Lila9

I would like to add some notes regarding what Leo disagrees with feminism: The patriarchal paradigm is as deeply integrated into society as materialism and rationality; everything is viewed through those lenses and, obviously, it is untruthful. It is alive within our consciousness, we perceive reality through its lens, often unquestioned. It is a hierarchical and oppressive system that was built for the biology of males by males. Its oppression is deep. It is not only women who are oppressed by men; it is the masculine oppressing the feminine, rather than coexisting with it as it should. It is the oppression of life, creativity, love, nature, mystery, spirituality, and everything that makes life whole. Feminism is not about insisting that men and women are equal in biology. This is a simplification based on a lack of understanding of feminism. Of course, there are biological differences between males and females, which are obvious. The point of feminism is not to deny them but to separate sex from gender. Sex is a biological truth. Gender is a social construct and is not as rigid as sex. If gender were as rigid as sex, all males and females would be born men and women with all the patriarchal expectations of manhood and womanhood built in. But in reality, males and females are not born as men and women they are socialized into these roles. Men and women should be treated with the same human dignity and respect, first and foremost. They should be given the same opportunities to be who they want to be. However, men and women have different biological needs, and this should be understood and valued. Patriarchal society is fitted to male biology as a default. Whether it is medicine, design, clinical research, safety testing, work rhythms, urban planning, public space, protective equipment, tools, default user assumptions, or social policies, this pattern appears repeatedly. Conservatives love to emphasize that "traditional" (oppressive) gender roles are from God and therefore natural, while never actually making society more suitable for women’s actual needs and biology. What problems are you talking about? If you are talking about modern problems such as a toxic productivity culture that leads people to burnout and even suicide, social isolation and a mental health crisis epidemic, environmental and ecological damage, the invisibility of care and domestic unpaid labor, and economic inequality then a matriarchal society, which is more care-centered, could definitely help resolve those. Again, matriarchy doesn’t mean women are at the top exploiting men (something men often fear, because they know this is exactly what patriarchy does to women hahaha), but rather a society that is centered around care. Have you ever asked yourself how we can create a better society? Where does it start? With children. What if you taught children from an early age all the important lessons you teach here, rather than teaching them to become another pawn in the system and another money-making machine for the few rich? If we want to create a better society, we should put most of our focus, love and care on them because they are the foundation. Again, this may not happen soon but we are in a transition to a more matriarchal society. Patriarchy is currently in collapse, this collapse may take a few more decades or even centuries but this is inevitable. There is a difference between sexual attraction and desiring a good-looking person without dehumanizing them, and seeing the other as merely an object or a machine. Do you think that men biologically see women as merely objects for consumption, without any soul or humanity? I don’t believe this is a natural way for humans to look at other humans. If we can perceive humanity and even “soul” in animals, trees, and objects, we can certainly do so in each other while also experiencing sexual desire. Seeing another human as merely an object is not a natural condition; it is a learned behavior, shaped by culture and environment. Women (biological females) obviously have different hormones. We have the menstrual cycle, which men do not have, and this certainly affects mood and energy levels. It is also true that men generally have greater muscle strength compared to women. However, cognitively, women are not inferior to men in any domain. The main thing that limits women is misogyny and bias. Throughout history, men have succeeded only because of the invisible labor of women behind the scenes. Behind every great man, there is an even greater woman. Women also have some physical strengths and advantages that men do not, such as higher pain tolerance in certain contexts (for example, due to childbirth). Women have always performed physical labor, carrying loads, working in agriculture, and caring for children. There has never been a period in history in which women did not engage in physical work. Feminism is not about turning women into men or turning men into women. It is first and foremost about the liberation of women (and men) from patriarchal, narrowed expectations that block them as humans. This is a soul liberation movement. The first wave of feminism was actually about women striving to have the same opportunities as men (voting, owning possessions, working in paid jobs); however, this is not about becoming masculine but having the freedom of choice. People with a shallow understanding of feminism confuse it with liberal feminism. Liberal feminism is not a real, distinct ideology in itself; it is often presented as a strawman version of feminism invented by critics and intertwined with capitalism. Liberal feminism is sometimes argued to be patriarchy in disguise. The only feminism is radical feminism. This is its true core. There is nothing in feminism about making women like men, this is a liberal capitalist invention. Even concervatives try to colonize feminism. The truth is that in a patriarchal society, we are not safe to be feminine. We are not safe to be creative, authentic, spiritual, and loving in our being because we may be exploited or would not survive in the system. This is the patriarchy, which makes us more masculine and denies us our femininity, which we truly crave especially the wild woman and the witch archetype that we long to integrate collectively as women but which is demonized in patriarchy. Additionally, no one in the world can convince me that we are not capable of being leaders and strategic thinkers like men, and even better, because we have greater emotional mastery. Even studies show that women are better leaders than men. In all the leadership measures. