Xonas Pitfall

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Everything posted by Xonas Pitfall

  1. @Vibes You think so? I see it more as trying to adopt a realistic perspective. It’s great to be optimistic, but if you believe everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time, you’ll likely be less careful and observant of the challenges and difficulties that could arise. This line of work often attracts very "Green stage-esque" people who embrace a hippie-like, somewhat delusional mindset—believing that unconditional happiness is possible 24/7 through peace, love, and plants. So, counterbalancing that with some practical caution, I’d say, is important. Leo is probably coming to his own realizations about being grateful and present during moments of genuine happiness and health and possibly wants to share that insight... but who knows. Either way, the perspective still holds!
  2. @Vibes It’s just being realistic, tbh. That statement holds a lot of truth, and if you haven’t experienced it, that’s a good thing - it means you’ve been relatively fortunate in life so far.
  3. Happiness in your "human form" is 100% conditional. To understand this, it’s best to observe yourself as an organism. An organism cannot grow, live, or sustain itself without the right conditions. Some animals need cold winters, others are more social and depend on having a group or tribe, and some require very specific reproductive strategies, etc. We are the same. And because we are one of the more complex organisms, our needs are far more niche, precise, and heavily conditional. Just turn off your heating or electricity for a day, and you’ll quickly see how conditional your happiness and well-being truly are. The more "meditative" or "enlightened" type of happiness is often described as unconditional. In this state, you’re in such a high state of awareness that whatever conditions you’re in, you recontextualize them as part of understanding yourself as an observer of reality, or as one with oneness, God, or existence itself. You’re so completely detached from your human self that it wouldn’t matter if you cut off your arm right then and there. You’d just perceive it as part of "exploration, understanding, and Love." That’s often what drug addicts, especially heroin users, experience. If you ask them why they keep running their lives the way they do and continue taking heroin, they’ll often say, "Well, it’s because heroin takes it all away and makes it feel good." These states are beautiful but highly dysfunctional and dangerous to your human self. However, this state is incredibly difficult to maintain, especially if you still want your human self to function and participate in "human society." It’s so impractical that it’s almost useless to think about unless you’re planning to fully commit to the path of a monk or yogi who meditates 24/7 and is supported by others in a monastery. If you don’t plan to go down that path, then yes: happiness is 100% conditional. You need to accept that and carefully define the conditions, preferences, and actions you want to build your life around in order to feel good.
  4. Could you give an example of how to contemplate this further, maybe some questions to start? Sounds like a really interesting aspect of God Realization.
  5. This. There is no such thing as ugliness; we simply don’t see the beauty in what we think is ugly. From an absolute perspective, it’s correct. Ultimately, you have two forces: one constructive or creative, and one destructive. For us humans, seeing a decaying corpse is ugly, with foul smells and gruesome features, because it represents the end of life and could be infectious or poisonous to be around. Seeing a deformed, unhealthy face is considered ugly because it represents degenerate, sick genes, which our instincts don’t want to propagate -- this is a subconscious evolutionary bias toward what is perceived as ugly or beautiful. Seeing a piece of artwork being destroyed is ugly because it’s damaging something we perceive as valuable. However, from an absolute perspective, if you don’t care about the survival of an individual species or ego, a corpse means a human has left their ego self and passed on to other forms. It’s beautiful and freeing. It signifies that evolution is happening, and a genotype that couldn’t survive anymore is not being propagated, while something more beautiful and stronger is. A painter’s artwork getting destroyed means there is now empty white space for another beautiful mural to appear, or perhaps something else entirely. Both creation and destruction are beautiful -- there is no such thing as ugliness. Evil is only everything that is threatening or damaging to us humans, our own ego-self, or our ideology. There are lower and higher forms of consciousness, but both need to exist, so they are equally needed and therefore equally beautiful in God’s eyes. If you want... (!) I encourage you to possibly indulge in forms of artwork that are specifically trying to convey something ugly as beautiful. Think of how much beautiful poetry and music have been created from heartbreak or unrequited love—one of the more painful and "ugly" things someone can go through.
  6. @jacknine119 If you have absolutely no preferences and just want skills and cash, anything in sales, marketing, or trades will work for you. Otherwise, find something you're actually interested in. Exactly!
  7. @integration journey How did this feel to you? What have you found you were "merging" into, what traits were you so pulled by? I'd love to hear more of this... had some similar experiences.
