mr_engineer

Aren't your feelings your responsibility to begin with?! 'Creepiness' has more to do with the woman's feelings than with what someone else is doing (as long as it's not a crime).

You also win a special trip to simp island, for stoking illogical feelings of 'creepiness' in women and biasing them to have that interpretation.

Okay, so, proving my point. If the OP feels creepy to you, I don't care. What I care about, is the fact that it's true.

Aw! Congrats! Here's your prize!!

Do you have an explanation for why it's 'creepy'? Is there a logic behind this judgement? Or is it just nonsense?

I don't care, honestly. My profile-pic is not my actual face. What all of you are doing is basically proving my point. It's just a swear-word that you throw around willy-nilly. There's no logic behind it.

You really like to make things personal, don't you?!

True. But, when you say 'if she's interested in 'you'', what do you mean by 'you'? Also, does 'interest' really mean anything? You can be 'interested' in a lot of people, right? Why should she get with you out of all the guys she'd be 'interested in'?

That's not the answer to the question.

I would rather guys like yourselves who keep saying contradictory stuff try not to set dating-rules for others and try not to get into women's heads and read their minds about what's 'comfortable' or not about them. It's very simpy.

You think people don't get influenced by the gym creep videos? You think that women don't talk amongst each other and give each other shitty advice about how to deal with guys who approach them? It takes an incredibly smart woman to be open to being cold-approached these days. Because there's a lot of anti-pickup propaganda in female circles, talking about how 'inappropriate' and 'creepy' it is. You have to not fall for that, you have to own your desire to be approached, then you have to figure out how to use your words to figure out who's actually dangerous vs who's safe. You think I'd want to romantically associate with someone who would not want to push their comfort-zone and who would resort to defamatory language when you push it?! No way. Also, you can't claim that women legitimately like serial killers and drug dealers on my thread about nice guys and then come here and talk about 'comfort levels'. Women actually do like guys who push their comfort-zone. All of this creepy-talk really is bullshit.

Google 'gym creep videos'. There are a lot of reasonable people calling out women trying to film and frame guys who were being normal, for being 'gym creeps'. For example: Before you tell me 'they're internet anomalies', you're the one talking in terms of videos here. I could've said the same thing about the videos you shared. No harm, no foul. There is no reason to see yourself as a 'creep' if they're not using that word to describe you. Are your comfort-levels your responsibility or not, socially? On the one hand, we talk about how 'the solution to social-anxiety is to get more comfortable being social', on the other hand, we try to take responsibility for other people's comfort-levels and we become 'creeps' if we don't. What's up with that? Which way is it?

@Consept First things first, 'creep' is a very widely-used term by women to describe guys. Secondly, in your videos, if they're not using the word 'creep', how do you know that that's their opinion of the guys? You know that, if they point at the guy and say 'creep'. If they look uncomfortable, who's to say that it's the guys making them uncomfortable? Maybe they're uncomfortable for their own reasons. And, if they're not calling the guys 'creepy' (which is a blaming-word for discomfort), they're not even implying that the guys are responsible for the discomfort. And finally, why does 'being calibrated' have to revolve around women's comfort-levels?! I could very well not give a damn about women's comfort-levels around me. Does that make me a criminal?!

Did the women point at the men and yell 'CREEP!!' at them? I don't think so. Have that happen. Then see what happens. I don't care what the woman's opinion is, I care about what happens when she voices it. This is not 'evidence'. If they're feeling discomfort and they're dealing with it in their own way, they're good, civilized women. However, when you're cold-approaching a woman, you don't know this about them. They could very well be insane loons and, in fact, raise an alarm/call the police on you. Do you support that or not? That's the real question.

So, you're a 'believe all women' kind of person? I talked about the 'mob of simps' who would be thrashing a guy who a woman did call a 'creep' in public. You would be a part of that mob of simps, wouldn't you?!

It is a big red-flag when someone uses the word 'creepy' unironically. It shows that they're ruled by their emotions and they make decisions based on feelings, instead of facts.

Notice that my protocol didn't involve 'call the police on every woman who wants to drink with you. They may not like that, but it's our safety, so...'. Yupp. Let your fear rule you when you talk to any stranger. Got it.

Having an ulterior motive is a very normal and common thing. You smile at others to get them to smile back at you, you ask them how they're doing to get them to ask you how you're doing. But, we don't use the word 'creepy' in those cases, oh no! It's only when you break a social-norm. That's 'creepy'. Women trust a lot of men they shouldn't trust and they never get a 'creepy vibe' from those guys. It's only the so-called 'uncalibrated guys' or men who just trigger something in them, who 'give off a creepy vibe'. There's something about you that they don't personally like, basically. There is a solution to this problem. You develop a protocol for dealing with strange women you're drinking with. You pay attention to your drink, you carry it with you everywhere. Just like, the solution to the problem of an 'uncalibrated guy' is to try to figure out what he wants and to use your words to communicate properly with him. Your feelings can give you the wrong message, actually. You will get a biased interpretation of some person or situation based on your own personal likes and dislikes/your personal conditioning. You have to rely on actual facts, actual data about the other person. And, you have to protect your drink and not leave it around.

Which part is the assumption? The part where she'd make something up, or the part where they'd blindly act based on 'believe all women'?

Let's say you wanted to get with Scarlett Johanssen (or a Victoria's Secret model). You think there would be no competition?

There are emotional-needs at play. Again, very different conversation from the one about happiness. There wouldn't be tons of pick-up theory micromanaging your behavior if everyone were doing it or believed that it worked.

No, I'll be left with the truth. You can question the truth all you want, it'll still stay the truth. Only the lies fall away by questioning!

@theleelajoker This thread is about being ready for a relationship, not about happiness. As true as this is in theory, applying this in practice is very complicated. Everyone would be doing this if it were simple and straightforward. In practice, you have to 'be yourself' in a way that's constructive, in order to make something work. And, how do you know whether you're doing the right things, whether what you're doing or planning to do is constructive? That's what I'm trying to answer here.

It's called co-creation, not babysitting! You can't solve loneliness alone. Humans have a need to be around each other and spend time with each other. It's not a huge ask, it can be done. Bingo.

That's the biggest motivation for people to go to therapy, by the way. We have to co-operate with each other when it comes to meeting each other's emotional-needs.