Sincerity

At least you have to have true determination to delete them. It gets that authentic desire out of you. It's not that bad if you're really set on it. I deleted my instagram account 2 months ago after waiting 30 days. I didn't care because I was sure that was the right call, and still am. Earlier this year I deleted my Steam account after 8 years, after having to wait 30 days as well. With costly games, hundreds of hours played, rare items, etc.. Don't regret nothing. It's good that you can't entirely delete your account on a whim because you might really regret it later. So forcing you to wait weeks to mull over your decision is quite wise in my opinion.

Don't fondle his balls too hard. It's not about him or anyone else.

Why would you post quotes that are not his

Partly this is true, but also you don't truly have "control" over what happens there. You can use your awareness to focus on certain energies (to act on them, to feel them out) but that's just that, awareness. Besides that they're living "their own lives" in a sense. And you're an infinite sandbox of these energies, an entire universe / dimension in its own, a battlefield. Perhaps the one and only universe in fact. Yup, cool.

Every story / myth / whatever is inspired by real imaginings of the mind. I now understand the stories of saints fighting with demons or the devil. I can see "a being" behind every thought I have. Some more saintly, some more hellish. All of the hindu gods "exist", or at least they exist for whoever sees them. All of the myth and stories which "humans came up with" (= were experienced with the mind's eye) were "true" (= were indeed played off in the mind's eye). It is quite obvious to say that "a story was first thought", nobody will disagree with that. But most will disagree that it was thus real. Well, it was! Just differently! With my mind's eye I see hellish, inhuman creatures. Sometimes angelic ones as well. And long consistent stories play off in my mind. For months (from December to July) a quest unraveled in my mind regarding me "catching" and understanding the fox. Before that there was a story about the snake. And now a story about a hawk is playing off. And other ones simultaneously as well. People don't understand that what happens in the mind is real. It's a different kind of real, but still real. You don't understand there is seriousness and meaning behind what happens there. And even when you shut off the mind these stories still play off unconsciously in physical reality. And then you don't see why this body of yours is doing what it's doing. WHAT YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS OF IS STILL THERE! In spite of what some people tell you, it's not just THIS in front of you. So fucking simplistic and stupid. These same people would see a fake apple and try to bite it. They would see a red dot from a laser on the wall and try to catch it. No consciousness behind these eyes. Instead of seeing deeper they're seeing shit in 2D. There is THOUGHT behind EVERYTHING. Thought being the reason, meaning, energy, will. I'm tired of people disregarding workings of the mind.

Life is a game and I'm losing it. I'm sorry if OMOCAT (creator of the game) had to go through hell which inspired this game. Every story / myth / whatever is inspired by real imaginings of the mind. I now understand these stories of saints fighting with demons or the devil. I can see "a being" behind every thought I have. Some more saintly, some more hellish. All of the hindu gods "exist", or at least they exist for whoever sees them. All of the myth and stories which "humans came up with" (= were experienced with the mind's eye) were "true" (= were indeed played off in the mind's eye). It is quite obvious to say that "a story was first thought", nobody will disagree with that. But most will disagree that it was thus real. Well, it was! Just differently! With my mind's eye I see hellish, inhuman creatures. Sometimes angelic ones as well. And long consistent stories play off in my mind. For months (from December to July) a quest unraveled in my mind regarding me "catching" and understanding the fox. Before that there was a story about the snake. And now a story about a hawk is playing off. And other ones simultaneously as well. People don't understand that what happens in the mind is real. It's a different kind of real, but still real. You don't understand there is seriousness and meaning behind what happens there. And even when you shut off the mind these stories still play off unconsciously in physical reality. It's just that you don't see why. WHAT YOU'RE UNCONSCIOUS OF IS STILL THERE! In spite of what these dumbasses tell you, it's not just THIS in front of you. So fucking simplistic and stupid. These same fucking people would see a fake apple and try to bite it. They would see a red dot from a laser on the wall and try to catch it. No consciousness behind these eyes. Instead of seeing deeper they're seeing shit in 2D. There is THOUGHT behind EVERYTHING. Thought being reason, meaning, energy, will. I hate everything and I'm tired.

(4:13-7:50) Literally my mind. I hear voices of malicious laughter and hatred towards me. I just fucking hate everything so much. Only a bullet through my head could relieve me.

Shadow work can be fun and exciting. Try active imagination. I recommend the book Inner Work by Robert A. Johnson. The beautiful diversity and complexity of mind is truly amazing. And having a lot of powerful visions is one of the things I love most about my life. With active imagination you too can tap into symbolic visions revealing hidden aspects of yourself. Or just analyze your dreams (same book recommendation). It's like solving mysteries, you CAN see the fun in that. It makes your life meaningful to you (because the meaning is there, you just have to discover it). "A dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read." Same applies to active imagination visions. Or even daily reoccurring visions for that matter. Be the adventurer you are meant to be.

