Xonas Pitfall

@Vibes You think so? I see it more as trying to adopt a realistic perspective. It’s great to be optimistic, but if you believe everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time, you’ll likely be less careful and observant of the challenges and difficulties that could arise. This line of work often attracts very "Green stage-esque" people who embrace a hippie-like, somewhat delusional mindset—believing that unconditional happiness is possible 24/7 through peace, love, and plants. So, counterbalancing that with some practical caution, I’d say, is important. Leo is probably coming to his own realizations about being grateful and present during moments of genuine happiness and health and possibly wants to share that insight... but who knows. Either way, the perspective still holds!

@Vibes It’s just being realistic, tbh. That statement holds a lot of truth, and if you haven’t experienced it, that’s a good thing - it means you’ve been relatively fortunate in life so far.

Happiness in your "human form" is 100% conditional. To understand this, it’s best to observe yourself as an organism. An organism cannot grow, live, or sustain itself without the right conditions. Some animals need cold winters, others are more social and depend on having a group or tribe, and some require very specific reproductive strategies, etc. We are the same. And because we are one of the more complex organisms, our needs are far more niche, precise, and heavily conditional. Just turn off your heating or electricity for a day, and you’ll quickly see how conditional your happiness and well-being truly are. The more "meditative" or "enlightened" type of happiness is often described as unconditional. In this state, you’re in such a high state of awareness that whatever conditions you’re in, you recontextualize them as part of understanding yourself as an observer of reality, or as one with oneness, God, or existence itself. You’re so completely detached from your human self that it wouldn’t matter if you cut off your arm right then and there. You’d just perceive it as part of "exploration, understanding, and Love." That’s often what drug addicts, especially heroin users, experience. If you ask them why they keep running their lives the way they do and continue taking heroin, they’ll often say, "Well, it’s because heroin takes it all away and makes it feel good." These states are beautiful but highly dysfunctional and dangerous to your human self. However, this state is incredibly difficult to maintain, especially if you still want your human self to function and participate in "human society." It’s so impractical that it’s almost useless to think about unless you’re planning to fully commit to the path of a monk or yogi who meditates 24/7 and is supported by others in a monastery. If you don’t plan to go down that path, then yes: happiness is 100% conditional. You need to accept that and carefully define the conditions, preferences, and actions you want to build your life around in order to feel good.

Could you give an example of how to contemplate this further, maybe some questions to start? Sounds like a really interesting aspect of God Realization.

This. There is no such thing as ugliness; we simply don’t see the beauty in what we think is ugly. From an absolute perspective, it’s correct. Ultimately, you have two forces: one constructive or creative, and one destructive. For us humans, seeing a decaying corpse is ugly, with foul smells and gruesome features, because it represents the end of life and could be infectious or poisonous to be around. Seeing a deformed, unhealthy face is considered ugly because it represents degenerate, sick genes, which our instincts don’t want to propagate -- this is a subconscious evolutionary bias toward what is perceived as ugly or beautiful. Seeing a piece of artwork being destroyed is ugly because it’s damaging something we perceive as valuable. However, from an absolute perspective, if you don’t care about the survival of an individual species or ego, a corpse means a human has left their ego self and passed on to other forms. It’s beautiful and freeing. It signifies that evolution is happening, and a genotype that couldn’t survive anymore is not being propagated, while something more beautiful and stronger is. A painter’s artwork getting destroyed means there is now empty white space for another beautiful mural to appear, or perhaps something else entirely. Both creation and destruction are beautiful -- there is no such thing as ugliness. Evil is only everything that is threatening or damaging to us humans, our own ego-self, or our ideology. There are lower and higher forms of consciousness, but both need to exist, so they are equally needed and therefore equally beautiful in God’s eyes. If you want... (!) I encourage you to possibly indulge in forms of artwork that are specifically trying to convey something ugly as beautiful. Think of how much beautiful poetry and music have been created from heartbreak or unrequited love—one of the more painful and "ugly" things someone can go through.

@jacknine119 If you have absolutely no preferences and just want skills and cash, anything in sales, marketing, or trades will work for you. Otherwise, find something you're actually interested in. Exactly!

@integration journey How did this feel to you? What have you found you were "merging" into, what traits were you so pulled by? I'd love to hear more of this... had some similar experiences.

