Toby

@The Universe Then read carefully "Be as you are" and "collected works". This answers most questions.

Is this Ramana in your avatar?

Meditation is not something that you get something out of. You cannot plan or demand any results based on how long or often you meditate.

The first step for you has to be to be at peace how she is without any judgements. That is the best way to support anyone.

It's like marketing. You can make some people buy certain things with certain tricks but it doesn't mean they need or actually want the product. Even if before buying they were excited about it.

Actually, a lot of alternative treatment is done by heilpraktikers. Actually also many good things that a psychotherapist (a doctor or psychologist with at least additional two years) usually doesn't do. The whole spiritual approaches, bodywork, maybe accupunture and so on. And you can actually make some good money with it. Of course some people think that they do bad work, but there are a lot that actually do good work. Of course a university degree has a better reputation (even though Hagen has the worst reputation in Germany I know of) but you were complaining about your situation that your studies will take a long time to finish, that you are living with you parents and so on. I mean, you could also move out and live on Bafoeg or something like this (and finish Hagen), but you would have to pay 1/2 of it back. And going to get some "Hartz4" is ok. You can explain them what your situation is. The worst thing would be that you end up applying for 450€-jobs or do like 3-5 hours a day social work, e.g. with children or something like that. I mean, you just have to look at the options. If you want the university degree, then get it.

You could move out any time, get welfare and do the Heilpraktiker (2 years) or Heilpraktiker P (1 year) while you do that. You could explore lot's of different things to work with. If you want to work with clients it is a lot better because your degree is of no use for that anyway afaik (Hagen?).

Ignore her at best as you can. Don't talk to her, if you don't have to. Delete/block anything that you have of her: number, messages or profiles social media, any picture of her. And then focus on you and what you feel. Even if it hurts. Things will get better.

Actually, the ego can show up both ways: - clinginess, attachment, fear to be alone: need for relationship - fear of commitment, intimacy and relationship: wanting to be "free" and jump from one partner to the other Just because you like the second idea better and get support for this idea from most men (especially your pickup friends) doesn't mean it isn't fueled by fear.

Incubus - Absolution Calling Pharrell Wiliams - Happy

What if a woman rejects a man, because she is attracted to him and would even have sex with him, but she also knows that her or his heart is not really involved? Maybe she knows better than wasting her / his time? This is not uncommon from my experience.

It's true. But it's often used in the wrong context. But for example "the power of now" is highly recommended and it was like this even ten years ago.

What are your goals? Do you want to get laid or do you want to find a relationship? It's actually very important to know because most pickup advice is aimed for short term success. Look at the "gurus" or your pickup friends. Are they really successful in relating to women over a long term or are they just successful in getting laid with some bag of tricks? Of course there is some good advice out there, for example Eckhart Tolle is recommended, David Deida and Osho. These are very good sources. But there is also a lot of BS. At least it was like that when I was involved in pickup 10 years ago.

A major false assumption and also sales pitch in the pickup community is this: "the man can control the reaction of the woman". And then there are different ways the man should go about. Of course there are some things about appearance or mindset that have a positive or negative effect. And of course you can also hypnotize women. But if the woman is looking for a genuine connection which lasts longer than some initial rush/high many things won't work. There is either a connection there or not. You cannot force a connection or somehow control life. It doesn't work that way.

There are even teachers that you can tell "fuck you" or "screw you" and nothing happens and both are happy.

@Evilwave Heddy probably: cold approach -> phone number -> asks her for a date on the phone -> she has no time to talk or for a date.

Don't ask this question. They probably don't know either. They have certain feel or attraction or not. It has nothing to do with you. And it cannot be explained in logical terms. For example: There might be women that you feel drawn to sexually but have only little interest to talk to or deepen some kind of relationship. If you were asked why, you wouldn't really know other than that you are not really drawn to her romantically. No reasons, no fault, no explanation. Nothing she could do to change that.

Don't focus on yourself only. It also depends on the other person and the chemistry or connection you have with them. With some there is just nothing really to talk about, even though they might seem attractive to you on some level. That is at least my experience.

The enlightenment process is actually a lot like sobering up from an addiction that promises satisfaction. It might feel dry and boring at times but this is a very important phase in that process imo. It's not that you do or don't do things, but as long as you try to get happiness from experiences, even spiritual experiences or states, it will not make you happy.

I guess some dudes that do kinesiology tested it and it tested weak. But after all, even though it is rather "negative"/contracting, it can ground you to some degree or show you that you are not defined by what's happening in you or your surrounding. I remember e.g. Adyashanti talking about a retreat where a neighbour played Led Zeppelin all day long. And it showed him what silence really is afaik. And I also remember Byron Katie playing Korn (her son is the producer Ross Robinson) during workshops/retreats. I am not sure why, maybe to evoke emotion or give "pain" a voice, I don't know. For me I'd rather not listen to it if I don't have to.

Doesn't matter. See what resonates and whom or what you are drawn to on your journey/exploration and stay with that. If he helps you with that, then that's fine. If not, fine, there are enough other teachers/dudes out there.

Stop reading pickup advise.

@aurum Sounds a bit like the default pickup-fundamentalist who wants to convert someone to his religion. From my own experience I wouldn't recommend it to most people.

So in what situations do you see her?