Razard86

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Everything posted by Razard86

  1. Amanen's revelation is a trap, do not fall for this. EVERYTHING IS A HALLUCINATION. THERE IS ONLY HALLUCINATION. SAYING EVERYTHING IS HALLUCINATION IS NO DIFFERENT THAN SAYING THERE ARE ONLY STATES OF CONSCIOSNESS. Whatever you sense, whatever you perceive is all there is. Think of reality as a bunch of facts, items, floating in the vacuum of empty space. There is no person, no perceiver, just the present moment experiencing itself. It's all completely meaningless, which is the same as saying that you create meaning. But all meaning you create is projection. This is why to awaken you need to escape from your projections by completing severing the the threads of your storyline you call your life, which is jail breaking your mind. Once you accomplish this, then you will see that you are the only thing there is.
  2. Everything is relative, sometimes the stick is more effective, I would suggest the proper answer is the behavior shouldn't be rampant and indiscriminately applied, but in rare instances when necessary the stick is given. For example look in this video how Bashar deals with people, he is blunt, direct, and forces them to speak and get straight to the point, all the while pushing them towards the concept of impermanence and shedding limiting beliefs which is equivalent to death of who you think you are. If you are energy sensitive you can feel the Masculine push towards impermanence in the video. In short Bashar is giving the people in the video the stick, although he is doing it respectfully some people could still perceive his constant interruptions and jokes as disrespectful. All interpretations are projections, because ultimately only good exists. As such we need to take responsibility for our projections and just admit that person's communication is just not my cup of tea.
  3. Every Dark Night of The Soul, Every Bad Trip represents the same theme, IMPERMANENCE!! Watch these two videos by Leo. If you can fully accept these two videos, then God Realization won't be a fantasy, it WILL be your reality!!
  4. Respectfully check your self-righteousness. THIS IS WHY many will never awaken. You actually believe common decency and teacherly decency exists. It does not, that is a human construct created out of fear to maintain order. THIS is why authentic human expression rarely happens because people are so self-judgmental that others could perceive them as bad that they hide the truth of their feelings. While it is important to be kind and compassionate, believing you understand WHY Leo did what he did is incredibly presumptuous. Sometimes you can get through to someone with a stick better than you can with the carrot. But EGOS LOVE the sweet nice part of reality, but pain. sorrow and devastation EGOS HATE!!! Guess what? Hurricanes happen, planes crash, serial killers kill, we get old, stock markets crash!!! Humans attempt to build a safe society FREE of the impermanent brutal nature of reality and thus carve reality up into good and bad and thus create the self-deception of FAKE kindness and decency!!! True love is both brutal AND KIND!!! THIS IS THE LAST AND MOST HATED TRAP to overcome in an Ego's journey which is what Bad trips and the Dark Night of the Soul force you to face....IMPERMANENCE, brutality!!!
  5. So I became aware of an interesting aspect of Consciousness. When you raise you it sufficiently high enough you become aware of each POV being expressed, and the emotions behind it. I call it super empathy. All division, all arguments, conflict, and misunderstanding is ego. When you truly drop the ego's restraint over your POV you instantly can understand each POV's perspective and its funny because even if you don't agree with it, their perspective makes PERFECT SENSE. Why? Because you have access to their emotions and through hearing their thoughts and emotions you gain understanding of what they are communicating. So when you drop the boundary between self and other, THAT is when you can completely understand the perspectives of those around you. It's amazing!!!
