Chives99

@oMarcos i especially find when christof says "we simply accept the reality that is presented to us" very fitting

It would be depressing to get there and wanting to forget about it all.

damn i have to forget all of that

what if you dont like who you are

I feel like I'm at a crucial step in my journey where I'm at cross roads. I would really want to release my hands of the reins and let life live me but theres a demon I have to slay first. I have autism although high functioning it has gave me some challenging behaviours whilst growing up and has caused me to embarrass myself or say the wrong thing or to act inappropriately in the past and I can't get past it. I feel like I'm broken and I'm not allowed to love myself for being a 'retarded person'. Since I wont allow myself to love myself I have no love for others, I also have people in my life who mistreat me as a vulnerable adult and this perpetuates the notion I'm unworthy of love and so I just end up hating myself and the rest of the world. If I felt i could still love myself as someone mentally inadequate then id release my hands of the reins and pour my love on to everything. Should people doing life sentances still love themselves? Is self love an end in itself or does hatred have any use in which it keeps people in line?

@Leo Gura I can try out that idea and run with it, but if I discover it to be true then the ego would be happy to stick a 'metaphysical' bullet in its head

@Serotoninluv thats sounds incredibly moving I ought to check that out. Society certainly wants us to fit into their little box

@Nickyy cant afford too and I like the other housemates, just this guy I think he's dangerous but, I dont believe he'll do anything as he wont want to get kicked out of university and fuck up his life. My parents advise me to not engage with him at all and just dont say anything

@Nickyy just certain individuals, I guess they dont love themselves either. They push my buttons, mock me, If i stand up for myself they threaten me with violence. I feel ready for a confrontation but if i did out id just end up in jail as I would need to take drastic measures to defend myself since im a little guy and yet Id be miserable letting them treat me like shit as well so I feel like theres no way to win. Example my housemate is really obnoxious hes from a gangster family and has just some really abhorent views on the world like wanting to join the army just to kill arabs, thankfully he didnt pass the medicals, unfortunately theres too many far right nutjobs in the army. He was telling my how he tagged his mother in a pedo joke meme on facebook which i thought was weird as what mother would want to be tagged in that so I say "why would you tag your mother in a pedo meme" and he lost it and said "shut the fuck up or ill stick my cock down your throat" I was stunned never heard such an threat in my life and im like "what the fuck" and so he replies with " are you still fucking going " . The guy just has weird vibes his eyes burn with pure hatred so i try to stay away as much as possible, not easy when you live with him. I'm just glad guns are banned in the UK. Also I live in quite a rough area, different from where i grew up in a rural area, people just have a go at me on the street, during the night when im coming back from the clubs just because they feel like shit, i dont dare say anything back to them, they could have a knife and id like to get back in one piece, I have other friends though so its not all bad.

@Rasheed I find everyone is constantly trying to suck me into playing their game, the game of their identity. They could have a bold identity as someone kicking ass in life or a weak one where they have no hope. Some people have a mix of both where they have a hard life but yet are successful in other ways, i find talking about their game ie the content just perpetuates it, but telling people to stop identifying with their character would make them lose interest in the conversation very quickly as its no longer about them.

Life is only a game, you can make up whatever rules you want, theres no winners or losers. It's your show , your reality. So when you are downbeat about a failure why equate failure as being bad. Who told you otherwise? Who said your failure meant you must feel negative and depressed about it? You are too sucked into the content of life and play the rules that everyone else does. Instead just be fascinated with the structure of life whatever comes your way. Try for the sake of trying, be positive for the sake of being positive and dont let anyone tell you that your rules are wrong, this is your game after all, you're the only one playing. Your rules create your reality and even if you fail a million times over or are unable find what you want in life, instead treat it with incessant curiosity, I wouldn't whats going to happen here?

