inwardly and more by external things. Well, that's just the cycle I'm in. In about 4 months I assume I will start reaching "levels" I've never even dreamed about... I noticed a pattern that after about 3-4 months of forgettance I go into 3-4 months of ever-deeper awakening. Well, over 3 months have passed since the start of my current "expansion" phase. On November 18th I thought of seriously killing myself and that was the crisis that woke me up from lethargy. If I didn't then do some serious deconstruction and contemplation... oh, well, I'm just glad I got that slap on the face because of which I moved my ass. A crisis is the greatest opportunity for change. And now's the time for the "integration/forgettance" phase! It has a lot of beauty to it too. With each cycle I feel like I can handle it better. I can still remember to accept NOW... In fact I do this quite regularly and it always helps. (Thank You... ?) So I don't have to fret nothin'. Alright. I'll quickly mention what I've awakened to recently... New awakening I am God. God doesn't exist. I am nothing. I literally DON'T EXIST. To be God = to be not. Reality is My Fantasy. I am Fantasizing about what I am. And even though I don't exist, I AM through Dreaming! My Fantasy is all that IS. Nothing in this Fantasy matters. None of its content has anything in common with ME. No state, no awakening, no experience, no pointer is IT. It's all FANTASY! Nothing that happens in the Fantasy is related to Me... And yet the Fantasy is OF ME! I am completely NOTHING and all I do is Fantasize about what I am. The Fantasy is what I Imagine Myself to be. Reality is a Fantasy of what I am. Reality is a Realization of My Infinite Potential. Reality is a Dream of no one at all. Reality is Infinite Imagination. To Be = to Dream = to Fantasize = to Create = to Live. My only way of BEING is DREAMING. And Being = Dreaming, lol. So in short, I AM through BEING. I can BE even though there is no Me. And to BE is to BE exactly what IS. I am utterly nothing and I am Infinite. There is no other. My Dream is Ever-Lasting. And nothing I do in It makes any difference. To conclude, it's all just Fantasy. Nothing matters and I love it... Take me over. ?

Yup.

You tell if it's Intuition by intuiting it. The voice of Intuition has a clarity and lightness to it. It comes with a feeling of rightness even if there's fear/shame/anger/whatever opposing it. It can be aligned with your self-interests or not, so don't judge it based on that. Understand that Intuition is not necessarily gonna lead You to the highest material gain or pleasure. It's gonna lead You to something better. I think of Intuition as a GPS to God. Always showing the best possible path and constantly updating. So even if You fuck up and pass the turn, You ALWAYS get a second chance. How great is that?! Redemption is always possible... Also, You can never judge in retrospect whether an intuitive decision was "good" or whether it was even coming from Intuition. Because You don't know the full picture. This seems like Intuition. Look, Intuition is INFINITELY personalized for You. It's aligned with your highest values and what You want out of life. It's not always the intuitive decision to stay away from lost people. But sometimes it can also tell You to do it. There are no simple answers here. Intuition will tell YOU what's best for YOU, RIGHT NOW! And don't analyze an intuitive choice because it's not meant to be analyzed. You won't comprehend the Infinite Intelligence of Intuition anyway. You are a million times stupider so your best bet is to HAVE FAITH and go where it's guiding You. Don't dissect the choices it's suggesting, You will only fuck it up. That's my 2 cents. If You have questions, lemme know. I think Intuition is the greatest gift ever and I absolutely fucking love it.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. Do You remember where he said that? (if he did)

Great point. I was falling into the trap of wanting to immediately go into deep and serious topics for a long time. I'm not sure what the root cause of this desire was. Maybe lack of intimacy? Feeling misunderstood? Feeling unappreciated? Idk, I'm spitballing. Light conversations are awesome.

?? !!

Watched it with my family and liked it. Also I interpreted the ending the same way as You. Sometimes the delivery of the dialogue (or maybe the dialogue itself) felt a bit off to me but overall it was good. I found a lot of meaning in it.

Well, at least now You're honest what it is to You.

I literally burst out laughing. ? Dude, don't subscribe to anything. How many times have You been advised on this forum to rely on direct experience? It's your truth of the moment that other people exist. Fine. But if You immersed yourself in Presence enough You could realize what all of this is. It's You, lol. And there's nothing besides You.

Once again I've awakened. No one will hear me... Even I won't hear me. Cause there is no "me". * But nobody came. I am so empty. My Dream is all these is... It's nothing, it's beautiful, it's meaningless. It IS what it IS. I am the Dreamer that doesn't exist, just Dreaming of what I am... A Dream of My Infinite Potential. A REALIZATION of It. Infinite Potential Actualized through Dreaming. I'm feeling sad. I don't even know why, but that's what IS right now. I just want to cry... But I have to contemplate further or I wouldn't be "myself". Fuck.

Interesting. I understand what You're asking. I would say yes, since to be God = to be what IS, NOW. Even though the finite may not recognize itself, what it IS remains unchanged. Its truth of the moment may vary --> "I am limited, I am a being, I am different from God". And yet this truth of the moment can only be experienced because Experience IS the case.

