Toby

Apply some intelligence to your question. You are from Berlin as your profile says. So there are enough groups/centers in your own city that you can ask. Zen-groups, tibetan groups, maybe the rigpa-centre. That just what comes to mind and I'm not even from berlin. And there are plenty of monasterys/centers in germany you can ask too. Just tell them you want to do a retreat for some time and they might be able to give hints. You are not the first one who would ask them this question.

If I was 18/19 years I would go into a monastery for 3-5 years and then begin to study psychology/medicine. But I wasnt at the point I am now at that age so it is highly hypothetical. I believe some years in a monastery/ashram where one really studies the teachings can be the best thing one can do. Another option is to move to a city where there is Zazen 3-4 times a week and like weekend-Sesshins like every month or so. As a foundation that can be really good. Doesn't mean you get enlightened that way or that there aren't other/quicker ways.

@Chives99 Dreams ARE thinking. So there is often deep self-interference in dreams. Or do you experience dreams without a central character? There is often deep emotional entanglement within the dreams. Becoming aware in waking/dreaming/dreamless sleep is classically called "turiya" (the "4th state") which not the same as enlightenment even if it is pretty cool and even if a lot of so called teachers sell their "experience" of it as enlightenment.

Have you firsthand experience of sitting with a group and/or a teacher?

What Eckhart Tolle did: he was exposed to different cultures growing up. He didn't go to school during his youth. He read books about mysticism. He did study some psychology, philosophy during his time in college. He visited several spiritual groups. He did the ACIM. That's what I heard. I hope this is correct. So the "he didn't do anything" is a myth if not even a lie.

Why bother with meditative states? If something comes and goes it should be treated like everything else: don't resist it, don't cling onto it. As Ramana said: "Let what comes come, let what goes go. Find out what remains".

@Natasha this video about covert narcissism was very good. It actually explains why that woman that I knew in one moment acted like a full blown narcissist but then almost looked like an abandoned and hurt child even when someone called me and I picked up the phone and didn't give her my full attention for 5 minutes.

Well, I'm not an expert in that but I guess even overt ones are able to play roles during the "luring-in"-phase. For me learning about this "idealization-devaluation-discarding" pattern was valuable and in retrospective did make a lot of sense. In an encounter with a woman with extreme overt psychopathic/narcissistic/histrionic traits it explained why she initially behaved differently and almost the exact opposite of a narcissist.

After reading about your channel I "stalked" you a bit and looked into 1-2 videos of you. Was cool seeing you.

True sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists are able to fool people to such a degree that it is almost impossible to spot them. They can play any role (e.g. "the victim", "the helper"...) to lure you in. It's hard to have rules how to spot them.

Anyone who really thinks he will not become weird with regard to the "norms" hasn't had a shift or at least a glimpse. Often times meditation is sold as some tool to become a better ego, a more balanced, loving and integrated ego. That's not the aim of enlightenment or awakening. Whoever tells you otherwise doesn't know what he is talking about.

Adyashanti explains Nisargadatta's way of inquiry:

The good thing about kids is that you can't fool them about your state. They are really good at mirroring it back to you. (I don't have kids myself. Only worked with them.) Actually you could do like 20min meditation each day where you alternate between stillness/do nothing and "I am" inquiry. Then you can check in the "I am" multiple times each day where you have time. Like during tasks that are not complicated or where you have a few minutes rest. So effectively you don't need extra time but you do it where you already have time.

We all know that "the map is not the territory", but I'd like to know: what are spiritual maps you love and find helpful? For me it's for example Bernadette Roberts Siddharameshwar Maharaj Ken Wilber Spiral Dynamics Would love to hear some input. Thanks.

@Emerald Wilkins some concepts are taken from Abraham Hicks. Other than that I'm not really qualified to have a well developed opinion on her and her work.

@Lorenzo Engel thanks. Seems highly inspired by Ramana with a little bit Nisargadatta/Siddharameshwar in it.

Have you done a session on their forum yet? If so, how was it?

I'm so tempted to write about the Enneagram. I don't know why. Maybe if it doesn't apply to you, it may to be of help to someone else: So there are nine types, but there are also 3 subtypes that occur in every type but of whom you have one main-subtype: selfpreservation: your unconscious idea for happiness is being healthy, having a good house/income. Very much concerned with food and health and security. More focused on spending time alone. sexual: like 1on1 relationships, sexual and non-sexual. Focuses "who is attractive?" when with people. Is very much concerned to be attractive to themselve and others. May be obsessed with sex, romantic relationships (in reality or fantasy) and expressing/feeling their sexual energy as a way of connecting with life/people/universe (which is more a compensation and not real connection but is mistaken as connection) social: like, prefer more group siuations. If the main-type is more withdrawn this may differ but interactions with people are mainly concerned around "what is my position/status in the group?" or what are other peoples positions and roles and relations in groups. Is concerned with status, being of value and important to others - it may be through their role. Maybe they are very caring, maybe the know a lot of things. Or maybe the embody or try to embody an ideal of being successful, having money, friends, health and attractiveness as a way for gaining or keeping a status/role/position in the group or society. Also as a way of connecting with life - which is also a compensation. That are the three subtypes. Everyone has each of them but one is extremely pronounced and one "subtype". That subtype then plays out in relation what main-enneagram-type you have. I did't write this so that people can know their subtype but mainly to see that it isn't personal if for example you or anyone else wants to be attractive/sexual for then feeling connected with life (through sexual or social drive) or attracting/keeping a mate for security reasons (selfpreservation). Maybe this helps, maybe not.

The thing is... physical appearance will change. Physical abilities and strength will change. Character traits and personality will change. Mental abilities will change. And outside circumstances as well. It's maybe a bit sad but thats how it is. Oh, I forget to tell you something: the two most famous female western Gurus both had plastic surgery afaik. And they are still amazing teachers IMO.

Enneagram-Test are very inaccurate for getting to know ones type/subtype. But it doesn't seem to resonate with you, so I won't say anything more about it. Another tool that is getting used by more and more Advaita-teachers is "Somatic Experiencing" (google "Peter Levine", book: "in an unspoken voice", audiobook: "healing trauma"). It is originally for trauma-symptoms, but - as trauma and an interest with spirituality often go together - it is used by these Advaita-teachers so that people can open up to the nondual space or/and are able to embody what they realize. Another thing I would check out if you are attached to past spiritual experiences. This is a common mistake that people make.

Well, it may just be an explanation if your subtype is sexual. It feels like dying loosing that identity while instincts like selfpreservation or social might be not so difficult to let go. Why do you think a lot of teachers have problems with it? It happens all the time that instead of a high degree of realization students are getting sexually exploited. If it would be so easy to just transcend the attachment it wouldn't happen all the time. So there is no need to blame oneself if the great masters cannot even handle that issue themselves.

Did you check out the Enneagram? There is a certain subtype (sexual) which deals with issues like that. Knowing your type and subtype (and knowing that there are other ways to perceive life) can help to some degree.

I googled a bit and you can actually get this for $99. I would love to test it, but I'm not quite willing to spend that money just for some testing. I guess training certain brainwaves would work - but that doesn't mean it will give you the turiya/turiyatita because by definition it is beyond the level of appearances.