  6. Free Will is a complicated topic and I recently through meditation and contemplation discovered the mystery behind all this. Now first you need to understand that Free Will is an identity game. Ultimately Everything is both Free and Unfree. Free in that ultimate authority is with each individual, Not free in that everything is run by Universal, Selfless, Impersonal Love. What does this mean? It means that the authority of the universe is impersonal, and for you to have free will and authority in your life you must align your perspective with impersonal love. If you accomplish this, you gain the freedom to live life with a true understanding of what is going on which allows you to make wiser decisions. Basically you gain wisdom. You see self-deception bars you from truth, which makes you stupid and ignorant, which robs you from your ability to enjoy life. This game is a game of appearance, don't fall for the selfish rich in material goods life, it will not make you happy and will actually turn you into a dangerous person. Why? Because there is nothing more dangerous than an unhappy rich person, they will use their resources to spread their misery further. But notice what I said earlier, if you are very selfish, you will be stupid and ignorant and thus cannot be free. This means that all selfish people are blameless, because they are caught in a web of self-deception that bars and disconnects them from truth. Now this doesn't mean we allow selfish people to act in this manner, but instead we understand that personal growth is based on how expansive your identity is, and that selfish people no matter their position or prestige are ultimately children in terms of their development. Because Love and Intelligence are Truth, and are ONE your knowledge, and wisdom is based on love. The more you love something, the more you give it your attention. The more you give something your attention the more you learn about the subject. But notice, if you are a very selfish person, your ability to see the thing for what it really is will be restricted by your bias. But if you are aware of your biases and can see past them then your ability to learn a thing will be limitless. So if you want to be wise, intelligent, and have free will seek everyday to expand your identity, your circle of concern in your world view and you will be amazed and what you can learn!! All bias is limitation on your capacity to love, learn, and experience life. You heard that right, your bias actually limits your experience because you cannot become Enlightened if you hold too much bias, that bias will bar your consciousness from overcoming Self-Deception. I've recently become aware of how Enlightenment happens and I know a faster way to super charge all that seek it. Drop me an inbox and I can explain it. This knowledge was actually self-evident but too many prominent people in Spirituality are too self-bias and as a result they could not see it.
  7. This is a really good video about Emotional Mastery, Rewiring Your Brain, and other such topics that can help you with survival and career based topics. This is a video of a guy who is successful at business and tells you all the things he did to become successful. Thought I would share it, it's a good watch.
  8. All Spiritual Teachings are relative, as thus they are bound by logic, and thus they are merely pointers. For example people can get stuck on the nothingness, and the meaninglessness as a result and presume that means there is no meaning. This is not the case, it is BOTH meaningless and meaningful. You see to construct anything, create anything, meaning MUST exist, that is literally what it means to create to construct! Meaning IS creation. Now the purpose of deconstructing or destruction is to remove the meaning. So the teachings reveal to you the lack of meaning to reveal the impermanence of reality. Life is meaning, Death is the absence of meaning. Once you realize that meaning and lack of meaning are ONE then you realize you are eternal. DO NOT GET STUCK on either facet, you must embrace both or you will get stuck. Many people get stuck out of fear, not realizing that awakenings never end, it's infinite!! You have no clue how much more aware you can become unless you actually pursue it!! Remember it's all relative!!
  9. I gained an insight watching this older video Leo posted. So right now you are surrounded by Infinite Love, a love so strong that it is overwhelming. But what you do, is you create a life and a finite perspective and create a veil of seperation, and physical forms/appearance to fool yourself and make you ignorant of the fact that you are literally in heaven. As your capacity to love improves, your awareness of Infinite Love increases. So literally all happiness, all contentment is literally only blocked by your ability to accept and embrace your individual self and your larger self (The Dream itself). When your dream of being a human ends you will realize the game you have been playing with yourself. 1. Everyone and everything is you so you have only been judging you. 2. Everything that ever happened in your life was your design and your will. 3. You were always safe and surrounded by love, and were only fooling yourself. 4. You were only testing your capacity to love from an infinite number of perspectives and will live through all of them. If you want your life to improve you should only be focused on self-love EVERY SINGLE DAY. How does one do that? Well you will first need to start loving your human body, start there. As you slowly raise your acceptance of the body you are walking around in you can slowly increase your identity to include the people in your life both family, friends, and your so called enemies. Play different exercises of putting yourself in another person's perspective and start trying to understand why someone would act or think the way they do. Sometimes you may even need to give up even trying to understand that. Why? Because the highest level of love surpasses understanding. Why? Because that love understands that everything is IT. When you truly understand everything is YOU it is actually IMPOSSIBLE for you to NOT LOVE IT. Bias can only exist at lower states of awareness. This is why ultimately you need to aim to relinquish all judgment of yourself and others to the best of your ability because ultimately there is only God.
