Toby

@Sahil Pandit classic example of someone who is counterphobic. For me courage is to stay true to your heart and being willing to feel what you feel, including fear.

I don't know...

Ok, sounded a bit for me like you don't want to have any responsibility at all for other people.

@Mikael89 do you want to have children? would you love the responsibility?

I once watched something about native americans and it was said something like growing up they watch the children and notice who is a good leader. It is someone who is just a certain kind of personality and others are naturally respecting that boy / girl. That kid later grows into some kind of leader in that tribe. That what I would call "alpha". You cannot just decide to be an "alpha". The group does. Your personality does. If there is no trust / respect for that leader, it's really not a great leader (for that group).

That's exactly how I feel about it. He is - imo - a good example for a counterphobic personality. Very insecure trying to put on an act of strength. Easy to spot.

Funny, having watched that video, I now got recommended this one. Elliot Hulse "there was wisdom in not letting women vote" is as "beta" as it can get:

"Alpha" is the most ridiculous concept invented. Usually by men with some sort of complex where fear or vulnerability is masked by "strength" or "dominance". It's really ridiculous to use that concept as an inspiration. I mean, is Eckhart Tolle an "alpha"? Is Adyashanti an alpha? They are both probably not very social; yet huge inspiration.

Never met someone who I consider without any unconscious patterns and also I'm not aware of anyone alive who has no patterns playing. Even with the greatest "teachers" I know of...

Yeah, but what about some books. Any recommendations? Or spiritual practices that will work?

What are the best practices? How did you get into this state?

For spirituality I would go to both 3 and 4. For "trauma" and capacity to relate ... I would first look at NARM as most of them have SE anyway. But it's more important that you resonate with the "practitioner" than what the approach is.

Never heard of him. Googled him. Not surprised he has no degree as a doctor or psychologist / psychotherapist as what you wrote initially just sounded like the typical bs you find with NLP/systemic "coaching". Although - as I don't know him I cannot say anything about him. If you are really dealing with "trauma", I'd suggest someone who does SE: https://www.somatic-experiencing.de/traumatherapeuten-finden/?_loc_l=&_loc_lat=&_loc_lon=&map or NARM: https://www.drlaurenceheller.com/practitioners_Gr.html Assuming you are from Cologne, for Spiritual support I would visit for example http://muni-satsang.de/pag/termine.htm or http://www.shantimayi.com/schedule but I guess there is a lot of other things too you could do.

Who is it?

How long has your "life coach" been working with people?

Could you say what you DO regarding your spiritual / psychological path? Because there are certain practices / behaviours I would not do in your situation as I understand it. For example: I wouldn't do too much meditation, any kind of breathwork, cold showers, too many different spiritual teachers / meetings and so on...

Sounds a bit like you are afraid of your and the dude's unconscious patterns that are triggered within the relationship. So you wait for yourself and / or the dude to be perfect before considering a relationship. Probably expectation is unrealistic imo.

I had this about 11 years ago exactly when - supposedly - my kundalini got awakened. lasted for like 1-2 months. never had anything like that since. (and also not before that. no changes in surroundings)

oh, ok... although I don't think Adyashanti "wrote" any book with him. Resurrecting Jesus is a book based on a talk at sounds true (Tami Simon) afair.

Radha ma is probably one of them. Who is the other one?

http://www.isaacshapiro.org/index.php/schedule3

Where exactly do you live and how far are you willing to travel? For example one guy that also comes to Praha is https://www.gaia-satsang.com/Schedule-dates.html?domain=gaiaE&

Adyashanti and his gang (people that he asked to teach like his wife Mukti, John Bernie and others) are also from the Bay area: https://web.archive.org/web/20170930014111/www.adyashanti.org/index.php?file=teachers

has this love you are talking about the capacity to say "no" and set boundaries?

Be happy that you got rid of her so easily.