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kevinkruse/2023/03/31/new-research-women-more-effective-than-men-in-all-leadership-measures/ The existence of gender roles may be efficient for society in fulfilling its purposes however, they are not natural or rigid and can vary between societies. In patriarchal societies, gender roles are such that men are above women; they enjoy more privilege, freedom, and protection. This is not a natural construct but a human-created system of gender roles designed to benefit patriarchy. There is nothing natural about it. The only natural thing is for women to have babies. How those babies are raised (in a nuclear family or a community), with how many people, which people, how resources are allocated, and which behaviors are valued or not in each gender are all constructed by society. People aren’t born as blank slates, they are born with their own temperament and personality traits that feel relatively stable. However, they are not born with gender roles and expectations they learn them. But children do have their own preferences, and socialization into gender roles does not always come easily to many. For example, I struggled with my socialization, and it made me frustrated. I hated that I had to be a “good girl,” which meant being nice and pleasant, downplaying my intelligence, and constantly caring about my appearance. I always had my own temperament, opinions, and a unique view of myself and others, which I couldn’t fit into this narrow box of gender roles. As a result, I often felt flawed and confused. I know I am not the only one who has struggled most of us do. Maybe the problem is not with gender roles themselves, but with the narrowness of them. Maybe there should be many acceptable ways to be a man or a woman, depending on the temperament of the individual, not only one narrow and rigid way which suits a few people. The problem is patriarchy, not men. Yes, it is a system that is built for men, but it harms men as well. The criticism is about toxic masculinity, not masculinity itself. The fact that many people cannot differentiate between masculinity and toxic masculinity which men often perceive as the only form of masculinity, and therefore feel is an “attack on masculinity” is very unsettling. It is also unsettling that when women express real issues like unsafety, femicide, rape, and predatory behavior from men, some men perceive this as an attack on them or their masculinity rather than as a real problem to address. Imagine if it were reversed and women were raping and killing men, and when men complained about it, women perceived it as an attack on femininity rather than actually addressing the issue. Still there is an inequality no matter how you rationalize it. If women are socialized from childhood to be pleasant, nice, attentive, and pleasing, it can make them more vulnerable to harm from men who are socialized in the opposite way. There are definitely measures that women can take to reduce the risk of sexual abuse, such as education about patriarchy, awareness of how some men may perceive women, and trusting their intuition. Without it women, such as men uphold the patriarchy. However, men are still more accountable for their behavior because they are the ones who act like predators. Some men coerce women into sex, manipulate them in various ways, or love-bomb them, often targeting young and vulnerable women, but not only them. This is why I believe that women need to assume that any man they meet could be a potential abuser until proven otherwise and maintain very high standards for men’s character. No one in society often teaches women this. Instead, women are frequently taught even by other women that having a male partner is their ultimate goal in life, regardless of who they are, to understand men, give them chances, ignore poor behavior, and try to fix them. When women set standards for men’s behavior, they are often seen as delusional, crazy, hysterical, or overly picky. Nothing justifies sexual abuse. Men should be held accountable for it. It is their responsibility to treat women better. Also men can also be attracted to toxic women who use them like rags. I have seen it a lot hahahaha. Some people are attracted to toxic people, regardless of gender. Sure, there are plenty of curropted and selfish women as well. The point of feminism is that there are many competent women who are not elected or hired for the mere reason that they are women and not men. I actually see the opposite: the breaking of the illusions of patriarchy regarding gender, biology, and human nature. I would love to hear some examples of privileges women enjoy that men don't in society. Maybe I am not aware of something. Not all women are saints who never lie or distort reality. However, women are not always listened to or taken seriously enough when they report abuse or sexual crimes because of male bias. Women can be genuinely angry or emotional because of the pain and humiliation, and men may not take them seriously, saying, “Oh, she is just overreacting” or “She is dramatic.” In contrast, when men report abuse or crimes against them, they are often taken more seriously, even if they express anger or emotion, because society tends to listen to men more. Holding men accountable for predatory and abusive behavior and asking for empathy and genuine connection is not turning men into women. It is turning bad men into good men. The fact that many men view being a good man as being like a woman shows how deeply they perceive toxic masculinity as the real or only form of masculinity. I agree. Men are often governed by conformity to other men, their ego and lust which distorts their perception of reality and truth.

