MichaelJohn

I would say perseverance, vision, excellence, fun, passion, and flexibility. Why? Well: Perseverance is important for the days when you feel like not doing much of anything. A Vision will give you a big picture mental overview that shall be used to guide you and remind you of what your work is moving towards. An attitude focused on Excellence will make sure you stay committed to doing the best work possible. You must find something Fun in what you are doing in order to look forward to it each and every day. Passion is essential intrinsic motivation that comes with the territory of mastery. Flexibility allows for when you may need to take in new information and or change an old attitude you had about what you are mastering. Now, have I stuck to all of these and kept to mastering my chosen domain day in day out, yet? No, but I am still forming the vision and pragmatic attitude that will help keep me on track!

I am not stating whether I am enlightened or not. But what I can say is that the: 1.)clarity of mind, 2.)Seeking to understand everything and everyone around me (Thanks Leo for the recommendation. Everything is amazingly designed), 3.)and love for Being all gained from spiritual practice have made my life more whole. Honestly, I've calmed down quite a bit as I feel my perception widen to take in more of the surrounding environment. I still have moments of pure ADHD where my mind races with ideas for inventions and theories, but overall I have been able to remain steady and present without much worry. At one point, I was always worried about the future and the past. It's most likely going to be different for all which makes it even more amazing.

I feel that I have never lived a day in my life... There is this nagging feeling inside that says, "You have been living the past 23 years as part of the audience for the play that is life, never an actor." Here are a list of things that have been in and or a part of my: Practicing Meditation, contemplation, and self inquiry for years Have had a great family that have supported me with so much love Great friends from childhood, college, work, etc.. Finish college with a computer science degree (This was well worth it. Personally, I needed the structure back then. I had struggled with childhood ADHD and being around peers with similar interests helped a ton!) Exercising consistently (weight training, running, yoga, etc.) Nutrition is where I want it (Leafy greens, tomatoes, carrots, berries, cucumbers, beans, nuts, all seeds, almond milk, salmon, olive oil, peanut butter, etc..) No fast food and or processed sugar. Reading tons of books Practicing my speaking No debt Practicing my writing Being obsessed with philosophy and neuroscience as always Practicing my programming Have had many awakenings that make me love this very moment with all my being Have not dated at all since high school but I had tons of great experiences with girls when I was young and yet, I still feel as if I have been failing to live. There is a part of me that feels like I am faking my entire life. Trust me, I am grateful for this life. Also, I work as a software engineer and enjoy my work. Yet, I feel that I am an imposter. I also feel that I do not deserve what I have. Each day I wonder when I will be fired for not being good enough and or ousted by loved ones for being a loser. I also spend a ton of time by myself. I do not socialize at all. There is a part of me that thinks I will never be able to find a group of people I can fit in with even though I have had amazing times socializing with others. I failed to find anyone to really match with in college. Overall, my alone time has not been negative. It has helped me accept that I am someone who has a hard time fitting in and that is something I need to work on. Yet, this all feels like one big joke. Each day passes and I wonder, "Why code this application? It will just be another thing I fail to finish," or "I'm a selfish fuck. I only live for myself. What do I contribute to others? Nothing." How do I finally live?

@flowboy Thank you, Flowboy. I will put your video on my list of things to do this week. You are correct to some degree. There are certain childhood situations I like to ignore as they bothered me a good bit. @inFlow Yes, I still take medication related to it. And yes, I have a hard time not thinking about my own ability in a negative manner. But, with this said, I still do and try hard things. I am not that fearful to push my boundaries. Also, I don't trust Leo's knowledge on the subject. @Leo Gura I fundamentally think you do not understand that ADHD can be just as systemic as severe depression and or Bipolar Disorder type 2. I have modified my diet to an excruciating level, made sure I am drinking clean water, meditate and practice being mindful everyday, contemplate everyday, have a to do list that I mostly get done, have a healthy clean environment and I still have ADHD like symptoms. @Nilsi He's not projecting fully, It would seem I do still have symptoms related to the condition. Still, your input would be highly appreciated(; Also, life happens and I totally forget to respond to people in my real life so don't think I am doing this on purpose! @mmKayThank you very much! Imposter syndrome has been a subject I have read about for some time. That second video was much needed! @NoSelfSelfYou're right. It feels that I never can know myself as I constantly change my habits, environment, and interests. Just last year I was drawing every single day as I had a goal to be a portrait artist as a side hobby to my programming career. Now, I have dropped the artistic stuff and picked up Brain computer interfaces as I have dreams to interface with moment to moment consciousness under any kind of state (waking, dream, psychedelic, etc..)

A good man accepts life for what it is while also pushing ahead to make everything more perfect. A good man accepts himself. A good man looks to be as honest as he can. A good man balances himself. A good man looks internally before outwardly. A good man chooses his battles with great consideration. A good man makes the constant, conscious choice to be a good man. A good man opens himself up to pain, frustration, loss, devastation, etc., as he knows running is a choice that leads to the unconscious living of his future self. A good man loves.

My brother just killed himself about two months ago. Right before his suicide, I started my first job out of college and moved to a new state. I spent this last summer listening to Leo's videos, meditating, applying to jobs, and talking my brother down from multiple suicide attempts (he tried 30 different times from May to July. I tried to save him, but failed.) He was 26 years old and I'm 22. He suffered from bipolar disorder, diagnosed around the age of 15. I spent most my youth planning to become a neurologist and or psychiatrist in order to help him. We were extremely close. He was my best friend. Now that plan is in the shitter. How could I ever start a successful business, family, etc..? I moved to a new state in my brother's time of need. I was and am a coward. I guess my question is how can I prove to myself that I'm not a loser after losing/giving up on my brother. Thanks

Hola! I hope you find everything!

@Inliytened1 No, why try to capture a non thing? On the same hand, why would a non thing try to capture a thing? There is no doing except for this one right here. Capturing is Being just being(; I'm having fun with myself, as I always have. Whether that includes doing or not doing, I am. Also, I have greatly enjoyed your comments in many different posts! Thank (me) you for your wisdom.

I guess I never stop dreaming. This human dream is already infinite. There's no cessation to a thing that is. The idea of cessation is already made null when it is conceptually tied into a word. Null is itself an undefined concept within computer science. To say it is made null is to also inhabit a concept. The idea of not thinking and detaching is also conceptual. There is no end to this game because it never began and because it is not a game. The point of this rambling? None at all. And that is the point. Leo is the same as the rambling. To make sense of a concept that is null is as foolish as when trying to refer to memory that is unoccupied while programming. Dream as you wish. If that means disagreeing and agreeing, then so be it. You are null so go and do not go.