Raine

Thank you. Any suggestions? Hiring psychologist in my country is almost impossible without paying amount that i simply cant afford. I was lucky to get some group therapy few years ago through insurance some progress, but nothing that hit on deep level. I tried twice your Shamanic breathing but its intense and makes me mentally floating, detached. I confronted some women and said what i wanted, if i listened to my intuition and what i really want to do, there would be physical violence, which is not safe or right nor ideal solution. But i feel confronting women in some way is the solution.

Hello , so...I do have zero experience with women. Virgin. I made out a few kisses in the past at most. I am insecure about being bald. I shave my head and I Am 28 years old. I dont think I Am ugly, 185 cm, more thin, have some confidence, have some courage, but also some fear. I was fighting through my whole life with memories of bullying, low self esteem, fear, social anxiety, shame...not to highest potential i should, but i was fighting and still am. I try to work at myself (working out, martial art, meditation) and what really throws me off Is i get laughed at. Especially when i feel confident, strong masculine, women try to bring me down. Sometimes i get stares, sometimes bad looks. The laughing happens mostly from young girls, but it happened from mature women too once. It doesnt happen every day, but every month i would say once twice. It really makes me insecure about my masculinity, being man enough. It fucks me up. Really deep. What are your perspectives?

Thanks for answer Leo. I agree howewer. I cant honestly laugh at something if i feel *in my gut* this shame, this pain, these disgusting feelings. I had my deal with women, including my mother, some really ugly things, i worked hard on my self and transformed to somewhat confident person that can express himself and say no when neccessary, altough i still struggle internally. I had my share of pain, lost years and fear and i could even do with being alone, but the respect i want to feel and people respecting me is core, i cant move on to reach my highest potential without that. I dont think i am overcompensating, unless feeling little bit good about myself for my efforts, holding my head high, or just plainly feeling good in my body is reason to be shamed. I dont say anything in these situations. Usually its when i feel confident, but not in some make up way, just feeling. Lately it happened with customer, not laughing but giggling two girls when i was talking to them and when they walked off, they laughed. Its practically impossible to say anything to customer, i could get fired. Or it happened when i was riding city tram through glass, also impossible to react.

I dont say anything in these situations. Usually its when i feel confident, but not in some make up way, just feeling. Lately it happened with customer, not laughing but giggling two girls when i was talking to them and when they walked off, they laughed. Its practically impossible to say anything to customer, i could get fired. Or it happened when i was riding city tram through glass, also impossible to react.