mr_engineer

Which of these is illegal? The reason this question is important, is because that's what can be regulated. This is not about me, this is about dictionary-definitions of words.

My point is, you cannot make blanket rules about what is 'calibrated behavior' vs what is 'uncalibrated behavior'. So, even if you wanted to regulate other people's behavior like this, you couldn't. Maybe those people doing the 'creep-shaming' should learn about context. Which, ironically, is a part of calibration!

You continue to make this personal, about me. I'm not personally attacking anyone here. Yall are.

If my behavior is legal, maybe they're the ones who should be dealing with their issues and facing their fears. Do we want a society of cowards or brave people?! Not me, a lot of other people do that. Because, as I said, they're racist. They're implying that when someone is 'Black', they're 'scary'.

Depends on the culture. So, you judge men based on whether they adhere to social-norms or not, and not based on what you actually like/don't like?! Kay, fine, that's all I need to know.

You said that 'asking for a kiss or a hug would have been better received'. There's no guarantee of that, prove it. The word 'creep' itself is a demonization, a personal attack.

There are situations in which it may not be 'uncalibrated' to look at someone's crotch. That would be, in the bedroom. When you tell someone that looking at people's crotches is 'scary behavior', this actually holds them back, sexually, because it demonizes their sexuality. You tell them that there is a time and a place for it.

A lot of people think Black people are 'creepy', because they themselves are racist. This is why I likened the word itself to the N-word.

Yes, it does. 'Creep' means 'scary person'. Meaning, the person fundamentally is someone who evokes fear, not love! (Fear and love are opposites.)

Are they doing this because they're socially uncalibrated and projecting that onto you?! Or, even worse - are they uncivilized? Because, in my books, that's way worse than being uncalibrated.

Then why do people resort to a personal attack, if it's not personal? The word in and of itself implies 'unlovable'.

What I'm saying is very serious and important. If you think I'm wrong, please, prove it.

We shouldn't be cowards, we should face our relationship-problems instead of running away from them. To call someone a 'creep' is a sign of cowardice.

I shouldn't be able to sue you for those things. How should I deal with you, then? By asking you why you're doing what you're doing, by getting to know you better. If I run away from you, there's a million other people doing what you're doing, because it's legal. How many will I run away from?!

Because smearing shit on a stranger is illegal.

@sda If I were you, I would take their advice with a grain of salt. For two reasons: They resorted to name-calling and demonization. They demonized you, using a word that implies that you are unlovable. They only told you what not to do. It was a 'don't do this'. Did they tell you what to do instead?! Nope. Why?! Because they don't know what they're talking about, they don't know what you should do instead. Here's what you should do instead - find someone who operates in relationships from a space of love, not from a space of fear. That person will love you for who you are.

It's not the external conditions that cause the feelings, it's the way you're interpreting the external conditions that cause the feelings. You're interpreting it based on paranoias like 'What if he's unsafe? What if he does this?! What if he does that?!', even when he didn't actually do anything wrong/illegal. When you think that someone is a threat, do you have data-points to back that up?! Or is it just a 'presumption', like you said?! If it's just a 'presumption', then if you're cutting him out, it's pure paranoia on your part. Figure out ways to check for whether he'll do that or not, before you share the information! That's how you protect yourself. And, learn to give a chance to people. That is, if you want to end up with someone. If you don't want to end up with someone, then the solution is to remove the person from your life, not to solve the problem with them in your life. He didn't talk about his feelings. The question was 'Why did it happen and how do I prevent this from happening in the future?' My answer is - before asking her out, check if she's feminine.

If there's anything this discussion shows, it's that truly feminine women are worth their weight in gold. Because they take responsibility for their feelings and they can be truly loving. So, OP, find them and approach them. They won't ghost you.

Yeah, so what?! We're having a different discussion here. This discussion is about how you tell whether she's worth approaching or not. That's the advice I gave to the OP.

When you say that someone deserves to be shamed because they trigger certain feelings in you, that's very narcissistic and self-righteous of you. You honestly think that the world should revolve around your feelings, don't you?! It's just a matter of time before men wake up to this. That's what we have to do right now. Being a woman does not automatically make you more compassionate/have higher EQ.

All of those are crimes under the law. Which is a completely separate conversation from the one about your 'feelings' of being 'creeped out'. They may or may not have a good reason and you don't know unless you investigate them yourself.

When you cut contact with someone because they 'make you feel' a certain way, that's not you taking responsibility for your feelings, that's you blaming them for your feelings. If you're taking responsibility for your feelings, you can deal with them on your own time and have a completely different attitude towards the same person!

Do you honestly believe that the world should revolve around your feelings?! Cuz if you do, that's the textbook definition of 'narcissism'. Which is the opposite of 'being feminine', because femininity is all about being loving, not being narcissistic. This is why this is an important topic of discussion for men who are looking for a feminine, loving woman.

There we go. If someone makes you feel 'creeped out', why is that their fault? Why are you blaming them for your feelings?! Your feelings are your responsibility, right?!