Seriously give this some contemplation. Everything you can conceptualise, think and imagine is something that is "known" to you in the logical sense and the problem with logical understanding is that there always needs a secondary justification to justify it, leading to the problem of infinite regress, so how could you "know" if you were actually enlightened, you can't, truth cannot be known, truth is what is left over when all knowledge has been abandoned and thats what you are "The godhead is never the object of its own knowledge, just as a knife doesn’t cut itself, fire doesn’t burn itself, light doesn’t illumine itself. It’s always an endless mystery to itself. - Allan watts

yesss leo get yourself down to spearmint rhino's

It's paradoxical to want enlightenment when it requires giving up everything,. your idea of future happiness, liking of experience, your loved ones, your sense of who you are and what's coming next. Saying you are longing for enlightenment is like longing for the end of your life

@oMarcos they have developed eye brow type muscles around their eye to make them open more creating the puppy dog expression when they see a human, releasing oxytocin for both the dog and human the bonding hormone. Like parents with their babies

Researchers have found that dogs have evolved muscles around their eyes, which allow them to make expressions that particularly appeal to humans. Lol dogs have been gaming us, amazes me how the layers of depth evolution has to it and how naturally intelligent it is, we get companionship and also assistance with farming and hunting with dogs so id says its a complex symbiotic relationship

@kindayellow that hate for him is really just hate for yourself, if you didnt feel like you were separate from the rest of the world, what would their be to hate??

youre coming of age now and are seeking your own life and independence and are still stuck in the same situation as you were growing up, i think deep down you may feel jealous as he is living is life away at university. I know this because my housemates both gotten relationships and that became their life and ive got pushed to the sidelines, its never the little things; that is the underlying problem but what it reminds you of. That you aren't able to live your own life, meet new people and express yourself. I moved away for six form college at 18 to york and again at 21 for university in middlesbrough. the best thing i ever did as their was no life for me in the countryside, my sister getting on and living life also annoyed me , my mind didnt want to admit that so i pretended it was things like leaving hair in the sink that was annoying me. I'm so glad my parents pushed me each time to go and do these things as I didnt want to leave my comfort zone, because ive grown in magnitudes and everyone noticed even after just a month or two of being away. That was 2014 and im 22 now, which was the time I first discovered actualised.org. Poofed into my life when I was the most lost, rather convenient.

Enlightenment seems cool and that it will solve my problems, Ive taken various psychedelics and are some what familiar with them. I can't seem to get passes the horror of dying though. When I feel myself going away, my mind goes nuts and says things like "psychedelics are illegal to stop you from killing yourself, the police are trying to keep you alive" "burn the packet, get rid of your psyche sources, never ever do them ever again" "you're going to come back down Charlie, you won't die, your life will go on as normal" I stare into the abyss, but Im unwanting to die which impedes me from death. I eventually come back down and see how my mind was being a devil and not wanting to face its own death. It makes me afraid to take them again as ego death is extremely scary. Wondering how to get passed this fear. Maybe I'm not meant to be enlightened in this life.

You're thinking about this dualistically god is infinite and inexhaustible, it doesn't matter how many beings their is in the universe, its still always the brahman(one) and you are all of them, but you can only experience being limited one at a time

@Nahm I guess I truly feel my identity is keeping me safe from avoiding past mistakes and lack of awareness, I define myself I know where I stand and how to improve, death would get rid of that knowing

I was thinking of just keep doing them with meditation and hope eventually my mind will get tired and Dissolve

Suppose its been in my mind since I was a child,but i felt it much more intensely and intimately lately. I feel as my existence is just as fundamental to reality as stars, the earth, insects, populations , mountains, rivers and everything else. It helps more to see it when you visit places where people don't speak your language as you can see them using completely different linguistical symbols as you do, but retain the same patterns as you do, mannerisms, interaction and relation towards one another , how people live their lives, their wants and fears , you dont even need to know what theyre saying to see these patterns which makes it more obvious how fundamental it is. Even in your own country, patterns upons patterns endlessly repeat themselves, villages, towns , cities, how they function , the way they're setup, how people live in them and what theyre motivated by and how they spend their time. It is as if God gave an infinite blue print for what reality should be and he designed me from the that blue print, literally everything i do and think. In the same way if you took two dogs from different corners of the planet and despite being raised in different environments,they exhibit the same behaviours. How can you be separate? You are it, you're not doing life , life is you and all of reality, You are not a stranger here.

@Shiva those are individual political cases, i dont personally see how separatism would be beneficial in those though

Right now is all that exists, its in a constant flux and changes, but right now is always right now. Tomorrow can only ever be a thought so is yesterday.Dont even try to think about it thats not right now, you can only be it.