uwotm8

@FindingPeace I wanted to engage with people because I thought I should, I would feel weird and would make the entire room feel awkward, i had thought that its because I kept quiet and that made the situation awkward, but now i believe it could be because I had a lot of negative thoughts and that proved to be a downer to everybody. i should probably take a chill pill and calm the fuck down brah!

@vizual hey thanks! I think your reply was very spot on, it gives a lighter perspective than mine, I should just stop being so self concious about every single conversation that I have, I should start being more expressive about things that mean something to me, I will straight away stop trying too hard to strike a conversation with people. when ever I feel like I want to express something I will do it, this will do the job, I'm sure. and the other part you mentioned, meditation, as in calming the mind down and not getting worked up in the head is very important and needed. if i achieve these two points my quality of life should get a lot better, I will make arrangement in my daily agenda to be genuine and at peace, to have a new perspective about my lifestyle. I was contemplating on the drive back home after work, and I noticed that I don't express my feelings correctly, either I get mixed feeling or I don't communicate them properly to other people I don't know which one. this whole theatrics about small talks and what not could be a symptom of something else, and by sorting out this casual talking problem I would be addressing the 'effect' and not the 'cause' well, need more looking inward, as I discover life each day ✌

@Locooig could you point me to any resource that could help me to learn about eliminating neediness, maybe one of leo's videos or other self-help stuff

@Toby That does't really explain why I'm OK while having a professional conversation and conversations related to important things but not with casual conversations, i checked the symptoms for those and I don't fall under those categories, its not actually the speech part its actually knowing what to say to other people

@The Alchemist haha yea auto correct told me the same thing a lot of squiggly lines under "im" anyhue, if this was a 'story' as you call it, an imagined self image or preconception, its not. the way I experience it, small talk is a 'skill' that i don't have, I don't 'think' I lack it, I actually don't have that ability its like saying a person is not as good as Michael Jordan because psychologically he's made up a story to be not tall enough

Not really able to strike a casual conversation with anyone, not with friends, not with close family, the thing is its not at all a problem at interviews, or official talks or meetings, or on on-line forums, it only informal casual talks that I cant do, its not badly affecting me professionally, or in personal life, but every time I'm with a person or in a small group i cant make small talk, its almost like I'm trying to speak Chinese to them, and cant keep up a good conversation, I'll be like a dumb ass with a blank expression on my face with an empty head and nothing to talk about, i have noticed i do sometimes ask stupid questions and bring up really stupid topics and respond with stupid answers, but I'm not really stupid, infact people actually say i have a good professional ability and know a lot of random interesting facts, it actually surprises people that a person of my profile is so incapable of having a normal conversation. this has been the single most crippling behaviour that has deprived me of having fun with friends, having good life experiences, good relationships with women, a sex life, peace of mind I'm not even present in life, I'm so caught up in trying to interact with people that its very stressful. its almost like I'm mute and get by each day with very little talking (but all relationships are intact and healthy) no idea what to do, what or how its happening and where to go next, help is badly needed i'm in an awkward and stressful situation right now by the way i'm 26 and this has been happening ever since i was a child, been trying ever since