Sanguine

You're probably not fucked up simply because of this. I don't know what your age is, but especially when i was younger, emotions sometimes where way more intense. Definately look into this feeling yourself. What makes it that irritates you so much? when does it happen? What could be reasons that trigger you? (fear, limitations, boundaries, acceptance/rejection, etc). Why do these get triggered? Give it time and attention. And definately, definately try to open up this convo with your mom at a moment where you guys have a normal night/day and have time & attention to discuss it. She will probably appreciate this to that you try to make things better between you two. Let us know how it progresses (if you like)! Maybe we can help along the way.

I'm this old (30 ish) guy who had to live without tinder or a pickup scene when i started going to clubs (around 15 to 18). I remember i was pretty afraid of approaching girls and since the pickup scene didnt really exist yet i had to find my own way, which i still really like. My main switch came when i discarded the pickup goal, and started with having fun. I would only approach girls who seemed fun (or hot but not bitchy) and if they were asses, or the convo was horrible. I would think to myself "i'm not having fun, i'm out" and leave. What changed: i became a guy who was just (actually) was having a good time. Even talking to groups, other guys, etc. And there it suddenly was. I was just getting fun to be around and girls were starting to eyeball me. That's where it all changed. Still loving your numbers game and backup plan though :). Hope you value my 2 cents.

I've noticed that time & attention does a lot. If you're used to psychedelics, maybe you remember the first time of trying a new drug. You're really open and curious about what you will encounter. "hey, my body is doing this, interesting. Hey, my mind is doing that, my feelings this, why would that be?". Try that same mindset and time/space/attention with your regular emotions. So just sit down and feel, be curious. Feel everything and let it be.. Basically: Time / attention > Room for feeling stuff More time & attention > embracing those feels > diving into them to see what comes Surrendering to whatever comes. Apart from this. It can be that something is blocking you. So you possibly have some unresolved stuff to work through? If that sounds right, maybe try to start cleaning that up and surrender may come? Best of luck!