This happens a lot to women when men pretend to be someone they are not until the woman falls in love with them or gets married, and then they show their true nature. This is why it's important for women to develop their intuition. Patriarchy has socialized women to suppress their intuition and gut instincts so they would be more compliant with abusive behavior and mistreatment. Still, men should do better and be aware of the predatory behaviors they were socialized into, such as coercing women into sex, which is part of the rape culture that is so deeply ingrained in our society. Coercing women into sex is part of it, and many "normal" men do that. "When 95.1% Of Men Surveyed Anonymously Admit To Coercing Women Into Sex, Why Does Rape Academy Shock Us?" Motherless, A Study About How Men Convince A Woman Who Has Said No To Have Sex, & The Luminous Writing of Chanel Miller & Gisèle Pelicot https://lissarankinmd.substack.com/p/when-951-of-men-surveyed-anonymously

This is why the Bible, which represents patriarchal values, is a distortion of the Truth. God is mother (Shakti) because mothers are creators, they give birth and create life. Women give birth to both men and women. The Bible and patriarchy tried to convince us that a male God gave birth to life and that the female came from the male’s rib, which is delusional. Those men who wrote it obviously had womb envy.

Exactly. Men live in a surveillance system, policed by other men. The tool used is silence but also denial.

Hahaha thank Goddess you don’t find me attractive. I am so happy. The last thing I need in my life is the approval of low-quality men who don’t reach my level of integrity, spiritual development, emotional intelligence, and wisdom. If men with forest creep behavior would have approved of me, I would be so so concerned.

