Chives99

I can easily tap into confident mode, but suddenly i can experience intense ego backlash and my mind goes no you cant love yourself, you are sexually inexperienced, you are a loser, im come across as attractive when im confident and let go but its like my mind doesnt want to let go so im in a tug of war between being confident and care free and feeling worthless, it arises when I think about a girl i like and asking her out then thinking about the fact shes probably done way more than me

Cracked at the end as I really wanted to be part of that conversation, let go of that need, if an opportunity presents itself to be part of a conversation engage, but dont need it, let go, go talk to other people. You were doing so well, just need to further do this and let go of needing to join a conversation just do it, let go of that need to join the conversation, only join if the opportunity presents itself. The next one is let go of the need be in a conversation if you find an opening to join ( think abbie and dominos) or if someone is giving you eye contact then you can. You did so well last night keep going. We banished the belief that people dont like you, they love you.

I'm ready, chat ,flirt, add on facebook, chat and flirt on facebook shortly after you add them, chat and flirt get too know, if you feel like you've done something to come on too strong you can apologise and say thats not what you intended. after you've gotten to know them a bit, ask them out for some informal date to get to know, continue to date . Talk to lots of girls, you can do this. I believe in myself, giving up is not an option ive come so far and I believe I can find somebody thats right for me a really good deep connection i can do this.

can half jokingly say " we should hang sometime and see how she reacts" can inbox her and ask her how shes been etc, doesnt look like i'd have the time for a propper good convo since we are always busy, but i got to shoot my shot i like her and find her attractive, we have some good laughs so i think its worth it. find something you both feel comfortable doing explore group meets vs 1 on 1 people vary differently, inbox first then in person

Its time to make a move with work colleague I think she would be a good match i over heard her saying "he needs to hurry up and make a move" that could have been about me, but it seems like she makes an effort for me to over hear. I can't deal with overly confident women as they are total hotties and have 10 guys after them which makes them a bit wild and flirting with every guy in my experience kinda like a female player, women that are too quiet are no good either as im a social guy and love to get out and quiet women arent very approachable and make it hard work to build rapport they just expect you to read their mind constantly and wont do any mirroring, I mean im good at flirting , im very witty and have a quirky unique sense of humour , but if youre not mirroring on the same level id feel id be harassing you, i like this girl at work, im going to try and get my flirt on and see if i she will mirror because she does to an extent but its like she will look over at me or ask me directly about stuff but wont make the jump to flirt , this doesnt happen with non shy girls since they know the dynamics of flirting and are confident with it. I will ask her about her plans outside of work to show interest and see how she reciprocates and if she will flirt a bit and then i could chat of fb then ask her out. The only bad thing would be a rejection but atleast id know.

I'm ready to throw my social rule book out the window, yes be smart about what you do, but people really do just want you to read and mirror there body language, another girl added me on socials after 2nd meet, flirty girl that engaged in physical contact and kissed me on the cheek again is in a long term relationship according to facebook i snooped at so who knows what the fuck her game is but it doesnt look good.

Don't waste your time with people that won't make definite plans , she's using you as an option on the Back burner if things go south with another guy , don't waste your time with someone that isn't swooning to meet up imagine when u like someone u can't wait to see them . Find someone who's face lights up when they see you it's beautiful like you are both just zone out and realise your staring at each other that's mutual attraction

isnt it interesting how lockdown effectively ended homelessness, shows it can be done if governments and society care.

met some good people at meeting one girl invited me out with her friend to another meeting (karaoke) at different group I'd said I wanted to go she gave me a playful kiss on cheek

half of marriages fail in the us and uk cant speak for countries, without the social pressure and stigma to stay in one people have the option to seperate, I imagine there were a lot of unhappy marriages in the past. Always hearing about frustrated husbands stuck in sexless marriages and resorting to cheating as her interest dissolves and messy divorces involving finances and children. All these options to leave and the alternatives out their make people feel trapped in marriages and that they can be free outside of it. We can't go back to the past like this woman suggests society has completely evolved. I wouldn't be confident I could make a marriage work

Dont get too nerdy around your interests at meetups you can chat a little bit but dont get too carried away you were good at the start when you mentioned about going to zen meditation and psychedelic society but not delving in too far, its good to have deep conversation with other guys but make it light with girls and playful. Good when you mentioned belting out tunes at work and people saying you needed a microphone.

If you need something from someone its because you have a sense of lack and that you need something to be complete and be a whole person, ' i will feel good enough when ive dated around a bit and had a relationship' you may tell yourself. Well why not just feel good enough now, if you love yourself now, then you can give this love to other people, i mean everyone is you after all, theres noone else here. You are exactly how you are supposed to be, you are perfect any working on yourself isnt done to make you good enough its done out of pure love and enjoyment. Try interacting with people with a sense that you are perfect in everyway and see how well they receive you. This requires letting go of control and the belief that intellectualising what the you is doing, its not possible to know anything, so if you let go of knowing you'll be a peace, they'll be no more struggle.

You are more capable than you've ever imagined, look at what the intelligence in you as done, its learn to walk and talk and build up massive amounts of knowledge through schooling and got qualifications, no idiot can do this, look at your achievements, whether that be work, maintaining family relationships, making friends learning social skills, excelling in hobbies and interests, winning competitions, etc, why couldn't you get good with dating? The mind might be identified as being a hopeless socially awkward , socially inept, clumsy, unattractive whatever, but those are all just stories, the mind loves to identify stories and thats why you dont grow. When u failed a test once, you got better results the second time round. The first time I took my driving test i failed within the first 2 mins and had to do the rest of the test knowing i failed, but i got it the second time. I used to be clueless with women I would ask women on apps there phone numbers straight away and scare them off, but thats because my ruled based mind must have grabbed that rule from somewhere and tried to apply it across the board to everything. Forget the past it doesnt exist, dont think about the future, go and talk to women at social events or in nightclubs or whatever, I believe in you, you can do it, you may fail 100s of times but you'll get there. I just figured theres litterally no point in doubting yourself because all doubting is just STORIES IN THE MIND.

