Anton Rogachevski

Pay attention to all words that bother you, and are recurring in your thoughts, because very often they carry a feeling, and if dismissed as irrelevant or not correct it might turn into a suppressed issue. Any word that arouses an emotional reaction, or inner resistance in you, is a good sign to pay attention, and inquire into why a collection of letters is making such a mess in your brain. A good suggestion might be, to write a list of all the words you would be scared that people would associate with you. And read it from time to time, try to be with them silently until the resistance melts completly. Don't explain to yourself that they are "just words". Be patient and just sit with them for a while. These are your emotional buttons, and the sooner you will take care of them, the smoother your life will be. There will be no fear of being exposed or judged, because you came to peace with any emotional trigger you might have had, and now you are free to concentrate on things that really matter to you.

If we understand the different ways in which we created this identity, and how we keep building it, we might have a good chance to actually start changing deep rooted patterns of behaviour. Easy step by step process for molding an ego: 1. Have an opinion and protect it. Disagree with opinions diffrent than your own and Agree with similar. 2. Now hold on to it tight and call it "Truth" and never change it. 3. People with different opinions are stupid, possibly an enemy. They are completely wrong, and they should have an opinion just like yours. In fact ignore other people. 4. It's very useful to keep around you a like minded group that is always agreeing with you. 5. Tell yourself and others different reasons why your opinion is the best. Have positive opinions about your opinion to reinforce it. 6. Seperate yourself completely from others by judging them and feeling angry about them. 7. Compare yourself to others constantly to make sure you are in fact better. Be jealous and angry at those who are more fortunate. 8. In every conversation try to prove you are smarter and superior to others. Say annoying things to create an argument. 9. Have imaginary arguments in your head with those who disagree with you. And keep looking for reasons why they are wrong. 10. Be jealously possessive of your significant other. 11. Please others so they will pat you and give you approval. 12. Fight for power and fame. 13. Fulfill all you desires for pleasure and feed them constantly. Get comfort and escape any pain. Depend completely on outside circumstances to feel satisfied. 14. Feel pity for yourself and complain. Be the victim of circumstances and avoid any responsibility. 15. Withhold love to get what you want from other people. There must be conditions to receive love from you. 16. Go around and preach your opinion to others to "save" them, and if a holy war is needed, go to war to force your opinion on the infidels. 17. Care a lot about what others think about you and always behave in a way that pleases everyone. Forget about your authentic identity and desires. 18. To feel good about yourself you must be the most successful, and everything must be perfect in your life. You can't fail or do mistakes. 19. Reality should change to how you think it should be. 20. Withhold and ignore all your feelings. Bury them deep and don't let anyone see your weakness. 21. You can never have enough. Always want more and never be grateful for what you have. 22. Hold grudges and never forgive those who hurt you. Have enemies. Be vengeful. 23. Control everything and everyone according to your will. Don't trust anyone. Don't ask for help, or you will owe others. 24. Regret your past and worry about the future. 25. Think that you are special and your problems are worse that other's. Be stubborn and think that nothing can help you. 26. Have very high and unrealistic expectations. 27. Think you are doing something for the good of others.

An unhappy individual will associate his discomfort with irrelevant things, and with a genuine belief they are in fact the source of his pain, but the truth is that a deeper unresolved issue is the underlying cause of that behaviour. What people say when they are hurt or displeased is rarely about the actual object of the conversation, but rather a general expression of how they feel. Seek between the lines to see why a person says what he says. The reason for this is that we are rarely taugh to express ourselves genuinely by our parents. So we must learn to do so as we grow up, to have our emotions expressed in an assertive manner, conveying the message we truly intend to convey So if we try to go into What he says and try to seek a rational solution we will feel confused and even hurt sometimes, because a person in that situation may say things that offend us, and it's easy to get angry and start a fight. On the other hand if we stop ourselves from getting carried away by emotions, and try to understand his situation instead, we might not say things that will aggravate the pain further.

The ego is not some mysterious spiritual monster you fight. It's just the automatic pilot system that takes care of things while you are day dreaming. It's really doing the best it can to ensure basic survival. Even though it's means aren't as elegant and diplomatic, it gets the job done. If you really feel ready to be responsible, wake up and take matters back into your own hands. But get a strong desire to lead instead of being lead. Be the Shepard and not the sheep. Take 100% responsibility for your situation. Stop being the victim of circumstances. Blaming is the egoic way of avoiding responsibility. Be the leader of yourself. The captain of your own ship.

