UpperMaster

Hey guys. I've had a complex developing for years. It surrounds general success and power. It started after a lengthy encounter with a narcissist, as he made me feel so powerless and insufficient, that I started romanticizing the idea of being "better than people". By nature, I genuinely enjoy seeing others succeed. But when someone’s success triggers feelings of inadequacy in me, especially if I feel looked down on, it hits extremely hard. It’s painful. The complex is growing stronger. The psychological ramifications for me are that I constantly feel horrible, disappointed with my self and afraid. I am incredibly motivated to better myself, but the direction towards which I orient my life seems to be less about what I want and more about preventing the feeling of powerlessness and insufficiency. Matter of fact, I want to be so much better than people that other people feel powerless and insufficient just like I did. I don’t want to live like this. I know this mindset is irrational and even toxic, but just knowing that doesn't stop the pain. When it hurts, the logic lowkey doesn’t matter I just want the pain to stop. It's becoming a big part of my life now. I will talk about it to my therapist soon. Do you guys have any advice on how to cure this? How should I phrase it with my therapist? I understand to some extent why elitists are so power hungry. I somewhat understand why they go through hell to get what they want.

Thank you for your response, this response I somewhat relate with. My session was very eye-opening, and wound opening. Basically my therapist wanted me to get into the root cause for my feeling of powerlessness. We uncovered my relationship with my mother. It was very abusive at times and I was somewhat in denial about it. Very intense session. I will update this thread with the aftermath, after my problems are resolved, or il start a new thread. Seems to me that we have to go very deep to solve problems like this. Root fixes take time and pain I guess. Fuck man.

Thanks for sharing the links. Therapist meeting tmr!

Leo talked about making a video like this at some point.

Yes. It is jealousy to an extent. The jealousy is what triggers trauma from the past. And then its really bad.

I appreciate the advice given. I'm not sure if applying your advice would work for me. As in idk if its that simple. The main thing I'm super scared about is coping. In the sense that I feel pain but am in denial about it. Maybe letting go technique can help.

Thank you. Yea I expect that alleviating these feelings are hard. Thanks for the book recommendation. I might do psychotherapy to help me with this A part of me doesn't even want to get rid of the complex, because that means it can potentially live out the fantasy of working and becoming better than others.

Okay, I understand

ahhh, so for you 1% is actually not a small percentage, because your looking at genetics from a wider perspective. Thats why you gave the chimpanzee example. 2% change in genetics could mean the difference between a human and a chimpanzee, and so even a little effort could (potentially) also mean the difference between a healthy individual and an unhealthy one. That said, small changes in genetics could mean big differences in health, temperament and bodily function, as seen with Tony Robbins. Thats your claim right?

From my understanding, genetics allows you to do anything. Thats like asking how important is a computer when it comes to coding. You can't code without a computer. I believe you made this clear in threads before and I agree with you. But then you said that health is 99% Genetics and 1% Effort. If you'd ask me, I wouldn't even separate the two, because Genetics is what allows you to put any effort. Without genetics, you can't put any effort. But you made that separation between genetics and effort in your statement. so I don't understand what 1% Effort even means here? I assumed that you were saying that 99% of your health depends on factors you can't control, and 1 % on factors you can control (in a practical sense, thats why I thought you were giving practical advice). From the experience and information I have now, and your teachings years ago, living a healthy lifestyle, having good sleep and diet can help you immensely in living a healthier life. That's why I questioned you judgment initially and asked you to provide context.

What does that mean? Is my intention wrong? I haven't gone through what you've gone through to understand and explore the reality of genetics. I also don't expect you to explain how you got to that conclusion in some random thread. But bro, a little context to why you think this way would be nice. How can I ever genuinely assess your observations on reality if you don't explain how you got there. I don't remember a blog or video on this topic, maybe you discussed it in another thread, I don't recall. Not trying to be a smart ass, I know you know that context is necceceary, I just don't understand what you want me do.

Okay, I just don't understand what the take away of this message is? What now I shouldn't prioritize health, like why even say that. Or is this just a truth statement? (oh even your ability to put in effort and fix health is genetic, so everything is genetic) bad lifestyle can hundred percent ruin your health also, you obviously know that because you preached it. I feel like I'm completely missing your message.

My insomnia has come back. So many years to get better just for it to come back. Fuck this. my hair will fall again. Do much I did to reverse it and it worked. but fuck now I’m cooked. I don’t want to go through it all again. maybe this time will be easier but I seriously feel like killing myself