  8. 🎭 What do jesters really mean or represent? It seems like they’re such a common experience... Are they laughing at the ego, mocking it, and revealing how silly it is to take ourselves so seriously? There’s something about their degrading, mocking laughter that feels so humbling, even cartoonish, like they’re making fun of all the seriousness we let our egos impose on life. Or maybe it’s their exaggerated, cartoonish faces, with the bright colors and silly hats. It feels like they bring us back to a simpler way of processing reality, like when colors were brighter, and faces were easier to understand. The jester’s face—often a painted smile or comically twisted expression—might be tied to that early recognition of faces and emotions, especially since the “jester face” or “joker” is such a common symbol. Could this be why some people fear clowns, too? They snicker at our cherished norms, taunt authority, and prance around in chaotic hats that jingle to the tune of their own absurdity. Each stumble, each tiny embarrassment, they morph into a spectacle, a dizzying dance that deflates our seriousness. A path not to solemn wisdom but back to raw, untamed joy. Maybe the jester exists as a cosmic nudge, a prankish whisper: all our heavy, important things are just part of a cosmic gag, an endlessly looping joke. And here we are, spinning in its kaleidoscopic punchline, swept up in a mad tangle of absurdity and awe! 💖🧡💛💚💙💜💟 There’s also something wonderfully goofy and oddly “real” about certain art that captures psychedelic experiences. Often, these pieces feel cartoonish, almost 2D, yet the bold shadows and vivid colors give them a surreal, three-dimensional depth. It’s like they evoke a sense of “hyperspace nostalgia,” reminding me of old video games or quirky 2D cartoons with their exaggerated animation and bizarre perspectives. What are your thoughts?
  9. @Exystem OMG, yes! This is exactly how I see it, I just never knew how to express it this clearly - thank you so much! 😊✨
  10. Oooh... well, oops! ^^
  11. Let me try to put as much as I can think of... <3 Emotional Release / Coping Mechanism: For some, self-harm provides temporary relief from overwhelming emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness. When emotions feel uncontrollable, physical pain offers a way to manage or distract from those feelings. If you've ever felt so overwhelmed by panic or a deep, almost numbing depression, where you can't move or function, literally anything that grounds you and brings you back to clarity can feel good. You will take anything you can get. It's often coupled with intense self-hatred, so pleasurable things won’t seem to help because you don’t feel like you deserve them. You may feel emotionally numb and incapable of reaching out for something that could bring you comfort, so you turn to pain as the only thing that feels "real" or like something you deserve. More scientifically speaking, self-harm also triggers endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, giving a brief sense of comfort. Emotional Numbness or Dissociation: On a similar note, self-harm can serve as a way to "feel something" when individuals feel emotionally disconnected. If you've ever had a long, intense crying session or an overwhelming release of emotions, you may understand the clarity that follows, almost like a heightened awareness. In the same way, self-harm can temporarily bring a person back to the present moment, counteracting the feelings of disconnection from reality or their own emotions. It helps ground them in the here and now, instead of in the numb, dissociated state they’ve been trapped in. Self-Punishment: For others, self-harm becomes a form of self-punishment, driven by feelings of guilt or shame. They may feel they deserve the pain due to self-loathing or a sense of failure. It's an externalization of internal self-hatred, a way of manifesting the belief that they are worthless or "bad." I hope you never have to experience this, but it can be incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally. In those moments, you truly believe you deserve to suffer, that you’re useless, disgusting, and better off hurt. You might wonder why others can lead happy lives while you feel trapped in a cycle of misery, feeling as if you’re better off gone or broken. The pain becomes a reflection of your internal belief that you’re undeserving of anything good. Expression of Inner Pain: Sometimes, self-harm is a way of expressing inner pain that can't be put into words. It’s like a “cry for help,” even if the person doesn’t directly ask for support. For some, it’s not just about seeking attention—it’s a manifestation of