TodImproves

alright, so yesterday i went to the beach and afterwards did another 45 mins of work on the presentation, it was another day of procrastination which really made me feel guilty haha. today on the other hand i worked on the presentation for around two and a half hours which made me finish it next to doing other productive things and i feel really good now! gonna read two books until sunday and have some fun before starting a hopefully super-productive week!

alright, i have some goals that i want to archieve within a one year period and i just have this gut feeling that without having this journal to keep me off backsliding and procrastinating, i most likely will fail. my goals are: getting a good diploma in high school (in germany it's "gymnasium" and i want to archieve a gpa of 1,6) creating a recurring income source so that i don't have financial problems once i'm out of school getting nutrition handled + gaining muscle as well as getting a good posture advancing on a spiritual level (maintaining meditation routine etc.) establishing a kickass work ethic I certainly have the time and knowledge necessary to archieve all of my goals until july 2018, the main problem is that the moment i wake up i start procrastinating. It will go like this that i'll write down my goals for the day every day and make an update every evening if i could archieve them or not. My meditation routine is already established, so that i wont write it into my daily goals everyday. if i should not meditate a day i'll write it down in the evening with the reason why i didn't.

the only thing i accomplished yesterday is being in bed at 2:00 :(. goal for today is finishing yesterdays goals.

Goals for the day: finish a presentation for school finish a book for school find a laptop to buy be in bed at 02:00

confidence is key to mastering presentations, so here are some tips on that: i was very afraid of presentations i had to do at school some time ago, but with every presentation i did it became easier and easier to perform in front of people. the only problem i still have is that im nervous BEFORE the presentation if it's an important one, so if thats the same with you: meditate before doing a presentation, really helps because you become peaceful and realise that what others think of you really doesn't matter (no-self)! also what really shot up my confidence is seeing how bad on average other people are at doing presentations, so you can't really embarrase yourself because you know that they will emphasize with you no matter what happens because they unconsciously know that they could be in your place (in case you really fuck up).

i didn't really read the whole thing but the simplest way out of your problem is to realise that it just doesn't matter what other people think and it also doesn't make any sence to debate with people. you gotta let go of the will to change people, develop yourself and let the others do what they think is right for them, otherwise you'll spend all your life debating with people. if you wanna teach them how to think rationally just tell them to watch certain videos on actualized.org. leo will do the work for you and you can concentrate on your own life ;).

Hi, the main question I want to ask here is if depersonalisation is really a "disorder" and is to be seen as bad. As I become more and more aware of the meaninglessness of life as well as the no-self and as i found my peace with these things i realise more and more that my personality dissolves. I've become very detached from any emotions and all human traits, I'm just aware of the illusion of an entity and don't take "myself" seriously anymore. Personally, I don't see how that can be a bad thing because If you have a personality you don't really grasp the illusion of the mind that creates an entity, do you? I didn't ever even consider my depersonalisation as a bad thing until I watched "the dark side of meditation" on actualized.org yesterday where leo talked about the dark night of the soul, something that i definietly went trough, as well as depersonalisation as something you don't want to happen, even the worst thing that could ever happen to you, even though I think that these things are necessary to go through if you want to experience true nothingness which is everything there is after all. I just don't see the point in living an illusion, of living a normal human life with a personality that is just there to separate you from the "outer world". Could somebody here tell me why depersonalisation should be a bad thing if it's necessary to accept meaninglessness and makes you be in peace with reality just the way it is, without any illusions? what can it lead to in the long run that might be considered as bad? Just to note that: I ask this question out of caution of taking a wrong path in life, the "end goal" to me is being in peace with everything, and I just don't see how having a personality could help me with that. "end goal" because in the end it doesn't matter what you do in life anyways, but i don't see meaninglessness as bad, don't know how to describe it but i just don't have an opinion on it anymore, I just am, in total peace, without searching for a meaning or anything like that.

i tried not to lie, if you think it would be a lie then it was done unconsciously, would be nice to know what you wouldn't have interpreted as a lie.

(Principium Nexus, this text might help you with your emotional difficulty, just realise that your emotions come from your personality/ your psyche/ your mind. try to have control over your mind through awareness of the illusion of no-self and all your emotions should dissolve) well, im 16, a student and i don't want to give away my name because i dont want this to pop up first when somebody searches for my name in google. Would be hard to explain what i wrote to people who aren't familiar with these concepts and i'd prefer to not have to spend time doing that. The most emotionally difficult thing to me is ... nothing, at least right now, in the moment. and i really tried to find something. the thing is that whenever i become unconscios and am around people i behave like everybody else 95% of the time and have the same thought-patterns as they do, only that i dont feel emotions as stongly as i did like 6 months ago and can dissolve anger for example whenever it kicks in and i consciously analyse the moment. from time to time, the 5% of a time span that im mostly unconscios in, i realise whats going on and just continue behaving "normally" because im in a flow if you want to call it that way and i realise that whatever i do, it doesn't matter, so why don't i just follow my instincts. i just let go and am in peace with my personality. when i become conscious and im not with other people its like i take my personality off as if it was a hat and simply am without any emotions. so if you ask me whats the most challenging emotionally to me - right now, while conscios: nothing- but when unconscious maybe walking up to people and doing stupid things because i just dont realise that there is no entity that sees these stupid things as well as no entity doing them, i act through a milder form of my personality in these cases. its all just moving matter, why should i react to that with emotions when i realise it? i don't see anything right now that would make me respond with any emotions in case im conscious and aware of whats happening on the deepest level. while writing this i realised that i dont have dp. i still have a less dominant and more calm personality than what it was like before, which kicks in when im not conscious and aware and which can be "taken off" with realisation of whats really going on.