Xonas Pitfall

Very interesting. I think my father also had a similar way of coming to consciousness. Apparently, when he was still in a crib, the TV was playing a horror movie with a monstrous, butterfly-like entity eating someone alive. He’s retained that memory to this day because it was so terrifying. He said he couldn’t really separate himself from the person being eaten, or from himself, so it felt as if he was the one being consumed by the butterfly alone. Scary stuff.

When was the first time you came to consciousness? What age were you? What was the memory, and do you remember how it felt? I’d love to hear everyone’s stories. For me, I think one of my first memories was watching a video game that arrived for our kindergarten PC. It had a very strange mechanic. If you stumbled into an obstacle while racing a car, the controls would suddenly reverse. Pressing left might make you go up, down, or right, randomly, and vice versa. I think that uniqueness broke my brain a little, and I became aware of myself. I was around three or four years old. I completely forgot this memory until years later during an LSD trip. After it was over, that night I dreamed about myself coming to consciousness and remembering this memory. Neat

You invented (created) it, so you can discover it.

Hmm... trying to describe it: coming to consciousness for me has a very weird, tunnelling feeling. It’s like the entire “consciousness field” suddenly collapses into a focused zoom. You gain a sense of self, a fixation point, as if awareness locks onto a center.

As consciousness increases, a person is able to take in more input, including noise, ambiguity, and raw information, without becoming overwhelmed. Their perceptual horizon expands, both figuratively and literally. Someone is more aware of a thing if they can perceive more of its details, variations, and subtleties. This forms the first dimension of consciousness: the sheer quantity and diversity of information one can observe or intake at any given moment. The second dimension of consciousness is the capacity to organize that information. This includes understanding, filtering signal from noise, recognizing patterns, and unifying apparent distinctions. Two people may take in the same amount of information, but the one who can see deeper connections, common threads, and underlying essence has a greater grasp of reality. In this sense, consciousness is the ability to perceive reality as fully, truthfully, and unfiltered as possible. It involves seeing through egoic distortion and conceptual fragmentation. At its highest expression, this manifests as the realization that all distinctions ultimately resolve into the same underlying reality: God, Self, Infinity, Love, or Truth. These are not separate things. As consciousness expands, one approaches the harmonization of all experience into oneness. Conversely, dogmatism and closed-mindedness reduce consciousness, because they limit both information intake and integration. They oppose the core property of consciousness itself, which is openness, synthesis, and unity. An unconscious mind divides and separates. It is closed and retracted. A conscious mind is open, free, and connective.

Infinity is so weird . . . I love it! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣤⣶⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣦⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣶⣶⡿⠿⢿⣿⣶⣶⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⠞⠋⠉⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⢿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣴⣶⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡿⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀ ⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣿⣧⠀ ⢸⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢿⣿⣿⣿⢂⣾⣿⣿⣿⠿⠛⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡄ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⡿⢡⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⡇ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣱⣿⣿⣿⡿⡁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⡇ ⢿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡟⣴⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⣿⣿⡇ ⠸⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⠏⢸⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⠁ ⠀⢻⣿⣿⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀ ⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣠⣾⣿⣿⡿⠃⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣤⣀⣀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣤⣶⣿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠛⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Another huge tip is not falling into the trap of building some grand vision for months or years without ever validating it in the real world. Ideally, you want to identify a real market need, ship an MVP as fast as possible, and start marketing immediately. That means gathering waitlists, preorders, feedback, or any kind of early signal that people actually want what you’re building. Many genuinely great products never succeed simply because marketing was ignored or treated as an afterthought. Meanwhile, you constantly see mediocre or even bad products do extremely well because they nailed distribution, positioning, and visibility. It’s far rarer to sell an amazing product with little or no marketing than it is to sell a flawed product with excellent marketing.

I also don’t think this is that hardcore or controversial. If humans weren’t socialized at all, we’d all be cannibalizing, killing, murdering, enslaving, and raping each other just to survive. That’s the raw brutality of survival. You see versions of this behaviour across both male and female mammals, and it shows up clearly in more primal or survival-oriented Stage Purple/Red spiral dynamics as well.