their emotional turmoil. There are also individuals who may feel a deep sense of physical discomfort with their own bodies. For example, if someone feels ashamed of their weight or how they look, they may not want to treat their body with care, but instead harm it as a reflection of their negative feelings. It's like when you’re in a difficult spot emotionally, and instead of caring for yourself, you let everything go because you don’t feel like you deserve anything good. This self-harm becomes a way to demonstrate how they feel inside: broken, unworthy, and unfixable. Control: For people feeling powerless, self-harm may offer a sense of control over their environment or themselves. It becomes a way to regain agency when everything around them feels out of control—like in abusive relationships or stressful situations. I actually remember watching an interview with someone diagnosed with NPD who said all of his self-harm and suicide attempts were actually a way to gain control over the environment. Subconsciously, he wanted to guilt-trip others or actually show them, "Do you fucking see now how much you're harming me? Do you see how much I'm going through?" He didn’t feel heard, and since his ego and pride were so high, he took it to the extreme because the pain felt like that to him. It could also have been a last call for help, not an actual desire to die. I actually had a friend who had self-harming scars covered up, but she’d subconsciously or semi-consciously show them through her sleeves, hoping someone would notice and help. Luckily, I did. But yeah, sometimes asking for help feels very shameful and complicated. Social or Psychological Factors: Isolation and loneliness can drive people to self-harm, especially when they feel misunderstood or invisible. Self-harm may serve as a way to express distress when no one else is around to listen. Unfortunately, there are online subcultures (like on platforms such as Twitter or Discord) where people glamorize self-harm and even encourage others to join in. It can become a toxic sense of community, where pain is shared as an aesthetic or a form of bonding. Some teens or individuals might engage in self-harm because they see others doing it or feel like it’s part of a "dark" identity. This kind of harmful environment makes it harder to break the cycle, especially if others are normalizing it or even romanticizing the pain. There are subcultures of all kinds of self-harm, whether it's burning, cutting, starving, or weight gain—there are people who even pay for it. Trauma or Abuse: People who’ve experienced past trauma—whether physical, sexual, or emotional—may turn to self-harm as a way to cope with the intense emotional fallout. It’s a way to re-enact pain they’ve already gone through, a way to feel in control of something that once felt uncontrollable. Sometimes, trauma becomes like a familiar, if painful, home. In abusive environments, whether in a family or relationship, pain becomes associated with love or care, making it harder for someone to break free from the cycle. They may subconsciously associate pain with comfort, even if it's harmful, because it's all they've known. Addiction to the Feeling of Relief: For some, the temporary emotional relief that self-harm provides can become addictive. Over time, the behavior becomes habitual, a way of coping with stress or overwhelming emotions. Even if other coping methods could be healthier, the familiarity of self-harm often feels like the only option. It’s like an addict turning to their substance of choice when they’re in distress—whether that’s cigarettes, alcohol, or a workout. Self-harm can feel like the only way to regain some control over their emotions, even though it brings long-term harm. Think of how a gym-goer might go to the gym to cope with loneliness or heartbreak, while a smoker will go straight to his cigarettes. Familiar addictions are the easiest to fall back into when in distress. I think this is an excellent example, actually. The person likely felt overwhelming despair and a loss of hope. When you endure any kind of prolonged suffering, whether physical or emotional, and you don't know if it'll ever change or get better, that's suicidal thoughts 101. When you finally get some hope that the environment might change, it can make you want to fix things. Unless you've gotten so deep into despair that you feel like you're incapable of getting better. Luckily, most people are far more resilient than that.
  12. Oops! Read the last question wrong, you can remove my vote if possible! 🐭🐾✅☝
  13. @Buck Edwards Could you maybe share what you specifically enjoy about it, if you're willing to answer? Thank you!