Where'd that come from 😭 I don't feel that way The above I said in general. Not in regard to the original situation

I want to share some insights in regard to expectations / gifting / perspective, inspired by communication with my romantic partner. Something I was struggling with a bit: when I bought meals for me and my partner she would often eat half of hers (due to already being full) and instead of giving the rest to me (when I'd like to eat that) she would ask the restaurant staff to pack the rest for takeout for her for another day. Also she would sometimes (in the past) not like to share her meal with me just so I could try it. I was touched by that. (More context: I really value diversity in life. When I'm in a restaurant with 3 other friends we will share meals with each other so that each of us tastes everything. That's something I really love. My partner is different however, we had different upbringings and traumas. Still, out of love for me she started to share things with me so I can try them.) I thought about this and we communicated honestly. I noticed how it all depended on my perspective of how I viewed buying a meal for us. It could be: I am buying a meal for us. It is OURS. For us to eat it here, together. I am buying a meal for myself and her. Her meal is HERS. She can do with her meal what she pleases, after all I bought it for HER. I was mostly assuming the first perspective. Thus I felt touched when she packed the meal for takeout and didn't want me to eat the rest. Assuming the second perspective, however, I understood I am making the decision to buy her the meal and she can do whatever with it. I no longer felt touched. Better yet, I felt good with respecting her boundaries and treating her as the man I am - truly giving something to HER. Not to "us". Giving something to ANOTHER. There is so many layers of expectation when giving something to another. Imagine buying someone a present and you learn that they sold it a week later. You'd probably be touched - why? Didn't you give the item away? No. I noticed you don't give something away until you shed the last of "you" from it. So as long as an item for someone is "a present from you", you have expectations in regard to it because it is still connected to you! YOU are invested in it! And the more effort you put into a present, the more "you" of you usually is in that present. And so paradoxically: for something to truly be a present from you, it has to stop being "a present from you"! It has to be theirs entirely and for you just an item. To truly give something away is to shed any association of you to the item. Otherwise there is expectation. You can take this and consider how it relates to the interplay of you vs God (or: you vs reality, you vs other). Any thoughts or related stories? Let me know.

Thanks! Yeah, sometimes it is very difficult to say "I did this intentionally to hurt you. I was angry at you and I wanted you to hurt" or "I did this to steal your energy. Unconsciously but still. I'm sorry".

Inspiring shit!

Understood, respect ✌️

She relented on me trying out her food because I expressed it's important to me. She usually doesn't share food with friends and doesn't want to be shared with either. She literally doesn't care how someone else's food tastes. Just different attitude/values I'd say.

Thanks for the kind words! We love each other a lot and grow in that love, we communicate honestly and tell each other whenever anything makes us feel not right. I changed a lot in my behaviour due to our conversations and my awareness of what the healthy relationship requires of me. In the relationship I'd say she's more emotionally mature, direct with her feelings and forgiving than me. In contrast I'm more insightful, leading and taking care of her. I sometimes explicitly tell her about the mechanics of my devilry and selfish behaviour so that 1) she is aware of it and thus more immune and 2) I am exposed and can no longer employ dirty tactics in the shadows.

I think it's a matter of upbringing. Her mother often didn't respect the ownership of her things and ate her food for example because my partner "ate it too slowly". WIth my mom we almost always shared things but there was also the expectation to share and not sharing could be seen as selfish. Different upbringings/childhood traumas = different attitudes in life, right? But with love and honest communication compromise is always possible.

Tricky situation for sure. Definitely right to pay him back somehow. If YOU deem his kindness was worth 15000 yuan - sure, but it doesn't have to be that number. If that's truly your friend you should be able to communicate with them about your worries. You simply don't have that money right now. Maybe you could agree to pay him back at some point in the future. If your friend wasn't there and you had to pay up 15000 yuan to the hospital, what would you have done? Is any help from parents not an option? That's a very dickish thing to say. Don't let yourself be manipulated.

3 years?! That's messed up. Not normal, not okay. Pay him up whatever sum you genuinely feel is right and be done with this. No rent paying for 3 damn years.

@CARDOZZO Lately I really feel the orange drive. I want to get richer. I want to taste more "freedom", luxury, travel, good food with my hot witch lad. Being independent. I know this is my way ATM.

I fucking hate people talking about spirituality so much. These dumb motherfuckers talking in such an enlightened way while they're unaware that a powerful energy/feeling could ALWAYS bring them down to a low unconscious level. How stupid are you? Don't you realize your state is fragile like glass? You're at the mercy of forces you're not yet aware of, but they're there under the surface. And you wouldn't be giving these sweet talks smiling if you were KOed like a motherfucker by them when they inevitably come up. Such fucking idiots. It's always easy to understand shit in retrospect. Let's see you apply these lessons when you're down in the dirt again! You stupid assholes.

Some people's plot is being intellectuals. That can be their way. I know it's not mine. But they can also be Leo's copycats. Which equals living someone else's plot/life, not your own.

True spirituality is within the plot of life. There's no greater spirituality than being engaged in whatever the heart is calling to - be that making money, building a great relationship, exercising, et cetera. Of course the heart might also call for serious psychedelic exploration or intense meditation. The heart knows what is best at the moment. If it tells you to go for that ICE, that's the way. It's cretinic to try to force things and "be spiritual" at all costs. All will unfold naturally. People don't understand the FLOW OF LIFE in this forum. Leo doesn't as well, or at least he doesn't preach it and due to this the forum is as autistic as it is. Too fucking intellectual and detached from the plot. Too little heart and down-to-earthness coming from living the plot.

@Davino Hot witch girlfriends are old shit. I always say: if she doesn't have at least 8 arms, she ain't worth it. Yup, I always say that. The peak is to find yourself a Hindu Goddess girlfriend. Tbf I actually did say this to a friend lol.

That's not evidence. That's your interpretation. Notice your view of "a presence of another being". It doesn't have to be viewed this way. You can view all that happens as Reality/Consciousness with no distinctions inside of it. It can be whole, undivided, without separate beings. Then your "evidence" of Indra's net collapses. Also, does the "presence of someone else" REALLY influence you? In other words, is there really any external influence on your emotions/state or is your state always changing to due your reactions to what you are seeing? Maybe what you are seeing doesn't have its own energy