Thank you so much for being so open. For context, I’m a woman, so I find this incredibly interesting, a different frame of reference! I do wonder how much of this is instinctual or biological, and how much is societal or religious programming that shapes the way you view sex as a power exchange. This sentence in particular stood out to me and ties back to what I mentioned earlier. Why is it based on a lie? Did you lie to the more “ promiscuous / slutty ” women, or was the exchange fairly direct? Do you think you would feel less guilt and more able to embrace it if you knew both sides were completely honest with each other? I’d also be very curious to know how this desire and conflict plays out in long-term relationships, or with girls you see as more “ pure / relationship material. ” Do you slowly lose attraction because you feel like you “owned” them, or does it become more of a growing gratefulness for the level of submission shown? I think the point still stands: if you want to engage in more open, casual sex, you could try being completely transparent. I’m sure there are many girls who are also just looking for “fun” this way, and you could see if you still feel any kind of guilt. If you do, then it’s probably more about how you see sex as a “dominance match” than just the lying aspect. Basically, my question is: do you like the feeling of casual sex? Or do you just hate the fact that you’re lying? If, let’s say, a girl and you were fully honest with each other, would you enjoy it fully? Or would there still be some aspect of guilt when it comes to dominance, seeing them as “less,” or ownership? Personally, I don’t really frame sex as fundamentally a power exchange. I see it as play, where you can include power play, rough play, theatrical play, roleplay, etc. Depending on whether you just want to “ play / have fun / experiment ” or engage more deeply and romantically, where you’re more in tune with each other, or short-term versus long-term, is the main difference for me. I don’t really see anyone as “losing or gaining anything,” just how much you can enjoy each other. So if you get turned on by the feeling of power, then that’s the type of play you want to engage in, which is perfectly fine. In fact, many find it very hot from both the male and female side. And with the type of women who want to play the “ prey / owned / submissive ” role, you’re both actors trying to please each other and explore those aspects. There’s very little shame in that; a lot of it is meant to be “controversial,” and that’s exactly what adds the spice on top, haha. But I think if you start seeing it as rooted in “reality” and not play, that’s when feelings of guilt or conflict can come in. You might end up thinking the girls are somehow being used or fooled, instead of just engaging and enjoying their “roles” in the fantasy. Or, again, as I mentioned before, if you actually lie to them, or feel like you have to fundamentally lie just to get even easy sex, then it makes complete sense why you might feel conflicted. I’d love to hear your further thoughts on that 🙂

Oh, gotcha, pardon mé! Haha, for some reason I read that as a more generalized question, like, “How does one approach it?” For me, it’s actually very easy to tell the difference between relationship-oriented attraction and something more casual (on my end, at least). I’m fairly asocial, so when I take an interest in someone, it tends to be very specific. A relationship "crush" feels very intense and consuming, almost all-encompassing, while casual attraction is lighter and more playful (fun, curiosity, something to break boredom.) Also, given the relationship version carries so much emotional weight and energy, I’m usually aware of whether I’m ready for it or not during a given period. When I’m looking for something serious, it usually grows out of shared hobbies, overlapping social circles, or longer conversations. In those situations, I pay a lot of attention to shared values, and whether the chemistry feels sustainable over time. If I’m looking for casual, I tend to gravitate toward communities or spaces that are more outwardly exploratory, mainly kink, taboo, or fetish communities. The people there are usually more psychologically interesting to me, more open-minded / exploratory, and often more careful and intentional about boundaries and the different roles they want to take on in dynamics. Tickles my lizard brain in the right way... ^ ^ 🦎 Throughout all of this, I try to manage my emotions carefully and stay aware of how the other person feels. If someone seems more attached than I am, I make sure I’m not leading them toward expectations I can’t meet. At the same time, I watch myself closely so I don’t become overly infatuated with someone who can’t reciprocate. That awareness can be uncomfortable, but it’s necessary to avoid unnecessary pain on both sides.