https://celestemdavis.substack.com/p/men-who-like-women The men who like women and the men who don't. Yes we can tell. Glenn Powell does. Tom Cruise doesn't. Like is different than love. A few weeks ago Anne Helen Petersen wrote about what makes actor Glenn Powell so appealing and I have not been able to stop thinking about something she said. What makes him so appealing? Obviously he’s no eye sore, but Peterson points out that it’s far more than that. She says the main thing that sets Glenn Powell apart from other actors is that he likes women. But isn’t that pretty basic? Don’t most men like women? You would think so wouldn’t you, but actually no. Here’s what Peterson says about Glenn’s revolutionary quality of liking women: “It’s different than knowing you can get women, or wanting to control women, or even loving women. He likes them. He appreciates them. He enjoys their company.” Specifically the part of the article that keeps running around my mind rent free is this paragraph: “Tom Cruise doesn’t like women. Neither does Miles Teller. Channing Tatum likes women. So does Ryan Gosling. Brad Pitt used to like women but doesn’t anymore. Leonardo Di Caprio only likes them occasionally. Bradley Cooper doesn’t, George Clooney does. Matt Damon doesn’t, Ben Affleck only does in that one scene in the J.Lo documentary. Marlon Brando didn’t, Montgomery Clift did. Paul Newman didn’t onscreen but did IRL. Cary Grant did, John Wayne definitely, definitely didn’t. Will Smith pretends like he doesn’t but I’m not convinced. Mark Wahlberg absolutely does not, but Daniel Day-Lewis does. So does Paul Mescal.” Whoa. Mind blown emoji. I had to set my phone down and chew on this for a moment. I was taken back by how even though I have never thought of this metric before, I could immediately pick out the pattern in my own life. Of its own accord my brain started scanning through the men I know. I was shocked how easily I could differentiate between who likes women and who doesn’t: Doesn’t: The man Rich and I played pickle ball with this morning who only spoke to my husband and ignored me. My friend’s husband whom in my presence has never asked a woman a question about her life, who once said women speaking in general conference1 were only good for naps and snacks. My uncle who after spending every Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family and I for 18 years, did not know my name. My last Mormon bishop. Does: The man we played pickle ball with who spoke to both my husband and I equally with humor and grace. My cousin’s husband who listened intently to my feminist soapboxing on a six hour road trip this summer responding with, “Wow, I’ve never thought of it that way before,” and “What was the name of that book again?” (Dan, you’re such a gem) My uncle who always asks me about what I’m writing whenever I see him. My second to last Mormon bishop. Perhaps these are unfairly stark delineations. Perhaps my uncle developed single-issue amnesia. Perhaps I had spinach in my teeth which pickle ball man #1 found so off-putting that he had no choice but to direct all his words to my husband. But still…. there’s something here. I can’t stop noticing. It’s in the listening, the curiosity, the respect. It’s in the eye contact. It’s how they speak of other women or speak over women. It’s whether or not they ever read women authors, listen to podcasts hosted by women. As Anne Helen Peterson put it: “It’s a lot easier to not be an asshole when you’re not obsessed with performing dominance….. It's palpable in the way Powell looks at all these women — he really, intently focuses on them, which is a surprisingly rare thing onscreen and in real life.” How is it that so few men like women? It’s certainly disheartening how rare this quality is in men, but something I read recently in Liz Plank’s book For the Love of Men helps explain why it is that so few men like women. Through hundreds of interviews she shows how men are penalized for not performing masculinity so early, so often and so intensely that to safely navigate the world, their unconscious north star becomes stuck on “be masculine.” Kindergarten boys get made fun of at school for liking girly shows like My Little Pony, parents don’t allow their boys to leave the house in girly clothes, teenage boys are ridiculed for having a girly voice. From the time boys are preschoolers on up through adulthood- the worst thing to be is like a girl. The worst way to run is like a girl, the worst music is girly music, the worst things to care about are the things girls care about, the worst way to act is like a girl. “The smallest transgression of traditional masculinity, leads to huge, enormous acts of rejection from other men. Often from the men they care the most about.” - Liz Plank Is it any wonder boys don’t like girls? Is it any wonder they grow up to be men who don’t respect women? When their entire lives they’ve been conditioned to shun all things feminine? Why would they like the embodiment of everything they’ve been taught to hate? But don’t men want to be seen as someone who likes women? Even if it makes sense culturally why they don’t like women, you would like to think men at least want to be perceived as someone who does. I would like to think that if Tom Cruise or Mark Wahlberg read Anne Helen Peterson’s article, they would be appalled to be listed as men who do not like women. I would like to think that concern and self-reflection would flood their system upon hearing the news. That they would rush out shoe-less like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning in their haste to ask the women in their lives if they are feeling heard and respected. That Tom and Mark would immediately seek to course correct and improve, bubbling with urgency to change their ways and start listening to women. But the unfortunate truth is… successful men have little reason to care if they are perceived as someone who likes women. How they treat women has little to no effect on a man’s career, monetary success, popularity or reputation. There was no penalty to Brad Pitt’s career when it came out that he hit Angelina Jolie on that plane. Tom Cruise still remains the highest paid actor in the world despite the gross, creepy ways he controlled and treated all three of his wives. David Beckham is hailed as good guy father of the century despite the numerous times he’s been caught cheating. The sad truth is that men don’t NEED to like or respect women to successfully walk through the world. Not at all. In men’s daily lives- in their jobs, in their church, in their friend groups- social capital is gained solely through other men. So they often don’t care if women feel disrespected by them. They care if men respect them. And the price of gaining mens’ respect often comes at the cost of disrespecting women. And I’m not talking about sexual predators. Our standard for who we call good men is astonishingly low (basically anyone who is not abusing women, but sometimes even then). Men get to proudly wear that title of “good” man WHILE not respecting women, not listening to women, not liking women. Treating women like an equal is not a requirement for being a good man. Earlier this year I wrote an article called Never Meet Your Heroes’ Wives. I wrote about how Albert Einstein, the hero of modern physics used his wife’s research without crediting her, was never faithful and then left her to marry his cousin. I wrote about how Carl Sagan, the hero of compassionate atheism hit his wife, about how Gandhi, the hero of nonviolent activism forced naked teenage girls to sleep in his bed. In order to be a hero in our world, in order to be labeled a good man, in order to be successful, treating women well is simply not a requirement. I wish it was. I wish Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Mark Wahlberg were awash with shame to be seen as not liking women. I wish it was terribly embarrassing for any man to not respect women.

