UpperMaster

Realising the inportance of creativity in the day to day. Super underrated

I want to move out of from my families house. I just had a fight with my mother and realised that it’s not worth staying here. not because I have bad parents. I have amazing parents, they’ve done so much for me. They are very very high quality. But I realise that staying here has been an impediment to my growth. I want to use my own wings to fly, not rely on my parents. I feel as if my life isn’t mine. I feel as if I am not living life the way I should. maybe this is just a temporary feeling. But I doubt that, as this is more of a realization then it is a feeling. I amm not living my life to the fullest because I live with my parents. I am using the fact that I am living with my parents as a safety net which allows me to live mediocrely. that much is clear

You're a slave if you can't think or verify things for yourself. When you rely on others' ideas without confirmation, your perception of reality might seem logical to you, but it's built on assumptions passed on by other, assumptions you've never questioned.

My motivation for doing the challenge is realizing how much dogma is in popular media. I used to believe you can't be friends with a chick. I am friends with a chick now.

Major Major Major life decision: Strict Information Diet. I won't watch Actualized.org for a while. I was thinking about the importance of thinking for yourself and being your own authority. I realized how important it is to confirm things for yourself and not take other peoples word for it. I can't talk for other people, but I certainly realized for myself that I personally believe pretty much 99.999 percent of things because of here say from other people rather than my own real life experiences. I found this extremely disturbing, because to me, getting answers online, from a book and even people adulterates your understanding of something. When someone gives you an answer, not only do you not know if the answer is even valid, but also you don't understand the context to which the advice is given. Context changes everything. You can take the advice of "Never give up" for example. It is great in some contexts, but in other contexts in life I can see how giving up an ideal can help you lead a better life. Additionally, I feel like a slave to the media around me. I dislike how I am going about learning the material in actualized.org. I feel as though I am not thinking through each of the points like Leo has. I also realized that I started thinking of Leo an an authority figure. He says not to do this, and that's the advice I'm seriously going to take from now on. I am no longer going to consume books, YouTube videos, TikTok, Instagram. I am not gonna read advice from reddit. If I have a problem in my life, I will either 1. Ask someone I know 2. Read Scientific Studies (I'll find studies on google) 3. Contemplate for myself I am not sure if I should still listen to music, because a lot of music I listen to contains perspectives that may or may not represent truth entirely. The whole point of this experiment, is to streamline my truth finding process. I will do things on my own, I will learn to think. Hold myself as the authority, develop opinions other people may not even have because Im thinking on my own. I want that confidence. After I do that, I will approach Leo's work again as well as other peoples perspectives. I will post here of course because I think it's great to journal this chapter of my process. The drawbacks of doing something like this are 1. Takes longer to come up with solutions 2. Might not benefit from other peoples solutions to problems These are drawbacks, that I think are fine. its the price to pay for independent thought and self authority.

maybe I am over complicating in life in general

I think another thing is I have so high standards for myself, I don’t have the humility to take little steps.

Being exceptional is so fun. I helped my friend with his presentation. He said I was talented and should charge this for the hour. Felt good being competent is something. I know I’m super competent in this because I was awarded the best presenter in my class last year. unfortunatkry that’s not enough to pass the year so I didn’t pass lmao. i hope life gets better. Im so frustrated, I don’t have any real problems but in so stuck and failing.

I think I’ve entered learned helplessness. I feel so guilty for having it because objectively I have it sooo much easier than other people but I’m struggling.

I feel like giving up, but when I do give up momentarily it just sucks even more so than I keep fighting. But it sucks.

The fact rhat we put our selfs on the moon is crazy. The face that we created smartphones and computers is crazy. Beyond crazy. We as humans have done the inpossible several times, why can’t I? Maybe I should adopt the belief that if I do the work required anything is possible.

Friend that helps me study told me that I don’t succeed because I don’t try and give up too easily, and that I should learn to trust myself. I give up without trying but after trying I understand. maybe In just not believing in myself

Starting to hate blackpill. Looks do matter, looks can make a huge huge huge difference. People who have great looks have an easier time getting woman, but I strongly believe that blackpill is missing a huge part of truth because I know a guy in real life that blackpillers would disregard as someone who is too ugly for dating but has a hot girlfriend. I don’t know how it happens, but it does.

I think I should focus more on marginal improvements.

I don't know if il ever be enough, I wish the internet never existed, I wish social media never existed.

bro landed safely w that one I cant lie

You don’t need to deserve success. You can be an asshole and be successful. Success is achieved solely on doing the actions required to attain it.

I realise that the main reason I do everything is because of woman. Woman are my main distraction I guess. It’s becoming such a big thing in my head that I feel like it’s blocking me from maturing. If I keep staying at this stage of being desperate for woman. It will not good. I am thinking of dedicating my life to getting woman. I need money for that so working and getting some money maybe through a business is neccecary. I just realise how it completely messes up every experience that I have. I don’t seem to enjoy anything because I want to be with a girl I find attractive. It’s always in the corner of my head. I’ll contemplate further and further and see if it’s a decision I should commit to.