  14. Relationship #1: Simon is in a relationship with Ally. They genuinely care about each other and make a good team, but their sexual connection has never been fulfilling. Simon feels like Ally is never fully present - embodied and emotionally connected during sex. Ally, on the other hand, feels that Simon lacks initiative and dominance. This dynamic leads to consistent dissatisfaction, especially on an emotional level, whenever they engage in sex. To understand their struggles, let’s look at their childhoods, where the foundation of their sexualities was formed. Simon grew up with a mentally ill mother who lived in her own reality. Despite being in a safe society where basic needs were met, Simon felt deeply lonely. This loneliness created a strong desire to merge with someone on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. One day, he stumbled across a medical image of a penis inside a vagina in a textbook, which captivated and aroused him. Unconsciously, this image held the promise of connection and merging with another person. Simon’s budding sexuality evolved from there. As an adult, Simon desires a deep, telepathic connection with his partner. He enjoys prolonged physical closeness, eye contact, and simultaneous orgasms. He dislikes talking during sex, as it makes him feel separate. This desire for merging extends into other parts of his life. Simon adores privacy and exclusivity, which make his connection with a partner feel more special. He struggles with communication because it feels like a barrier to true unity. He wants to make decisions together and share responsibilities, as this enhances his sense of togetherness. Ally’s childhood was very different but also lonely. Her father was disengaged and failed to protect her from her mother, who disliked her. Unlike Simon, she grew up in an unsafe environment where even basic needs were a struggle. This created a strong desire for care and containment. One day, while watching TV, she became enamored with the relationship between a dinosaur and its owner. Unconsciously, this relationship symbolized positive ownership and care - the kind her parents never provided. Ally’s budding sexuality evolved from this imagery. In adulthood, Ally enjoys power dynamics in sex, fantasizing about being a cherished pet or an animal being bred without choice. She desires to surrender completely, letting her partner take the lead and responsibility. Signs of ownership arouse her, even if they come from men she is not in a relationship with. She dislikes anything during sex that reminds her of herself. This sexuality manifests in other areas of Ally’s life. She isn’t naturally exclusive and prefers to have many people in her life to avoid ever fending for herself. She surrounds herself with others, is flirtatious, and spends hours talking to connect with people. She invests heavily in her appearance to increase her chances of being wanted and cared for. Ally commits to sexual monogamy only because it’s often a condition for men to take responsibility for her. She stops driving her car once in a relationship because autonomy feels like self-reliance, which she avoids. Her most fulfilling relationship is with her personal assistant, who consistently meets her needs. These differences create a fundamental incompatibility between Simon and Ally. Simon feels insecure, longing for closeness and merging, but struggles with Ally’s need for multiple connections. He feels in competition with others in her life. Ally feels overwhelmed by Simon’s need to handle responsibilities together and isolated by his desire for exclusivity. On a subconscious level, their sexualities pull in opposite directions. No amount of practical counseling about their sex life can resolve the deeper issue - their sexual incompatibility. At best, they can take turns accommodating each other, but this often leads to compromise rather than true harmony. Relationship #2: Another example is Nick and Tanner, who initially believed they were sexually compatible but have grown increasingly dissatisfied. Nick feels frustrated and angry, often wanting to take it out on Tanner during intercourse, leaving him guilty and withdrawn afterward. Tanner feels constrained, spending too much time conforming to Nick’s needs to keep the relationship secure. Nick’s childhood shaped his sexuality in a unique way. He grew up with a terminally ill sister, and the family’s attention revolved around her. Nick was never considered important enough to receive focus or support. As an adult, Nick feels a strong need for sex every day, as it ensures he becomes the center of attention. During sex, Nick prefers to dominate and make everything about his own pleasure. He enjoys directing his partner and feeling in control, as this satisfies his repressed need for importance. Tanner, on the other hand, has a very different sexual nature. Growing up, he was unable to express himself due to strict parental and societal expectations. This suppression of his authenticity led to a deep desire for freedom and experimentation. Tanner’s true sexuality revolves around trying new things, from bondage and Tantra to swinging and group sex. His list of desires is endless, reflecting his curiosity and zest for life. Conflict arises when Tanner presses Nick to try swinging. Nick, who needs to feel like the sole focus of Tanner’s attention, is triggered by Tanner’s desire to involve others. Nick feels threatened and angry, while Tanner feels limited and stifled by Nick’s needs. Tanner longs for a partner who will explore life’s wonders with him, while Nick desires a partner who prioritizes him above all else. These examples show how early life experiences shape not only sexuality but also deeper desires for life and relationships. Sexuality extends far beyond the bedroom, influencing many aspects of life. To truly understand one’s sexuality, people must explore what arouses them and, most importantly, why. For example, someone who enjoys taboo experiences like piss play might uncover deeper emotional layers beneath their arousal. They may feel empowered by defying societal norms, intrigued by the idea of capturing another’s essence, or relieved by exposing vulnerability and shame. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I absolutely loved this video -- especially the format. Starting from the fundamental incompatibility and difficulties in relationships, unmet needs often trace back to childhood, where deep-rooted desires were formed. These desires are shaped by experiences where we first felt love, or perhaps where we realized the way we want to be desired and loved. It’s about understanding how we desire others, how we want to be loved, and how we unconsciously or semi-consciously seek these feelings in our everyday lives. Does anyone have resources that delve deeper into how childhood experiences shape ego desires and ultimately influence sexual fantasies? What’s your experience with this? I’d love to start a thread where people share what they find most desirable and the positions - both figuratively and physically, teehee - they enjoy being in. What needs do you feel like you’ve been neglecting, and how do you navigate that in your life and relationships? It’d be great to hear others' experiences and perspectives on how unmet needs or childhood experiences manifest in their adult relationships. What do you see yourself longing for?