@Exystem OMG, yes! This is exactly how I see it, I just never knew how to express it this clearly - thank you so much! 😊✨

Oooh... well, oops! ^^

Let me try to put as much as I can think of... <3 Emotional Release / Coping Mechanism: For some, self-harm provides temporary relief from overwhelming emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness. When emotions feel uncontrollable, physical pain offers a way to manage or distract from those feelings. If you've ever felt so overwhelmed by panic or a deep, almost numbing depression, where you can't move or function, literally anything that grounds you and brings you back to clarity can feel good. You will take anything you can get. It's often coupled with intense self-hatred, so pleasurable things won’t seem to help because you don’t feel like you deserve them. You may feel emotionally numb and incapable of reaching out for something that could bring you comfort, so you turn to pain as the only thing that feels "real" or like something you deserve. More scientifically speaking, self-harm also triggers endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, giving a brief sense of comfort. Emotional Numbness or Dissociation: On a similar note, self-harm can serve as a way to "feel something" when individuals feel emotionally disconnected. If you've ever had a long, intense crying session or an overwhelming release of emotions, you may understand the clarity that follows, almost like a heightened awareness. In the same way, self-harm can temporarily bring a person back to the present moment, counteracting the feelings of disconnection from reality or their own emotions. It helps ground them in the here and now, instead of in the numb, dissociated state they’ve been trapped in. Self-Punishment: For others, self-harm becomes a form of self-punishment, driven by feelings of guilt or shame. They may feel they deserve the pain due to self-loathing or a sense of failure. It's an externalization of internal self-hatred, a way of manifesting the belief that they are worthless or "bad." I hope you never have to experience this, but it can be incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally. In those moments, you truly believe you deserve to suffer, that you’re useless, disgusting, and better off hurt. You might wonder why others can lead happy lives while you feel trapped in a cycle of misery, feeling as if you’re better off gone or broken. The pain becomes a reflection of your internal belief that you’re undeserving of anything good. Expression of Inner Pain: Sometimes, self-harm is a way of expressing inner pain that can't be put into words. It’s like a “cry for help,” even if the person doesn’t directly ask for support. For some, it’s not just about seeking attention—it’s a manifestation of their emotional turmoil. There are also individuals who may feel a deep sense of physical discomfort with their own bodies. For example, if someone feels ashamed of their weight or how they look, they may not want to treat their body with care, but instead harm it as a reflection of their negative feelings. It's like when you’re in a difficult spot emotionally, and instead of caring for yourself, you let everything go because you don’t feel like you deserve anything good. This self-harm becomes a way to demonstrate how they feel inside: broken, unworthy, and unfixable. Control: For people feeling powerless, self-harm may offer a sense of control over their environment or themselves. It becomes a way to regain agency when everything around them feels out of control—like in abusive relationships or stressful situations. I actually remember watching an interview with someone diagnosed with NPD who said all of his self-harm and suicide attempts were actually a way to gain control over the environment. Subconsciously, he wanted to guilt-trip others or actually show them, "Do you fucking see now how much you're harming me? Do you see how much I'm going through?" He didn’t feel heard, and since his ego and pride were so high, he took it to the extreme because the pain felt like that to him. It could also have been a last call for help, not an actual desire to die. I actually had a friend who had self-harming scars covered up, but she’d subconsciously or semi-consciously show them through her sleeves, hoping someone would notice and help. Luckily, I did. But yeah, sometimes asking for help feels very shameful and complicated. Social or Psychological Factors: Isolation and loneliness can drive people to self-harm, especially when they feel misunderstood or invisible. Self-harm may serve as a way to express distress when no one else is around to listen. Unfortunately, there are online subcultures (like on platforms such as Twitter or Discord) where people glamorize self-harm and even encourage others to join in. It can become a toxic sense of community, where pain is shared as an aesthetic or a form of bonding. Some teens or individuals might engage in self-harm because they see others doing it or feel like it’s part of a "dark" identity. This kind of harmful environment makes it harder to break the cycle, especially if others are normalizing it or even romanticizing the pain. There are subcultures of all kinds of self-harm, whether it's burning, cutting, starving, or weight gain—there are people who even pay for it. Trauma or Abuse: People who’ve experienced past trauma—whether physical, sexual, or emotional—may turn to self-harm as a way to cope with the intense emotional fallout. It’s a way to re-enact pain they’ve already gone through, a way to feel in control of something that once felt uncontrollable. Sometimes, trauma becomes like a familiar, if painful, home. In abusive environments, whether in a family or relationship, pain becomes associated with love or care, making it harder for someone to break free from the cycle. They may subconsciously associate pain with comfort, even if it's harmful, because it's all they've known. Addiction to the Feeling of Relief: For some, the temporary emotional relief that self-harm provides can become addictive. Over time, the behavior becomes habitual, a way of coping with stress or overwhelming emotions. Even if other coping methods could be healthier, the familiarity of self-harm often feels like the only option. It’s like an addict turning to their substance of choice when they’re in distress—whether that’s cigarettes, alcohol, or a workout. Self-harm can feel like the only way to regain some control over their emotions, even though it brings long-term harm. Think of how a gym-goer might go to the gym to cope with loneliness or heartbreak, while a smoker will go straight to his cigarettes. Familiar addictions are the easiest to fall back into when in distress. I think this is an excellent example, actually. The person likely felt overwhelming despair and a loss of hope. When you endure any kind of prolonged suffering, whether physical or emotional, and you don't know if it'll ever change or get better, that's suicidal thoughts 101. When you finally get some hope that the environment might change, it can make you want to fix things. Unless you've gotten so deep into despair that you feel like you're incapable of getting better. Luckily, most people are far more resilient than that.

