Chives99

This report is from the very first time i did lsd back in december 2016 i think i did write it on the forum but the server crashed and all the old posts got deleted. I'd heard countless stories of the amazing ability of lsd how it can open you up to move past emotional blockages and have divine insight into the nature of self and reality. I took 200ug but my brain is especially sensitive to psychedelics due to a build up of cerebal spinal fluid. I'd done mushrooms before and that taught me what it was like to be free from identity and how nothing was needed from life when free from it. LSD was much stronger than that for me. 90 mins after i took it, my sense of physical reality broke down a vortex of swirling colourscapes and patterns, filled my experience. My experience was centerless as I couldn't point out where i was in this vortex or where this vortex was located as it overlayed my room, it felt like a different reality even though i could still see the room i was. My sense of self hadn't gone yet, stories were still present in this vortrex as sense of self is in the stories and not the recognising the body. for the next 90 mins I was sucked into the hellscape of the mind, I faced my darkest fears. There was a realisation that the ego was using its desire for sex to feel worthy and my desperation for it was really a desire to feel , whole and complete, not a loser and a failure of a human being. I felt like my whole identity had opened up and the whole world knew my vulnerabilities and horrible thoughts of wanting to hurt people from being pushed out of society. The ego desperately tried to run away, it didnt want to be caught, it did this by lashing out and believing it could still hold on to fighting to be a worthy a human being that would get its attainments to be complete. Leos voice then popped into my thought stream. "the ego is like a convict on trial trying to desperately to survive, he knows hes going to jail" ( something to that extent this was 6 years ago) What I can describe happened next was awareness became very meta, it felt like it was closing in on itself, so the outside was on the inside and vice versa. I then felt a VERY strange sense of deja vu, its like a remembering of something so familiar as its a recognition of whats always been the case, awareness that without content or objectivity. I open up the actualised forum and looked at leos profile, he face was flashy psychedelic colours, and a thought popped in my awareness as if i was talking to Leo and it said "you dont need me for answers , just look inside of you". I stared at his pic as I was look at his pic it was if it was piercing my soul and saw right through me. I laid up in my bed in absolute shock as my sense of being in a body evaporated , the mind was completely empty and no longer had a sense of location. " WOAH wait a minute...... is this it......? is this enlightenment???? " Leos pic just continued to stare into my soul as if to say "yep thats right, welcome to the dead end" THEN EVERYTHING BECAME CLEAR "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ENLIGHTENMENT MEANS I DONT EXIST" i said out loud. a thought then appeared in my awareness, now with this thought there was no longer a sense of me being a thinker, thinking thoughts, it was just like a thought appearing out of nothingness. the thought said " Dont you see.... it was only YOU here...... all this time., CMON MAN how did you think this was going to end??, did you really think you could hold onto your precious self" In that moment everything was perfect, this was the deepest peace I didnt think was possible to exist it was like 1000 stronger than mdma peace. It was as if someone got a vial of liquid peace and injected it into my veins, it started at the top of my body then permeated through the rest of it. It would be fascinated to know what physiological changes were happening to my body and what chemicals were released. I laid back in my bed and Shiva appeared and started to laugh , I replied so "I'm the cosmic joke". Within a couple of hours the effects of the drug wore off, the metaness of experience started to devolve and the ego returned trying to make sense of it all, it was really strange looking at my family the next day it was if i could see through them like they were a hologram within consciousness and they were spinning stories to make the me feel real. When physicalism is seen through everything is of the same substance which is nothing, consciousness cant be something because then it would need another thing to justify its existence, God is nothingness.

Its a numbers game at the end of the day, most people aren't going to be attracted to you, that goes for a lot of people, even the the conventially hot ones arent peoples types I didnt understand myself why ever thought such as such lass was fit at college. Self doubting, lacking confidence and feeling worthless all maintains your self image , but it wont do you any good, believe in yourself, you dont need a new model to contain your understanding of how your socialising is doing, intuit it, science gets wrong all the time your models is never going to be perfect. Someone that loves themselves has nothing to give but love and that selflessness is attractive, sure you can work on your masculinity as well developing yourself in the world, but you can do without loosing your compassion.

straightness is not demonised, are we on the same planet? the human race would die out if that was the case. Some girls can be nasty if they arent attracted to you, but that seems rare most are very polite if you show interest . If they're interested in you, they'll definitely let you know. My post here was about guys bullying each other over sex

Ive being doing some serious contemplation into what was cutting me off from gods love and this seemed to be the biggest issue, feeling marginalised in the world of adults, people can be so cruel.