  15. If such a thing exists beyond the swirling of thought you’ve spun into a loop, this endless now that you carved and named "new." You decided there would be this - this day, this moment, this construct of “year” spun out, wrapped in your invented rhythm, a rhythm imagined and reimagined, traced over countless times, yet always feeling like the first. So here’s to this endless spiral, this ever-turning, ever-repeating hallmark of the idea of beginning-again-again-again in a world that never began or ended - Happy New Year! ✨ 🎁💫💛💚💙💜💗💞
  16. It serves three primary functions (though there are many more, these are broad categories): 1. Survival Imagine two cavemen or organisms. One ventures into the woods to hunt and notices a human being mauled by a bear, while another bear lurks nearby. This caveman lacks self-reflection or understanding (think of how donkeys or similar animals can’t recognize themselves in a mirror) and foolishly walks into danger. The other caveman, however, has the capacity for self-reflection. He recognizes the human as like himself, assesses the threat, and flees. This caveman survives, fucks, and passes on his genes. Now, picture two cavemen with some level of self-reflection. One can only think a few days ahead, while the other can think weeks into the future. The latter builds a small mud shelter to protect against the rain, while the former gets cold, falls ill, and dies. Again, the more reflective caveman survives and propagates his genes. This trend continues: greater consciousness and self-reflection that enhance survival get passed down. Even today, you see these patterns - people who gamble excessively, overeat sugar, or neglect their health often face early death, difficulty finding a mate, or struggles with safety, love, and purpose. These individuals are less likely to propagate their genes successfully. Evolution isn't perfect, of course - harmful traits can still spread, and people can reproduce despite those flaws - but the general trend is that traits beneficial to survival, including self-reflection and consciousness, persist. This is why the self, or ego, exists. 2. Expansion of the Universe Simply put, as I mentioned earlier, God’s mind is infinite. It holds no bias, and therefore, it has no boundaries regarding what it can or cannot be, or what it can or cannot experience. If it wishes to experience a human ego or a conscious mind, then it does. You happen to be the one "observing" this specific human experience - not, say, an alien kangaroo-flamingo hybrid skipping through the Sahara Desert. 3. As Previously Mentioned: This ties into the second point: the infinite nature of God’s mind.
  17. Because nothing would then exist to be "experienced" or differentiated - it’s the classic "If a tree makes a sound and no one hears it, does it make a sound?" Consciousness, or "observance," requires two differentiated selves or points of view for each to exist. If no one were there to know of Sugarcoat, and if Sugarcoat weren’t defined by any bounds of reality, as an individuated self Sugarcoat couldn’t exist - she would dissolve into nothingness, emptiness, or God. Something must stubbornly remain one way and not another; this principle manifests in both the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms. If all physical objects were infinitely fluid, changeable, or transmutable, there would be constant chaos and no stable structures or rules to define reality. Similarly, if emotions lacked weight or meaning and were infinitely fluid (like a fleeting joke) then the depth of love, beauty, the pull of passion, and other profound feelings would not necessarily exist. This concept, though cliché in non-duality teachings—"without darkness, there can be no light"—holds deep truth, especially when contemplating the nature of the self in the highest spiritual sense. God "needs" to experience everything because He is everything and can only be everything. Hence, limitations and rigid, concrete, stable forms must also exist. Limitation provides depth as much as expansion can. We, as humans, (sadly or luckily) happen to resemble God more in this sense. We possess metacognition - the ability to think about our own thinking - a self-referential quality. Since God is infinite, those creatures in God’s mind had to eventually exist. Having a self or awareness is profoundly beautiful - the ability to take in the beauty of others into your own consciousness and merge with it to a delightful degree. The difficulty comes with suffering, but that’s the "deal" we get. You have a defined self that is conscious and can explore, take in the world, parts of God’s mind. But in being defined, vulnerable to change, needing specific requirements for a good life and survival - and in a universe that is infinitely impermanent - we suffer.
