Sincerity

You're welcome. Thanks for inspiring others and elevating mankind. Meeting You was a very important step in my journey. It had to be like this but You know, still thank You. Hope You get to wherever You wish.

I'm eradicating myself more and more. But along the way I am also becoming more me. It has to be like this. I always knew this forum was a big attachment for me. I built a persona here. I guess everyone did. And I think becoming a mod one year ago has doubled it all for me. As part of the purification process I was thinking what to do with my forum conundrum here. The thing is, I don't have a problem with the place. I like it. The only thing I want is to purify myself as much as possible. I was considering deleting my account while still having no problem with visiting here. But then I thought I still want to have a voice and I need an account for that. I can't post things as a guest. So I'm kind of doing the middle thing. Still here, but with much of myself stripped away. And still moderating, because I like it. It is what it is. Someday I will probably leave but not yet. But this journal will probably be deleted soon. In case it is, thanks for reading everyone! Be brave, love each other, yada yada, whatever the fuck. And in case it isn't then ignore what I said before, You can be cowards and hate each other. No thanks for reading to You. Hehe. Have a good one.

Posting this a 3rd time. Who cares?! Such a chill vibe. I wish I could sit lonely at the top of the world with the power of Creation. Just chilling and being okay with being God. Having the power to create/imagine ANYTHING. Morph myself into whatever I deem best. I wouldn't be okay yet. I'm too attached... What about my mom? My dad? My sister? I couldn't let them go, yet. You know, this is really personal but sometimes I fantasize about them dying. Like I would want it to happen so that I have to process it and let go, because there is no other option anymore. Secretly I wish everything was taken away from me so that I'm forced to come to terms with how life works. To be honest I haven't experienced serious loss in my life yet. I just feel like I haven't gone through this particular experience yet, which prevents me from deeper understanding. Everyone that was ever close to me is still with me (except my one grandma). I feel like I don't know grief and suffering due to loss. What if this limits me from knowing love too? I'm probably overthinking it. I should count my blessings and be happy with what is. Besides, loss will obviously come sooner or later. Don't need to hurry so much and I trust I am being guided well. Sigh, fantasizing about tragedy... what a weird thing. There must be some hidden deeper feeling behind it. I'll have to focus on that. Wait, holy shit, it's NOT me, it's really an obstacle in my mind! Mind stuff preventing me from being happy with the here and now! Okay, I will definitely be looking into it. It's like a red siren was just activated in my mind - INTRUDER, INTRUDER. PURIFY THE UNRESOLVED FEELING. As soon as I become aware of an unresolved feeling/energy I try to "jump" at it with consciousness. Kind of stare at it intensely until it burns. Always worked for me so far! Also it feels great to be this purifying force & then bask in the peace... Oh the joy of being able to solve your problems. Anyways, chilling to the balcony music. Gonna face the Purity sooner or later.

Good luck to You still. I'm rooting for You.

Stick through. Life beats You down sometimes and it sucks, but it gets better. It feels hopeless and like there's no escape from your condition, but that just isn't true. Change always prevails and You are always pulled from the darkness, sooner or later. A serious commitment to awareness helps & speeds the process.

Sorry to hear that. Hope You feel better soon.

Yes yes that was certainly them

Wonder what inspired You to look this up

I know mods, we have the best mods. Never in internet history did a forum have mods like us.

^ This 🤦‍♂️ Mr_engineer, You have been in this loop for months (or years), do yourself a favour and look at yourself.

A bunch of malarkey

CHANGE. Such a beautiful word. CHANGE. In love with CHANGE. Always scared of CHANGE. In polish it is ZMIANA and I like it even more. When I say this word it just feels so mysterious, so absolute, so beautiful. Change... My name is Change. Everything changes. And yet everything's same. I just know that Change is ultimately Death. And Death Is

Consciousness goes on, but the content changes. Death is going to be awesome. I sense it.

Stop interpreting and start seeing.

@Twentyfirst You are treading a thin line with your posts. We are open here and You can express your opinions rather freely, but homophobia we will not tolerate.

@kamill Maybe your problem is spiritual. Maybe reality is trying to tell You something. You were straining your voice for a long time and neglected it. You had this gift and used it excessively. I think there is a lesson here. If You could go back in time, would You do things differently? Would You respect your voice more and strain it less? Or maybe reality is simply trying to steer You on a different path, very blatantly. Consider it. Perhaps your intuition is strongly suggesting You pursue something else. See, You need your voice to come back, but reality may has different plans for You. Or maybe not and You need to find a way to resolve it somehow. Perhaps try healing the throat chakra, use binaural beats... If traditional medicine has failed then You could go for alternative methods like Carl mentioned.