This is not true. This is just a justification to remain a low-quality man with a doomer mentality. What men think women are attracted to and value in men is not what women are attracted to and value in men. This is why men struggle with dating. They will come up with all sorts of doomerist evolutionary psychology theories, which have never been proven and are pseudoscience, only to avoid listening to women or doing the work to become a man who is actually attractive to women.

There may be things in the left which are too idealistic to happen any time soon or ever because of the state of consciousness of the majority of people today, but idealists have an important function in society. Idealistic people were always misunderstood and demonized by the more practical and survival-driven people in their era, but they were the ones who shaped the reality of the next generations to come. Practical people accept reality as it is, they have their survival strategies and fear change, while idealistic people always see the flaws of society and imagine a better world. They understand that they are reality creators and they have role in shaping it and creating new narratives and stories, and that they have an active role in it, they are in alignment with God. They are also usually artists, writers, musicians, mystics, prophets, healers etc. This is not a bug but a feature.

Yes, so well written! This is why I don’t subscribe to men’s doomer mentality, and I don’t buy their biologically unproven justifications or rationalizations for not being better men. I expect them to do better. Because they can. They are not infants. I was always stunned by their lack of understanding of women, their flat view of women, lack of empathy for women, and hatred for femininity despite their self-proclaimed spiritual development.

But we have a frontal cortex, remember? We can use it. The more we use it for reasoning and critical thinking, introspection, self management and self awareness the more developed it becomes. And we also have the capacity to imagine a better world and actualize it.

There are actually a few egalitarian/matriarchal societies that have survived thousands of years of patriarchy, colonialism, and imperialism. One of them (Iroquois) are your neighbors in America. Mosuo: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo minangkabau: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minangkabau_people Khasi: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khasi_people Akan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akan_people Iroquois/Haudenosaunee: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iroquois Bribri: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bribri_people Tuareg: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuareg_people

Matriarchy is not about masculine women controlling men. This is about women reclaiming their femininity. A society that integrates the divine feminine, which the current patriarchy, hyper-masculine and neoliberal, is oppressive and lacking. Men and women reclaiming both their feminine and masculine. It is about valuing the community, motherland, children, and men being actual protectors of the community rather than predators or passive, entitled “forest creeps,” as they are in patriarchy.