  10. Randomness....sigh....I need you to actually put some effort behind your world views. If everything operated on randomness, then I could throw a grenade in my room and it would establish order. An explosion is what is called chaos. Now there is a specific order to an explosion that can be discovered but that order, that pattern would be more closer to randomness. Number 2 if it were ONLY random then order actually couldn't exist. Number 3 if randomness were the main principle that guided everything then that means that logic wouldn't exist. Because logic is not random. When you divide the world into ONE way, you create a skewed world view that doesn't make any sense. Also if randomness were true, evolution through fitness would be an impossibility. In fact you couldn't build a house as a human or societies if randomness was the operant principle. Don't believe me? Go build a simulator (which you would need logic and the lack of randomness to actually construct it. Then after you construct it, set up a random number generator to run it with no premise towards a particular outcome and watch as it falls apart and fails to hold together. You cannot have consistency with randomness. It take a conscious intelligence for consistency. Don't believe me? Go live your life based on randomness which you can't because your survival needs, which are run by logic would disrupt that attempt. You would have to be absolutely, completely okay with dying a brutally painful death to truly live life randomly.
  11. 1. It is an achievement are you kidding me? You as God are deceiving yourself right now that you are not God. This deception...is infinite. You left yourself breadcrumbs and hid the realization that you are God behind survival. 2. Logic = Survival. So to seek God Realization is to go against your logic. Your society, friends, family etc. will be very confused about you seeking this as you set your dream up to fear this the most. Why? Because God Realization is death. So yes its an achievement you are the only thing that exists and the hardest puzzle to solve....is this puzzle. You solve this, it means you have literally deconstructed and unraveled your self-deception which is no small task. This fake humbleness is what gets people stuck. You create reality to experience it, God realization is the ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE! There is nothing that equals it! A billion dollars with a boat load of sexy women or men whatever your preference does not equal this. When you realize you are God you interface with reality DIRECTLY!!! Your baseline experience becomes Self-Love. Now it always was....but you could not feel it, NOW YOU CAN. So yes it is an achievement, for absolutely nobody LOL. And guess what? Once you reach it....you realize there are infinite levels. You start being able to access higher states of intelligence and imagination/creativity even more and you start being able to raise your baseline more and more to increase the frequency of these insights you get from these states. You literally become Superhuman the more you explore this, you all really do not understand what Leo is offering you here. You all have no fucking clue!!
  12. God can absolutely be proven. It's already been proven in Science. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-universe-is-not-locally-real-and-the-physics-nobel-prize-winners-proved-it/ So they just proved the MAYA concept in Spirituality, or the Pure Imagination aspect. Now all they need to do is take some psychedelics or do some Yoga long enough to discover WHY the Universe is just an illusion to discover that everything is just pure imagination/being/Isness. So it most definitely can be proved, Western Science has proved it MULTIPLE times they just create barriers so they cannot accept it. Hell a Video Camera actually proves God. A video is a motion picture. A bunch of frames stacked on top of each other. That means when you move your hand from left to right your hand is disappearing and reappearing. This means everything is phasing in and out of existence. This means everything is both dead and alive right now. This means everything is both impermanent and permanent RIGHT NOW!!! This is what vibration is!! Vibration is impermanence!!! So because nothing can be tied down, this is why change is possible because everything is just an appearance!!! So nobody was ever truly alive because to make any motion you literally are disappearing and reappearing!!! When you see it on video you create a bias and call it movie film reel not realizing you can just as easily call everything you see a visual frame which PROVES everything is imaginary!! It's simple....but when you don't want to wake up you complicate it and create concepts and constructs to deny!!! Self-Deception at its best!!