@PureExp The ego loves the simplicity and certainty of an absolute fact. It's so easy to just say "I know." Thank you for your insightful input, it really adds an edge.

It's quite dangerous when the rational mind gets hold of "spiritual facts" without actually experiencing them, and is trying to fit them onto a logical framework in order to have strategic action steps. The problem is that spiritual facts are beyond rationality and cannot be understood simply by grasping with the mind. And thus the rationality will twist them to fit into a little box and they will lose their true essence. They've now been turned into moral codes and 1,2,3 rules of action without an authentic inspiration. Actually an active ego will use them as an excuse for egoic actions. That's how religions were turned into fanaticism. An example of this phenomenon is trying to rationalise anger away by saying "You shouldn't be mad at illusion!" This is basically a failure to accept and love the angry side inside you, which is the only thing that will transmute it to love. Or saying that you shouldn't be jealous because of it's all illusion and you can't gain anything. It's okay to feel feelings. There are no wrong feelings. Allow yourself to feel, or you will suffer inner conflict and resistance. Thinking the world is illusion is delusion. Because there's no outside witness that is real. You are part of the same illusion until you've woken up from it.

@Leo Gura It's interesting that you say "Not to meditate" while doing it. I've had the most powerful inquiry in some very deep meditative states.

@Leo Gura How can I know I'm advancing?

@Leo Gura In what way is the "advanced student" had advanced? Or is there a progress to be "experienced" before breakthrough?

Awareness is the field of your perceptions. Sight, hearing, sensations, taste, smell, thought and emotions flowing simultaneously, thus forming consciousness. It all creates a sense of existing, being here present, perceiving reality. So perceptions are really all you got. They are in a sense reality, your personal reality. When you think about reality you just tend to ignore this simple fact. You look outwards and say "Here it's really there outside! I can see it!" But it's in fact a picture formed by electrochemichal activity in your brain. The idea above is what I would call an objective scientific look on what awareness is. But we all know these things, and they don't appear to give us any real experiential understanding. I want to take us deeper into the subjective experiential understanding that will help you better navigate your own self created reality. Everything you'd ever known or experienced was inside the field of awareness. And these so called things were manifestations of awareness, like waves in the ocean, except your mind looked at each one individually and gave it it's own name and description. So really awareness is everything you'd ever known. If Everything really is the whole field, then what is Nothing? Because anything that comes to mind will be a something and really a part of this weird "Everything". So the true Nothing I would like to show you, is not an idea of a boring empty "nothing" like a sort of gap between things, it is really an unknown thing that is outside imagination. But how could you call anything "awareness" if you can't really tell what it's not? Because you know what black is by knowing white. So when asked "What is black?" You could easily explain "That which isn't white". Except for some reason when I say this magical word: Awareness It looks like you really know what is meant by it. What is outside awareness? The real world? But again how could you know it for sure if you can't see past your awareness? So the so called "reality" is a story inside your awareness. Isn't the idea of an "outside" ever existing is simply yet another tale? So what's the point of talking about it? To truly know it, you must first know what it's not. It's nothing you had ever thought about because it's unthinkable. Also thought is inside it and can't really see it from the outside. What is a Thought, but a play of words. To say that you know something, a truth about this reality, really is another story about it that you truly believe in. So much so that you call it "true" or "fact". Awareness is not an experience, not an object and not a thing at all, that is separete from another. All these are the illusory seperations. It's simply nothing you could ever imagine it to be. Except it's truly a fantastic nothing. This emptiness is really the space that allows for everything to appear inside it. It's the non-color of a mirror that reflects all colors. The window through's which empty hole we experience reality. You are really comprised of awareness, you are inseparable from it! In your own subjective reality as seen from your point of view reality is you! Don't forget we are not talking objectively, we are looking from the inside out. But isn't this written article really another story inside your awareness? Maybe so, but it tries to point somewhere ungraspable, to the mystery of the unknown Awareness.