The topic is the rape of women, a real issue that ruins women’s lives. Do you like women enough, not as sexual objects for consumption, but as humans to try to understand their issues and their point of view? Are you open to seeing them beyond your male bias, as a man who was socialized in a patriarchal, women-hating culture? This is not about victim-blaming, justifying it, or trying to move the focus to men’s issues and women’s flaws, but rather about understanding. There are already many complaints about women here and many points of view from men. You have the entire dating and relationships forum. Aren’t you tired of hearing the point of view of men all the time?

Men seeing women as merely objects for sexual consumption rather than as human beings (who are also sexual and sexually attractive) is purely socialization. And the belief that this is something natural is just gaslighting to make women compliant with sexual violence, mistreatment, and abuse. If a man cannot see the humanity and individuality of women which make 50% of the people he shares space with on earth, this is not natural or normal.

Experiencing romantic heartbreak is painful, and obviously there is some bitterness, but people eventually outgrow it and learn to look at things from various perspectives. They learn that the world does not revolve around them. They learn that women are humans, individuals with their own desires and tastes, not objects who must obey, and that being romantically or sexually rejected does not mean the women are evil. No one likes to lose, but loss is part of life. Toddlers also do not like to lose, but at some point they grow up and understand that losing is part of life. Life involves losing a lot, time, health, people, and money. This is inevitable. This is part of maturing. Do you really think that a healthy man should throw a tantrum and treat all women with hatred just because he was romantically rejected? Where does this entitlement come from? He was socialized this way. Isn’t it healthier to try to figure out how to be a better man, more attractive, and more interesting? Why is the latter often ignored while the first is often justified and enabled in men by patriarchy? Doesn’t the first create weaker men? But I am not talking merely about individual misogyny as part of heartbreak, but about a systemic one that affects the lives of women and children something that is deeply integrated into society and affects people’s perception of reality, distorting the truth.

Fantasy is expecting women to be compliant with an oppressive system, to value infinite economic growth above anything else, to neglect nature and believe it will not backfire. The future is feminine, as many mystics say. Not feminine dominance (reversed patriarchy in which women aggressively oppress men), but a society in which Shakti (the divine feminine) is present and respected. When motherhood is appreciated, when children are nurtured and protected, and when people are supported by communities rather than separated and isolated.

If men are systematically socialized to control and objectify women, this is not love. This is hate (not always conscious though). Misogyny is real. Women experience it both on a personal and systemic level, whether this is from a potential lover, the media, our doctor, our religion, the government, the police etc.

Yes, but you conflate a failed romantic relationship with sexual violence. This is not the same. Those who rape their drugged wives, and the men who consume this content, do not do this because of a failed romance. Men commit 97–99% of sexual violence. 91% of the victims are women, while 9% of the victims are men. Why are men responsible for so much sexual violence, or at least silent or indifferent about the sexual violence of other men? Because there is a systemic reason for that. They were all socialized under patriarchy, which enables and encourages such behavior in men. It ties manhood to the domination of women’s bodies. It's a systemic issue. https://www.humboldt.edu/supporting-survivors/educational-resources/statistics

The species is horrible but there is a solution.

Yes, they remain forever psychologically and emotionally immature. They are encouraged to stay lack of accountability by patriarchy. Society enables them. While women are socialized to mature too early.

There is a difference between millions of men worldwide participating in the rape of their unconscious, drugged wives or underage girls who cannot give consent and women who consume smut involving fictional characters that hurt no one. Both are unhealthy because these people are sexually addicted, but the first is much worse than the second.

