mr_engineer

Welcome to feminism. Where teaching guys how to get laid is 'misogyny' now. No, toxic masculinity. What's the latest fad again?! If you don't say what that reason is, I'm not buying it. I'm sick of feminists beating around the bush and not putting their finger on what bug they actually have up their asses.

When someone plays the 'misogyny' card, that's not very helpful for us to open our mind to it. It's way overused and there was no context to it. Mostly bullshit, 99/100 times. Also, personal attacks are against forum guidelines, if I'm not mistaken.

When you just call someone a 'misogynist' as a personal attack, you attack the person, not the action, your credibility goes down by 90%. Just a heads-up on how everyone's viewing you right now.

I never suggested that you make it 'anything goes'. I was disagreeing with the criteria for moderation. And that if you have these criteria behind a paywall and if you keep the free space lax, where you get to let loose a little bit, it will be more efficient for everyone. For sure, feel free to ban trolls. And people making personal attacks and behaving disrespectfully. But, banning debaters as 'immature people', it's a bit much for a free space. You can justify it better where people are paying to be there, that you respect their money. You can do what you want, man. This is me doing some systems-thinking here. I know you're not going to change anything for me. I was just intending to see how far you've thought this through. Yeah, but games are for children. And for entertainment. This is a self-help service. And people sign up only if they need it.

University costs money. This forum is free. I thought you knew what you were signing up for when you run a free forum. You put the forum behind a paywall, most non-serious people will go away. I guarantee that. Heck, one of my solutions is to actually do that! To create a private patreon or something behind a paywall in which you give exclusive services and force people to have more skin in the game. This forum is the level of your business-funnel that is free. You can feel free to shill your patreon here if you want! And invest more into that level of the funnel.

If you're going to teach about God, try to compete against religion. Don't hide from the religious nutcases. Or else, you will lose the holy war. This is one of the huge appeals of spirituality in a self-help context. These are people who have been burned by religion and atheism and they're looking for an answer to their suffering outside of religion and atheism. So, whether you like it or not, you're competing against religion. A big part of that is to not repeat their mistakes. And another part of that is to be willing to get your hands dirty when it comes to debating religious people (or other ideologues). If you're teaching philosophy, ideology is your bread and butter, whether you like it or not.

This is a very slippery slope to being labelled a cult by the mainstream. I understand your desire to appeal to serious self-actualizers, but that's not most of the world. Having a 'cult-audience', as marketers like to call it, while talking about God, is going to attract controversy. I don't know whether this is going to be good for your impact on the wider world. Especially this 'hard to teach' thing - someone reading this post for the first time is going to be like 'another ideological echo-chamber of spirituality'. You may call that a projection, which may even be true. But, when it comes to your impact on the world, image is very important. Precisely because most of the world is hard to teach! And, it's not even fully their fault. They look at you and whether you're walking your talk first. That's how they form your image. This is just what it takes to teach new things to people who fancy themselves as 'advanced self-actualizers'. One of the rare things that Leo has to offer is that he's not ideological himself and he's able to be authentic on camera. This is his image. My suggestion is to not change this on an image-level. Cuz once you do that, as someone who teaches spirituality, things can go south. You can moderate for intellectual honesty and solve these problems.

Dude, but it's the immature people who need your help the most! A mature self-actualizer can just sit in a room, contemplate and do their own thing. It sounds like you're trying to use brute-force to exterminate all ego from your community. While I understand the motivation and your frustration with egotistical people, I don't know how realistic this goal is. Also, it kinda sounds like you're moving away from Spiral-Wizardry, in an attempt to raise the level of the forum to Tier-2. Cuz from what I remember you saying in the Spiral-Dynamics video, Tier-2 is about mastering every stage of the spiral, not running to the highest stage. Also, it sounds like you're wanting to make this community about yourself, like 'this is the kind of community I want for myself'. You're wanting to personalize this to yourself. Isn't this egotism on your part? Isn't this moving away from your Life-Purpose, or impacting people who actually need your work? If you truly want a community for yourself, I'd suggest going out on your own time and forming it in real life. And, spending lesser time here. And, putting your mods in charge of helping out people in need. If you want a core community of self-actualizers, your mods are good for that. And, you can keep this forum as a part of your Life-Purpose work, or your brand as actualized.org. Because it also looks like you're wanting to mix your personal and professional life here and making the community about your own personal needs. You may have personal needs, which is fine, so you can form another community for yourself that we don't have to know about. Where the stakes are higher. Where people actually have more skin in the game, than random people online.

