mr_engineer

Because, once upon a time, rape was not a crime. So, there would be nowhere to run to from a rapist, it was 'normal'.

@Marcel Kicking them in the nuts is another very simple option, if you're cornered.

Also, another option, if you can't outrun them right away, is to kick them in the nuts. That should do it.

If it's not possible, you're pretty much toast anyways, right?! I still wouldn't advise someone in that situation to give up.

@Marcel No, I said run first, then when you reach a crowded area, loudly threaten to call the cops.

I'm not disagreeing with the stats. My question to you is - what's your solution?!

It's very easy to nitpick imperfections in someone else's solution. You got a better idea?! To answer your question, this is why you do trauma-work with a therapist beforehand, so that you don't enter a freeze. And this is why you work on your fitness, so that you can run! I guess personal safety is worth all the efforts.

What, it doesn't work?!

Then first run to a more populated area and if he follows you there, loudly threaten to call the cops there. If you can't because he's physically attacking you, someone else will. All of this is textbook self-defence for women. It's not that hard, everyone's on your side.

Then actually call the cops! Duh. Always be willing to fight for your rights.

@Ulax Therr are no risks in calling the cops if you have social support. It's an easily solvable problem. In order to get the confidence to do this, though, you have to know your rights. That's how you trust that the police will take action.

I don't know what you're projecting.

@Ulax Oh come on. If she just talked to her friends, showed them the messages and took a couple of them to the police station to file a complaint, there would be no repercussions. Police would have to do something if there were evidence.

@Ulax @Buck Edwards Fine. Would you be okay if he gets tired of harassing you and moves onto harassing someone else? Citizens have as much of a responsibility to create a civilized society as the government systems. This is bigger than one man harassing one woman.

To figure out when a woman should call the cops vs when it's uncalled for.

@Ulax There are a couple of things that need to be done to solve this. 1. Everyone needs to know their rights. Women have the right to call the cops on guys who are committing a crime (being sexually explicit can be considered 'catcalling'). For this, everyone needs to know what is a crime and what's not a crime. 2. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their feelings and emotions, socially. Meaning, no blaming others for your feelings. Hurting someone's feelings isn't a crime, violating their boundaries is. There's a difference.

That doesn't get fixed if you don't call anyone, right? There's no compromising with criminals in a civil society.

@Buck Edwards Did you call 911? What happened?

My problem with the word 'creep' is that it mixes up legal ways of hitting on women, with harassment.

If they're doing something illegal, threaten to call the cops. If they're not doing anything illegal, they're just doing something that you don't like, maybe you need to reflect on how you judge people you don't like and/or you need to learn to keep your distance from them. A narcissist. If he actually did harass you, he's a criminal who deserves to be thrown in jail.

Calling someone a 'creep' is an accusation, that your feelings are their fault. That's not okay. I'm not saying feelings shouldn't matter, I'm saying that when judging people, facts should matter more.

@Buck Edwards I know for a fact that women call perfectly fine guys 'creeps', guys who never did anything wrong. Why?! Women are not held responsible for their feelings. I'm not telling women how to feel, I'm saying that facts should matter more than feelings.

If you haven't experienced it yet, it absolutely is the ultimate mountain-top to climb. Worth any amount of years of your life to dedicate to. Once you experience it, though, that's still just a theoretical answer to the issue of emptiness. Objective, because it's based on experience, but still theoretical. Then, the real work begins! To figure out how to bring in and keep such individuals in your life long-term. That is its own struggle! That's what I'm focusing on for the past 5 years. The harsh reality is that the 'toxic individuals' who are doing toxic shit, have a warped understanding of what 'love' is. Now, to have loving individuals in your life, you have to rewrite the story of what 'love' is in your relationships, you have to integrate this understanding into the narrative of your relationships. This starts by teaching others what 'love' is, and seeing their bottlenecks when it comes to waking up to it, on the one hand. And, on the other hand, looking at your own problematic patterns (because just understanding what 'love' is doesn't automatically make you a loving person in practice, that is its own struggle) and improving on those. This will bring you out of stuck-situations in relationships and you will start to find ways to meet, bring in and keep individuals who are genuinely loving. That is the long-term answer to the issue of emptiness.

I asked the 'what is love?' question for 10 years straight before I actually experienced it. You really need to be looking for the answer in order to then be able to integrate it into relationships when you do experience it!

Before this point, your entire post was fine. You did all the right things. From this point on, though, you started to fuck up. You started to convince yourself that she's going to cheat, and you let a good girl go. About your emptiness (which is the real issue, not sex), what you're wanting is an attachment-relationship. This is possible only with a woman, because it is a sexual relationship. Now, here's the tricky part - why didn't it work in your relationship last time? Here's why - it's because you made sex the goal. In a romantic-relationship, sex is always on the table, because it is a sexual relationship. But, what you should be looking for, is love. So, if I were in your position, here's the enquiry I would commit myself to - what is love? Spend as long as it takes to truly figure this out. It's not going to be easy, because there is a lot of conflicting conditioning around 'love'. But, once you figure this out, the next step is to visualize the relationship you want, based on what you want out of it and your understanding of relationships. Then you date!