Sincerity

Animated movies ("for children") can be fucking awesome and much more profound than non-animated ones. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish made a huge impact on me and almost gave me a panic attack (the titular cat does in fact experience one). Literally one of my favourite movies, it's so cool AND implausibly mature. It inspired me just at the right time to experience awakenings which required a lot of overcoming of fear. https://letterboxd.com/film/puss-in-boots-the-last-wish/ --> Letterboxd reviews don't lie, baby Soul was great!

He also created a duplicate account to bypass the apolitical restriction.

Haha. Getting through the Last Cave was really something. It was difficult and I died many times but it was so fun to skill up and finally clear it. Also using the Spur (best weapon in the game with incredibly satisfying sound effects) and Booster 2.0, a great movement upgrade. Getting these two requires taking a harder route but it is so rewarding and unlocks the best ending. You have to do MUCH more to reach it (go through literal hell, haha) but it's worth it in the end. I remember Cave Story so fondly. I don't know if playing through the game itself again would be so enjoyable but I just remember it as such a vibe... So many emotions I couldn't describe accurately. I love the music, I love the sound effects, I like the characters and story. The gameplay and boss fights are cool too, but it's not the same when I've already gone through them... they're too easy! Oh, Cave Story. I really, REALLY like You. And Pixel, I thank You sincerely for creating it. Your work gave me great memories.

I could learn so much from animals. They're just doing their thing. A cat is being a cat. A pigeon is being a pigeon. Not judging shit all the time. Not worrying about a million things. Not lying so much. Not deceiving themselves. Just being what they are. I wish I could similarly just be and do my thing without all the lies and stories. I'm often calling my cat a dum-dum, at least once per day. But I'm starting to think she's actually more intelligent than me. I feel like a cretin for weaving all this bullshit and believing it. Getting lost in what's not there. Maybe that's what it means to be a human? THAT'S a human being a human? I don't want to be a human then.

Some of my fav tracks from the game. I listen to them occasionally. Balcony for relaxation and nostalgia, Oppression for adrenaline and fighting spirit. Hahaha! Cave Story, my love.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am so desperate I am going mad. I don't know how to escape this hellhole. Can I even do anything to escape it?! Surrender feels out of reach too. I feel like it requires a very intelligent "move" but I'm literally too dumb to see it, let alone do it. Sirens are going off inside my mind. If I don't "wisen up" real fast I can do some real harm to this vessel. For fuck's sake. I wish I could just NOT BE HERE! FUCK! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TAKE THE FUCKING WHEEL AND KILL ME ALREADY?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I fucking knew what to do. Or I wish I knew how to stop being "me"... It's all damn falsehood, that's what it is. Falsehood, falsehood everywhere around me! And my own fucking mind is doing it! Weaving these stories, these God damn lies and disruptive thoughts. Why I ask, WHY?! I wish I could obliterate this disgusting machine for lying. I don't know how to express all of this, I can't. All I wrote is bullshit. I can't accurately convey the despair I'm in. Once again I just want to scream my fucking lungs out and.... I don't know. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Curse you motherfucker for creating this nightmare, thanks for nothing. But wait, what the fuck am I doing blaming someone else?! It's all MY FAULT. MY OWN! BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP IT!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! It's all so stupid. Why am I even writing this. I'm only digging my own grave... I wish I could close off and not allow anything in. I wish I could isolate myself completely and just die a sad, pitiful death. There is nothing but darkness and hopelessness for me. I'm going to die in shame, knowing my resistance was futile but I was too big of an idiot to give it up. Fuck my life and fuck everything here.

You just don't get him, You're too low consciousness.

@PenguinPablo Well, if it's so intense for You then contemplate why You need "others" to "be there" so much. What are "you" getting out of "them"? You can familiarize yourself with Aloneness. In fact You can familiarize yourself with anything, really.

It was mostly positive for me I'd say. I wouldn't say I left the beginning stages. And I'm certainly not conscious that I am Alone right now.

@RickyFitts Loba isn't banned, actually.

I feel inspired by this channel's content. I'm researching different types of lifestyles. I feel like I'm not suited for a traditional one. I'd rather kill myself than work some stupid corporate jobs for decades. My life is not going to be about that.

I've never fallen so low. I hate this life and I wish I was dead. I could make an entire rant but I think this pretty much sums it up. Fuck this shit. I just wanna to scream at the top of my lungs and stab myself in the stomach. Well, maybe not right now but nowadays I feel like this often. I could say worse things but I don't wanna push the limits of what's appropriate on this forum. In short I'm falling lower and lower and I fucking hate all of it.

Cool. First one to get there gets the Actualized.org medal?

? Let's hope for the best for him.