I think it could work if both sides are being intellectually honest. It is true that both sides are partial. So, if both sides are intellectually honest, it is not possible for both sides to stay stuck as they are! Cuz they will have to see information that they were previously missing, which they necessarily were, because their perspectives were partial. A reasonable Tier-2 person will close their mind in a debate only if the other side is totally full of shit, i.e. there is no kernel of truth in what they're saying. Such a debate must heat up. This will happen if and only if one side is being intellectually dishonest. So, if I were a mod, I would moderate for intellectual honesty rather than the style of communication. The problem with this is that you will only get information that you ask for, i.e. information that you know that you don't know. But, usually, there's important information that's subconscious, i.e. that which you don't know that you don't know. If the objective of the forum is to help us raise our level of consciousness together, wouldn't this be important? I would argue that everyone who's on here wants change. You don't watch Leo's hours-long videos, which are very challenging to the ego in and of themselves and then come back here for seconds if you don't want change! Please, @Leo Gura, give us that much credit. Having said that, the reality is that we are influenced very heavily by a Tier-1 world around us. So, there will be people who will come in with the attitude of 'This is what I think. Change my mind', Steven Crowder style. They're essentially asking for a debate! I understand what you're saying and I can do this. But, I think that a lot of people simply won't be able to figure out how to meet these standards of communication because of what I'm saying here.

It sounds like you've had problems with your parents, which is why when things started to go well, the unfamiliarity of it intimidated you. It sounds more like your negative self-worth sabotaged a good relationship for you and you let it. And, I think you're going to regret this for a good long while. 'Something was off'. If you'd been a little more patient, if nothing else, this 'something' would've shown itself and clarified itself for you. And, you would've learned a thing or two from this experience. You don't sit alone in a room and learn about relationships, you need to be in them to learn about them. What makes you think that you couldn't have done all of this while being in a relationship?! Self-actualization doesn't have to be done alone in a room, it can be done out there, as a social activity.

It's because you're not taking every individual woman so seriously anymore. Good mindset to be in when you're sleeping around. However, things may change when you start trying to get into a relationship. Because what your girlfriend thinks about your looks and personality will be everything. And, treating her as 'disposable' will turn into a cope. I'd suggest you work out those insecurities before getting into dating, honestly. If you want a smooth journey to having a relationship.

Here's the thing, though - if I just wanted to deconstruct myself, I could just sit alone in a room and contemplate, right?! That would do the job. One of the big value-points of this forum is that we get to deconstruct each other, knowingly entering the room with this attitude. This is something unique that your forum offers that almost nobody else offers, precisely because you know and talk about Spiral-Dynamics. And, the way this is achieved, correct me if I'm wrong, is through debating, right? The debates here tend to be of the highest quality I've seen. This is how we help each other deconstruct ourselves through this forum, so to speak. Through debating. If I'm making an ego-post, I want someone to debate me and prove me wrong! (Unlike other echo-chambers out there, who can't pull this off cuz intellectual-honesty isn't a value of theirs) Because if it's coming from ego, there's something wrong with it. The way I even know whether it's an ego-post is if it gets proven wrong! My point is, I'm not fully able to put my finger on how to practically embody this posting etiquette. If you could shine more light on this, that would be appreciated. Thx.

Maybe you need to do better than 'any good girlfriend', then. What is unique about you, that they should choose you over other girls that also offer this? Them being resentful is not your fault. If they want someone else, they should go get them. But, from your perspective, you can change the situation by competing against other women for him. You do that, they'll value you more! Cuz value is relative.