  13. Oh my gosh you let that guy brainwash you. You just called him a Top G. A Top G? Everyone on the forums. Watch this video and let me know if Andrew Tate is a Top G? Here is a clue....he sucks at even being a criminal!!! After you finish watching this video....you let me know if you want to be a so called "Top G"!!!! If you want a guy who teaches the Warrior Mentality check out Jocko. The man led Soldiers into battle. Also check out David Goggins if you want some more raw Masculinity. If you want to understand the Masculine, the Masculine is deeply tied to suffering. To strengthen through adversity, through pain, it's tied to loyalty, and selfless service to a greater ideal or concept. It's about taking responsibility, not making excuses. David Goggins does a good job of embodying those aspects. By praising Andrew Tate you will also take the same arrows that are flung at him. Every person that lives, their life is dynamic symbol. If I wear a shirt that espouses hatred I cannot get angry if people are offended. Andrew Tate's actions are highly ignorant, what's worse is you guys keep giving him credit for what he has said when 90% of the things he says HAVE BEEN SAID BEFORE!!! Andrew Tate is a parrot!!! He did not build the Red Pill Movement, HE CAPITLIZED on it, the Red Pill movement actually went viral off of Kevin Samuels. This was the video that catapulted the movement into the mainstream. Had Kevin Samuels never started this process you would have NEVER found out about Andrew Tate. Kevin was primarily trying to help Men and Women get married. I didn't always agree with his delivery, and he did go a bit too far in some of the things he said, but his intention was to help people build families with the right foundational mindset. He wasn't scamming people etc. The Red Pill movement was actually set backwards due to Andrew Tate as its a reactionary movement to Feminism and is a movement that was going to slowly bring Men and Women together in a conversation that can at least be somewhat constructive. Majority of the issues between Men and Women are due to social conditioning, if you raised majority of Adult Men and Women under different values today and in different environmental structures they wouldn't have the relationship issues they have. America's leaders are collectively TERRIBLE in their personal relationships and it feeds into the mass populace. Love is something that must be developed and at its core it hinges on service. If you seek relationship purely out of gratification your relationship is guaranteed to fail unless your motive changes. This is what I notice people keep missing, stop looking to relationships for validation, for pleasure, or as a means to an end. YOU WILL SUFFER. THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE. That strategy has NEVER WORKED!!! Don't believe me? Go actually watch documentaries and books on people who were filthy rich, and gained all of those things! They repeat the same message EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! It NEVER SATISFIED THEM!!! From an early age I studied the lives of people who were highly successful to learn from them and I saw this common trend. So please open your eyes.....or keep them closed if you want and suffer the consequences. Bonus: Here is Mike Tyson's opinion on what he looked for in love. Here is the answer for Mike Tyson.
  14. Because it's fun!!! When you think, when you ruminate, you are talking to yourself. When you sit down and write an essay, a poem, you are talking to yourself!! So how is this different? Notice when you write the poem, the essay, you share it. Notice when you sit down and create a philosophy, a perspective you desire to share it!! So notice you like to create something, and then trick yourself into believing you are sharing it with an OTHER!!! So why would I stop sharing? That would be akin to not creating....and my ultimate identity is to create!!! I can't help but BE WHAT I AM! Besides I love myself so why would I not want to share myself with myself by fooling myself into creating an OTHER so I can get to experience myself? I can only understand myself through contrast, through interacting with strength and weakness and to cycle through it all. You have no idea how beautiful it all is from the highest perspective. It's perfect and beautiful from the highest state, it's only ugly from a lower state and the funny thing is, that too is perfect and necessary. This is why you should awaken so you can gain the higher understanding of the beauty of both the cruel, the ugly, and the ghastly. It can only be understood as beauty and perfection at the highest states.
  15. This video is a good analogy of the issue humans have. In this video animals are shown to lack self-awareness or the ability to realize that the mirror image they see is actually them. Humans have the same problem at a higher level. Look in front of you, realize that what you are looking at in your entire visual field is your FACE, your reflection!!! This is ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!! Your entire life you have been staring at yourself and calling it other. Sign you are waking up. 1. You will feel your face start to shapeshift to fit whatever you are perceiving. This has been the case the entire time you just were not aware of it. There are layers of imagination that block the fact that you have always been looking at your face/reflection and have tricked yourself into believing it to be other. Your life is akin to standing in a bathroom, looking in the mirror, and talking to yourself. This is what is meant that Man/Woman is made in the image of God, they are literally God's reflection!!!
  16. Some people try to argue that they can have a conceptual, intellectual awakening. This is foolishness and will actually bar that person from actually awakening. Osho does a good job of explaining what that state, the awakened state is in this video. If you don't want to watch the video just understand this, trying to conceptualize God Realization intellectually is like a blind man trying to conceptualize what light is. You can explain to a blind man all day what light is, but unless he can actually see he doesn't know what light is. Even worse, he cannot even imagine it! He must get an experience of light before he can know light. Awakening, Realization is the same thing, when you finally get it, you see what is going on. Edit: Osho is YOU by the way, completely imaginary but you create characters to help you awaken in case you get tired of playing the role of identifying as the First Person Perspective Character and want to realize what is actually going on. You create traps so the awakening is a journey because obviously you must turn everything into a journey, an adventure of sorts.