I don't know what You think my idea is. But it doesn't include the description of the distinction between perception and consciousness You made. You said that Leo also conflates perception and consciousness. Well, I was suggesting maybe You're drawing a distinction where it's not there. Most of the definitions of the verb "perceive" are something like "to notice or become aware of". Which to me equals "to be/become conscious of". I am conscious that I am God = I perceive that I am God. I'm tired of this talk. I'll just add that I don't like the word solipsism in general. I prefer Aloneness.

Well, I don't consider what the word "solipsism" points to an idea. It is what it is.

It's an idea if You hold it as one. You're talking about imaginary stuff. And I don't even know why You're asking that.

Ideas.

I think You're creating this distinction out of thin air. Perception isn't "fundamentally" form and consciousness isn't "fundamentally" formless. There's no "crucial distinction". It is what it is. Appearance IS reality. Perception IS consciousness. Leo has a video on perception. Here's the summary.

Yeah. Instead of "something more mindless like social media" I should have said "more mindless social media (than this forum)". From what the guy says, the forum addiction does in fact interfere with what he's trying to achieve. I agree addiction is a form of love. But I wouldn't say genuine self-expression is something one is addicted to. Intuition is like anti-addiction. Following it seems to me like a "truer" form of love.

Just be careful to not replace the time You would normally spend here with something more mindless like social media. I mean, if You really want to awaken, I think You'd better waste away your time here than there. There's a lotta good advice to be found on this forum. I'm not stopping You tho. Good luck, it's all learning opportunity. ? You'll certainly learn a lot about yourself.

I think your addiction to the forum has a root cause and You're not solving it by leaving the forum. It's up to You to figure out what it is. I'd guess that even if You leave this place forever You will soon find another way to satisfy the addiction. Make sure You're not running away from the problem. Confront it. When this addiction of yours is not satisfied it will certainly come up to the surface. You will probably suffer because of that but You can decide to be persistently conscious of it and try to dissolve it. You have it in You to pull through. But also there's no shame in retreating and deciding to fight this battle in another time. We'll welcome You back with no judgment if You return, because these battles are hard. Good luck.

@StarStruck I don't know why You thought it's the right thread for this cynical meme.

Thank You! That's really nice to hear. ?❤️

Hahaha. You really think You wouldn't sell your soul to the devil for the right price? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Imagine You could treat that illness that's been torturing You all your life. Imagine You could turn back time and save your loved one from being raped, murdered, tortured. Imagine You could have any body You want, get rid of everything You don't like about yours. Imagine You could stop the war in Ukraine. In fact prevent all wars from even happening. Imagine You could make the government into what You want it to be. Get your conservative/progressive agenda through. Imagine You could kill that country's oppressive leader (that may be harmful to the broader world too) with a snap of a finger. Imagine You could have all the riches of the world --> money, status, women, luxury, power... Imagine You could have what You want MOST. That even includes existential depth, experience of mystical states, incredible understanding of reality, basking in unimaginable beauty... Imagine, imagine, imagine. The only cost is losing the way out of yourself. That's not that big a price considering You could have anything You want, right? And also it's not like You can only do stuff for yourself. You can also do good for others! Like stopping wars or getting a progressive agenda through! What's wrong with that?! Fuck everything. If I could sell my soul to be all-powerful, I would. I'd bring everything to ashes and laugh about it. THE DEVIL WANTS TO BE ALL-POWERFUL LIKE GOD! Isn't that funny?! HAHAHAHAHA. Haha... it's so easy to corrupt a person. You just have to press the right buttons! There are so many erratic thoughts going through my mind lately that it's hard for me to find stability sometimes. Yesterday I meditated for an hour and found myself in mild states of madness. I'm not gonna presume what insanity is because I don't know it but I had weird visions and illogical thoughts and all... also during the night I had incredibly vivid fever dreams. Slept for only 3 hours, went for my college lecture today and looked like I was half-dead. My friends were looking at me weird, also because I mentioned to them that I experienced some mad states yesterday. I told them that because one of them said something to me and mentioned meditation and I said "funny, actually I meditated yesterday and went into some states of madness". It was perfectly in context, however that was a blunder and I should bite my tongue more. I feel like I've lost my filter to a considerable degree in the recent months... Well. To be honest I feel like I haven't been stable lately, but I consider that part of the journey. I must integrate this devilish shit. I have to pull through somehow and I certainly will, nobody's going to help me with it. I feel like I'm on my own. I'm not worried about killing myself anymore that much since it's kinda lost its "power" to me. I deconstructed it and don't see it as a valid way out. At least that's my current view. I'll do anything it takes to pull through in THIS dream, because why not. NOTHING matters anyway, including escaping from here... But God... Why the fuck is all of this so difficult ☹️