UpperMaster

Last message was just me crashing out. I'm so ambitious it hurts, I want to be great, I will be great, but that high standard hurts when your not close to it. It's been a month since I properly journaled. A lot has happened. Some I am excited to share here because it is a very important journey in my development. Firstly, I just want to say that I've passed all my exams for the second semester and am going to the second year which is great. I have one more mathematics exam to clear. If I clear the math exam I won't be carrying any subjects from year one to year two. Secondly, at my therapist session, I've uncovered and started to recognize the abusive parts of my relationship with my parents. I have great parents, they are good people, but some bad things they've done had incredible psychological impact on me. This was something that my subconconsious did not want to look at, but when I eventually did look at it, it was devastating. I can to the therapist complaining that I have an inferiority complex and a sense of very strong self-hatred. She suspected that the root cause was something else and we looked at my relationship with my parents. I won't elaborate too much, but to whoever reading, if you have inferiority complex, or emotional issues in your life, the root cause could be something or partially in denial about. Go to a therapist. There is no simple fix. Root causes can be incredibly complex. Processing through my trauma is something I have to do going forward. I've also looked at my own behavior towards my younger brother, some of which was abusive. I am making sure that mistakes I have done, or mistakes my parents have done to me isn't repeated with my younger brother or my children. I think the past two weeks have completely changed the way at which I will orient my life. A lot of my pain has been validated, and I am starting to love myself.

Fuck perfection.Fuck greatness.

awesome actually wanted that

Will the price increase?

Thank you for your response, this response I somewhat relate with. My session was very eye-opening, and wound opening. Basically my therapist wanted me to get into the root cause for my feeling of powerlessness. We uncovered my relationship with my mother. It was very abusive at times and I was somewhat in denial about it. Very intense session. I will update this thread with the aftermath, after my problems are resolved, or il start a new thread. Seems to me that we have to go very deep to solve problems like this. Root fixes take time and pain I guess. Fuck man.

Thanks for sharing the links. Therapist meeting tmr!

Yes. It is jealousy to an extent. The jealousy is what triggers trauma from the past. And then its really bad.

I appreciate the advice given. I'm not sure if applying your advice would work for me. As in idk if its that simple. The main thing I'm super scared about is coping. In the sense that I feel pain but am in denial about it. Maybe letting go technique can help.

Thank you. Yea I expect that alleviating these feelings are hard. Thanks for the book recommendation. I might do psychotherapy to help me with this A part of me doesn't even want to get rid of the complex, because that means it can potentially live out the fantasy of working and becoming better than others.

Hey guys. I've had a complex developing for years. It surrounds general success and power. It started after a lengthy encounter with a narcissist, as he made me feel so powerless and insufficient, that I started romanticizing the idea of being "better than people". By nature, I genuinely enjoy seeing others succeed. But when someone’s success triggers feelings of inadequacy in me, especially if I feel looked down on, it hits extremely hard. It’s painful. The complex is growing stronger. The psychological ramifications for me are that I constantly feel horrible, disappointed with my self and afraid. I am incredibly motivated to better myself, but the direction towards which I orient my life seems to be less about what I want and more about preventing the feeling of powerlessness and insufficiency. Matter of fact, I want to be so much better than people that other people feel powerless and insufficient just like I did. I don’t want to live like this. I know this mindset is irrational and even toxic, but just knowing that doesn't stop the pain. When it hurts, the logic lowkey doesn’t matter I just want the pain to stop. It's becoming a big part of my life now. I will talk about it to my therapist soon. Do you guys have any advice on how to cure this? How should I phrase it with my therapist? I understand to some extent why elitists are so power hungry. I somewhat understand why they go through hell to get what they want.

Okay, I understand

ahhh, so for you 1% is actually not a small percentage, because your looking at genetics from a wider perspective. Thats why you gave the chimpanzee example. 2% change in genetics could mean the difference between a human and a chimpanzee, and so even a little effort could (potentially) also mean the difference between a healthy individual and an unhealthy one. That said, small changes in genetics could mean big differences in health, temperament and bodily function, as seen with Tony Robbins. Thats your claim right?

From my understanding, genetics allows you to do anything. Thats like asking how important is a computer when it comes to coding. You can't code without a computer. I believe you made this clear in threads before and I agree with you. But then you said that health is 99% Genetics and 1% Effort. If you'd ask me, I wouldn't even separate the two, because Genetics is what allows you to put any effort. Without genetics, you can't put any effort. But you made that separation between genetics and effort in your statement. so I don't understand what 1% Effort even means here? I assumed that you were saying that 99% of your health depends on factors you can't control, and 1 % on factors you can control (in a practical sense, thats why I thought you were giving practical advice). From the experience and information I have now, and your teachings years ago, living a healthy lifestyle, having good sleep and diet can help you immensely in living a healthier life. That's why I questioned you judgment initially and asked you to provide context.

What does that mean? Is my intention wrong? I haven't gone through what you've gone through to understand and explore the reality of genetics. I also don't expect you to explain how you got to that conclusion in some random thread. But bro, a little context to why you think this way would be nice. How can I ever genuinely assess your observations on reality if you don't explain how you got there. I don't remember a blog or video on this topic, maybe you discussed it in another thread, I don't recall. Not trying to be a smart ass, I know you know that context is necceceary, I just don't understand what you want me do.

Okay, I just don't understand what the take away of this message is? What now I shouldn't prioritize health, like why even say that. Or is this just a truth statement? (oh even your ability to put in effort and fix health is genetic, so everything is genetic) bad lifestyle can hundred percent ruin your health also, you obviously know that because you preached it. I feel like I'm completely missing your message.