The new updated edition! 0.4a The mysterious nature of Awareness In order to understand the nature of Awareness we will examine it from two points of view, they are both legitimate in their own way. Each has a function, but each can also be misunderstood and confused for the other. So from this point on we will try to separate them and make a very clear distinction between the two. One purely subjective, and the other objective. 1. Abstracted Objective - actual factual material reality. The way science sees it while examining existence. Here logic, language and rationality function properly and describing nature using linear thought, which means lines of text or equations. A mostly conceptual construct that uses empirical and other methods of deduction to give the best possible explanation of what reality is actually, or rather the best guess. Information is found in exoteric form which is understood and clear to any reader that knows the use of language. An encyclopedia for example. --Example from this point of view: Now you are seeing a screen which is an object it has many words that have meaning. Combined they tell a whole story. A living human made of cells and minerals is sitting there holding a phone. There is an environment, a city, a country, an earth, a universe. There are Time and Space as we are able to understand them. So really we have a physical material, combined with abstract terms to signify aspects of it. We see a clear separation between ourselves and others. We think we start at birth and end at death. --It's function: It is a very useful dimension that allows navigation and setting schedule together. To measure and to build complex systems. --It's danger: It's really dictated upon circumstances in which place, culture, time we are born in, what our parents and other role models indoctrinated us with. The language, the way of thinking of the social circle we are in. So we might end up in the wrong place at the wrong time, and have our innocent mind filled with garbage and delusion. 2. Sensual Subjective - personal mind-generated look from the inside. Personal individual experience. Pure sensual data before rational or logical interpretation. --Example of this point of view: Appears a picture comprised of some sort of data that's witnessed before thinking about it. It is a smear of lights and colors and it's undivided into objects, and this because we are looking through a prior lens, before knowledge allowed us to glue names and meanings onto it. The screen appears like this bright thing with black dots in rows. Even colors, light, and dark these are all words that are used to describe this phenomenal extraordinary experience. So really there are no words to describe what we see. It's reality experienced without knowing words, or meaning or any way to understand it intellectually. “Reality” by the way is also a word, which to many ancient and modern philosophers is still a mystery. So things aren’t as obvious as you might think in this subjective reality. Like a newborn sees it before it gets bamboozled by knowledge. A miraculous show appears before us. There are no such understandings as I or You or It. It's all combined into one wonderful blur. Time and space only exist as concepts here. So there is an eternal infinity and we are inseparable from it all. We have no beginnings or endings. Information on this prism of experience is found in esoteric form. (understood only through personal inward investigation and continuous questioning and skeptical observation) --It's function: It helps in uniting us, because we see no boundaries between ourselves and others, we seek to be together united as our primordial mind sees us, as part of the whole. We are all the universe and the universe is us, for all we know. We experience emotions and get a very clear intuition on what we ought to do, without hesitation. This mind is spontaneous, emotional and free of concepts. 3. The dynamics of living with both perspectives: It's important to make a very clear distinction between the two. Because if we confuse them, things may appear to contradict each other. Both are fundamental and important for our existence. And we can use both at the same time safely, only after we've understood that they are different. What if for example, I took the first objective as the only reality? It would lack the primordial intelligence and fun of the second natural and spontaneous side. On the other hand, if I mistakenly took the reality of the subjective mind and had thought I am reality and everyone, I might assume I am the son of god, or god almighty himself. I really live inside my reality and not some objective one, and the level of correct perspective on both really allows them to sync properly and function smoothly. So if I realize that the objective mind is just a useful tool and not my subjective reality I will be able to detach from it emotionally, and this in turn will allow the proper use of the gift of knowledge. Conventional understanding states that the objective, cancels out the illogical irrational subjective, and is superior to it. So it unfortunately denies it's primordial reality, which is really best integrated when accepted and realized by the self. It takes a good look to distinguish the two. And it is done by questioning the rational mind constantly, never believing that we’ve reached a “fact” about reality. Or that our beliefs are absolutely true. Knowledge is in fact comprised of many beliefs which are taken as basic assumption, which are, unfortunately, very rarely questioned. Knowledge is a useful tool, and not in any way “true” or absolutely real. 4. The best course of action: It's about integration of the basic ground, with the layer of knowledge upon it, in a gentle and correct way that holds them both significant. This new knowledge includes the original view, and it humbly directs us in a way that is allowing for us to see it's own abstract nature. Humble knowledge - Never stating that it's the only real thing, but simply a humble servant and a set of tools for humanity. 