He forced Christine and Tolga to take videos of him running and jumping like a bison in the wild. For hours. Hahaha they had so much tolerance for his attention-seeking behavior and constant need for validation. The way he fishes for compliments. They also tried to stay polite when he said such disturbing things about the girls in order to not expose the fact that they are trying to collect evidence of him sexually abusing the girls. It clearly wasn't easy for them. It gives a glimpse into the emotionally immature mind of a narcissist and a cult leader. This is why it is easy to catch criminals with this profile of attention- and validation-seeking behavior. Christine and Tolga did a very good job.

This is why I believe that rape and sexual violence are mainly caused by the socialization of men rather than uncontrollable lust or lust that is too strong to control. If the latter is the case, then why do we even trust men to be in power? The truth is, of course, that adult men can control it. This explains how a man can be a president and still rape underage women, not because he cannot control his sexuality, but because he is violent and misogynistic.

Thank you for your geniune attemp to understand and value truth. I am not surprised by the forest creep behavior. I hope such men will be forever isolated from women and children because they are not safe. If all they have to say in a thread talking about rape of women is to bring the focus and attention back to their victimhood mentality or provide justifications to the rape culture, then they don't really like or care about women.

Full: https://lettersfromafeminist.substack.com/p/the-good-men-behind-the-online-rape The "Good Men" behind the Online Rape Academy Men, you think you aren't upholding the rape culture. But most of you are passive enforcers of the patriarchy. You have heard how the story goes. A porn website called “Motherless” had been viewed by 62.7 million pairs of eyes in the shortest month of the year. 80 million visits in March. That’s 140 million instances of men consuming porn that depicts the literal violation of women’s bodies in every possible dehumanising angle. Millions of video and images categorized by tags like #passedout and #eyecheck. The “eyecheck” tag, where men film themselves lifting the closed eyelids of sedated women to prove they are unconscious, has videos surpassing 50,000 views. And this website is still not down. It remains up on the internet, where any young boys with wifi and unrestricted access can access. It is protected by legal shields like Section 230, which allows platforms to remain “moral free” while the men who scroll past the “crying”, the “execution,” and the “strangled” tags convince themselves that their consumption is victimless. Women’s bodies are turned into “slaughterhouse meat,” as survivor Valentina described it. Her husband of 20 years had filmed him abusing her after he had drugged her with alcohol and sedatives. Then there’s the online rape academy. A telegram channel called “Zzz” with 1,000 active members. Drugging their wives. Stripping them off their rights and bodily autonomy. Their husbands then record them raping their spouses, as their wedding band’s shine at the camera mockingly. This is a global brotherhood where men find a sense of belonging. It is a world where a man based in West Africa or Poland can reach out to a digital community to validate the drugging of his sleeping wife, finding “brotherhood” in the collective violation of women’s autonomy. In these groups, “video is king.” Husbands livestream the abuse of their drugged wives in real-time for $20 a viewer, taking direction from paying participants on what to do next. “They told me what to do and I did it,” one user told CNN. I read the CNN report again and again and tried to blink back the tears. Maybe this was how you felt too. Nauseous. Stick to your stomach and your sweaty palms and rising stress levels don’t help. Women are not safe. I wish I could say I was shocked to read this. But I wasn't. It only solidified the truth women have been carrying their whole lives as they try to survive the patriarchy– that the men we devoted our lives to and sworn vows to is statistically more likely to end up defiling us into inanimate objects. Sex is a conquest to be won over by men. And our bodies are mere trophies to bear witness that ugly path to victory. Winning for men is not to merely have consensual sex with their spouses. It’s not even turning a deaf ear when we plead ‘no’ until our sanity shatters into a million pieces. Now, winning over women looks like turning us into a lifeless doll. We no longer have the mouth to plead for mercy. Women are left with a sore body and bruises they swear they don’t remember seeing yesterday. The question that was left ringing in our heads after learning of this appalling crime was why. What is the motive? Men already have access to our bodies because it is our husbands, fiancees, boyfriends behind this. How in the world will