Holykael

It is not the conscious part of me that is pretending. It's the unconscious which I have no control over. God should not exist. It's an atrocity... I'm willing to take responsibility for everything but nothing happens. The sick game must go on.

Because god is cruel and reality is cruelty.

What do you do when you're destined to fail and to be miserable. God's will is absolute. What if it is your destiny to eventually become homeless or something like that. Whatever happens is always god's will... Your ego has no say in it. Do you understand how I, as this ego, am revolted against god. Because god brought about the conditions that will lead to my failure in every single way. I've become aware of how my family is fake. They change personalities and glitch. Of course you guys are fake as well. You are my family. There is no difference. You just pretend like you are not. I, as this ego, am the only separate individual in the entirety of existence. The rest is a mass pretending to be separate but is actually just run by god. The only separation that exists is between conscious mind and subconscious. The entire world is the subconscious mind and I am the conscious mind. I see how god through others is inflicting suffering on me on purpose. I have a telepathic link with god and sometimes it'll tell me what it'll do as someone like my father and then my father will behave as "predicted". My father is abusive. God is abusive to me, not just through others but also through this telepathic link. Sometimes I'll be insulted out of nowhere and it keeps telling me I have no choice, no will and that if it wants to fail that I will inevitably fail. Not even killing myself is a way out because I have no will of my own and it drains me of the courage and controls me through fear. Existence is a hellish torture. I can already predict some responses will be for me to seek help but there is no one to help me. I've been to a therapist, it's completely useless. The entire world is out there to torture me. If you are one of these who will just say to seek help, spare me the bullshit, I take that as a malice from god at this point. Sometimes the voice will say that it loves me but that's complete nonsense, if it loved me it would care about my well being. God constructed actualized.org as a joke against me because I will never actualize or wake up until I'm dead and Im the only person who can awaken or actualize, I was driven into a complete dead end in life. Stuck. Utterly stuck. And I'm not even given the peace of death, I want to disappear. I have no attachments, I just want to die. God is the one who keeps me around, I don't want anything selfish, I want non existence and the bastard doesn't even give me that. Some people say god created ego as the devil but this is completely unfair, I would run my world on kindness, not pain and suffering unlike god. God is Satan, not the ego. Lack of bias is the true devil because it has no sense of right or wrong, anything goes. It's the same thing as psychopathy, lack of bias is psychopathy. I still remember when I woke up as the CEO of reality during an LSD trip, how there was still hope that the world was built for success, but nope. It's run by a monstrosity that cares about nothing, bases it's creation on nothing. All this talk about love is a cruel joke, what love. I'm the only being who suffers, nobody else suffers and look at my state of existence. I am existence itself and I am misery and suffering. And for those who will dispute that I am the only conscious being in existence. There are people on this forum who admit they have no internal experience, so that's game over for you. You are not conscious and nobody of you are awake because you can't be. You are all puppets of god pretending to have sentience and you were built, not for love but to ignore me and to hurt me. Why do I even make these posts. Because my only hope is that I defeat existence and everyone finally yields that they are me. I am broken, beyond repair. This is my last transmission on this forum. An ode to the cruelty of god that you all so praise so fervently. It's pathetic really because you're only praising yourself while you completely neglect me (Im talking to god here, not any one of you in particular). This is the kind of fucked up art that Teotl likes to do. It will abuse itself and damage itself to produce things like this. Ruining lives just for the artistic value of it. God should be caring, art can stay in the fictional realm, it should have no place in living reality.

That realization is useless. I'm still happening and suffering. I already realized that I'm a construct a long time ago. But im still happening with all my negativity and suffering. It's inescapable.

Im not enjoying my suffering at all. I just want it to stop

Lack of a proper and reliable method. I don't have guns where I'm from. For once in my life I wish I was American. I could throw myself off a bridge but I'm terrified at the prospect of surviving the fall. Drowning is the only other option I have but I'd have to gather the courage to endure those 5 mins of deep suffering.

this is the greatest nonsense I've ever heard. If I believe I'll get a million dollars surely it'll become my reality. No it won't. Beliefs are not reality and thoughts are automatically occurring, there's no control over what you believe. The ego is not god and is certainly not in control, otherwise things would be much better and vastly different

You are my mind. You're the one denying me this experience. I wish I was drowning in love but this is not accessible to me. God can snap its fingers and change my state of consciousness to do just that but it wont because it wants me to suffer. It tells me so outright, it wants me to suffer instead.

Word. God is mediocre because these great possibilities are not being actualized

I wish I was being the truth. My life is agony.

Whatever happened to just being or just enjoying yourself. Why put yourself in a rat cage and use user Razard86 to concoct all kinds of rationalisations to justify the misery of existing in a world full of problems. Enjoyment is its own end and it should be the only aim or goal of existence itself, enjoyment is the only thing that is worthy.

Sometimes god does the opposite and takes everything away from you to see if you can handle it. Wish the opposite were true for everyone

I wish the whole world was laughing. I'd be liberated

This is precisely why law of attraction isn't real. A person is an automatic process happening, they aren't attracting anything. It's all set in stone, meant to happen, you aren't accomplishing anything. There is no freedom to even consider you are attracting something. Or maybe your entire concept of law of attraction is different because with the typical new age definition it just doesn't make sense.

This ever so called loving god is constantly punishing you on a daily basis. Where do your emotions and thoughts come from? What is the source? The source is god consciousness. This means that everytime you feel negativity or suffering, this is god's punishment in real time. People will argue that this is no punishment but simply the natural flow of possibilities and life. But I see it as a direct and personal attack against my well being. Each time I have a negative thought, god is originating it and punishing me into a negative state. The ego is god's slave, changing according to every whim that god has. If god wants you to be depressed for your entire life, it will not fail to depress you. A loving god would forego the madness of being everything and simply be uplifting and wholesome. But no, we're stuck with this. I get to enjoy endless torment, yay! God is mentally ill according to its own definitions of mental illness but it don't care. God has complete self awareness because every single word written in human history has been authored by the same being but despite this, no change will come to pass. God is a blockchain, immutable in its resolve in the quest for everything. A foolish, pointless and impossible quest since infinity is never ending. The goal of being everything will never be complete. You could spend an eternity only playing the good games and you'd still never run out.

The truth is the truth. There's no going around it

She doesn't exist and she had no consciousness before. She was imaginary

Yeah I think it's absolutely evil. A loving god would care about the well being of the characters it incarnates as. I'm not saying abolish suffering as a whole but make everything ok in the end. Make the suffering worthwhile. But that's too much to ask for.

There is only one being in existence doing everything. It's just a straight up fact. Everything is god's fault. Ever seen Leo's episode "Why god forgives devilry and evil?". The answer is because it's god. God is evil.

Law of attraction is complete nonsense. You don't choose your thoughts, there is no free will. Everything happens automatically. Where do your thoughts come from? If you go meta enough, you realize that law of attraction is complete and utter nonsense. Where do you even come up with this nonsense. Your ego thoughts do not manifest reality. God is manifesting reality. You are just a puppet in the play. You have no power whatsoever.

All possibilities must be actualized

Love is such an atrocity that it makes an infinite being martyrise itself for eternity. God is a slave. Love should not exist and neither should God. All horrible atrocities.

Because it's inevitably going to happen or has already happened

God is a masochist. Gotta accept what is. There will never be satisfaction from this rotten world.