Lately I've been dealing with interesting thoughts. "I wanna burn myself to the ground. I want there to be nothing left of me." "I've been thinking about my endgame in life. How about I go fight in the war that I think might be coming? Until now I've always thought that in case of war, I'm gonna run away with my family to Germany. But now I think to myself... well, why not fight in the war? I'm gonna learn a lot about life and if I die, then fucking what? It doesn't matter anyway after all! I CAN DO ANYTHING!" "I'm gonna learn a lot of money til I'm about 40 and then buy a cabin in the woods near a lake (somewhere relatively close to a small town, but also secluded) and do 5-MeO, salvia and all that stuff there so that I break myself completely. Effectively I would go for my death." "I want to get punched in the face someday. I want to go fight in the war. I want to go to jail and get raped there." "What if I could transcend this "realm" and live an entirely different existence? What if I could go beyond all these limitations by becoming ultra conscious? Nobody is gonna tell me about this possibility because I'm all there fucking is. "They" wouldn't fucking know. What if I could become SO CONSCIOUS that limits are no longer imagined & I really TRANSCEND all of this?" "As God, I can literally experience ANYTHING. Couldn't I go beyond to a "higher plane" with absurd consciousness? Couldn't I be an Angel, for example? I want to be an Angel." Right now I'm in a calmer state and so I can't express these with the same "craziness", really... But also I've got some notes from when I really was in a somewhat unhinged state and here are some of them... "Fuck safety precautions. Stop pretending you are wise and cautious and admit you are scared like a baby. You are completely full of shit, you are not serious, you are just procrastinating on the overcoming of fear. YOU COULD KNOW RIGHT NOW! It doesn't matter what they fucking say. Everyone telling you nooo don't kill yourself, don't do it etc. etc. They are fucking scared, is all." "I'm gonna stab you to death when you're not around. I'm gonna fucking stab you, you roach. You are pathetic. You are this scared little shit frightened of losing your precious mod position and account on the forum. You are scared of challenging people. You are scared of leaving it all. Fucking look at yourself, you're disgusting. You could be overcoming fear right now but no, you're attached to these animals chattering about shit. PEOPLE ARE ANIMALS PLAYING THEIR GAMES. THEY KNOW NOTHING! And even though they're bullshitters, you're still siding with them. That makes you a bullshitter." "You are a coward and a fool. You are worthless. Just fucking die already." I've been having this inner talk for some time now. Today it's gotten stronger, I became more conscious of it and dug into what's behind it. More on that in a bit. For now, here's my response to myself. I find that it's really useful to split myself in half sometimes and engage in dialogue. One side is this unhinged, angry passion and the other side is calm and reasonable wisdom, let's say, You were supposed to surrender to God, instead of growing your egoic passion and will. Look at what You're doing. This is the opposite of surrender and I'd suggest this is being a devil. Do You honestly think a "highly conscious" being would see "others" as "animals"? Only "animals" see "animals", to use your logic. Be careful, because You are on a path to devilry and falsehood. If You surrendered yourself to Intuition, all would be okay. You don't need to enact your will on the world. Have You forgotten that? You can simply BE and be aligned with God in this way. This would (most likely) be the greatest existence. Don't abuse the power You've learned. Fearlessness can go into your head. It's NOT spiritual work to go commit crime intentionally and go to jail. Or go fight in a war for some reason. Don't prove things to yourself. Don't do unreasonable shit. Of course nothing matters, but that's no excuse to act in an unhinged way! Seriously, notice how it's all gotten to your head, please! Examine your motivations! Living aligned with Intuition will be far better than acting on these egoic drives. Can't You see that You've become bitter? Yeah, You can still appreciate the beauty of reality and all that, but there's also anger involved and I'd say it's coming from an untrue place. Being reasonable isn't any truer than being unreasonable... but also it kind of is. Please, don't fall off the path. You've come so far. Notes and insights. I am the devil. I feel like today the devil was speaking through me. And I've got some deeper insight into what the devil even is. See, the devil is me. I am the devil. THE DEVIL IS PERFECTLY DISGUISED AS ME. It's fucking brilliant. It's perfect! There is no guy with a pitchfork out there, there is no outside evil, there is ME! The disguise is so good because it is infinitely customized to me. It's designed so intelligently it's unimaginable, truly the work of a genius. I use all of my emotional points, charged memories and thoughts filled with meaning to stay "alive". Whatever I find meaning in I utilize to keep myself here. I find I do this very much through interpreting the stories and motifs in my favourite video games, TV shows and movies. Also obviously my memories from interacting with people and all that. One of the most intelligent aspects of devilry is that I will use all my "knowledge" of God, memories from awakenings and interpretations of them to further build my card castle... BUT IN A MUCH MORE SUBTLE WAY. It's so fucking subtle! Amazing. It should have been obvious to me, but the devil will TWIST the truth into devilry and falsehood... and the rhetoric may still include words like God, Love and all that! Devilry also gets more difficult to distinguish when I am still able to access some higher states in spite of it. I can be mesmerized by the beauty of the world & highly conscious... and later the same day have thoughts like "I wanna go fight in the war and be shot in the face". And then be in a peaceful state again. It's tricky. These thoughts can be perceived as "truthful" because I'm not really feeling any "negative consequences". With some of these thoughts there's anger involved, but it doesn't really feel bad tho. I thought that maybe that it's righteous anger and thus it's okay... ehh, I don't know. All of this is tricky territory and I'm learning to navigate it on the go. I especially want to make sure that I don't fall into a dark path - that'd be a bit of a shame. I can do so much more. Or maybe someday "I" could do nothing at all... Why should we care for what they're selling us anyway...?

Thanks! Very grateful to hear You find my shit worthy of consideration.

I don't know if it's just me, but I sense your words here are brimming with profound peace, compassion and understanding! ? "Well, look around. Life is astoundingly beautiful." --> God damn!!!! This one hit me the most. It's radiating peace!!!! Or maybe I'm going crazy. ? Be honest, did You take MDMA or what?! Hahaha

29/36. Also had to google a lot of the words. But I'm taking full responsibility for the score.