I dont like it when I can see a girl is using a guy because she knows he likes him someone just needs a word with him if he cant see it himself. Of course people love favours and freebies some people have no ethics and dont see a problem with it, " oh he should be glad im giving him some attention"

I have female friends that I dont want to fuck or date, deffo not my type but a good friend

not sure what you mean?

People that cause acts of violence ie war, terroism, shootings, bullying, mistreating people, peadophilesa and sex offenders etc Some people lack empathy for some reason it could be autism or a mood disorder/ personality disrder, or psychosis, psychopathy or ti could be a bad childhood, abuse, neglect, bullying, l, this leaves people feel on the outside looking in that they dont belong, when you feel like u dont belong, that your not loved and u have to survival all on your own with noone to go through it.Making friends, and attracting a partner , fine place in society, all requires letting yourself be vulnerable , sharing stuff u might be ashamed of with us, talking through it and healing . You fall in love, to fall means to surrender and let go of control. I feel that people that really lack empathy are not untreatable they love, society should be re-organise itself around love. Start with yourself, then u can try and radiate out to others and try to heal them . YOUR LOVED REGARDLESS by the universe. Even if u are an incel guy on the forum that feels like people dont like him and he'll never have friends or a girlfriend. Forget the past, forget past social mistakes or rejections or people being mean to youthat just mean they "hated themselves and were lashing out at you), Love yourself for being insecure or needy or hating a woman because u felt like crap. Accept ti and move on, go out and talk to people , connect, join a spiritual group,, its ok if you get it wrong i BELIEVE IN YOU

weed is tame asf if you smoke too much its because u built up a lifestyle around it, eating snacks and watching dumb videos whilst high.

wouldnt that just kill the mycelium ?

@Antor8188 try to be more discreet where people cant see u , it makes u look like you're too intoxicated, and when it comes to her hitting you just walk away u dont want to deal with silly immature aggressive women

dude you got to act loving and civil you cant just whap your dick out in front of people and start urinating, go down a side street, also being argumentative with people just makes u look like a cu**, you have to get on with people and arrogance wont get u laid, theres a difference between being confident and being arrogant

Sounds like a toxic environment you're in, I'd recommend moving to somewhere more western if you could as that social and dating environment seems really outdated, explore your interests socialise and talk to girls, something may happen........

Sounds like you have a hair kink, I find hair really attractive as well but i like all the natural hair colours I like different styles but prefer long hair also nice to play with

if you dont need anything from reality, theres no more problems. I dont even need to be alive, i Iove reality so much , I'm willing to give up my self and my selfishness. Theres no happiness in being selfish. I dont need love, I am love, I dont need a partner or sex or friendship I am already complete, I dont need anything from anyone. I dont need to attract a partner, I dont need a new goal, I dont need sex, I dont need friendship I dont need anything, I am already complete and I'm ready to share this love with the world. I dont need to fight, I dont need to survive. I accept peace and love

@flowboy doesnt lsd use up serotonin

I think that only applies if your depressed and take mdma, I've never felt tired or depressed after it, although i think most people take it and get shit faced in a night club or a music festival, research doesnt take that into consideration, set and setting is everything. Reading research from frequent clinical based mdma trials in the UK, depression substantially decreased with some taking every 2 weeks. That was in the right setting . Nightclubs are just seedy places where u cant have deep connections with people and the music and all the activity will be draining.

whats the worst thats going to happen? maybe what you really fear is having a mediocre interaction and being disillusioned by it. I'm afraid thats going to be the case for most people with it not going anywhere, which is why leo stresses having to make 1000s of approaches to be god like and even then no guarantees, I think the trick is, is to forget about the future and just focus on interacting right now, imagine the future doesnt exist

sure the counter culture was a huge radical rebellion against the chains of archaic christian values and many people went over board with this new technologhy, thats whats happens when society tries to hard to resist change

Life is no different than the dream we have at night

showed me that theirs no happiness and growth in survival mode consciousness and that life / development comes from letting go of trying to desperately trying to survive with my identity and what i think is true

well in the UK you can go to psychedelic therapy trials to treat ptsd and depression so I think times are changing and the police arent simply interested in arresting for possession as they're strapped enough already, but non liberal parties really dont want to open the flood gates to say its ok to do them as they fear the implications on society, ironic though because most politicians do cocaine this is pretty much well known the bathrooms in the westminster are teaming with traces of cocaine, one politician recently went to prison for claiming public expenses for his cocaine habit.

because the nixon administration wanted a reason to demonise the hippies against the vietnam war, so they went after the substances they took to paint them as degenerates that could had no sound mind to be against the war and other western countries followed suit because they're americas bitch, after the war it continued as a narrative of leading youth astray and turning them into wastes with no ambition and service to society

can't drive whilst drunk either

do you dissolve the ketamine in water in the nasal syringe