Grace Love

Dear Selfvalley. I am very new to this forum and was drawn to your question, as I too have been struggling with this at times. What has helped me, and I am not saying, I am over this yet , was to stop resisting what I was experiencing / feeling (be it the sadness or the anger) and then I was observing it. The observation was followed by self-reflection and what I noticed was the pain in others (and/or mine) as if I was able to tap into different perspectives of other people. For example, the people who noticed and commented on my change could have been in discomfort with my change. Many people find the change uncomfortable, even if it relates to others. So when you change and they are used to the 'old' you, which made them feel safe because they knew what to expect, etc. now the new you is new to them, so they may feel uncomfortable and express that discomfort in the way that they can, not necessarily in the way that you would choose right now. Things change... Also, I noticed that some people actually were uncomfortable because they were angry with themselves for not changing and yet they see you making the choice they did not... they let themselves down and that anger that you feel is actually theirs but projected through you. It has happened to me. So on one hand, it is mine, as I feel it, but on the other hand, it is theirs, as it does not make sense to be mine. Knowing that one is another me, it all makes sense from a bigger perspective. To recap, I learned to be patient with myself and others. It is not always easy to catch oneself with thoughts and feelings and then stop them, but the moment you are able to notice it, you already made a huge step to 'disengage' and 'separate', and are able to witness it, rather than 'be in it' and be 'driven by it'. Once you can witness, you have a choice of how to respond. I say, for example, 'I am noticing something inside of me when I hear the words you say, I would like to address that a bit more, as it is important to me, and I really wish to be present to your needs. However, I feel really distracted by this feeling inside right now. Could we get back to this conversation once I process it all and understand what is happening inside of me, please? " What this allows, is for you and the other to reflect without judging and attacking. Often people do not want to continue, as they either realised that their words impacted you, or they choose to react in a way that is not helpful. I choose to accept and respect where people are at and their choices. We are all wonderefully unique. Celebrate your uniqueness I say :)) Much love, hope this is helpful to one degree. Grace