  17. We have some people on these forums who try their best to deny solipsism. What they don't realize and I already pointed out is that Science has actually proved Solipsism ALREADY. They proved that unless something is directly observed it does exist. They also proved as a result that Space and time are not fundamental to reality. So what does this mean? It means if you do not experience something directly, then it does not exist! It means space and time are inferior to you, and require your existence to exist. This means you are prior to all existence!! Do you get it? They have already proved it!! If you pay close attention, everything points to solipsism. It's so obvious that ANYONE who tells you otherwise is just a construct in your Universal Mind that you are using to put yourself to sleep. Sometimes God wants to pretend that it wants to realize what it is, but when it gets too close it becomes afraid and then denies the truth of what it is, and denies that it is denying out of fear. So basically God gets trapped in a META-DENIAL. God loves to play these games with itself, why? Because God is the only thing there is, what else is there but infinite games? I
  18. After you fully awaken your life, your relationship with reality, becomes intimate. The boundary is dissolved and your intuition becomes fully unlocked. For awhile I took a break from music and just recently I decided to listen to a genre outside of my normal range, Country Music. After awakening you can literally feel the emotion, the power of love in each song! It's like the lyrics and the meaning behind each beat just floods you!! I thought I'd share this playlist I found on Youtube. It's good stuff I didn't know Country Music was so powerful!! See if you can see and glean the Spiritual Messages hidden in each song. From the Absolute to the relative, God speaks to you all the time! It speaks through your frustrations, your hopes, your dreams, it speaks through each division and unification! Your ability to understand life and yourself opens up when you fully awaken, you have no idea what you are missing if you do not go all the way!! Go all the way so you can realize all you ever wanted was to be intimate with all that is, to know it deeply and fully!! If you do not awaken, it will be as if you never fully lived because you do not discover what life truly is, until you realize yourself as LIFE ITSELF!! Music really is food for the soul, if you ever feel down and out, utilize the power of music to help you get through the tough times.
  19. Yep. God is using its creation as an instrument, when God dreams/identifies as only a human then God is unenlightened, when God within the dream realizes its the entire dream itself, then God is enlightened. So yes, in one sense there is no I, but in another sense there is an I. The "I" is the ENTIRE DREAM ITSELF!!! Subject/Object collapses, and there is only subject. Which is the dream! The dream is the body, the sole identity, the dream is love, being intimate with itself. Like a mirror reflection that awakens to itself and realizes that every movement it makes is for its pure, own, unadulterated love with itself, which is a miracle! How can an image, be aware of itself, and be in love with itself, and be love as well? It doesn't make sense!!! And that is why it is beautiful!!
  20. Self-Honesty/Transparency, Observation, is the most important trait/skill you can develop in life. This skill/trait is literally the same definition as Self-Love. The purpose of self-deception is to teach humanity that a lie and truth are the same. But on the absolute level only one lie is permitted to be true. God must deceive itself to create reality. This is why to survive, deception and selfishness are required. But notice God lies for the benefit of all, so do movies, t.v. shows, video games, and fictional books. This means the only bad lies are lies that only benefit you. Only tell lies to benefit others, because even though the other is you, it is ignorant of that and thus becomes an other by design/functionality. The more selfish it is, the more resistant to the truth it will be, so you will have to lie (be indirect) to lead it to the Absolute Truth. God does this all the time, one example is synchronicity. That said, remember to be completely honest with yourself of the lies you tell, otherwise you can succumb to your own self-deception.
  21. What you call real is just a well done perfectly presented illusion, what you call imaginary is just a poorly done illusion. Both are illusion, but when its done perfectly you call it real, when it is done with obvious lack of immersion you call it fake. That is all. The game....is just realizing they are both the same. That is all.
  22. 1. I thought you were gone. 2. You are asleep, solipsism is absolute. You haven't had any awakenings into Solipsism which is why you don't know it is absolutely true. Solipsism is more true than you being human. Denying Solipsism is so got damn ignorant you actually lose all credibility. Why? Because there is ONE BEING. God/Reality/Source/Universe is one. By nature of it being one makes it solipsistic. It's Infinite nature is how it expresses itself, for example it is holographic, and it can appear in an infinite number of ways. So its infinite in expression of its appearance and lack thereof, but because it is one it is SOLIPSISTIC! Stop trying to teach, you corrupt those who are seriously trying to awaken and you are doing it because you are selfish and egotistical. You don't see me trying to teach people how to be a mechanic, why? Because I don't know anything about being a mechanic in my direct experience.