Finally done with work for today. Oh how great it feels to be free. I trust I am being guided well. I think people underappreciate faith and belief. To most spiritual people hearing the word belief makes their hair stand on end. But there is nothing wrong with belief if it is conscious. Like with everything. Do You believe in God? To be strong in faith is something admirable. To believe when You forget and don't directly know anymore, especially when the times are hard. That's what makes You come back. And to have faith that maybe this pain isn't going to last forever... That's what saves You when You're really feeling depressed. Do You believe in impermanence? Do You believe in good guidance? Do You believe in the continuity of experience? I find that actually it's much harder for me to believe in God than not believe. I am so prejudiced against belief and scared of fooling myself that I'd rather erase everything and question things to death. But it isn't really wise to act from such fear-based motivation. So, what's the way out? I don't think it's either believe or not. You know, I'm just thinking out loud. I'd say not-knowing is superior and looking at the world with new eyes is always best. Still, I think faith is valuable too. There's just something beautiful about it - I sense it, so there must be something there. Oh, how beautiful everything is. Today I also had the thought that meaning is indescribable. I couldn't convey to anyone the meaning of life. But life does have meaning. The best way I can explain it is that the taken journey simply matters in and of itself and this meaning can be directly felt, maybe even awoken to. It simply takes an awakening.

That's how dissolving a duality happens. If You stopped seeing "men", You would also stop seeing "women". When You distinguish something out of everything else, it's always conceptual and not actual. Try looking at experience with new eyes. For a second pull a lever in your mind that forgets all labels and what You "know". Your hand will not be a hand and this won't be anything particular. It's going to just be.

Aight, fair enough.

So if You say there is "substance" (or "an occurrence") behind the labels, You actually do believe. Isn't that fundamentally what belief is? Believing that there is reality/truth to something? Yeah, I'm just pointing out the "problem" of describing reality truthfully. And the solipsism debates come to mind, where some people say that it's wrong to assess that You (as God) are Alone. Alone is a description, kundalini/chakra is a description, yet so many wars about all these labels, which are truthful and which are not... I'm just thinking out loud.

I hope You don't take it the wrong way, but some time ago we were talking and You said: Yet in your thread You are speaking of frequencies and the root chakra. So... this is not nonsense and kundalini is? Again, don't take it the wrong way. I don't want it to be some kind of "gotcha", I just feel it's inconsistent on your part.

No but seriously, I meant like what? My point is You were asking about the how, but You can't describe what the how is referring to. Because it doesn't "divide itself" in any "particular way". So there is nothing to ask "how" about.

Like what? There is no division. it's just Mind, it is what it is.

Reading my old posts and I can't believe I was the way I was. Even posts from this year... They are so recent, and yet feel so distant. That is not me! A lot has changed for me in the last 3 months. It's hard to describe, but I really am following intuition's guidance more and more, sacrificing myself at the same time. I'm truly becoming something different. I'll expand on this a bit. When I am on a walk for example, I am consistently going in directions which go against my thoughts - I am simply led there and I do it. When I take a book into my hands, I choose the exact page which I am supposed to read. I do things I wouldn't normally do. I break patterns. I go to places I wouldn't normally visit and crazy coincidences occur. Instead of mulling over decisions, I simply say what there is to be said at the moment when the decision should be shared with the needed person. I throw away things/delete accounts I am attached to but which no longer resonate (still hurts). I buy things I wouldn't normally buy. In short, I just do things. Not always, but consistently more often. Sometimes it gets crazy weird, but also it's a cool adventure. But it really feels like something else is calling the shots. Do others fucking experience this?! Because I look at most people and see that they don't. Or maybe they don't notice. It's crazy actually. It's becoming the norm for me and I'm not even giving it too much thought most of the time. But it is fucking CRAZY. I mean what the fuck, right?! I AM DOING THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND. And sometimes it's scary. But every day I learn something new. And I'm scared a little less. And I change a little bit. ... I'm sure it's going to be okay. I feel a bit sad right now so I'll go and feel into that. Felt like sharing this song.

You gotta conquer the fear. Do it step by step, don't traumatize yourself. Express the fear. Tell the truth of it to yourself out loud. What are You afraid of? FEEL into it! Recall the images in your mind and process the associated emotions. And with time these feelings will fade away. That's how it always works.