Sincerity

Where'd that come from 😭 I don't feel that way The above I said in general. Not in regard to the original situation

I want to share some insights in regard to expectations / gifting / perspective, inspired by communication with my romantic partner. Something I was struggling with a bit: when I bought meals for me and my partner she would often eat half of hers (due to already being full) and instead of giving the rest to me (when I'd like to eat that) she would ask the restaurant staff to pack the rest for takeout for her for another day. Also she would sometimes (in the past) not like to share her meal with me just so I could try it. I was touched by that. (More context: I really value diversity in life. When I'm in a restaurant with 3 other friends we will share meals with each other so that each of us tastes everything. That's something I really love. My partner is different however, we had different upbringings and traumas. Still, out of love for me she started to share things with me so I can try them.) I thought about this and we communicated honestly. I noticed how it all depended on my perspective of how I viewed buying a meal for us. It could be: I am buying a meal for us. It is OURS. For us to eat it here, together. I am buying a meal for myself and her. Her meal is HERS. She can do with her meal what she pleases, after all I bought it for HER. I was mostly assuming the first perspective. Thus I felt touched when she packed the meal for takeout and didn't want me to eat the rest. Assuming the second perspective, however, I understood I am making the decision to buy her the meal and she can do whatever with it. I no longer felt touched. Better yet, I felt good with respecting her boundaries and treating her as the man I am - truly giving something to HER. Not to "us". Giving something to ANOTHER. There is so many layers of expectation when giving something to another. Imagine buying someone a present and you learn that they sold it a week later. You'd probably be touched - why? Didn't you give the item away? No. I noticed you don't give something away until you shed the last of "you" from it. So as long as an item for someone is "a present from you", you have expectations in regard to it because it is still connected to you! YOU are invested in it! And the more effort you put into a present, the more "you" of you usually is in that present. And so paradoxically: for something to truly be a present from you, it has to stop being "a present from you"! It has to be theirs entirely and for you just an item. To truly give something away is to shed any association of you to the item. Otherwise there is expectation. You can take this and consider how it relates to the interplay of you vs God (or: you vs reality, you vs other). Any thoughts or related stories? Let me know.

Thanks! Yeah, sometimes it is very difficult to say "I did this intentionally to hurt you. I was angry at you and I wanted you to hurt" or "I did this to steal your energy. Unconsciously but still. I'm sorry".

Inspiring shit!

Understood, respect ✌️

She relented on me trying out her food because I expressed it's important to me. She usually doesn't share food with friends and doesn't want to be shared with either. She literally doesn't care how someone else's food tastes. Just different attitude/values I'd say.

Thanks for the kind words! We love each other a lot and grow in that love, we communicate honestly and tell each other whenever anything makes us feel not right. I changed a lot in my behaviour due to our conversations and my awareness of what the healthy relationship requires of me. In the relationship I'd say she's more emotionally mature, direct with her feelings and forgiving than me. In contrast I'm more insightful, leading and taking care of her. I sometimes explicitly tell her about the mechanics of my devilry and selfish behaviour so that 1) she is aware of it and thus more immune and 2) I am exposed and can no longer employ dirty tactics in the shadows.

I think it's a matter of upbringing. Her mother often didn't respect the ownership of her things and ate her food for example because my partner "ate it too slowly". WIth my mom we almost always shared things but there was also the expectation to share and not sharing could be seen as selfish. Different upbringings/childhood traumas = different attitudes in life, right? But with love and honest communication compromise is always possible.

Tricky situation for sure. Definitely right to pay him back somehow. If YOU deem his kindness was worth 15000 yuan - sure, but it doesn't have to be that number. If that's truly your friend you should be able to communicate with them about your worries. You simply don't have that money right now. Maybe you could agree to pay him back at some point in the future. If your friend wasn't there and you had to pay up 15000 yuan to the hospital, what would you have done? Is any help from parents not an option? That's a very dickish thing to say. Don't let yourself be manipulated.

3 years?! That's messed up. Not normal, not okay. Pay him up whatever sum you genuinely feel is right and be done with this. No rent paying for 3 damn years.

@CARDOZZO Lately I really feel the orange drive. I want to get richer. I want to taste more "freedom", luxury, travel, good food with my hot witch lad. Being independent. I know this is my way ATM.

I fucking hate people talking about spirituality so much. These dumb motherfuckers talking in such an enlightened way while they're unaware that a powerful energy/feeling could ALWAYS bring them down to a low unconscious level. How stupid are you? Don't you realize your state is fragile like glass? You're at the mercy of forces you're not yet aware of, but they're there under the surface. And you wouldn't be giving these sweet talks smiling if you were KOed like a motherfucker by them when they inevitably come up. Such fucking idiots. It's always easy to understand shit in retrospect. Let's see you apply these lessons when you're down in the dirt again! You stupid assholes.