You evaluate what you want, and once you do that honestly, you can approach it much more deliberately. If you just want sex, with minimal commitment and maximum ease, then own that. Your best move is to put yourself in places where that mindset already exists. That means environments with more promiscuous people, or aggressively filtering on dating apps and in real life for women who are clearly open to that dynamic. You also have to accept that you cannot have everyone. This is crucial. If someone signals that they want a relationship, you move on. If there is mutual interest in something casual, you pursue it. Problems arise when you knowingly pursue someone who wants a relationship while pretending to want the same thing. At that point, the frustration is self-created. You are the one choosing to lie, which makes you the dishonest party. If the lie is discovered, that is on you. If you feel forced to keep lying just to maintain the situation, that is a direct consequence of choosing to prioritize your own desires while disregarding someone else’s, and then doubling down on the dishonesty. There is nothing wrong with honestly wanting something casual. What is unreasonable is feeling entitled to a positive response from someone who is clearly signalling they want romance. If that request is rejected, the better question to ask yourself is not “I'm frustrated, why won’t this person accept this, why can't I be honest with them?” but rather “Why am I pursuing someone I have to lie to, instead of finding someone who wants the same thing I do?” You lie because you know your honest desire won’t be accepted, either you sense it instinctively or you actually know it. But you still want it, so you lie to get what you want. Sure, that’s a choice you can make, but don’t get frustrated at the other person for it. They didn’t put you in that position; you did, chasing your own desires at the cost of honesty. If you end up stuck maintaining the lie, that frustration is yours alone. No one forced you to lie, you chose it to serve your own wants. It’s the same way you wouldn’t really care much for a girl who constantly lies and “carrot-sticks” a guy friend in the friendzone just to keep getting attention, favours, or money. Imagine her saying: "Why is he complaining? Why can’t I just honestly tell him: ‘You’ll never fuck me, I don’t find you attractive or interesting, I don’t want to be seen in public with you, I just want your attention, favours, and money!’ I’m being honest, so why is finding a guy friend so hard? Why do I have to lie?’" However, as I said, if the original post was more of a "vent" than a complaint expecting the world to bend to a fantasy, that’s completely valid. Dating is messy, complicated, and often frustrating, and it’s normal to feel that way while figuring it out 🤍

This is actually really interesting, and I would like to hear more about it. I am also curious about something else. Do you tend to try to “convert” women who clearly signal they want a relationship into something casual? From what you are describing, it sounds like what you really want is women who already want casual sex. Do you actively look for those women? I feel like doing just that would already remove the need to lie and save you a lot of frustration. Or is there something appealing about the conversion itself? For example, taking someone who originally did not want casual sex and still getting them to do it with you, almost as a form of conquest? Or is it simply that you struggle to find women who are openly interested in casual sex? Or that you do find them, but you are less attracted to them? Maybe you are more drawn to women who are romantic or relationship-oriented, even if that clashes with what you say you want? Would be curious to know, thank you!

Yes! My only point is that it often feels like people do not want to respect the process itself. That said, the frustration of the original poster was probably more of a vent than an actual rejection of the idea that a process needs to happen. The reason you feel like you need to “lie” is that the request itself is not respectful of the process, or in this case, of the person. If you wanted a job, you would not expect a company to just give it to you because you said, “I want a job.” You would assume you need to be evaluated for the role to some extent. Getting frustrated that you cannot simply be honest and say “I want a job” and immediately get one is a bit silly. Exactly. You invest resources. The original poster made it sound as if the alternative of just saying “I do not care about you, let me have sex” should somehow be justified as a valid strategy. But that would be just as unrealistic as expecting money from someone by saying, “I do not care about you, give me money,” or expecting friendship by saying, “I do not care about you, admire me,” or expecting a job by saying, “I do not care about doing honest work for you, pay me.” If that is your agenda, then yes, you will feel forced to lie. Honesty alone does not grant your wish when there is a lack of respect for the person or the process. And to be clear, when I talk about “process,” I do not necessarily always mean flattering someone, courting them, or implying you want a relationship when you do not. The process can simply mean selecting people who are already open to faster sexual engagement, or who have different boundaries around promiscuity. It can also mean learning how to signal trustworthiness and intentions in a more honest way. Respecting the process does not require manipulation or performance. It just means accepting that compatibility still has to be established, and that outcomes depend on mutual interest rather than on stating a desire and expecting it to be met.