  18. Oh, I also didn’t see the teaching job part – that could be a great option too! Just make sure it doesn't drain you to the point where you feel unable to create things that truly fulfill you. If you can find a balance, though, that could be the perfect and easiest option, honestly.
  19. Hey, this is amazing! Sick job completing the course! <3 We are proud of you! I'd say you probably have two options (obviously, you have infinitely more, but to narrow down a general trend): Either pursue a "side business" full-time, like a startup as you mentioned, since you have experience with them, and earn enough money passively, semi-passively, or even actively, but in a way that allows you a decent bit of free time (calculate how much that would be for you in Germany). You could either optimize for earning a lot so you can retire peacefully for a decent amount of years or enough to maintain a steady income while focusing on your Life Purpose. Go straight for your Life Purpose, but then you'll need to be smart about how you’ll financially support yourself. The best option would always be building some sort of social media presence and marketing whatever it is you want to deliver. For whatever you want to sell, you always need eyeballs - that’s business 101. Here, I’d say you have a few options: Giving people blissful spiritual experiences to make them more loving and conscious. Finding existential beauty and meaning in difficult situations to make people more hopeful. This sounds like you should focus on developing skillsets in visual media, animations, visual effects, drawing, painting - whatever you want (or even combining multiple). The focus should be on creating inspiring and emotionally moving experiences. It’s a beautiful Life Purpose. A lot of the time, just teaching won’t have the same impact as moving people through a powerful medium. I’d then suggest writing down what type of art and media moves you and defining what parts of that you’d like to replicate. Maybe some movies, series, shows, pieces of artwork? Anything to get your brain wondering, imagining, inspired . . . 💫💨❕❗ It's always infinitely much easier when you have references. You can easily make shorts, YouTube videos, Instagram reels, or TikToks and speak and teach spiritual lessons while creating beautiful art. Or, you could take on longer projects like games or animations (though be sure to market them before creating them if you need financial support—a lot of people make the mistake of building their artistry before having an audience, making no cash on the release, - which wastes potential and motivation). With regards to theatre, I am not that well-equipped with the theatre scene in Germany, but you could definitely see if there’s a pathway for you to become some sort of theatre artist, writer, or designer (you might want to research more about what jobs and requirements are out there for it). I'd still probably recommend mixing in some form of online income, maybe by promoting it or just showing the behind-the-scenes process of how you build, write, create, and design stories - what is the meaning behind them? Will get people way more hooked. We always wanna know the why behind the art! I personally love what you wrote here, there are aspects of it I can relate to a lot. Really, all you need is a microphone (or a camera) (or a blog post/Twitter X), write down in your notes or journal the lessons you want to express, and then speak or write <3. Improve in whatever skill you’ve chosen, and in terms of the visual format, experiment with styles and find a medium that fits you the most. We can also have a back-and-forth in this forum post so you can define it more clearly. And of course, the last point: you don't have to have it defined perfectly. I’d suggest always starting something since you do have a generally narrowed-down idea(s), and slowly refining what works best for you – what gets you more in the flow, etc. Let me know if you need further help!
  20. 🧶✨ A squibbly-wibbly🧦 from the land of plopplesticks, where the bamboozleberries grow in the tickly-mist and the doo-woppers sing tunes only the flibberflops can hear! Do you know? 😚🎁 This is why your life will be miserable for all eternity. You will never know God. (Me) (Jokes, of course, don't worry! <3 You don't need to delete your comment, was just teasing. Heehee.)
  21. @Candle Ah, yes... from the enigmatic depths of an origin yet unspoken, I emerged... bearing within me the latent essence of yet another womb, an untold potential spiraling in infinite loops of possibility! However, the country of my origin remains a mystery. 💫 Kiss.
  22. @Buck Edwards You absolute AI-using psychopath, hahaha.