Male 19. First year university (currently taking reseat exams). I'm honestly afraid I might fail the year. I want to self-actualise. This is my journal as a reminder of my growth. Many problems and issues on my mind but right now, but quite honestly my biggest hurdle is my ability to work. I've grown convinced that there is actually something biologically wrong with me. I used be the smartest in my class in middle school, I would study for exams right before the test. After COVID, my capacity to concentrate is complete dogshit. I'm a horrible results maker. My parents have pointed this out to me in numerous occasions. They can't believe how poorly I turned out, as growing up I seemed productive, but right now I'm struggling to get by in life. I already tried all the techniques to improve my work ethic and focus. I've contemplated and designed models of motivation that I could use to get myself to work. I tried brainwashing myself to think that inaction would lead to a horrific event, to fear monger myself to work. This is the only thing that got me results, but its with huge expense. Right now the only thing that works for me is putting myself in a mental state where I think I am in competition with everyone. It's this deeply egoic, dog-eat-dog mentality thats most defenitly toxic. I hesitated to keep myself in this state of mind for two reasons: 1. I become dysfunctional in other areas of life that don't involve material success like family. 2. I can't turn it on or turn it off. 3. I'm constantly stressed, it's a constant fight or flight. Like I legitamatley don't enjoy life anymore. However this mental state seems to be extremely effective in getting things done, I can work 6 hours a day on a task, with high intensity. Otherwise I can barely work 30 minutes with very low intensity. I need to be able to work or I'll remain a failure. I also don't want to waste my life away feeling like shit. I feel trapped. It is possible that I might have some heavy metal poisoning. It can explain my inability to sleep great, inability to focus and work etc. It is completely not normal for me to struggle this much to work . I don't want to become a psychopathic neurotic monster just to be able to get some work done. Other people seem to work so easily. I know for a fact that "not wanting it enough" is not a problem. My success is pretty much all I think about, and I feel a lot of pain as I feel as though I am unable to progress in life no matter what I do.

One true intuition that I feel is super real is that all of life is just side quests and that the main plot is to figure out what this is. Everything else I do is just distraction. I remember having this intuition several times through-out my life.

A lot of people have it significantly worse than me. But I genuinely feel suicidal. I have such high standards and aspirations it physically hurts how I am not even close. Now it's like will I ever get there? I hate myself. I don't want to hate myself. But I can't let go of my standards. I never will.

I just read your story up to now. What the actual fuck. You truly went through a lot. I wish you all the best sis. I'm super ungrateful wow. Thanks for helping me realize. It's so amazing that you found actualized.org, and are trying to do better in your life after what you've gone through. You're super strong. Wow. Very impressive. All the best.

Hello members., Is this true?: The type of women you naturally attract are based on who you are. I am not experienced in pick-up. A while back, I got a super good-looking chick interested in me. I kept wondering, how come she was interested in me, whereas in many other girls I tried to approach and seduce were not that responsive. I strongly suspect that one of the big reason's she was more interested in me is because our parents have a very similar love story. Where two people of different ethnicity or culture married, and were condemned by society. I realized, that after saying my parent's love story, she told me her parent's love story and there was this common reality shared which lead to a sort of connection. I got the impression that for her, the struggles her parents faced were a big part of her identity almost. After that she made meeting up with her easier. Contrast this with many other women I tried picking up, I suspect that strong reason why it didn't progress is because there wasn't this common reality shared between me and the girl i was approaching. To her, I was this guy from another place, that spoke another language (right now in a non-english speaking country), that had nothing in common with her. There were no shared demographics. In Mark Manson's book model's, demographics are said to have a huge role. He says looks are universal demographics. But generally, you will mainly meet and attract women you share something in common with. Like you'll attract a chick that likes philosophy if you like philosophy and are relatively high status in a philosophy club that your both part in. Is this true? To what extent to demographics play a role in pick-up and game? How do I leverage it well? Warning: The girl that I "attracted" I didn't sleep with. I cut it off for other reasons. None the less, I sensed she was much more attracted to me that others as she asked me out, and made it easy for me to date her. Also the fact that this girl liked me could have been just plain luck.

This is an amazing post. this resonated with me for sure. I need to have faith in my development. That is the only thing that keeps you going in the end. I agree, in a way, that is what keeps me going and helps me get back up. Your right faith is the right word. It’s not just hope. It’s faith in yourself.

Thank you. This was very well written. I understand.

@Leo Gura I think it’s because I watch the same things young people my age watch, and then in automatically recommends blackpill videos, which are watched by my generation. blackpill videos include mainly looksmaxxing videos. Where you are shown thirst traps or tutorials by looksmaxxers or incredibly good looking people. Many times they are compared with uglier people in the video. They insinuate and imply the extreme importance of looks making you feel like shit in the process.

@Leo Gura How come this was a recent realisation, considering your dating experience? I don’t mean this is any derogatory manner, I just don’t understand how the importance of looks has become apparent to you now? Or am I misunderstanding your insight, if so please elaborate. thanks!

Another thing about blackpill. I have some real life experience now even happen to me against the blackpill. but still the ideology creeps in at times. I can’t say if this is because the ideology is so toxic and strong, or because maybe I have some trauma like very slight social outcasting as a kid. Best remedy against till now is deleting social media apps.

Adding to the previous YouTube recommendations discussion: I deleted TIKTOK because no matter what my interests were or who I follow, I would eventually get blackpill content. Content that made me feel as though I am not good enough. I even experimented and got a new account. Same thing. After some time, it naturally puts in blackpill content. And the community is so toxic. Just destroys your self esteem and keeps you addicted and trapped into that paradigm. Up until recently, I had no issue with YouTube shorts. Now this is happening in YT shorts too. I strongly suspect that this is intentional. Does anyone else have this experience?

Sleep problem started because of myself when I was a kid I'd be on my phone every night.