Teags

I was going to make this post in the journal section but I don't see myself updating it on a regular basis. I have been practising a lot of mindfulness and reading books and listening to podcasts on spirituality. Today as I went for a jog and listening to my usual podcasts, my mind stopped. The trees and the grass were greener then I have ever seen them before, I had noticed the holes in the leaves. The voice coming out of my headphones was of intense clarity, the birds were beautiful as they flew and chirped above me. I jog here all the time and yet every thing looked like I had never seen it before & I felt this intense feeling of happiness? It was a strange experience and I felt this strong urge to touch the leaves on the trees. When I got home I meditated for an hour, during my meditation I put my awareness on my hands as they were touching each other and I have never felt them so soft, it was as if all of my nerve endings were magnified, I felt like my body could have had an orgasm just from the feeling of my hands. After the hour was up I put my hands over my eyes, my heart was racing as i felt my consciousness intensely. Everything was black and empty, it was rather frightening but at the same time it wasn't. Now I feel sick like I want to throw up and confused. I'm not sure if this was some trick of my mind or meditation high? Has anyone else experienced anything similar or perhaps can share a video relating to it.

My whole life I've struggled to be social and turned down opportunitys due to fear of having panic attacks and it makes me miserable. I recently got accepted into a course at a university that I'm really interested in and I'm tempted to quit before I even start because I'm worried I'm going to have to introduce myself to everyone in the orientation! I get panic attacks when I talk to more than one person, sometimes even one person and it really is hell. Just to give you some background info, I'm a bit of a loner, I've never had many friends, I meditate daily and try to fuel my brain with productive mind food and I listen to at least 2-4 actualized.org podcasts a day (I'm a little obsessed). I try to healthy and exercise often. I don't like speaking about myself to people and I struggle with communication. Even writing this was very difficult for me but I would love some advice or techniques that could help get me through my university degree if anyone has been through anything similar or knows about this stuff? Any advice is appreciated

.

Can someone please explain to me what shadow work is? I've seen it mentioned on here and I did google it but can't believe everything on google and would rather hear a definition from someone who's actually experienced.

@MartineF I have also done something similar to you without knowing that it was called shadow work thanks to Mal. I think it's a great exercise. @Mal thank you for defining it. @Lorenzo Engel thank you for sharing the video. Looks interesting, will watch when I get some spare time

@Richard Alpert can you post a link to it? I'm Not sure where to find it.

Gold Coast, Australia

@Ayla thank you

@Heart of Space yeah I've fallen for some selfish douchebags in my time, it's that detachment and confidence that a guy like that has that makes a girl so attracted to him and im sure his pretty face helped a little as well Status isn't as important as confidence, humour, detachment etc but it's nice to have.

@Heart of Space well I guess you are dude so I'll take your word for it.

@Heart of Space that's nearly the whole package, having all that would definitely work as you say, but it's not "needed". Nothing worse than an incredibly good looking guy without the right internals going on. An ugly guy with the right personality will get way more girls, but the whole package is better

@Heart of Space I don't think it even matters so much about style. It helps, as does good looks and muscles but that's not what a girl REALLY wants. Get all the internals down, confidence, humour, detachment, status. That stuff is stimulating

Stimulate her emotions. Humour works very well.

@Mal ah yes I see what your saying. I do like the strawberry analogy and can totally relate. In my opinion there are things you can do to become "aware" though

@Richard Alpert awesome thanks so much for all the tips and good advice. I kinda do use meditation as an escapism, when I meditate it's very calming. Wow 4 hours, my maximum is an hour and a half in one day but definitely looking forward to when I can manage 4 hours, I bet it is amazing. I'll keep in mind all of your advice, I've been using multiple techniques from people I've learnt from this forum and I ready am noticing an improvement (must be working ).

@Mal I see a few posts on here saying similar things to what you are saying and I am trying to understand. Do you not think it's beneficial to try and understand awareness? Are you saying that we may aswell not bother doing this work in attempt to raise it? if we didn't learn about and practise mindfulness/awareness would it even be possible to just "be"? I only ask because you clearly understand this more than I, and I'm interested to see your opinion on my questions I asked.

@charlie2dogs keen to give it a go

@charlie2dogs awesome! Thanks for that tip, I will begin that right away. How long should I do it for, 5-10 mins a day? Or longer? Do you have any experience in positive affirmations? Would you recommend doing affirmations, such as "I am confident and calm in social situations" as well as the visualisation in my meditation. I recently was doing affirmations for a couple of weeks but then lost faith in them. im excited to see if this works! Thanks again

@Richard Alpert that's a good point, now that you mention it, it is the emotions, feelings in my body and negative thoughts that I'm afraid of. Do you have any suggestions on how to overcome this or do you suggest to just face it and tough it out? At this point I'm pretty much scared of life and determined to overcome this!

@Richard Alpert thank you for your reply. It seems, as some others have pointed out, that the main thing to do here is embrace it, get comfortable with myself and put myself in these situations until I no longer have an issue. Easier said than done but after hearing from other members on this forum I think I have some great tools now to get on with it! As for "can thoughts really hurt me" that is a very good question! Thank you for bringing that up. They are just "thoughts", I think some more meditation might help with disidentifying with them. I have upped my meditation from 20 minutes a day to 30-60minutes a day and I am already feeling the benefits. And it's a relief to know that being super social is not a quality needed for university, I guess I just worry about presentations and group discussions

@Mal that's very kind of you, I will pm you . Also if you its not too much hassle I wouldn't mind the mp3s as well but If it is a pain to find them then don't worry about it.

Lucky for you its not a deal breaker in getting a girl if you're "ugly". Leo has some great videos on how to get a girl and none of them involve being good looking! Maybe do some research on female psychology as well.

@Mal thanks for sharing this video. Was quite long but worth watching. I wonder how I would practise this on a daily basis to get life changing psychological shifts. I would love to go to his retreats but unfortunately they are so far away from me. Could you recommend any 'tutorial like' videos?

While holding a strong sense of self and asking who am I, I realised that my sense of self is not real and is just an illusion. What now? Do I just keep repeating the process of looking even though I know it's not anywhere to be found?

@Ayla they are good questions I'm not too sure of the answers I'll have to think about that.