5. An Objective look upon Awareness Awareness is the field of your perceptions. Sight, hearing, sensations, taste, smell, thoughts and emotions flowing simultaneously, thus forming consciousness. It all creates a sense of existing, being here present, perceiving reality, and being this miraculous conscious creature. So perceptions are really all you got. They are in a sense, reality as you perceive it, your personal mind generated sense of existence. When you think about what's real you just tend to ignore this simple fact. You look outwards and say "Here it's really there outside! I can see it!" But it is in fact a picture formed by electrophysiological activity in your brain. So it's reality as interpreted by you, and not as it really is! Not to say that there isn't actually something outside your personal field of awareness, but simply, that what you perceive is an interpretation, and not at all the real material thing. Any technical information only helps the scientist to understand how your brain works, looking at it objectively. But it won't help your process of realization! We must look within and realize the abstract ethereal nature of knowledge. By looking at it closely and for very long we see it's true nature: A grand story. A miraculous illusion. 6. What can we do? To really complete this picture, we must find another layer beneath our grand knowledge of the physiological nature of the body. A layer we have long forgotten we had. A wisdom that requires no studying, but only a simple quiet observation, underneath labels, ideas and things. I want to take you deeper into the subjective experiential understanding. This will help you better navigate your own self created reality. Because only you can look for the answers there, in your own micro-universe of nerves. I invite you to explore your pure sensual experience without trying to explain anything. 7. Awareness Subjectively Everything you'd ever known or experienced was inside this field of awareness. And all the "things" you thought about and noticed “outside” were manifestations of your own internal awareness, like waves in the ocean of brain activity. Except your mind looked at each one individually and gave it its own name and description. So really awareness is everything you'd ever known, and it's true nature is undivided and consecutive. It's the whole field of “reality” as you experience it personally. Your own private cosmos of mind computed pure sensual data. 8. The nature of nothingness So can we find Awareness? I want to introduce you to a new way of exploring the nature of awareness. I will use a tool that will shed all the stories from the concept of “Individual experiencer” You or I that are separate from everything. We will try to find the experiencer of the experience by looking for the experiencer (You) inside your experience. Can we experience the experiencer? I guess not. Because anything experienced, will be an experience and not the experiencer by definition. So is the experiencer “Nothing”? If Everything really is the whole field known to us, then what is “Nothing”? Because anything that comes to mind will be “something” and therefore a part of the all encompassing Everything. So why are we talking about something we can't really grasp with our mind? The true Nothing I would like to show you, is not an idea of a boring empty "nothing," like a sort of gap between things, because you are aware of it, and once you are aware of anything it becomes an object of knowledge. By definition anything you know, can’t be nothing, because if it really was "nothing" you wouldn't had been able to put your finger on it. The real Nothing is really an unknown thing that is outside of imagination. Nonetheless it's truly a fantastic nothing. This emptiness is really the space that allows for everything to appear inside it. It's the non-color of a mirror that reflects all colors. The window through which we experience reality, thanks to its empty nature. ----------------------------------------------------- A little experiment: Try an experiment with me, Try to think of anything that isn't part of Everything. You couldn't, right? Because the moment you think about it becomes something. And another: Ok now look closely at you field of vision. Try to see past the outer boundaries of vision. What is there? if you don't think about it, but only try to look for it. You can't really see it, right? So that's the kind of nothing we are talking about. It isn't black and it feels even darker like a vacuum of sort. Imagine a dark room and a flashlight. The flashlight only shines outwards and can't shine on itself. That's like your conscious attention trying to find itself. 9. Knowing awareness In subjective reality there are no facts! Just pure experience. Awareness is not an object and not a thing at all, that is separate from another. “Objects” are the illusory separations made surgically by the operation of the focused attention, that can only notice one “object” at a time. The mind is helping us to navigate reality with these symbols, or rather ideas of things, places, people and ideologies. From a subjective personal perspective there is just an unspeakable experience and there are no “objects” in it whatsoever. In here even the word “Awareness” itself, means nothing. “Awareness” can’t possibly be an object of knowledge. In fact it’s the complete other way around: Knowledge is a manifestation inside of awareness. 10. What's my part in all this wiggly experience? You are really comprised of awareness, you are inseparable from it! In your own subjective reality as seen from your point of view, reality is you! Don't forget we are not talking objectively, we are looking from the inside out. Awareness is my reality, My experience is my only reality, Experience is a manifestation of awareness. I am experience! I am Awareness! I am subjective reality! 11. But isn't this written article really another story inside my awareness? Maybe so, but it tries to point to somewhere ungraspable, to the mystery of the unspeakable Awareness. The mystery of I.