Ok super important notes I want to make today. I now understand that you have to bring value into a relationship. You can’t get a girl and bring no value. The reason I understand this deeply more now is because I experienced today how it felt like when a girl likes you but you don’t like her back. I now empathize more with woman who don’t find some men attractive and reject them. When you’re not attracted to someone, accepting your advances is somewhat cruel to you. today I went out with my friends, among which was this girl who is really nice, but I didn’t find attractive. I really think she was interested in me. The reason why is because she complemented how I looked many times, my new haircut my fashion. Touched me more, or tried to touch me more, and also looked at me with that “I want to fuck” look. I might be delusional but even if I am, I finally understood to some extent at least how it feels to not be attracted to someone that likes you. this specifically opened my eyes to how relationships are transactional and that you can’t expect someone to like you if you don’t fulfill your side of the transaction aka you being attractive. it made me realise how I should become more attractive to woman, and I should think less of just myself see how I provide for them. Because I would also reject some woman or not sleep with them if they don’t meet a standard.

I just read the post I wrote about self doubt and now I’m a bit calmer

There are many nights where I can’t sleep because it’s like I ain’t as successful as I want to be. Right now I’m tripping aswell. It’s 2 in the morning. I’m tripping. I haven’t fucked yet, I haven’t made any money I need to ASAP. I soo want it please wtf. How is can ny dad earn 6+ figures but I’m a piece of shit useless. I gotta boss tf up.

I was scrolling through instagram and I came across a short video showcasing a podcast where the host asks many different girls which man she would chose. He shows two pictures, one of a model Chico Lachowski and the other of a Puerto Rican actor Luis Guzmán (I've uploaded the photos here). A lot of the woman in the podcast chose Luis Guzman OVER Chico Lachowski even though Chico looks better conventionally. They justified their choice by saying things like "he looks like a boy, I want a man" or "he looks like a ladyboy", or "I've dated guys that looked like number two before, and I much prefer the dad bod" When the woman said this, the podcast host called on there bullshit, saying that their lying for chosing Luis Guzman over Chico as Chico is obviously way better looking. He kind of alludes to the idea that the woman were chosing Luis Guzman to potray themselves as less shallow. The comments on the video were supporting the idea that the woman are lying. That they would never chose anyone like Luis. That there is a huge discrepancy between their actions in real life and who they chose during a podcast interview. because who the fuck would not chose Chico, he is super handsome, where as Luis is old and isn't as conventionally attractive. It even made sense to me, that these woman were bullshiting, and that when shit comes to shove, they would pick the more conventionally attractive looking guy, But then I caught myself, and possibly entertained the idea that this was simply dogma. I want to know if it is dogma or not. So my question to you is, Do You think these woman are lying, or are they telling the truth. Do they actually prefer how Luis looks? Are looks objective, or is that dogma? (apparently there is research backing up the objectivity of looks, but I can definitely entertain the possibility that modern Beauty standards specifically in the blackpill and incel community is too harsh and contains dogma) (I Don't know if that's true, maybe the podcaster is completely right, that's why I am making this post) Note: The woman clearly didn't know the two men (I am pretty sure, it seems like), so they were only judging looks. I saw the video on instagram and forgot to save it, but I found the same upload on TikTok for which I will post here: https://www.tiktok.com/@whateverpod/video/7394521688366501162 The comments on TikTok, is much less incel audience and they are more mixed, however the same sort of comments (the comments supporting the podcaster) can be found, Il upload some. Thanks for reading, looking forward for what y'all sayin

woah what the flip

@hyruga the audio-tapes go more indepth but still like the basic terms have to be explained more I feel

I've read it so many times, but there are still a lot of things I don't get. It really frustrates me when people in the mainstream talk about concepts from the book without having any idea what they're actually talking about. One example is the idea of finding your purpose. The way he explains it is by saying you should "relax into your consciousness" and live from there, finding your purpose that way. He says you don’t find your purpose from your thoughts because they’re always changing and come from the feminine. I kind of get what he’s saying—he’s clearly talking about something we can all relate to—but I still don’t fully understand what he means by "relax into your masculine" or "relax into your unchanging consciousness" to find your purpose. Leo's approach to finding purpose heavily includes thought process, and it makes sense to plan out your life carefully. But Deida is talking about something completely different that I just don't get. He says we shouldn't get distracted by the feminine, which includes thoughts and anything that changes, while the masculine is consciousness. Like, okay cool thanks. Here's what he says about, please read it, and if you understand someone please explain it to me: https://deida.info/2016/02/14/deep-purpose/