Oops! Read the last question wrong, you can remove my vote if possible! 🐭🐾✅☝

@Buck Edwards Could you maybe share what you specifically enjoy about it, if you're willing to answer? Thank you!

Relationship #1: Simon is in a relationship with Ally. They genuinely care about each other and make a good team, but their sexual connection has never been fulfilling. Simon feels like Ally is never fully present - embodied and emotionally connected during sex. Ally, on the other hand, feels that Simon lacks initiative and dominance. This dynamic leads to consistent dissatisfaction, especially on an emotional level, whenever they engage in sex. To understand their struggles, let’s look at their childhoods, where the foundation of their sexualities was formed. Simon grew up with a mentally ill mother who lived in her own reality. Despite being in a safe society where basic needs were met, Simon felt deeply lonely. This loneliness created a strong desire to merge with someone on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. One day, he stumbled across a medical image of a penis inside a vagina in a textbook, which captivated and aroused him. Unconsciously, this image held the promise of connection and merging with another person. Simon’s budding sexuality evolved from there. As an adult, Simon desires a deep, telepathic connection with his partner. He enjoys prolonged physical closeness, eye contact, and simultaneous orgasms. He dislikes talking during sex, as it makes him feel separate. This desire for merging extends into other parts of his life. Simon adores privacy and exclusivity, which make his connection with a partner feel more special. He struggles with communication because it feels like a barrier to true unity. He wants to make decisions together and share responsibilities, as this enhances his sense of togetherness. Ally’s childhood was very different but also lonely. Her father was disengaged and failed to protect her from her mother, who disliked her. Unlike Simon, she grew up in an unsafe environment where even basic needs were a struggle. This created a strong desire for care and containment. One day, while watching TV, she became enamored with the relationship between a dinosaur and its owner. Unconsciously, this relationship symbolized positive ownership and care - the kind her parents never provided. Ally’s budding sexuality evolved from this imagery. In adulthood, Ally enjoys power dynamics in sex, fantasizing about being a cherished pet or an animal being bred without choice. She desires to surrender completely, letting her partner take the lead and responsibility. Signs of ownership arouse her, even if they come from men she is not in a relationship with. She dislikes anything during sex that reminds her of herself. This sexuality manifests in other areas of Ally’s life. She isn’t naturally exclusive and prefers to have many people in her life to avoid ever fending for herself. She surrounds herself with others, is flirtatious, and spends hours talking to connect with people. She invests heavily in her appearance to increase her chances of being wanted and cared for. Ally commits to sexual monogamy only because it’s often a condition for men to take responsibility for her. She stops driving her car once in a relationship because autonomy feels like self-reliance, which she avoids. Her most fulfilling relationship is with her personal assistant, who consistently meets her needs. These differences create a fundamental incompatibility between Simon and Ally. Simon feels insecure, longing for closeness and merging, but struggles with Ally’s need for multiple connections. He feels in competition with others in her life. Ally feels overwhelmed by Simon’s need to handle responsibilities together and isolated by his desire for exclusivity. On a subconscious level, their sexualities pull in opposite directions. No amount of practical counseling about their sex life can resolve the deeper issue - their sexual incompatibility. At best, they can take turns accommodating each other, but this often leads to compromise rather than true harmony. Relationship #2: Another example is Nick and Tanner, who initially believed they were sexually compatible but have grown increasingly dissatisfied. Nick feels frustrated and angry, often wanting to take it out on Tanner during intercourse, leaving him guilty and withdrawn afterward. Tanner feels constrained, spending too much time conforming to Nick’s needs to keep the relationship secure. Nick’s childhood shaped his sexuality in a unique way. He grew up with a terminally ill sister, and the family’s attention revolved around her. Nick was never considered important enough to receive focus or support. As an adult, Nick feels a strong need for sex every day, as it ensures he becomes the center of attention. During sex, Nick prefers to dominate and make everything about his own pleasure. He enjoys directing his partner and feeling in control, as this satisfies his repressed need for importance. Tanner, on the other hand, has a very different sexual nature. Growing up, he was unable to express himself due to strict parental and societal expectations. This suppression of his authenticity led to a deep desire for freedom and experimentation. Tanner’s true sexuality revolves around trying new things, from bondage and Tantra to swinging and group sex. His list of desires is endless, reflecting his curiosity and zest for life. Conflict arises when Tanner presses Nick to try swinging. Nick, who needs to feel like the sole focus of Tanner’s attention, is triggered by Tanner’s desire to involve others. Nick feels threatened and angry, while Tanner feels limited and stifled by Nick’s needs. Tanner longs for a partner who will explore life’s wonders with him, while Nick desires a partner who prioritizes him above all else. These examples show how early life experiences shape not only sexuality but also deeper desires for life and relationships. Sexuality extends far beyond the bedroom, influencing many aspects of life. To truly understand one’s sexuality, people must explore what arouses them and, most importantly, why. For example, someone who enjoys taboo experiences like piss play might uncover deeper emotional layers beneath their arousal. They may feel empowered by defying societal norms, intrigued by the idea of capturing another’s essence, or relieved by exposing vulnerability and shame. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I absolutely loved this video -- especially the format. Starting from the fundamental incompatibility and difficulties in relationships, unmet needs often trace back to childhood, where deep-rooted desires were formed. These desires are shaped by experiences where we first felt love, or perhaps where we realized the way we want to be desired and loved. It’s about understanding how we desire others, how we want to be loved, and how we unconsciously or semi-consciously seek these feelings in our everyday lives. Does anyone have resources that delve deeper into how childhood experiences shape ego desires and ultimately influence sexual fantasies? What’s your experience with this? I’d love to start a thread where people share what they find most desirable and the positions - both figuratively and physically, teehee - they enjoy being in. What needs do you feel like you’ve been neglecting, and how do you navigate that in your life and relationships? It’d be great to hear others' experiences and perspectives on how unmet needs or childhood experiences manifest in their adult relationships. What do you see yourself longing for?