I think the core problem is that seeing this as a “hunt” is already a wrong assumption. Nothing else in life really works this way. You do not go “hunting” for a friend and expect him to immediately say, “Oh my god, you are my best friend, let’s do everything together forever.” And if he does not behave that way, you do not get frustrated or think, “God, all of these potential friends just want to be deceived. Instead of them simply submitting to my friendship request, I am expected to talk to them, flatter them, search for common interests, trade life stories, ease into shared hobbies, and eventually be comfortable being seen together in public. Apparently, this is the process, how exhausting... ugh! 🙄” You cannot just say, “Hey, be my friend, admire me, adore me, support me unconditionally,” and expect that to happen instantly. Or imagine the potential friend replying instantly, “Oh my god, yes!!! You are fully my best friend now! Let’s do as many activities together as possible. I have been wanting this for so long.” If either person did that, they would seem unhinged, overly intense, and deeply untrustworthy. It would raise the questions. It sounds ridiculous and suspicious because we understand that authentic relationships require both people to appear genuinely authentic. That authenticity is usually signalled through moderation, not extreme language or instant intensity. In the beginning, both sides are still evaluating each other. Real authenticity signals safety and the possibility of an actual connection, which is more intoxicating and more fun, whether it is a friendship, a relationship, or even a purely sexual interaction. The same applies to a business deal. Imagine a company saying, “We do not care about your product, your mission, or even your profit. We just want to screw you over and get as much as possible from this deal. Thoughts?” Now imagine the other company replying, “Oh my god, yes, finally, please screw us over immediately.” Or imagine the second company hesitating, and the first one responding with frustration: “God, all these selfish companies. They just want to be lied to. We never make deals if we are direct. I hate this. I am so frustrated that I am not getting what I want.” The companies would come across as either wildly desperate, blatantly deceptive, or simply rude and entitled. When people complain about not getting instant sex, this is how they sound. “What? I ate one healthy Caesar salad. Why is my body not lean, skinny, sexy, and covered in abs? God, why does my body need an entire process before it submits to my desires? Ugh...” Or to make it even more direct: “What?! I said I wanted to fuck you, and you don’t want to fuck me? How rude! You should appreciate me being this direct. Ugh… I swear, everyone just wants to be lied to.” Just because you want something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to it. If you want it but aren’t willing to do the honest work to earn it, you might resort to lying, scheming, cheating, or manipulating to get it. Either way, whatever you want comes with conditions, you have to respect them. Otherwise, you are denying reality. Whether you meet those conditions honestly or dishonestly is up to you, but nothing comes without caveats. Everything in life works this way, yet somehow here, some people fail to see the parallel. For example, if I want a raise from my boss, I have two options. I can be a competent employee who does the honest work and understands the system, learning how to appeal to my boss legitimately. Or I can manipulate, play social games, network strategically, and flatter my way to the same result. Both approaches can work because they engage the system in their own way, but both come with their own costs. Similarly, if you want a strong, fit body, you can either spend months grinding at the gym, or take steroids. Both will give your muscles what they need to grow, but each comes with its own type of effort and trade-offs. You can’t just get frustrated because your body doesn’t instantly submit to your desires. This actually ties back well to Leo’s recent blog post.

How very biased of Leo, saying a biased mind is uglier than a beautiful one… tsk, tsk, tsk! 😌😌😌

@AION is Andrew Tate's greatest cock-slurper on this forum!

Yes! I understand that in the total state, everything is just pure emptiness, the Absolute. When I said everything is perfect and whole, I meant that it's all just 'is', nothing, pure emptiness, pure isness, coherence emerges and stays, and things that unify exist, while those that don’t simply fall away. You can use whatever words resonate most with you to describe it! My question is: since we clearly have states of God-realization and enlightenment where people are still alive and survive, and we accept those as valid insights, even though they technically didn’t 'relinquish all desire,' even the desire to not exist, then it seems plausible to assume that you could attain states of infinity where you can at least perform some physical manipulation. Your will would still be intact, and even if it’s not the egoic type of will, it could be something more like a curiosity-driven will.

Possibly yes, thank you, I'll look into it! It’d be cool to have a forum thread where people can do scientific-like research/exploration and see if they can influence reality in some ways once in a heightened state of consciousness.

@Ishanga Yes, that was my point! If we only considered the ultimate enlightenment to be the one that happens at the moment of death, we wouldn't value anything that enlightened masters or Leo say. You could just argue, 'See! They’re still limited by their desires and will to live. There is still ego. Why didn't they die?' But yet, we do accept it to some extent because we realize there’s fruitful value in their realizations. You don’t have to actually die for your realizations to be considered valid. My point is similar when it comes to the ability to exert influence over reality in higher states of consciousness. It doesn’t mean you suddenly reach full enlightenment and have all your desires stripped away. You still clearly have the desire to live and maintain this human body to embody your realizations. So I’m curious, why don’t we see that ability to influence reality more often (even to some extent) in people who claim to be in the heightened states?