  23. Eat your protein guys! 🥙😋
  24. Because of what the fundamental definition of "femininity" implies, along with societal conditioning. Femininity is often associated with vulnerability, weakness, openness, purity, emotionality, beauty/ideal/perfection, love, care, and empathy. Vulnerability/Weakness When something is perceived as weaker or more vulnerable, we tend to respond more intensely to it because it feels "unfair." Consider why harming babies or children is such a significant issue. We understand the innocence and lack of defense mechanisms that make them easily influenced and open to impact. Greater Impact: It hits harder and causes more pain to the fragile individual. Defenselessness: The perpetrator exploits something easily vulnerable, which makes them feel even more scummier and evil. "Pure evil" can only ever exist in the suffering of the truly innocent. The closer an action is to this "pure evil," the more it angers and emotionally affects us. Openness, Purity, Naivety, Easily Influenced, Impacted Similar to vulnerability, these traits explain the societal value placed on female virginity. Females are seen as more innocent, so harming them feels worse. There's also a misconception that any man would love to be sexually assaulted, believing it's a "jackpot" due to the assumption that men always seek sex (a very disgustingly harmful stereotype). Emotionality and Expression Emotional expression makes the impact more immersive. This is why those who express their pain vocally often receive more help than those who suffer in silence. When someone cries out, their sheer pain and terror are visible, drawing us into their experience. Immersion is key to empathy; the more someone immerses us in their world of suffering, the more we feel it. The gender that is more emotionally expressive conveys strong emotions of suffering, which we respond to more deeply. Beauty/Ideal/Perfection The more something is perceived as beautiful, the sadder its loss. Something endearing and perfect being ruined evokes a strong emotional response. We feel sadness and anger over the destruction of beauty. Hence why even aging can feel sad. Less Threatening We lower our guards and allow things to impact us more when they are perceived as less threatening. A person with a sturdy voice, strong, as in substance, construction, who seems put together, is harder to imagine as being harmed because we see them as a potential threat. However, when we see something weaker, we can immerse ourselves more easily in their vulnerability. Care, Empathy, Nurture, Love Things that feel more loving or caring are seen as inherently "good," and valuable. When such things are harmed, it feels more tragic. It evokes a strong emotional response because it feels like an attack on the very essence of goodness and purity. (Which we seem to inherently want to preserve and protect.)
  25. @Candle Hmm... Revenge is always a tricky decision. Ideally, if you can "let it go," that would be great, but often it's not a simple one-to-one answer. The myth that "Just forget it dude, revenge never feels good and will never get you what you seek" isn't entirely true. Some people can truly make your life a miserable hell, and for some, the only way to regain a sense of sanity is to attain justice. The idea that "Oh, Karma will come to them all one day!" is also not necessarily accurate either; many evil people escape the consequences of their actions and live blissfully ignorant lives until they die. While they might face repercussions on a spiritual level, that’s often not useful in the context of your question. I would suggest evaluating how you feel about the situation. Monitor your emotional state over time: Does it consume your thoughts throughout the day? Do you feel like nothing you do will ever satisfy your need for justice? If so, then pursuing some form of revenge might be necessary for your mental well-being. Some people need to "burn through" the karma and see justice served before they can move on to higher pursuits. (See Leo's episode on Burning through Karma) On the other hand, if you feel you can let go of this desire for revenge more easily, or if you can find motivation and focus elsewhere, it may be best to do so. This is a complex situation, and it's difficult to give a definitive answer without understanding your inner thoughts, the severity of the situation, and your personal biases. Feel free to PM me in case you want to discuss it in more detail. It's worth mentioning that many people say "Revenge wasn't worth it." simply because they didn't execute it properly. If you choose to go down that path, make sure you clearly define what type of release or emotion you want to achieve, and ensure that you get it. Don’t cut corners; otherwise, you may end up feeling even more bitter about the situation. If you want to pursue legal action, for instance, hire a competent lawyer and develop a solid plan to fuck them over. If your goal is to damage their reputation, ensure it's something that will genuinely sting them for a long time. I don’t consider myself a vengeful person, as I find it exhausting. However, I understand that some individuals have faced terrible situations where seeking justice was the only option that felt satisfying. Ultimately, much of life revolves around the skill of choosing when to indulge or transcend one's urges. Sometimes, we can do so, and other times, it may be necessary to act on those urges. Both approaches are valid and should not be viewed as superior to one another. It'd be equivalent to trying to jump to Coral in Spiral Dynamics while you haven't even gotten Blue's lessons of discipline and you can't pay your rent. Oh... and - Which state am I from? Well, I need to satisfy my urge for infinite mystery and privacy on here, sadly... teehee, hugs.