for your listening pleasure while you read:
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=2TTt4SbJJZU&feature=share
Prelude: I’m 26 and I had been watching leos videos for a few months, I’ve been having depression issues and purposeless from no direction in my life, feeling low energy (still happening) I was addicted to anything that gave an escape (caffeine, food, pot, alcohol, sex) and would cycle through these.) so I remembered meditation-i had tried it a few times. I remembered watching a video of his about meditation some years ago. This led me to watch other videos of his and so on.
Intuitively, spiritual practices and non duality make sense. As stage Orange type pursuits have always been empty at the end when reached for me. I know there has to be something more.
The trip:
I planned a date to take mushrooms a couple of months after getting them. It was Saturday morning, my girlfriend and I got up at 7 and went to the gym. We came home, showered, and I weighed out my dose of dried mushrooms, 1.6g
My girlfriend was feeling tired so she went back to bed for a nap and so I was alone to take them. I had set up the living room with a pen and paper, water, and had the blinds up for a nice view outside, it was getting ready to storm.
I took them at 10:08am and was waiting for them to kick in, anxiety was high. I’m very sensitive to changes in my body (some neurosis anxiety of mine) I was listening to some music to try and improve my state, doing some yoga. I started to feel something in my head and body around 10:50 and my anxiety shot up to the moon. I was getting the usual shaking, cold sweats, and tingling in my arms/limbs that I usually do during a panic attack. I tried some deep breathing techniques that usually work and drinking some ice water but nothing seemed to make it better.
I was planning on tripping alone but at this point I needed to be in the bed as I was not functional. I woke up my girlfriend to tell her about the situation (just what you want to be woken up to I’m sure) ?and things started to get very intense. I laid there with my ego saying: what have you done to us? Now you will suffer for what will feel like an eternity like this. That is until the first wave fully engulfed me, and suddenly even though my heart rate was up among the other symptoms I felt myself beginning to cry. And laugh, all at the same time. Everything was so beautiful. I wasn’t afraid anymore because I wasn’t thinking, I was being. I was crying at the beauty of existence, how amazing it was, laughing at how stupid I’d been to be so afraid.
A lot of this is hazy details but a few key points:
The body high was extremely strong and for a good hour I suppose it was, I was definitely not capable of leaving the bed. There was a lot of energy flowing through me. I said this.
All of my words that I spoke did not get thought up and then churned out, but rather came as divine or universal thought and I was the mouthpiece of the universe.
I remember turning to my girlfriend and feeling her pain as my own. (Because ultimately I suppose it is my own) feeling her sadness with what she’s dealing with currently and from past trauma. I felt how selfish I had been lately. Always wanting things for me and not truly caring as I could have. I told her about this. I feel now in this state that I was truly conscious of the suffering in the world. I cried deeply feeling this pain.
It was stormy outside and said: The world is going through a rebirth today.
I remember at one point distinctly while laughing and crying simultaneously, I looked over to her and saw the look on her face, she was judging me. I told her this and she was apologizing but it hit me: You’re judging me, and that’s OK. I was feeling the true Love. I wasn’t moralizing right then, I was conscious that good and bad are just concepts and judgements we place on things. This was a big point. I kept saying like a mantra “it’s all okay, and even if it’s not, that’s okay too” while continuing to laugh and cry.
Some time later I remember looking at her body and asked if I could touch her, and I ran my hands all over her, but it wasn’t in a sexual way. It was an appreciation of the beauty that our bodies really are. It was amazing!
In between the waves was actually when thoughts came back to my mind and this actually made me long for the incredible state of consciousness I had just experienced. I noticed how different it was being and then having monkey mind return, thoughts racing constantly here and there.
These waves washed over a few times and slowly became less powerful. I remember making lots of strange animalistic sounds while writhing around in the blankets, at one point getting a bout of yawns that felt amazing. It was a very wild feeling, like I have heard about before.
So what I took away from the experience are these points: Love is all there is. Be compassionate, be patient, see things from other perspectives. I will post a note that I wrote towards the end of my trip that sums this up.
In the days after I remember looking at the trees and thinking of how beautiful they are, and listening to a jason Mraz song that I’ll link to that talks about how everything is one. I truly felt I understood this on a tangible level and the song was making me tear up.
A question I have is that I have access to real tested LSD, and I’m wondering if that has such an intense body high? The tabs are 150ug supposedly. The body sensation was very overwhelming for me and I can’t imagine i would be doing much walking around on a dose any higher on shrooms. Counter intuitively, maybe I need a higher dose really so that my ego can’t step in?
If you’re reading this Leo, thank you for the work that you do.