'was autistic' you cant get rid of autism its genetic. congrats man glad you finally found someone good on them apps, they can be quite exhausting

Everyones brains work in very different ways with the large variety of genetic and physical variance in brain chemistry so people will interact and understand the world differently, my brains very overly logical and I see things in black and white, I dont become interest in a woman until she shows some significant interest in me but by then I think im in now so i can make plans to get to know her more intimately, 'the deal is done' so to speak, but attraction isnt black and white its more oscillating. I let go of caring about women they become attracted to me, I start trying to figure out whether there flirting is genuine or not , this becomes across as needy and they become disintrested. I forget about them and then they're interested again, then i try to figure ti out again..... exhausting. I figured i need to try and hack my brain, instead of thinking in a binary fashion attracted or not attracted , I could think of it as a play or a game or a dance, I flirt with you and you flirt with me but we aren't entirely sure if we're just playing or not, we do it some more and more, again im just being playful here enjoying myself in the moment, then we add each other on socials and chat some more online until there comes I point where i feel like I have sense of you enough that I would to spend an evening with you on a date so i ask you out, its all fun, nothing has to go anywhere. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable if I need to know whether your genuine or not I'm not being my playful confident humourous self, When I am im being giving and not just taking for myself, its a dance we play together not to get something for myself. I mean this itself isnt a black and white theory there comes a point where u do need to know as to not waste your time and you do that by asking them out;

So I've been flirting back and forth with a girl at work I just suck a bit of knowing how to progress things outside of the workplace with timing and not wanting to come on to strong etc. So a good few weeks ago a coworker was chanting to her friend and asked me how old I was and wanting to know if i dated around much felt like 20 questions lol " have you had a girlfriend before", but then i heard her talk about another guy so i just took that as not interested and forgot about her. I then went away for a week and when I came back she must have missed me and wondered where I had gone cause she started flirting and engaging in convo a lot I walked into the office and she said in front of our coworkers " I'm your favourite aren't I charlie" I responded with "shhh not supposed to tell people its a secret, don't want people getting jealous now" . Her friend was poking holes in this drinks packaging out of boredom and I was "having fun there" she responded " yeah you want have a go at fingering a hole" and I heard the other girl mutter " you can finger me" but my boss had me called me then so i didnt have time to react. Throughout the day I caught her making glances and making an effort at convo with her friend engaging as well. Her friend later came to me at the coffee machine and was like "Sarah was asking if you had a girlfriend, so i told her that you had one" and I responded with " Well i dont why would u say that, uhh i dont have time for your mind games " in a playful manner. I could then see sarah looking at me later from across the room for my reaction. She and her friend made later attempts at little bits of convo. I sent her a friend request 2 days later which she accepted pretty much straight away. I just dont really know how to progress from here, cause I'm not going to see her all the time at work only on some days, I was thinking about chatting on facebook to show interest and build rapport as well but not really good with openers and I feel like its the guys job to make the first move, I could ask her how her weekends been and what she got up to as a basic opener but than could be a bit boring not really engaging, but then again if her interest level is high enough as suppose it wouldnt matter, I could also try talking about hobbies etc at work then talking about it more on line after a break of seeing her. This part here is the only bit im insecure about I'm autistic and struggle to believe a girl would actually like me but im sure thats just my shitty self esteem talking , I dont want to come on to strong but also want to find a nice middle ground to get to know each other outside of work before asking her out, would appreciate other peoples experiences with messaging a girl or a guy for the first time, how it went and how you got convo going cause otherwise she'll just get bored and some other guy with get in there.

I'm not actually insecure about loosing her to another guy so thts not one if have to be concerned about, but i see what you mean by its the attitude of not taking action that will sabotage me, some things will work and some things wont but i have to confident to try them out, thanks for your response

@NoSelfSelf @NoSelfSelf Thats solid advice thanks , I guess ill just have to do trial and error and get massive experience intuition will know what to do.

@NoSelfSelf I guess you could say whats bothering me is not whether I get a reply or not but whether I get the social rule or cue wrong, I feel I need the perfect system, because if my action isnt the appropriate one id feel like a social failureor social idiot, but then my friends say if u do nothing , nothing will ever happen.

@NoSelfSelf ive got another job that i start in a months time, so it doesnt matter

using abliist slurs is highly distasteful

Was just watching this british documentary on incels and the people in all claim they havent spoken to people apart from their family in years, some dropped out of school and became a recluse, when you're so disconnected from everyone the mind starts to feel like it doesnt belong and that everyone is a potential threat if you cant interact with them, which is why such crazy ideologies emerge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kReeoKoOvZI

I have friend from denmark thats sounds very much the same he doesnt hang out with people outside of his family and hes really emotionally intelligent, I can tell he really gets people and people opened up to him so easily when i was at uni, I feel that when you are not needing things from people its easy to be empathetic , although he has anxiety and shy with talking to new people, but yet doesnt crave connection, must be nice to be free of that need.

did you take any psyches whilst there? or just drink?

@flowboy have you been to a festival solo before , how did you navigate it? what did you get up to? i see theres one near me in england this summer, carbaon based life forms are going to be there.