Sincerity

I don't like it. I don't like it at all. "I’m not afraid of dying. I’m afraid that somebody that I love dies." "Last thing my sister told me on her death bed was "It isn't fair"....she was only 44" "The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than any churches, mosques and temples." I love you.

Please let it go. Better reply whether you agree or no.

Guys, please stop making it personal. Respect OP’s wishes and stay on point, more or less at least.

Like I said already: when a woman is loved, provided for and taken care of, she will be open and she will contribute. And if she doesn’t, there’s something wrong and the relationship should probably be ended. Of course one person cannot (and should not) handle everything. There must be a balance.

@Someone here You received plenty of good, practical advice in this thread. In your original post you stated your view of a relationship and your reasons for going into it, which were pointed out to you as immature. Later on you backtracked with some platitudes, but it’s obvious that you meant it. You don’t need to hide it. A roundabout answer to your question of „when” is: at best when you develop a proper attitude, because with your current mindset the relationship would most likely not be healthy. The feedback you received was practical, if you’re willing to consider it.

Read the rest of what I said. You took it completely out of context. Also, I explicitly replied to you with this: „When you love, you act for another. If she doesn’t give anything back, there is something wrong there.”

Please read my reply to you again and point to where I said that it’s okay when a person has „love” and is „nice” but doesn’t do anything for their partner.

Is this a serious reply to my post? Don’t start trolling when you don’t have any proper response.

Expectations and gratitude can co-exist, in my view. They do in my relationship. My woman is grateful for what I deliver, even when she expects it (because I promised). But this gratitude also comes from the recognition that we don’t have to be with each other. We choose to, because we love each other. And we do things for one another. Everyday there’s so many things to be thankful for to each other. I think they are gendered. Fundamentally, the masculine is more reliable than the feminine. And the man is usually more masculine, while the woman is more feminine. You can think of it as masculine = absolute, feminine = ever-changing. But a man/woman is masculine/feminine in various degrees. There is no black and white, there are shades of grey.

The key insight is that to love is to ACT from love. Just having fluffy feelings is not enough. When you love, you act for another. If she doesn’t give anything back, there is something wrong there.

Well, I think there is some truth in framing it that way. Hear me out. I think it is right that a woman has more expections towards a man than the other way around. Because a man is reliable and „his word is his honor”, so to say. If a man is unreliable and untrustworthy, a woman cannot trust him and give herself away to him. So in order for a woman to trust, she must EXPECT from the man to act on his word, to deliver, to keep her safe. That is her stability - being sure of the MAN’s stability, expecting it, counting on it from him. On the other hand, when you expect things from a woman she feels like she is put in a box. And feeling like this, women often become emotional and rebel. This should be expected. Fundamentally, a woman is (usually) more of a free spirit and expectation is killing that spirit. A woman prefers to act out of love (without expectation) and when she does, she will do a LOT of shit for you. I know from experience. Expecting from a woman in a polarized relationship is, in my view, usually not the way to go. There are exceptions of course, eg. with parenting. A woman shouldn’t just choose on a whim to not pick the child up from school. A woman must also be reliable to a degree, because parenting requires responsibility. And I understand that a man can also feel imprisoned by expectation. I know these feelings, I can still have them. But I think a mature man comes to terms with expectations, because he is aware that HE IS CHOOSING THEM. Nothing really imprisons a man. You CHOOSE to be the stability for a woman, out of love. And you know that a woman is not stability, she’s quite the opposite. And that’s okay. Fundamentally, what’s expected of a man is what he promises to deliver. A woman must have clarity on what she can expect and what she can not. And the man chooses what is expected of him. So nothing is happening against his will. Again, of course it’s not black and white, a woman must also be reliable to a degree (= have some masculinity in her) and a man also wants to express himself spontaneously and emotionally every so often (= expressing the feminine nature). There must be a healthy balance. There must be communication in the relationship about each other’s needs. But in general, the woman is more feminine and the man is more masculine. And I personally love this.

In my view, there is a lot of truth in what Princess is saying, but it might be clouded by emotion (which can also be understood given this is a male-dominated forum). I think the best scenario is when a man gives (eg. by paying the bills) AND doesn’t expect back. This makes the woman feel loved and free. Due to this she feels compelled to give back, out her love and true will. When you lay the expectation that a woman should do certain things for you because you do certain things for her, this creates a relationship based on transactionality. Instead, the better way is to give without expectation AND receive anyway. A love-based relationship. A man must be able and willing to cook for himself, clean, all that stuff. If he isn’t willing to do that, that’s weak and pathetic. A woman is not a paid nanny. BUT the woman will often do these things for him out of love. Because she feels free, safe, taken care of, loved. Of course a man should not be okay with being objectively exploited. No. If a woman is exploiting a man and not taking in his love and naturally giving back, she is not participating in the love-based relationship a man invites her to, and so this relationship must end. However, this doesn’t usually happen. A woman usually gives back naturally. And of course, communication about the vision for the relationship and boundaries between the two parties is always appropriate. A man respects himself. But also, a man is generous. All is good when love flows through the relationship and communication and mutual respect are maintained.

The thing is that (supposedly) you want a love-based relationship, but you're going at it focusing on what you're going to get. This is not a mature position to enter a relationship from, because it is fundamentally contrary to a LOVE-based relationship. You create a love-based relationship by wanting to GIVE, not get. Why would you want to give? Because it grows you. A lot. But also it just so happens that when you give a lot, you get a lot. Much more than when you go at it with the attitude of wanting to get, actually. ^ This

Guys, please post mindfully. Watch for emotional reactions. Respect one another. Strive to understand.