@Tyler Robinson What do you have to offer to a guy apart from your looks? This smells of them only valuing you for your looks. And, once they get you, they got the validation of being with a 'hot girl' and it doesn't satisfy them once, so they chase it again. You may want to look at issues with codependency and self-worth in order to break out of the pattern of attracting these kinds of guys. Cuz they will also be narcissistic and ask you to abandon your boundaries to be with them. Making promises that they break.

That's even dumber. I keep bringing this up cuz when push comes to shove, a stupid person is going to hold you back. That's shallow. Change the crowd you hang out with. Go to New-Age communities. The women there are truly embodying their femininity. That's low in self-awareness. Go for women who kinda know themselves, to have some compatibility. If you don't do that, they'll sabotage the relationship unconsciously cuz they're codependent and resentful. I'm telling you, don't deal with people who don't respect you or else you'll resent them and then you'll curse them, which isn't good long-term. See the harsh realities about people but don't demonize them for it. They're unconscious and they have their own struggles.

Then they're educated morons. A degree does not prove your smartness! Especially in today's times. In fact, some argue that not going to college means that you're smarter, cuz you didn't take on the debt. See it as incompetence on their part to show up on time and stick to their word. They can't stick to their word on a date, how are they going to do so in relationships?! Really, their bad.

@StarStruck Go for smarter women, raise your standards. Someone who flakes on you doesn't respect you. And you should pick up on that before asking them out. They're generally not going to have good communication-skills either, which is why they break their word. Cuz that's what we're really talking about when we talk about flaking. Never put up with this behavior. She flakes once, you delete her number and forget about her. No time for morons. And have a similar attitude towards other bullshit manipulation-games and 'shit-tests'. It's all stupidity. Cut it out.

@Antor8188 Depends on whether they're running in the rat-race. If they are, then it'll take the form of 'hypergamy', where they're looking for the richer guy. This tends to be a complaint of Stage Orange guys who are materialistic themselves. But, if they're out of it and they see that materialism won't make them happy, if they're spiritual and they have an understanding of femininity and they're able to embody that, they won't be selfish. This is not very different from men, honestly. Everyone who's running in the rat-race is fundamentally selfish.

@onacloudynight Society is pretty much on the verge of collapse anyways. So, it's understandable that you feel the way you do, it's not your fault. People will get karmic return for what they did. You can leave that to the universe. You don't have to be the one to 'do justice', so to speak. Focus on yourself and you'll be fine. I'll be the first one to say this - given where society is headed, it's hard to not be angry, honestly. A big point I'll make is - put the blame where it belongs. Don't buy into this conditioning that 'you are to blame for everything', because you're not. And, apart from yourself, extend this support to other innocent people who are not to blame. Don't blame the wrong people. There are people in this matrix who are in the matrix and are 'just doing their jobs' (or 'just following orders' as the Nazis said). It really is like a video-game, with the NPCs, with everything. If you start to see it that way, things become a lot less serious.

If you're older, meetup.com is a much better alternative.

What do the SJWs really want?! Someone said they don't want to suppress healthy masculinity, right?!

Feminists have one job, which is to bully teenage-boys and suppress their masculinity. And they're starting to fail at even that now!! Because content teaching about masculinity is available online. And they're too slow to cancel all of the content-creators. Their karma of cancel-culture will catch up with them pretty shortly, in that case! Cuz this time, they'll be the ones getting cancelled.

@John Paul @Aiwass @hoodrow trillson I love your excuses. Just brilliant. Beautiful. To anyone watching this discussion - you can't make this shit up!

The part where he talks about how the 14-year-old wouldn't get bullied by his sister into not being masculine because he was practicing stoicism, was the best. Makes me feel hope for the future. This video has the solution to feminism. This is how you beat feminists! And reclaim your masculinity from them. 'I tried to bully him into stopping, but he's learned to be stoic from the videos. What do I do?! He will become a man now, and that's inherently toxic!!'

Because he's not complaining about her. He's saying 'yeah, she has these character-flaws, but we all have them and I can handle them'. Well, good, then! No reason to change anything. There's no absolute 'good' or 'bad'. I'm looking at it from his perspective and forming my attitude accordingly.