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Thank you for the response, I'm gonna try what you suggested, especially (in the future, I hope IFS therapy, which I've been eyeing for a long time. It's good to know it can be overcome

Although I should make a point to get out more, I agree with this

I remember the moment my social phobia started, and can consciously trace that thread through the years. I was 7 (I'm 29 now). But it's the exact same experience, intensified each time. The more I think about it, the more certain I am I lost the ability to "mask"-- my body locks up and my voice bottoms out. It's like I have no control over the physical response. I realize I should have done therapy while I had insurance. The other issue is, I live in the middle of a national forest 6 miles from a bus stop, don't have transportation so can't work, and the only person I have to talk to is my grandma and one other friend with a busy life. (Isolated due to difficult circumstances and not having other family btw; it's not like I can travel or move anyplace.) I told my friend last night I was having a panic attack and they walked in their house instead of saying anything. But I have CPTSD from extreme trauma. No insurance, though, so can't do therapy or take meds. Thank you for the tips! I do vipassana, and meditate during the day as well, but should probably keep a more consistent journal. Thank you for the coping technique

Any other ways of coping? lol In all seriousness, I don't think I allow myself to have enough fun. Right now the only socializing I get to do is with my 72-yr-old grandma, which is fine, but frustrating. But I know you're right

I'm on the spectrum and have experienced enough trauma it drove me "over the edge" for 6 months in 2019. Thankfully that resolved on its own without intervention. However, over the past year-- having no responsibilities or obligations, and living in the middle of a national forest (without consistent transportation)-- I immersed myself in meditation. The social anxiety is bad. When I started meditating (a little over a year ago) I was on illicit substances and drinking a couple times a day to numb, but was able to titrate down until I no longer felt a need to use. The only thing is, now I'm incredibly uncomfortable in social situations; my body locks up, I experience racing thoughts breathwork doesn't touch, and after a negative interaction it takes at least half a day to reorient myself. I don't have any complaints about life besides this, since meditation helped overhaul everything else. Besides therapy, which I can't afford, what are good, sure-fire strategies of grounding in my body when I feel utterly overwhelmed? TIA