Some people's plot is being intellectuals. That can be their way. I know it's not mine. But they can also be Leo's copycats. Which equals living someone else's plot/life, not your own.

True spirituality is within the plot of life. There's no greater spirituality than being engaged in whatever the heart is calling to - be that making money, building a great relationship, exercising, et cetera. Of course the heart might also call for serious psychedelic exploration or intense meditation. The heart knows what is best at the moment. If it tells you to go for that ICE, that's the way. It's cretinic to try to force things and "be spiritual" at all costs. All will unfold naturally. People don't understand the FLOW OF LIFE in this forum. Leo doesn't as well, or at least he doesn't preach it and due to this the forum is as autistic as it is. Too fucking intellectual and detached from the plot. Too little heart and down-to-earthness coming from living the plot.

@Davino Hot witch girlfriends are old shit. I always say: if she doesn't have at least 8 arms, she ain't worth it. Yup, I always say that. The peak is to find yourself a Hindu Goddess girlfriend. Tbf I actually did say this to a friend lol.

That's not evidence. That's your interpretation. Notice your view of "a presence of another being". It doesn't have to be viewed this way. You can view all that happens as Reality/Consciousness with no distinctions inside of it. It can be whole, undivided, without separate beings. Then your "evidence" of Indra's net collapses. Also, does the "presence of someone else" REALLY influence you? In other words, is there really any external influence on your emotions/state or is your state always changing to due your reactions to what you are seeing? Maybe what you are seeing doesn't have its own energy

Lost eternally in an endless night. Is that your idea of paradise?

So sorry dude. This is a fucked up situation but ultimately a huge opportunity for a lesson in life (whatever it's supposed to be for you). Suffering is a gift, in it it is hidden mercy as they say. I would hate to be in your situation. You're strong. I wish you well.

Fucking badass This utter buffoon, EQUAL hahahaha. Comically stupid. I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life.

I think your (original) post has a bunch of errors in thinking like Humans being killers = reality (not reality but interpretation of experience) Humans being killers --> ok but does that mean we must be carnivorous/non-vegan? Monkeys might kill but are they carnivorous? Rejecting the biology we were born with --> we're not born carnivorous though A crocodile not being able to come to terms with the fact that they need to kill to survive --> we don't need to kill/eat animals to survive in the current times Yes there is a component of higher consciousness involved but in most cases when someone awakens to the Equality of all beings and the love of all beings they choose 2 paths. They accept that selfishness is fundamental to survival or they reject being a human and develop identity dysmorphia. --> I don't think any of these paths are actually what ensues when someone awakens. Accepting selfishness doesn't necessitate intentionally participating in it. "Rejection" of being a human and developing dysmorphia is also unhealthy and unwise. Why would these be the only 2 options? Accept what you see in the mirror, a crocodile. 🐊 --> Is that what you see in the mirror? I see a humanoid.

I'm all for integrating the killer energy. I think everyone needs to be able to kill - mainly on the mental plane. To let go of their past, to break off bad relationships, to release whatever is no longer resonating. Seriously - people fucking need to be able to kill. Also physically in self defense or in defense of one's closest ones. If such defense is genuinely necessary, as the ultimate last resort. But this energy must be paired with benevolence and wisdom. If you're disregarding your good heart in order to intentionally embrace selfishness - short-term that's a cool experiment I think, but in the long-term that's a road of misery and unforeseen consequences. That's building karma. I'm not a vegan btw.

General note: this forum does not allow for homophobia and all such comments will be met with warning points.

Who are they to you?

I want to provide some more value to this community before I inevitably leave. I was thinking about what threads I could create. What do I say that others would get value from? So pointless. The harder I try, the less I succeed. I figured the best contribution I can make is simply share my experience. Someone who relates should find my words valuable. I don't need to make threads explaining my techniques, insights or any of that shit. Who gives a fuck? People relate to stories, not words of convincing. I am in unprecedented territory. After my suicide "attempt" (nothing would happen anyway, it was failed from the start, I was just being dramatic) I repressed the memory. But I knew I had to tell my closest one since otherwise I was emotionally blocked from her. And so after 2 weeks I told my girlfriend. ... A lot of crying. Anger. No faith. The most humiliating day of my life. I seriously didn't know how to continue living. I felt like I destroyed everything. But we're getting through it. I have the greatest girlfriend in the world. My literal hot witch girlfriend. My dream come true. I love her so much. I'm becoming a real man with her by my side. Anyways we're moving out together in less than a month. I got us an awesome fucking flat for rent in a beautiful location. I'm really happy about that. So much is happening. Almost too much. But right now I feel quite well. Today I watched my live awakening video that I posted to the forum in May last year. Gosh, this was only a year ago...? I was so different. That's not me on that video. I wonder what would happen if I took LSD now. I don't know why... I run away.