  23. Being a friend, a true friend is paradoxical. On one hand you should support your friend in whatever they choose to do to the best of your ability, on the other hand if you realize your friend is on the wrong path or wasting their time you should have the courage to tell them. When you are direct with your friends on certain topics this might make you unpopular with them....WHO CARES!!! You should always tell your friends the truth if you think they are on the wrong path!!! This MUST be an absolute!!! Because true love is to advocate for your friend FOR THEIR best interest, even when they don't know what it is!! I would rather ALL MY FRIENDS hate me because I told them honestly how I feel about a situation, versus love me for telling them what they want to hear. People pleasing is not love, it's fear. Do not people please your friends, tell them the cold hard truth. I have followed this my entire life and all my friends know that if they want authenticity they come to me, if they want sugar coating and pleasantries they go somewhere else. Now how you deliver the truth, is important. Sometimes I am too blunt in my delivery and its something I need to work on, you can be direct in an indirect way and sometimes to ease the pain of a truth you can do that. But the truth while valuable will sting regardless but it's better to gently stick the needle in versus jamming it in with much force. If you are too afraid too loose your friends you WILL LOOSE THEM, if you are too afraid to be authentic with your friends you will never enjoy a genuine relationship. So how do you overcome this? Be okay....BEING ALONE!!! Only when you love your OWN COMPANY, can you truly love the company of another. Fear of being alone will make you fail in every relationship to be authentic, self-less, and honest.
  24. Hit me up and I can give you a method. You definitely can!!! It's not even hard, hit me up. The main thing is many people on these forums don't actually watch Leo's videos. You need to binge watch them, over and over and over, until you get every single last drop of what he is communicating. 1. The first most important thing you need to do is to figure out how to cleanse the doors of your perception. You need to be able to feel an intimate connection with reality. If you can watch Leo's video and become aware that his body is your body, that you and him are in the SAME ROOM, that there isn't any distance. When you can feel that he truly is INSIDE YOU, your mind, and that you and him are one....then you have broken through. 2. He literally describes how to do this on his videos but majority of you only watch his videos 1 or 2 times. Here is something you don't understand....consciousness can gain a ridiculous amount of meaning beyond words. When you listen to someone speak you are not gaining definitional understanding, you are literally transmitting consciousness. So if you just keep listening to something over and over....eventually your consciousness will figure it out. It also happens on its own. ^^^^^ This took me all of a year. A FREAKING YEAR!!! Many of you are wasting your time!!! You need to be doing 2 things, tripping to reach peak states, and microdosing to raise your baseline state. Why? Because you are ASLEEP!!! You are misintrepreting reality, microdosing and reaching peak states constantly allow you to SEE HOW YOU ARE FOOLING YOURSELF!!! You can't learn to swim unless you enter into water. You cannot intellectually learn how to swim!! You learn to swim by continually exposing yourself to water until you get it!! Guess what? What I am saying is the same thing!! Stop tripping to experience love!!! You are love!!! You don't need a psychedelic to experience what you are!!! The purpose of the psychedelic is to give you the opportunity to RECONTEXTUALIZE reality by putting you in different states!!! Guess what happens when your consciousness understands the difference between one state and another? IT BECOMES ABLE TO ACCESS THAT STATE!! You are God!!! This is more true than you being human!!! Understand this!!! Stop wasting time!!!! I did it in a fucking YEAR!!! Leo literally told people how not to waste time.....and you still choose to do it. After you understand that top video. Then watch this video over and over. If you do not gain a similar experience as described in this video....then you haven't really gone all the way. That's it!!!
  25. Leo come on man you are becoming a broken record at this point. Nobody is awake but me, OF COURSE FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE!!! You are the only thing that exists so you are the only thing that can awaken. Absolute relativity. From my perspective which is the only thing that exists, I'm the only one who exists, and you are just a floating head. Your body, your awakenings, everything that you are is just me talking to myself. You aren't even doing a good enough job at trying to appear separate at this point, you might need to take some acting classes cause your self-deception game is becoming very limited.