@30secs While it is true. To have a proper framework unto which your mystical experience will land when you actually see it, is as important. Because what's the use of going to the well of wisdom without buckets to try and bring the ever elusive water like wisdom?

Hey I can't seem to edit the post. So I will simply post here the new edition: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1UzAxT1osSNyfbN7yu-b7b_0BCTE85tz_VksNHkSny3U/edit?usp=drive_web

@Bizarre Don't you like it? Hahahaha

@Bizarre I would like to add to your already wonderful reply that knowledge serves as the framework onto which the enlightened experience lands. So if without knowledge i get it i might think i'm god almighty or something.

@Bizarre I will surely check it out. Thank you! I think I might have a ground breaking perspective on these very dynamics of subjective vs objective in my new post here about the mystery of awareness i would love for you to comment and share your truly insightful view.

@Svartsaft 's direct school I love it!

@Bizarre If you would allow me to be frank, I see your point of view and in a sense it's right, except the fact that you are looking at it from one perspective. The enlightened subjective one. Also don't generalize the world by saying an enlightened is this and this only. We are all with diffrent dreams and purposes.

@Reality It really looks like your answer is that there is no answer. There is also that trap.

Hi all, long time no see I wanted to ask you if you counted your breaths during meditation or had ever tried to. I've heard once that zen monks count at first when starting. And also there are these rosaries that budists have that help you count without numbers by going through beads with your finger for each inhale-exhale. Ive noticed an increased periods of "no-thought" and very powerful results myself in the last couple of months. But still had some doubt whether I'm creating a crutch or not. Also in walking meditation the counting makes it extremely powerful. So tell me what you've heard about it from teachers and more interestingly from your own experience. Thank you for reading ; )

@Alex4 I'm combining them by doing focus work for a couple of minutes to really get nice solid ground and then just sit and enjoy the show.

Hey all, long time no see, I've missed you all a lot Let me tell you about a technique I've recently developed, I want to give credit to Leo and and Alan Watts that inspired me a lot over the years. So I call it the Buddha meditation and I practice it like that: First realize that meditation is not something you DO, it's a state of simple being as described in many techniques. My method isn't any different, I would say it's more of a pre-contemplation that reminds you to be open and relieves the expectations. The second step is a little contemplation that goes like that: "Could it possibly be that I'm already a buddha?" "If I were a buddha would I try to get any where? Would I try to realize something or to gain more knowledge? I guess not. I would simply sit here because that's simply how a buddha sits and enjoy observing all that is in my awareness. Enjoying my bliss" Now try to connect with your experience and from time to time you may guide yourself back to this image of simply being a sitting buddha and just be. So basically once grounded you just sit. I hope you will enjoy it like I did and stay on your path. Good luck

@Arik @cetus56 Hey guys help me with this additional list: What a buddha wouldn't try to do: 1. Achieve any kind of alternative state of consciousness. 2. Get any more answers to questions 3.Try not to manipulate or calm himself 3. Seek the truth 4. Try to become enlightened 5. Try to stop thinking 6. Getting rid of self 7. Try to become one with everything 8. Try to blissful 9. Try to stop suffering 10. Try to find new goals to pursue 11. Try to throw concepts 12. Realize some hidden facts

Be extra aware when you have this very thought. And feel the emotions with it. Being aware the feeling will dissolve and the compulsive thoughts will disappear eventually. Patient Awareness I call it. Watch Leo's video on patience and ask youself if you honor this value. Practice accepting the one sitting there frustrated of waiting and expecting. Ask yourself if you are grateful enough right now in this very moment. And why is that you are waiting for a goody and fail to live now.