If such a thing exists beyond the swirling of thought you’ve spun into a loop, this endless now that you carved and named "new." You decided there would be this - this day, this moment, this construct of “year” spun out, wrapped in your invented rhythm, a rhythm imagined and reimagined, traced over countless times, yet always feeling like the first. So here’s to this endless spiral, this ever-turning, ever-repeating hallmark of the idea of beginning-again-again-again in a world that never began or ended - Happy New Year! ✨ 🎁💫💛💚💙💜💗💞

It serves three primary functions (though there are many more, these are broad categories): 1. Survival Imagine two cavemen or organisms. One ventures into the woods to hunt and notices a human being mauled by a bear, while another bear lurks nearby. This caveman lacks self-reflection or understanding (think of how donkeys or similar animals can’t recognize themselves in a mirror) and foolishly walks into danger. The other caveman, however, has the capacity for self-reflection. He recognizes the human as like himself, assesses the threat, and flees. This caveman survives, fucks, and passes on his genes. Now, picture two cavemen with some level of self-reflection. One can only think a few days ahead, while the other can think weeks into the future. The latter builds a small mud shelter to protect against the rain, while the former gets cold, falls ill, and dies. Again, the more reflective caveman survives and propagates his genes. This trend continues: greater consciousness and self-reflection that enhance survival get passed down. Even today, you see these patterns - people who gamble excessively, overeat sugar, or neglect their health often face early death, difficulty finding a mate, or struggles with safety, love, and purpose. These individuals are less likely to propagate their genes successfully. Evolution isn't perfect, of course - harmful traits can still spread, and people can reproduce despite those flaws - but the general trend is that traits beneficial to survival, including self-reflection and consciousness, persist. This is why the self, or ego, exists. 2. Expansion of the Universe Simply put, as I mentioned earlier, God’s mind is infinite. It holds no bias, and therefore, it has no boundaries regarding what it can or cannot be, or what it can or cannot experience. If it wishes to experience a human ego or a conscious mind, then it does. You happen to be the one "observing" this specific human experience - not, say, an alien kangaroo-flamingo hybrid skipping through the Sahara Desert. 3. As Previously Mentioned: This ties into the second point: the infinite nature of God’s mind.