we recover from yet another revelation that male violence will continue to thrive in the rape culture we live in today? The answer is not simple. We can’t just tell men to be more accountable because as a society, ‘good men’ continue to uphold rape culture. Continue to consume porn that degrades and objectifies women’s bodies. The Rape Culture that thrives today Let me paint you an image. At this very moment, a group of boys are sitting in a classroom, watching a game, in the restaurant or in a locker room talking about women. Their conversation is not a “good” one. It’s not polite. It’s not wholesome. It’s not a respectful one. It’s a conversation that dehumanizes girls so that they are mere bodies; they do not have to go about assessing the mutuality of their attractions and then their desired behaviors. Consent isn’t the standard. Consent isn’t expected of them. Power, domination, and control by any means necessary are the learned lessons that are far too often taken into sexual interactions. It’s true that not all men are predators. Some are sympathizers. Some are apologists. Some are victim-blamers. Some suddenly become investigators the moment a woman speaks, demanding unattainable “evidence” before they’ll believe her. Others are more concerned about a man’s reputation than a survivor’s reality. Many men just simply stay quiet. They won’t challenge the friend who makes rape jokes. They won’t distance themselves from the guy with multiple allegations. They won’t risk their social life to confront harmful behavior. And then there are those who just don’t care as long as it doesn’t affect them directly. So before you reach for “not all men,” ask yourself: Are you actively holding predatory men in your life accountable? Do you challenge misogynistic language in real time? Do you support survivors even when it’s inconvenient? If the answer is no, then you’re directly contributing to a culture that allows male violence to thrive. So the issue isn’t whether you personally would inflict unspeakable sexual violence to someone. The question is whether you’re disrupting an environment that protects the ones who do. The “Not All Men” Defense The reflex to these horrific accounts of rape is predictably, exhaustingly: “Not all men.” But the category of “good men” is not what is in dispute here. We are tracking how organized social infrastructure sustains the behavior of the predators. When men rush to announce their non-rapist status, they are centering their own ego instead of confronting the crisis that is currently staring them in the face and their social life. The real risk sits in the weight distributed across the “good men” who stay quiet. It runs on the silence of the locker room. When men are more agitated by the precision of the traffic stats than the existence of the “rape academy,” they are performing a specific type of social tax—a deflection that ensures the infrastructure of abuse remains unexamined. Abuse is not just committed but it is taught, normalized, and sustained in communities that enforce it to feel ordinary. The culture of male violence cannot survive without the rule of male silence. Being a “good man” means taking accountability for the world we live in, regardless of personal actions. It means recognizing that over 99 percent of rape is perpetrated by men, and that statistics are not just numbers—they are the recorded history of women’s fear. If you stay quiet when a friend makes a rape joke, or if you consume the very porn that degrades and objectifies the women you claim to respect, you are part of the problem. You are the tolerance that allows the monsters to thrive. The question is not whether you personally would inflict violence, but whether you are disrupting the environment that protects those who do. Shame Must Finally Change Sides We are watching the moral fabric of our society tear under the weight of systemic misogyny. This pattern is visible in the news items we try to ignore: the murders of Nancy Metayer and Cerina Fairfax by their husbands, the resignations of congressmen over sexual assault, and the sneers of powerful men at the survivors of the Epstein files. In one week, the evidence of systemic rot is everywhere, and yet the reflex is still to protect the male ego from discomfort. Survivors are called “psyops” or dismissed, while public sympathy is wasted on the men who kill. We are treating women like slaughterhouse meat in both our digital spaces and our judicial ones. The solution is not for women to map more escape routes, carry more mace, or do more emotional labor to “explain” their humanity to men. It is for men to do the work. To refuse the joke. To refuse the shrug. To refuse the content. Shame must finally change sides. We must decide whether we will continue to watch the consequences of this collective failure, or whether men will finally choose to be better than the systems that protect them. The question is no longer “are you a good man?” The question is: What do you refuse to carry?